The Official WBW Joke Thread - Vol. 2

What is the difference between a woman and a fridge?
A fridge does not fart when you take the meat out!

The only cow in a small town in Latrobe Valley in Victoria, stopped giving milk. The people did some research & found they could buy a cow up in Orange in N.S.W, , for $200.
They bought the cow from Orange in N.S.W & the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time & the people were pleased & very happy.
They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow & produce more cows like it.
They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They bought a bull & put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.
However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull & he could not succeed in his quest.
The people were very upset & decided to ask the local Veterinarian, who was very wise, what to do. They told the vet what was happening.
"Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away" they said. "If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side & she walks away to the other side."
The veterinarian thinks about this for a minute & asks, "Did you buy this cow in Orange in N.S.W?"
The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Orange?"
The veterinarian replied, with a distant look in his eye,
"My wife is from Orange."

Bathtub Test!!
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor
asked the Director how do you determine whether or not
a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub,
then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the
patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal
person would use the bucket because it's bigger than
the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would
pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

SORRY


AUSTRALIAN APOLOGY TO THE ABORIGINAL POPULATION





We apologise for giving you doctors and free medical care, which allows you to survive and multiply so that you can demand apologies.



We apologise for helping you to read and teaching you the English language and thus we opened up to you the entire European civilisation, thought and enterprise.

We feel that we must apologise for building hundreds of homes for you, which you have vandalised and destroyed.



We apologise for giving you law and order which has helped prevent you from slaughtering one another and using the unfortunate for food purposes.

We apologise for developing large farms and properties, which today feed you people, where before, you had the benefits of living off the land and starving during droughts.



We apologise for providing you with warm clothing made of fabric to replace that animal skins you used before.



We apologise for building roads and railway tracks between cities and building cars so that you no longer have to walk over harsh terrain.



We apologise for paying off your vehicle when you fail to pay the installments

.

We apologise for giving you free travel anywhere, whenever.



We apologise for giving each and every member of your family $100.00 and free travel to attend an aboriginal funeral.



We apologise for not charging you rent on any lands when white people have to pay.



We apologise for giving you interest free loans.



We apologise for developing oil wells and minerals, including gold and diamonds which you never used and had no idea of their value.



We apologise for developing Ayers rock and Kakadu, and handing them over to you so that you get all the money.



We apologise for allowing taxpayers money paid towards daughters’ wedding ($8,000.00 each daughter)



We apologise for giving you $1.7 billion per year for your 250,000 people, which is $48,000.00 per aboriginal man, woman and child.

We apologise for working hard to pay taxes that finance your welfare, medical care, education, etc to the tune of $1.2 billion each year.



We apologise for you having to approach the aboriginal affairs department to verify the above figures. For the trouble you will have identifying the “uncle toms” in your own community who are getting richer and leaving some of you living in squalor and poverty.



We do apologise. We really do.



We humbly beg your forgiveness for all the above sins.

We are only too happy to take back all the above and return you to the paradise of the “outback”, whenever you are ready.






No

A Man and a woman goes to their minister and tells him they are getting married in 5 weeks... the minister tells them "That is great, but you do understand that for the next 5 weeks you can not have any sex?" They both say that is no problem.
A week later the minister asks them "Well how goes the 5 week waiting period?" The man replies with a grin, "no problem sir, everything is going great!"
A 2nd week goes by and the minister again asks them "How goes the 5 week waiting period?" The man replies with a bit of grin, "Oh, its going ok sir. Its a bit hard but we will make it."
A 3rd week goes by and the minister sees the man and woman coming to the church, and they dont look so happy. "Is everything going ok my son?"
The man replies, "I dont know if we can make it father."
The minister says, "Just hang in there only 2 weeks to go!"
On the 4th week the minister sees the couple coming up the church steps and both their heads are hanging down, "Whats the problem my son?" he asks even though he pretty sure he knows the answer.
"Well father" the man replies, "I dont know what to say.. here she was standing there then she suddenly bent over and i just COULDNT take it anymore!" "I ran over ripped her panties down to her ankles and just started bang the heck out of her!" "Im sorry father!" he said with his head held down.
The minister looks at him and says, "You realize that because of your actions you are no longer allowed in the church my son?"
The man looked up and replied, "Thats ok father, we are no longer allowed in Wal-Mart either!"

A man takes his son out hunting for the first time and tells him "You sit over there and be very quite. If you make no noise then we will get us a deer."

The boy sits down and the father goes off a ways and sits down. About an hour later the father hears a loud screem! He jumps up and goes running to where his son is.

He finds his son standing there white as a ghost!

He says "Son what happened?!"

His son says "Well dad, i sat here very quite like you told me to... i didnt make a sound when that snake slithered across my boots. I didnt make a sound when that black bear came up behind me and was sniffing my neck... But i just couldnt take it when those two chipmonks ran up may pant legs and one said to the other.. "Well, do we eat em here or take them home with us?!"

True love!!
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several
months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day,
he motioned for her to come nearer. She sat by him, he whispered, eyes
full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad
times. When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you
were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
You know what?" "What dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart
began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck, FUCK OFF!!"

Whats brown & sticky ?






















A stick

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.

As he was checking a used car lot,
he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.

He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car.
Were they trying to steal it? "Heavens no, we bought it."

"Then why don't you drive it away."

"We can't drive."

