The Official WBW 'Down Under' Joke Thread.

A heart felt story and the.... Perils of a Catholic Upbringing ...


As I walked down the busy sidewalk, knowing I was late for Mass, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city these days.

Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.

Recalling my old pastor, Father Mike, who always admonished me to 'care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked,' I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.

Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person's condition.

Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a true, hidden beauty.

A small voice inside my head called out, 'Reach out reach out and touch this person!'

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So I did.......

I won't be at Mass this week.

Be warned!

If you get an e-mail with "Nude Photos of Sarah Palin" in the subject line, do not open it! It may contain a virus.

If you get an e-mail with "Nude Photos of Julia Gillard", in the subject line, do not open it! It may contain nude photos of Julia Gillard.

a blonde opens a box of cherrios...looks inside...

and exclaims.....LOOK DONUT SEEDS!!!

How tough are Aussies?


The scene is set - a dark night, cold wind blowing, campfire flickering,
stars twinkling in the dark sky.

Three hang-glider pilots are sitting by the campfire, one from Australia,
one from Seth Efrika and one from New Zulland. Each embroiled in the
bravado for which they are famous.


The night of tales begins...

Kiven the Kiwi says, 'I must be the meanest, toughest, heng glider there es.
Why, jist the other day I linded in a field and scared a crocodeale, who
came out of the swamp and ate sux min who were standen close by. I
grebbed the crocodeale and wristled him to du ground and killed em with my beer
hends'.
Hansie from Seth Efrika who typically can't stand to be bettered said,
'Well you guys, I lended orfter a 200 mile flight in my heng glider on a tiny
trail, and a Namibian snike slid out from under a rock and made a move
on me. I grebbed de borsted with me bare hinds and beet it's head off ind
then sucked the poison from it's body down in one gulp. End I'm still here
today'

Colin the Australian remained silent, slowly poking the fire with his cock.

^^^ Absolute Awesome. Ty for the contribution.

Quote:

Originally posted by Caveman56

How tough are Aussies?


The scene is set - a dark night, cold wind blowing, campfire flickering,
stars twinkling in the dark sky.

Three hang-glider pilots are sitting by the campfire, one from Australia,
one from Seth Efrika and one from New Zulland. Each embroiled in the
bravado for which they are famous.


The night of tales begins...

Kiven the Kiwi says, 'I must be the meanest, toughest, heng glider there es.
Why, jist the other day I linded in a field and scared a crocodeale, who
came out of the swamp and ate sux min who were standen close by. I
grebbed the crocodeale and wristled him to du ground and killed em with my beer
hends'.
Hansie from Seth Efrika who typically can't stand to be bettered said,
'Well you guys, I lended orfter a 200 mile flight in my heng glider on a tiny
trail, and a Namibian snike slid out from under a rock and made a move
on me. I grebbed de borsted with me bare hinds and beet it's head off ind
then sucked the poison from it's body down in one gulp. End I'm still here
today'

Colin the Australian remained silent, slowly poking the fire with his cock.

Italian TV Sport's Presenter: PPS File.

Financial Crisis:
I am sending this out to many on my domestic and international mailing list, since I think this is the best analysis, of explaining how we got into this financial crisis and how it affects some countries differently than others. I did not send this out, to those that do not have a highly analytical mind, able to sort through complicated facts and figures. In conclusion, I think us Aussies have the best handle on this crisis, but there is something to be said about those Kiwi's.

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other,
and then throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has
dropped dead.

AN INVESTMENT BANK
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company,
using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank,
then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general
offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax
exemption for five cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, org anise a riot, and block the roads,
because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then
create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon'
and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once
a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine
productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the shit out of you and
invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a
Democracy...

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...

outragously funny LMAO,,Thanks Syd.

I found it...
And you thought there was no such place, huh????

You will all be so pleased to receive this...... How many times have we been 'up there without one!'




My work is done.

I am so making this cake, you must read the method.











.

thanks sir!!

Chinese Wedding!
A young Chinese couple get married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. 'My darring,' he whispers,
'I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten. I plomise you, I gib you anyting you wan, I do anyting - juss anyting you wan. You juss ark me. Whatchu wan?' he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her. A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request.

