Your worst sexual mistake ever?

Quote:

Originally posted by Watty

[reply=Jack]
The dude is bonking the girl, and all the sudden starts to shit himself or something. He farts about three times, laughs, and keeps going.

Ive had a girl straddling me, not actually having sex, but giving me a massage etc... ive had my eyes close enjoying the experience and theres been a fart, its come almost too fast to recognise, but she did.
[/reply]



dude...you farted on her while she was sitting on your arse?

Quote:

Originally posted by Jack

Me neither. I draw the line at fucking tubgirl.

ITS OK ITS OK>>>>>>>>IT WAS A DRY ONE!!!!!!IT HADNT BROKEN OFF!!!!!!
[/reply]



makes no difference to me

Quote:

Originally posted by lAtInO-oZ

dude...you farted on her while she was sitting on your arse?

Noooo... read it again mate, she farted on me.

Quote:

Originally posted by Watty

[reply=lAtInO-oZ]
dude...you farted on her while she was sitting on your arse?

Noooo... read it again mate, she farted on me.
[/reply]

thats even better...

I Farted Masively when i came on a Girls face once lol

Quote:

Originally posted by biffta

I Farted Masively when i came on a Girls face once lol

Another time when i was drunk i was snogging a bird on Xmas Eve and i burped in her mouth lol

i dont think she knew as the Music was pretty loud but.... about ten mins later she was being sick... dont think it was me lol

Farted while the chic was on her knees giving me head, got drunk and fell asleep while another was giving me head,woke up and she was still sucking, must not have been out long. But the worst, came home from work, really tired, had a lot on my mind. Then g/f wanted some, I tired to hint around for waiting a bit. She was horny and dropped to her knees, How can a man resist. Well, we ended up on the bed. She was on top having a good time and I ask want was in the mail.
Needless to say, I didn't get to drop a load.

I got a gross one but it was not me thank god!!!

I was on a train and there were some guys in the next seats.
They were talking about shaggin up the bum.
One guys was telling the others that he shagged his girlfriend up the bum and for a couple of days after he had a really sore Bombhead...

When he pulled back his forskin he found a whole undigested peace of sweetcorn! lol

Now thats bad!! it took him 2 days to look to see what was hurting lol

Quote:

Originally posted by posracing79bu

Farted while the chic was on her knees giving me head, got drunk and fell asleep while another was giving me head,woke up and she was still sucking, must not have been out long. But the worst, came home from work, really tired, had a lot on my mind. Then g/f wanted some, I tired to hint around for waiting a bit. She was horny and dropped to her knees, How can a man resist. Well, we ended up on the bed. She was on top having a good time and I ask want was in the mail.
Needless to say, I didn't get to drop a load.

.... Did you find out what was in the Mail??

Quote:

Originally posted by biffta

up the bum

Love this thread!

See, I told jeff his threads are never interesting until we get involved.

lol true true, saying that though, i did raise a chuckle at hi opening post!

Quote:

When he pulled back his forskin he found a whole undigested peace of sweetcorn!

OMFG, that is revolting, made my stomach feel dodgey lol, took him three days to find it what a dirty begger, what was his nationality?

Mal

I've got one story of myself and two I've been told:

Myself
Me and my ex use to always go to the community center and screw in the family changing rooms. Well the last time we did, she was bent over and going at it doggy style. It came out and i tried to put it back in way to quickly and pretty much dry poked her poop-hole. She took it like a champ and started sucking me!

Told
1. My best friend was at work one day when his co-worker came up to him and had a pretty interesting story to tell him. Said he was at a bachelor party and had a good time. The stripper decided to take him to her house, where for some reason she had plastic all over everything. Well, she started wetting his willy. Throughout the BJ he felt something at his ass, but thought nothing of it. As he was about to blow his load, she ripped anal-beads out his. As he shit all over the plastic-covered bed, she began to roll around in it.

2. I was in a PRACS study (they give you a drug and draw your blood and give you alot of money) and this guy was telling me a story about his brother screwing his girlfriend doggy style. They were both 16 years old, and wouldnt you know it, it slipped out and he tried to ram her really hard. Well, he missed and it bent and something happened to make his peter bleed all over the place. He pretty much passed out from the PAINZ! so his girlfriend had to get her mom and bring him to the hospital. While under strong anesthetics they also gave him a shot on his penis, which made it rather large.

