The Official WBW 'Down Under' Joke Thread.

God's Email:
One day, God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally
behavior that was going on. So he called one of His angels and sent
the angel to Earth for a time.

When the angel returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95%
are misbehaving and only 5% are not.'

God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a
second angel to get another opinion.'

So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time.

When the angel returned he went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true. The
Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.'


God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good,
because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something
to help them keep going.


Do you know what the e-mail said?


V
V
V
V




No Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either...

Courage:
What's the meaning of courage?
Is it to fight a bull in a bullring?
Is it to drive a formula 1 car?
Is it to fly a fighter into combat?
Is it to practice free fall parachuting?
Is it bungee jumping, white water rafting?
Is it to gamble your salary on a coin toss?
Is it to insult the doorman in a bar?
Is it to insult your boss?
Is it to go on a defective ferris wheel?
Bullshit...that's nothing.

THIS is COURAGE!!!

How to Make a Woman Happy:


It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. romantic
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food & a six pack

I wish I would have read this before I started to collect exwives!!

Aging Perks:
Don't laugh... it is all true...

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

04. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, did I wake you?

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

Forward this to every one you can remember right now!

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!

Indigenous Monopoly:

Technican Required:
I'm only forwarding this to all you technical bods, because I am sure, you will have the know-how.


If anyone of you electronic boffins, knows how to connect a surround sound DVD/VCR, please let me know.
Your Technical skills Required !!!

My neighbour keeps on asking me.

My wife complains about the time I am spending there, to try and help her - when I really don't know how.

Here is a photo, of what the set-up looks like.

Maybe you can help.......!!!

My German Grandfather!

Thanks Syd,

Free BBQ Grill Offer:

You can get a free BBQ grill from any of the following stores:

ACTION

BIG W

BI-LO

BUNNINGS

COLES

FOOD FOR LESS

TARGET

WOOLWORTHS

WALMART


I especially like the higher shelf which can be used for keeping things warm!

Stay !!!

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Local Shopping Centre and rolled down the car windows to make sure my
Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
'Now you stay. Do you hear me?'
'Stay! Stay!'
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, gave me a strange look and said,

'Why don't you just put it in park ?

An oldie, but still laughable:
Two Garbage Bags!
A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, 'Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag.'
'Oh, really? Darn!' says the little old lady. 'I'd better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me..'
'Well, now, not so fast,' says the cop. 'How did you get all that money?' 'You didn't steal it, did you?'
'Oh, no', says the little old lady. 'You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence, I say, '$20 or off it comes.'
'Well, that seems only fair.' laughs the cop. OK? Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?'
'Well, you know', says the little old lady, 'not everybody pays.'

I laughed!
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistic'.
The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Come back and tell me what you learn from that.
So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
The mother replied, 'Of course I would!
We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University.
The boy then went to his sister and asked,
'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt and would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'
The boy then went to his brother and asked,
'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
'Of course,' the brother replied.
'Do you know what a million bucks would buy?'
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'
The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars. But 'Realistically
we're living with two hookers and a homo !!!

ROSES & HANGING BASKETS
A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date
wearing a see-through blouse on and no bra.
Her grandmother just pitched a fit,
telling her not to dare go out like that!
The teenager said,

'Loosen up Grams.
These are modern times.
You gotta let your rose buds show!'
and out she goes.
The next day the teenager came down stairs,
and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on.
The teenager wanted to die.
She explains to her grandmother
that she has friends coming over
and that it is just not appropriate....
The grandmother said to her,
'Loosen up,
Sweetie.
If you can show off your rose buds,
then I can display my hanging baskets.

Happy Gardening.

Iraqi Rabbitoh Footballer
Russell Crowe flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play rugby league and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to South Sydney . He's signed to a one-year contract and the kid joins the team for the pre-season.
Two weeks later Rabbits are down 10 nil to Easts with only 10 minutes left.
The coach gives the young Iraqi the nod and he goes in. The kid is a sensation - scores 3 tries in 10 minutes and wins the game for South Sydney!

The fans are thrilled, the players and coaches are delighted, and the media are in love with the new star.

When the player comes off the ground he phones his mum to tell her about his first day of Australian Rugby League.
'Hello mum, guess what?' he says. 'I played for 10 minutes today, we were 10 nil down, but I scored 3 tries and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media...
'Wonderful,' says his mum, 'Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, raped and beaten, and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such a great time.'
The young Iraqi is very upset.
'What can I say mum, I'm so sorry.'

'Sorry? You're sorry?' says his mum, 'It's your fault we moved to Redfern in the first place.

snort snicker snort

Elderly Road Trip ...(Remind you of anyone you know?)
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.
After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.
When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, And she didn't miss them until they had been driving about forty minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before They could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man.
He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive.
The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up one minute.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and Hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, 'While you're in there, You might as well get my hat and the credit card.'
This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.
You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.


Well....my job is done. Your turn.

So just how are you doing Syd ?

(i've done my part)

Not on here much nowadays notech, as I am sailing the high seas, and no access to WBW. I transmit when we go ashore, but I guess I have been missing alot of the good stuff on here. We are heading due North, so should reach ur town in about 3 months?

You can navigate rivers ?