The Official WBW 'Down Under' Joke Thread.

Wedding Invite And Picture:

Jeeeez. To have a wedding dress like that isn't respectable. She should just flop her tits out and say fuck it, or fuck them. Maybe this dress was designed by the guy who owns Girls Gone Wild.

Some days it just ain't worth the effort I am sure!
Sometimes when you cry NO ONE sees your tears......................

When you're worried NO ONE sees Your Pain................................

When you're happy NO ONE sees your Smile.................................

..........................................................................................

............................................................................................

BUT
...............................................................................

You just try masturbating on a crowded bus, see how much attention you get .........................................

Will someone Pick me up from the Police Station in an hour ?

BANKSTOWN HIGH SCHOOL - CITY OF BANKSTOWN - MATHEMATICS EXAM

NAME (Thumb print accepted) .......................................... GANG.................................

Time allowed 1 hour




1. If Mohamed lowers his WRX 2 inches front and back and puts on
stolen 18-inch Zepter wheels, how many inches has he originally lost from
the stock suspension?


2. If Con needs 3 razors a day to stay clean shaved, how may razors
will he need before he goes to the gym at 8.00 pm?


3. If Mustaffa runs 10 km from the Police in Lakemba to Punchbowl,
then steals a car and drives another 5 km to Bankstown, how many
kilometres has he travelled if he ends up hiding in WileyPark?



4. Omar has 2 ounces of cocaine. He sells an '8 ball' to Hamil for
$320.00 and 2 grams to Akhmed for $85.00 per gram. What is the street
value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it.?



5. If Ahmed receives $200.00 per week disability allowance from
Centrelink, also works for his brother as a builder and receives a
further $400.00 per week, and then pays $10.00 per week for each of his
11 children for school, how much money does he have left to buy a
smashed Tarago from the auctions?


6. If the average spray can covers 22 square metres and the average
letter is 8 square centimetres, how many letters can a tagger spray
with 3 cans of paint?


7. If Soula needs 25 mls of wax per day to get rid of her facial hair,
and Soula is only 19 years old, how many mls will her mother need if she is 47?


8. Mohamed has an AK-47 with 2 x 30 round clips. If he misses 6 out of10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive-by shooting, how many
drive-by shootings can he attend before he has to reload?


9. If Jim changes the oil in his Fish & Chips shop deep fryer every
18 months and this costs him $400.00, how often should he change the oil
if he wants to spend only $180.00 per annum on new oil?



10. If Abdo runs a Donor Kebab shop and works as a Taxi driver on
weekends and earns $1,200.00 per week, how much does Centrelink give
him for his job search allowance?


11. If Bankstown 's ethnic community is increasing at a rate of 3.5%
per month, the overall population is increasing at 2.1% per month, at what
rate are the Skippies leaving town?

New Australian Government Seal:


New Government Seal:




Official Announcement: From Prime Minister Mr. Kevin Dudd

The Federal Government today announced that it is changing the coat of arms to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed!

Quote:

Originally posted by SydneySinbad

Some days it just ain't worth the effort I am sure!
Sometimes when you cry NO ONE sees your tears......................

When you're worried NO ONE sees Your Pain................................

When you're happy NO ONE sees your Smile.................................

..........................................................................................

............................................................................................

BUT
...............................................................................

You just try masturbating on a crowded bus, see how much attention you get .........................................

Will someone Pick me up from the Police Station in an hour ?

I'm a little late getting here today....BUT , IF you're still in CALL I will help!!!

^^ Ur cell phone number please, plus area code!

Talking Clock: An oldie, but a Classic.
A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night.

He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass Chinese gong and a mallet.

'What's with that big brass gong?' one of the guests asked.

'It's not a gong. It's a talking clock,' the drunk replied.

'A talking clock?? Seriously?' asked his astonished friend.

'Yup,' replied the drunk.

'How's it work?' the friend asked, squinting at it.

'Watch', the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, 'You asshole...it's three-fifteen in the morning!'

