The Official WBW Joke Thread - Vol. 3

The Top 5 Signs Your Hooker Has a College Education


5> Never works when the Crimson Tide's in town.

4> Condoms? Check.
Breath mints? Check.
Pamphlet explaining how heterosexual intercourse is rape and
the notion of sexual reproduction is a deception maintained
by the patriarchy for the purpose of preventing womyn from
ever achieving equity? Uh-oh.

3> This month's special: For $30, she'll do you *and* your taxes.

2> The oral part of her "around the world" is a recitation of
every country's capital and major exports.


and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign
Your Hooker Has a College Education...


1> She was an art history major -- how *else* could she earn
a living?

I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:




1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.




2. An old friend who once saved your life.




3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.




Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.


YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS....................


The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: 'I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.' Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to 'Think Outside of the Box.'


HOWEVER...., The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery because Obama's health care won't pay for her, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.


God, I just love happy endings!

A young American tourist goes on a guided tour of a creepy old
castle. At the end of the tour the guide asks her how she enjoyed it.
She admits to being a bit worried about seeing a ghost in some of the
dark cobwebby rooms and passages.

"Don't worry" says the guide, "I've never seen a ghost all the time
I've been here."

"How long is that?" asks the girl.

"About three hundred years."

TOP ELEVEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
11. Cats' facial expressions
10. What the hell is so important about chocolate.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds
7. Fat clothes
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time
5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow
3. Eyelash curlers
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made
AND,
the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN

A man sat down at the bar at 5:00 and drank and drank and drank.

At last call, the man got up after drinking 2 1/2 cases of beer. He
hadn't left the barstool since he'd arrived. He staggered
outside,grabbed onto a telephone pole, and pulled his zipper down.

A cop saw this and said, "You're not going to pee HERE are you?!"

"Oh no sir...I'm going to piss wayyyyy over there."

The Spoon... This is great. I really laughed at it. A spoon will never be the same again.

A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.

Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant,

'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.

It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in
his shirt pocket.

Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve
our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'

'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes.
After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of
approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.

If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter,
'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'

'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.
By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.

I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'

'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'

LMAO !!!!!!

Tree Hugger !!

While walking through Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquired, 'Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?'

'I am listening to the music of the tree,' the other man replied.

'You have gotta be kiddin' me.' 'No, would you like to give it a try?'

Understandably curious, the man said, 'Well, OK..' He wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With this, the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left.

Two hours later, another nature lover finally strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked,

'What the heck happened to you?' He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there.

When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, 'This just ain’t your day, cupcake.’

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender sees he has a paper towel on his head. So he asks the pirate "whats with the towel?"
The pirate replies " Argg! I've got a bounty on me head!

A vicar wanted to buy a parrot. "Are you sure it doesn't swear?" he asked the storekeeper. "Oh, absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assured him. "Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one he recites the Lord's Prayer, and when you pull on the left one he chants the 23rd Psalm." "That's wonderful !" said the vicar, reaching for his checkbook, "and what happens if you pull both strings?" "I fall off my fucking perch, you piece of shit!" screeched the parrot.

Here's one I recall from my days overseas.
Two soldiers stationed overseas were handed spades and told to bury a large, dead animal. While they were digging, they got into an argument about exactly what it was they were burying. "This is a bloody big mule!" "It isn't a mule, you idiot, it's a donkey." "Mule!" "Donkey!" "Mule" "Donkey!" They went on like this for a while until the camp chef came out to see what the noise was. "What are you lads up to?" he asked.
"We're digging a grave for this mule," said the first. "Donkey, dammit!" replied the other. The chef cut in, "Lads, this isn't either. It's an ass."
An hour later, the commander of the garrison came up and said, "What are you men digging, a foxhole?" They nodded respectfully, then the first one said "No, sir! We're digging an asshole, sir!"

Here's one for you and me, joketech


Three old guys from the twilight home were given, as a treat, a day
at the beach. And it turned out to be a nudist beach. They were
watching the various young women agog.

When the prettiest of them all walked by, one of the men said, "I'd
like to give her a hug."

"I'd like to give her a kiss," said the second man.

And the third old man said, "What was that other thing we used to
do?"

Your Honor," she told the judge, "I want a divorce.
My husband has been cheating on me.

"That is a serious accusation," the judge said.
"Do you have any evidence to substantiate this
claim of your husband's infidelity?"

"Yes, Your Honor. Just last night I was walking down
Broadway when I saw him go into a movie with another
woman."

"Who was this other woman?" the judge asked.

"I don't know. I never saw her before." "Then why
didn't you follow them into the theatre and find
out who she was. It may have been just a harmless
coincidence. You should have gone in after them."

"I would have," she explained,
"but the fellow I was with had already seen the picture."

This woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for
several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day,
when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what?
You have been with me through all the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know
what?'
'What dear', she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with
warmth.

'I think you're bad luck."

Q. What is the difference between a panty and a stage curtain?

A . When you pull down the stage curtain the show is over. But
when you pull down a panty the show begins!!

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Did you know the average male is 6 inches long, and the average
female is 8 inches deep?

So in New York City alone there is over 3 miles of unused pussy!

According to the U.S. Census Bureau:

190,374 people are fucking right now,

212,130 are kissing.

11,238 are getting head, and

1 lonely fucker is reading emails.

You hang in there,

The blonde co-ed danced excitedly into her room clapping and
chanting, "I won! I won! That guy is so stupid!"

Her room mate asked "What on Earth are you going on about?"

"Well," the blonde explained, "I just met this really stupid guy who
bet me a dollar that if I touched my toes he could screw me without
my feeling a thing, and I won!"