"Then why did you buy it?"

"We were told that if we bought a used car here we'd get screwed. So we're just waiting.

Quote:

Originally posted by SydneySinbad

The good old days - Manchester Evening News.
[ Image ]

damn your having a blast with this!!

A Bloke goes into a pub, and the barmaid asks what he wants. "I want to
bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your t!ts"
he says.

"You dirty b@stard!" shouts the barmaid, "get out before I get my
husband."
The bloke apologizes and promises not to repeat his gaffe.

The Barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants. "I want to
pull your pants down, spread yoghurt between the cheeks of your ar$e and
lick it all off."

She says, "You dirty filthy pervert! You're banned. Get out!!"

Again, the bloke apologizes and swears never ever to do it again. "One
more chance," says the barmaid, "Now - what do you want?

"I want to turn you upside down, tear your knickers off and fill your
pu$sy with Guinness, and then drink every last drop from the hairy cup."

The barmaid is furious at this personal intrusion, and runs upstairs to
fetch her husband, who's sitting quietly watching the telly.

"What's up love?" he asks.

"There's a bloke in the bar who wants to put his head between my t!ts
and lick the sweat off", she says.

"I'll kill him. Where is he?" storms the Husband.

"Then he said he wanted to pour yoghurt down between my ar$e cheeks and
lick it off" she screams.

"Right. He's dead!" says the husband, reaching for a cricket bat.

"Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my fanny with
Guinness and then drink it all" she cries!

The husband puts down his bat and returns to his armchair, and switches
the telly back on.

"Aren't you going to do something about it?" she cries hysterically.

"Look love, I'm not messing with any bloke who can drink 15 pints of
Guinness..."

^^^ I about died on that one!

Funny pictures go in the funny photo thread http://whatboyswant.com/forum_read/3863433/1/10

Thread cleaned...

Because...

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will continue to fiddle with a coat hanger until long after hypothermia has set in. Calling the RAC is not an option. I will win.

_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the supermarket, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu". For all I know, these are the same thing.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will open the bonnet and stare at the engine as if I know exactly what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will eventually say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repairman gets here and has to put it back together.
___________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV.
If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole programme looking for it.
____________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, there's no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The honest answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't. And if you're feeling amorous afterwards....then I'll certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine.

I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too.

Either pair of shoes is fine.

With the belt or without it, looks fine.

Your hair is fine.

You look fine.

Can we just go now?
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2008, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... .like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
______________________________________________
Because I am a man, I see flat-pack furniture as a challenge to have the greatest possible number of left over and unused components at the end. If the assembled furniture doesn't collapse within the hour, this is merely seen as a bonus.

______________________________________________

Because I am a man, I don't have to ask for directions. Unknown to women, the penis contains a magnetic homing device enabling men to know exactly where they are on the Earth's surface at all times. If we do get lost, it's because our wives have used too much girly fabric conditioner on our underwear, thereby blocking out the magnetic rays.

______________________________

BRICKLAYER'S REPORT

Possibly the funniest story in a long while. This is a bricklayer's
accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian
equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board.

This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award
for sure.......

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in
Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of
my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust
the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone
on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found
that I had some bricks left over which, when
weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a
barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on
the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and
loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it
tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.
You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135
lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost
my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I
proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now
proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explained the
fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as
listed in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I
continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand
were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to
hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the
ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel.

Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately
50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.

As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This
accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth
and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed
to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks
and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however,as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in
pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and
let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its
journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry.

Ten Things Chicks should say to blokes.....


1. I'm bored lets shave my pussy
2. Are you sure you've had enough to drink
3. That fart was great, do another one
4. Of course I swallow, I love the taste of cum
5. No thats alright, you drink all that beer & watch porno, I'll do the washing up
6. Just for a change, can you fuck me up up the arse tonight
7. I know you'll be late for work, but can I suck your cock one more time
8. Honestly I like it on my face, it's good for my complexion
9. Sorry I forgot to put the toilet seat up again
10. Would you like to watch a video of me going down on my girlfiend from school

Religion...


Taoism: shit happens
Buddhism: if shit happens, it isn't really shit
Islam: if shit happens, it is the will of Allah
Catholicism: if shit happens, you deserve it
Judaism: why does this shit always happen to us?
Atheism: I don't believe this shit

A man goes to the doctors because he is having trouble with his hearing.

The Doctor says to the man " What are the symptoms"

The man replies " Those funny yellow people on the telly"

A friend of mine had recently had a baby so i thought i'd visit and wish them well.
As i was holding it she told me to wind it.
I thought fuck, thats a bit strong..... even for my tastes.

So i just gave it a dead leg instead.

a lady of the evening was going to retirer.
so she thought if she is going to retirer she should find a virgin so he would not now her buisness.
so she looked and looked and finely found and man in australia he was a good looking stapping man
and drove a truck for a liveing. and she brought him over to the states to be married.
the wedding was very nice and afterwards at the motel she told him she was going to go to the powder room and get in to somthing nice. while in there she hard a bunch of banging going on in the room.
when she was ready she walked in to room to her surprize all the furnture was all piled up in to the corner.
she was shocked and ask him what the hell are u doing. have you lost your mind man? standing there in the middle of the room butt ass naked he told her!
well if its any thing like fucking a kangaroo we are going to need lots of room.