It's Only Common Sense!
Husband and wife are shopping when the man picks up a crate of Tooheys extra dry beer and sticks them into the trolley.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife
"They're on offer, only $30 for 24 cans", he says
"Put them back. We can't afford it," says the wife and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles later the woman picks up a $60 jar of face cream and sticks it into the trolley.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the man.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," she says.
The man replies... "SO DOES 24 CANS OF TOOHEYS AND IT'S HALF THE BLOODY PRICE~!!!"

Paddy's slippers!!!

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.
Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"

"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.

"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."
"Fook off you liar!".
"I'll prove it," Murphy says.

So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"
"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"

He pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Super K-Mart Shopping Center and rolled down the car windows to make sure his Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and he wanted to impress upon her that she must
remain there. He walked to the curb backward, pointing his finger at the car and saying emphatically, 'Now you stay. Do you hear me?'

'Stay! Stay!'

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, gave him a strange look and said,
'Why don't you just put it in park?

thanks Sir !!! I needed that.

Only at Bathurst!

A Pommy bloke (English guy) had a prang on one of those fancy motorways and was taken to hospital.
When he was off the critical list, a surgeon visited him and said, 'This is the good news and bad.
The good news is that you're out of danger, the bad news is that there is some damage to the brain which is not immediately life-threatening but could cause trouble later on.
I strongly recommend that you authorise us to operate and remove the damaged cells.'
'I say, old boy, doesn't sound very nice. How much would have to be removed?'
'About 18 per cent, we estimate,' replied the surgeon.
'And what would be the significance of that, in layman's terms?'
'Well, it would have the effect of lowering your IQ to the level of the average Irish peasant.'
'I say, that doesn't sound at all nice. Still, I suppose you'd better do what has to be done.'
The operation was performed, and the surgeon came in to see the patient.
'The news is good and bad,' he said.
'The good news is that the operation was a compete success.
The bad news is that the damage was more extensive than we thought and we had to remove 80 per cent of your brain cells.'


'Fair dinkum?'

spew....

Scottish Welcome:

A man's cupping his hand about to scoop water from a Highland burn.

Gamekeeper shouts, 'Oi. Dinna drink tha watter min, it's fool o' coo's shite n piz.'

Man replies, 'My good fellow, I'm Prince Charles ....please repeat that in English.'

Gamekeeper replies, 'My laird. I said use both hands - yool git moore that way.'

Maybe a Repost, but notech hasn't seen this one:
Your Hair Smells Nice!
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine,
inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to
a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks:
'What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?'
The woman replies,
'It's Keith. The midget.'

A truck driver pulls into a truck stop, where he sees a little boy sitting on the curb, the little boy has a bag of M&M's in one hand and a cat in the other. Curious he watches the boy pop a M&M in his mouth, then he bites the cat and moves three feet up the curb. The little boy keeps repeating the process M&M, bite the cat, and move up the curb. After about ten minutes of watching this he approaches the little boy and asks him what in the world he was doing? The little boy says that he is pretending to be a truck driver. Confused the driver asks him Hows that pretending to be a truck driver? The little boy says well I'm popping pills, eating pussy and moving on down the road!!

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
10 If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11 A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12 If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
13 Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
And last, but not least:
14 If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

You know you're Australian if.....

1. You know the meaning of the word 'girt'.
2. You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.
3. You think it's normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin.
4. You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount Vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.
5. You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.
6. You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil case when he first attends school.
7. When you hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder how often and with whom.
8. You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.
9. You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'.
10. You pronounce Penrith as 'Pen-riff'.
11. You believe the 'L' in the word 'Australia' is optional.
12. You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.'
13. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
14. You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'.
15. You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.
16. You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.
17. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.
18. You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'.
19. You believe that cooked-down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread.
20. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.
21. You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says 'cobber'.
22. You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again.
23. You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionery known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.
24. You still don't get why the 'Labor' in 'Australian Labor Party' is not spelt with a 'u'.
25. You wear ugh boots outside the house.
26. You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the yanks for a pittance.
27. You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.
28. Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.
29. You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is always polite.
30. You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.
31. You understand that 'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'.
32. You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.
33. Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.
34. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'.
35. You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'.
36. When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit.
37. You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered.
38. You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.
39. When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.
40. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.
41. You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.
42. You will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realizing that only they will understand