The Official WBW Joke Thread - Vol. 3

1) Good:

A Fremont, OH policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but
wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem. A twelve-year-old
boy was standing up the road with a hand-painted sign, which read
"RADAR TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a young accomplice down the road
with a sign reading "TIPS" . . . and a bucket full of money. (And we
kids used to just sell lemonade!)


2) Better:
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an
automated radar post in Canton, OH. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being
cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police
responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.


3) Absolute Best:
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the Ohio State Trooper
walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I
bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers Ball." He
replied " Ohio State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of
silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then
closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing
too hard to start her car

You Might Be a Taliban if.....
You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
You own a $700 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
You have more wives than teeth.
You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.
You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
You've felt the urge to "rub one out" after seeing a woman's exposed ankle.
You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
You've ever uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your cave."
You wipe your ass with your bare left hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

A man escapes from prison after 15 years. He breaks into a house and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he kisses her neck, then gets up and goes to the bathroom.
The husband whispers to his wife,"Listen, this guys an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a women in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"

Aussie Housewife.
Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the
bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the
splits and suctioned-cupped herself to the floor.
She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!"
Bruce came running in.
"Bruce, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor," she said.
"S'truth," Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You're stuck fast girl.
I'll go across the road and get Cobber" (his mate).
They came back and they both tried to pull her up.
"No way, we can't do it," Cobber said, "so let's try Plan B."
"Plan B," exclaimed Bruce, "what's that?"
"I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we'll break the tiles
under her," replied Cobber.
"Spot on, "Bruce said, "while you're doing that, I'll stay here and play
with her nipples."
"Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "not exactly a good time for that mate!"
"No," Bruce replied, "but I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can
slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are less expensive!"

Chinese Sick Leave: "I No Come Work Today!!"
Hung Chow calls into work and says,
"Hey, I no come work today, I really sick.
Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work."
The boss says,
"You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this,
I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.
"Two hours later Hung Chow calls again.
"I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon........ You got nice house."

After 6 years of marriage, a housewife was grown tired of her husband allways wanted the light to be out, when they were having sex.
So one night, while making love, she reached out and turned the light on... just to see, that her husband was fucking her with a dildo!!
- "You impotent jerk!! Now you´ve been cheating me for the last 6 years, using that thing instead of your dick... will you please explain that to me?!?!?
- "Of course i will, my dear", the husband replied calmly, "as soon as you explain to me, how we managed to have 3 children..!?"

1000 men were asked, what they liked most about recieving a blow-job from their wife/girlfriend.
2% answered, that they liked the soft, wet sensation.
3% answered, that they really loved the naughty look of her head going up and down.
95% answered, that the best thing about a good blow-job was, that it shuts the wife up.......!!!

A brad new type of supermarket opened the other day.
It has an automatic water-mist machine at the fruit department, to make the fruit look more fresh and tastefull. And right before it starts, you can hear a distant thunder and smell the rain...
Passing the Milk in the cooler, you can hear cows moohing and smell fresh hay...
By the Meat, you can smell BBQ; big T-Bones with onions...ummm!
By the Eggs, you can hear chickens and smell eggs and bacon...
At the Bread-shelf, you can smell the fresh baked bread and cookies...really delicious!!

BUT..... I´ll never EVER buy toiletpaper there again....!!!

A now for the riddle of today:

What have you done wrong, if your wife comes into the livingroom, complaining about almost everything...........???






You´ve made the chain a bit too long!!!

Hi Demonicmale,
I just wanted to write you and introduce myself...
and thank you for visiting FemaleOrgasmRevealed.com !
I'm Gabrielle Moore, and I've spent the last several years
helping men all over the world achieve their goal: giving
women the most amazing orgasms every single time!
I'm going to send you an email every couple of days, and
share many of the secrets I've learned about how to
seduce women, and bring them to multiple orgasms "on demand"!
If you ever want to stop receiving my emails, just click the
link at the end to un subscribe.
IMPORTANT: I'll NEVER share your email or other information
with anyone!
Now... Let me get you started with some of the hottest
"Oral Sex" techniques you can use tonight - trust me,
she WILL enjoy it!
1. Humming - If your partner enjoys the way a vibrator makes her
feel inside, then you can turn your mouth into a vibrator during
oral sex just by humming. You can try humming an actual tune
or just maintaining a single pitch.
Either way the vibration in your mouth and jaw will be transferred
into her pelvic region and her clitoris. This technique may be
especially useful if your partner's not quite aroused enough for
direct clitoral stimulation.
2. Rotating Tongue - Some women love circular stimulation. That's
why grinding into your partner during vaginal intercourse can
often bring her to orgasm. During oral sex, you can use the
same trick with your tongue. Move your tongue around her vagina or
around her clitoris in a rotating motion.
Start slowly, then begin to move faster as her pleasure builds.
3. Face sitting - Another trick to try when it comes to oral sex
is having your partner sit on your face. While she straddles
your head and your tongue is going to work on her clitoris,
you can have your hands on her hips and can move her body in
a circular motion or in the diamond-shape we discussed earlier.
This will add even greater stimulation and may make her reach orgasm
faster and harder.
4. Oral Sex & Popsicles - Popsicles may be the most perfect edible
sex toy. Not only are they an ideal shape, but the handle makes
them easier to use than bananas or other items. Take a popsicle in
your favorite flavor and gently insert it inside your partner's
vagina as if it were a dildo or vibrator.
The coldness of it inside the warmth of her body is going to send
chills through her body and definitely kick her arousal up a notch.
You can either thrust the popsicle gently in and out of her body,
or you can use the tip to rub circles around her clitoris.
When most of the popsicle has melted, its your turn to use your
tongue to lick up all of the melted sweetness.
Demonicmale,
I honestly want to help you give your "turned
on" woman the most amazing orgasms ever!
If you want to learn EXACTLY how to make this happen, I strongly
recommend downloading "The Female Orgasm Revealed"!
You will find the most ADVANCED techniques, positions, locations,
fantasies and pictures to give women MULTIPLE orgasms "on demand"!
To download your copy now, visit:
http://[blacklisted]/ntn4n
Best Wishes,
Gabrielle Moore
The Female Orgasm Revealed
760 Bayshore Dr. St. Petersburg, USA
To unsubscribe or change subscriber options visit:
http://www.aweber.com/z/r/?TJycrAyMtC4OruZsDAJGluYO9nYmdMb2tg==