She eventually shyly whispers back, 'I wan to tly someting I hab hear abou from odda girls... Numbaa 69.' More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her....
'You wan............................................... . Garlic Chicken wif snow pea?'

Political Correctness ?
An Aboriginal man in Alice Springs ( close to Ayres Rock ) goes to the doctor with a problem - he just can't stop jogging or stand still !
'Hey White doctorman" says the Blackman. "What ya think is makin' me run all over the place. It's tooo puckin' hot for dat shit."
The doctor says " It's got me beat but hey I might have a cure." The doctor puts two rows of white powder on his desk and tells the Abo to snort them.
The black man does as the doctor asks and immediately stops jogging up and down and stands dead still.
'Puck me drunk it worked. Is that cocaine?' he asks the doctor.
'No' the doctor replies.
'It's Omo washing powder - and its guaranteed to stop coloureds from running.' !!!

ANNUAL NSW BELLY-BUTTON JEWELLERY CONTEST
.... AND THE WINNER IS?

PORT MACQUARIE

A Very Close
2nd Place !
WAUCHOPE

A blonde goes into a local pet store in search of an 'exotic pet'. As she looks about, she notices a box full of frogs.

The sign on the box says: 'SEX FROGS' Only $20 each! Comes with complete instructions.

The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, 'I'll TAKE one!'

As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, 'Just follow the instructions!'

The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.

As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified:

1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise . . . NOTHING happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, 'If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store.'

So, she calls the pet store. The man says, 'I'll be right over.' Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, 'See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!'

The man . . . looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares 'directly into its eyes' and STERNLY says:

"LISTEN TO ME" !! "I'm only going to show you how to do this ONE ... MORE ... TIME" !!'

One Beautiful December Evening:

One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean.

It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said "Hey baby, how about playing Weeweechu."

"Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Jung Lee.

"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Huan Cho begged.

"But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."

"Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me."

Jung Lee looked at Huan Chi and said, "OK, we'll play Weeweechu."....

Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and both sang....

"Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,

Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,

Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,

and a happy New Year."


TO YOU ALL AND YOUR FAMILY, HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT ONE!
(And all those with dirty minds - shame on you!)

Women of Campbelltown


Hello and great work SydneySinbad

a note for the non-Sydney residents

Campbelltown is on the south west outskirts of metropoltian Sydney for many (for as long as I can remember 50+ years)it has been the public housing growth area of Sydney


Women of Campbelltown


Q. If two Campbelltown girls jump off a cliff. Who wins?

A. Society.

Q. What does a Campbelltown girl use as protection during sex?

A. A bus shelter.

Q. What do you call a 30 year old Campbelltown girl?

A. Granny.

Q. Why did the Campbelltown girl cross the road?

A. To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason whatsoever.

Q. What do you call a Campbelltown girl in a white tracksuit?

A. The bride.

Q. What's the first question during a Campbelltown quiz night?

A. What you looking at?

Q. Two Campbelltown kids in a car without any music - who is driving?

A. The policeman.

Q. What's the difference between a Campbelltown boy and a Campbelltown girl?

A. A Campbelltown girl has a higher sperm count.

Q. Three Campbelltown youths drive over a cliff in a Ford, such sad news, Why?

A. The car hand and empty seat.

Q. What's the most confusing day in Campbelltown?

A. Fathers day

Q. How do people know Jesus wasn't born in Campbelltown?

A. You try finding 3 wise men or a virgin there!

Having lived a few years at Port Macquarie

you would always know when it was welfare payment day (every two weeks) the Wauchope girls would come to town in LARGE numbers.....lol I remember seeing a few like the one in your photo over the years,

What night club did the Port Macquarie girls hang out at as I do not remember seeing them. .......lol


Bye the way it's not Wauchope it's No-hope Just ask any of the locals on your next visit.....lol



Continue your great work SydneySidbad and all the other regular posters to this and other threads on WBW board

^^ My late father got upset many years ago when I moved to Wauchope (pronounced War Hope, or War Choppie), and he always sent me mail addressed to Wauchope, the town of No-Hope. Yes, we have plenty of Nighties, going to Port overnight, yes, it was the, and still is the 'Downunder'. I have been here for 20 years now, and enjoy the place, so relaxed, not like Canberra where Latino lives! Ty for ur comments, Caveman56, from the land downunder!