I have a few more but cant think of them at the moment.

Ive thought this over, and I guess all I have is:

Buddy and his girl get done in the bed, me and mine go in behind. I lay down in his fucking huge nasty pile of spooge without knowing. He gave me shit about that for years.

Guy I went to college with was doing the deed with a girl he'd just met. So he's humping awat on the carpet and he feels her stroking his balls and thinks it's pretty nice. After a little while she runs both her hands through his hair at which point he realises she is still stroking his balls .

He quickly realises that she can't possibly have 3 hands so he has a look to see what has been tickling his fancy only to see her pet dog lapping away at his hairy swingers

Got two that might qualify for mistakes, but they turned out okay in the end.

During a night of barhopping I hook up with a customer of mine from the bar that I worked at. We went to my place and had sex for about 3 hours. Afterwards, without cleaning up, I took her back to her car at the bar and said good night (she had to get up early the next day). I then went to the bar that I worked at to have 1 more beer and then back home. I ran into a woman that not only was a customer but a regular sex toy of mine. We talked for a while and then went to her place. She changed into some lingerie (she should have been in Victoria's Secret catalog) and came out to the living room and started to give me a blowjob. Afterall a couple of licks she realized that I had sex with somebody else very recently. She asked me if this was the case and I just about lost it but my mouth just went before my brain and said "Yes.". I thought that this was either going to end badly or I was going to have to take a shower first. She then asked who it was and once again the mouth and brain lost connection and I told her that it was another customer from the bar that I work at. She knew the woman and just said "Okay." and went back to sucking my dick.

About a week later I'm at work and both of them show up at my bar. They talked about what happened the previous week and smiled. The next night I was scheduled off and the three of us ended up in bed together. The best part was the lingerie show that both of them went through to each find the perfect outfit.

Next up was the time I was living with an older woman (19/36). She had never seen a porn movie so instead of going to see 'Rocky Horror Picture Show' because the line was too long off we went in search of XXX. We ended up at a movie house, book store and toy store. Everything under one roof. We go and watch a movie for about an hour we she gets worked up enough to have sex but she didn't want to do it in the theater. She identified too many perverts in there. And the one next to her. So we go and on the way out I asked her if she had ever seen a peep show. She said no so I got a fist full of quarters and back in we went.

We're in the booth and I start undressing her from her jeans to do a standing doggie. She is leaning on the door and I'm thrusting away when the door pops open and she almost falls out but I did manage to pull her back by grabbing her hips and maintain balance. I reached out for the door handle, closed the door and made sure all of the slide bar locks were engaged. However there is more to this. So that the door doesn't fly open again she is now leaning her head and shoulder on the plexiglas screen cover. After a few good thrusts from me she is pushed into the plex and it cracks in several places. This happened right as I came and she had pulled away and stood up straight. I shot my wad and we thought that it went on the floor. However we came to realize that my wad was on the leg of her jeans as we walked out of the building.

Needless to say she didn't want to go there again.

@ Kramchuck: if i would see a room complety covered in plastic, i would turn an run. because it would remind of these mafia movies, where they lure the victim in such a room and cut it into pieces.

my story: i was going with this girl for nearly a year, when we decided to try something new. so i handcuffed her to the bed. while shaging her i started fingering her ass, but she didnt like it and kept complaining. It made me so horny i decided to fuck her in the ass, she was kicking and screaming. after i had finished, i untied her and she left without saying anything. i didnt feel even bad. The strange thing is she called a few days later and told me she liked it.

Quote:

Originally posted by Duderino

@ Kramchuck: if i would see a room complety covered in plastic, i would turn an run. because it would remind of these mafia movies, where they lure the victim in such a room and cut it into pieces.

my story: i was going with this girl for nearly a year, when we decided to try something new. so i handcuffed her to the bed. while shaging her i started fingering her ass, but she didnt like it and kept complaining. It made me so horny i decided to fuck her in the ass, she was kicking and screaming. after i had finished, i untied her and she left without saying anything. i didnt feel even bad. The strange thing is she called a few days later and told me she liked it.

Its called rape, you sick fuck.