A woman meets a man in a bar.

They talk; they connect; they end
up leaving together.

They get back to his place,

and as he shows her around his
apartment.

She notices that one wall of his
bedroom is

completely filled with soft, sweet,
cuddly teddy bears.


There are three shelves in the
bedroom,

with hundreds and hundreds of cute,

cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
in rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken
quite some time to lovingly arrange them


and she was immediately touched

by the amount of thought he had
put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along
the bottom shelf,

medium-sized bears covering the
length of the middle shelf,

and huge, enormous bears running
all the way along the top shelf.


She found it strange for an
obviously masculine guy


to have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears,

She is quite impressed by his
sensitive side.

but doesn't mention this to him.

They share a bottle of wine and
continue talking and,


after awhile, she finds herself
thinking,

"Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
could be the one!


Maybe he could be the future
father of my children?"


She turns to him and kisses him
lightly on the lips

He responds warmly.

They continue to kiss, the passion
builds,

and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into his bedroom


where they rip off each other's
clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she
responds with more passion,

more creativity, more heat than she
has ever known.


After an intense, explosive night
of raw passion with this sensitive guy,

they are lying there together in
the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
strokes his chest and asks coyly,

"Well,how was it?"

The guy gently smiles at her,

strokes her cheek,

looks deeply into her eyes,

and says:








"Help yourself to any prize


from the middle shelf"

^^ What a great start to a new poster.

A short but sick Poem!
I laid her on the grassy bank, my hands were all of a quiver....
I slowly undid her suspender belt, and her leg fell in the river.
By, Sir Paul McCartney

Quote:

Originally posted by wolf775

A woman meets a man in a bar.

They talk; they connect; they end
up leaving together.

They get back to his place,

and as he shows her around his
apartment.

She notices that one wall of his
bedroom is

completely filled with soft, sweet,
cuddly teddy bears.


There are three shelves in the
bedroom,

with hundreds and hundreds of cute,

cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
in rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken
quite some time to lovingly arrange them


and she was immediately touched

by the amount of thought he had
put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along
the bottom shelf,

medium-sized bears covering the
length of the middle shelf,

and huge, enormous bears running
all the way along the top shelf.


She found it strange for an
obviously masculine guy


to have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears,

She is quite impressed by his
sensitive side.

but doesn't mention this to him.

They share a bottle of wine and
continue talking and,


after awhile, she finds herself
thinking,

"Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
could be the one!


Maybe he could be the future
father of my children?"


She turns to him and kisses him
lightly on the lips

He responds warmly.

They continue to kiss, the passion
builds,

and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into his bedroom


where they rip off each other's
clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she
responds with more passion,

more creativity, more heat than she
has ever known.


After an intense, explosive night
of raw passion with this sensitive guy,

they are lying there together in
the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
strokes his chest and asks coyly,

"Well,how was it?"

The guy gently smiles at her,

strokes her cheek,

looks deeply into her eyes,

and says:








"Help yourself to any prize


from the middle shelf"

All the way through reading that I was trying to figure out the bears. My main thought was it was Latino. No way did I see THAT coming. It was great! Made my whole day. Thanks.

Little Johnny's Sister




Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, 'Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today!'




Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, 'It reminded me of a peanut.'




Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mom asked, 'Really small, was it?'




'No,' Sally replied, 'salty!'




Mom fainted.

A four year old boy was taking a bath...
He points at his testicles and asks...
"Mommy, are these my brains"???

And she says, "Not yet"...

Where do Red-Headed Babies Come From?
After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician. "Doctor," the man said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine!!"
"Nonsence," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."
"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "?????" "This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations."
"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex???"
The man seemed a bit ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months."
"Oh well, there you have it!" The doctor said confidently. "It's Rust."

A young man moved into a new apartment of his own and went to the
lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive
young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing
a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation
with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious
that she had nothing else on.

The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's
go to my apartment,I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned
against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.

Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best
feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got
to be your ears."

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these
breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my
butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin. No blemishes anywhere. How
can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?'

Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you
heard someone coming, that was me".

^^Really good! Ty.