The Official WBW 'Down Under' Joke Thread.

The Girl and her Dog:

One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink.
Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?'
The blonde said it was hers.
'Your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said.
The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.'
The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.'
'No way,' said the blonde. 'My dog doesn't need bread She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this mornin.'
The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!'
You gotta love this - - - -

The blonde looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.'

And The Crowd Went Wild!

The Pope and Kevin Rudd are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd at the
AFL Grand Final.

The Pope leaned towards Mr. Rudd and said, "Do you know that with one little
movement of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy?

This joy will not be a momentary display, like those believers in a football
match, but go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day
and rejoice!"

Rudd replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand?
Show me"

So the Pope backhanded the bastard.

I'll go to hell for this...

Repost by Request:

A young aboriginal girl was getting married and her mother said "I'd better have a talk with you before you get married".

"Yeah mum, what do you want to talk about?" the young aboriginal girl asks.

"Well, on the night you get married, your husband is gonna want to put his most prized possession where you pee" the mother says

The daughter replies "Why the fuck would he want to put his thongs in the sink?" ...........

he wears a thong ?

3 Aussies:
Three Aussies were working on a high-rise building project, Steve, Bruce and Bluey.
Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says,
'Someone should go and tell his missus.'
Bluey says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'
An hour later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters.
Bruce says, 'Where did you get that, Bluey?'
'Steve's wife gave it to me,' Bluey replies.
'That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?'
'Well ..... not exactly,' Bluey says.
'When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'.
She said, 'No, I'm not a widow.'
And I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Fosters you are'.'

Granddad reminiscing about the Good Old Days



"When I were a lad, my mum would send me down to da corner store wiv' a dollar, and I'd come back wiv' five pounds o' potatoes, two loaves o' bread, three pints o' milk, a pound o' cheese, a packet o' tea, an' 'alf a dozen eggs.

Yer can't do that now...too many fucken security cameras."

Appreciation Day
Today is National Female Breast Appreciation Day

Beats the Shit out of Red Nose Day, Doesn't it?

A SHORT LOVE STORY

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people,
found themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a trans-continental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room,
they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1:00 am, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman, saying,.......... 'Ma'am,
I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? ?
I'm awfully cold.'
'I have a better idea,' she replied. 'Just for tonight,...... let's pretend that we're married.'
'Wow!....................... That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.
'Good,' she replied. ............. 'Get your own fucking blanket!'

After a moment of silence, he farted.




The End

Quote:

Originally posted by [Sic

]
...

I love the kiwi Accent we sound so fucken strange... I love the way we cant even pronounce our country right zullund... but when we did an accent thread no one could tell the difference between a kiwi and an aussie (well cept for the Kiwi and the Aussies)

We had a guy from NZ in boot camp. We used to make him call cadence just for laughs.

Well, as u said, I know the difference between Kay One Double You One, and the Ozzies, but both Countries, like we're great Friends, and our bond is ever so much there. btw: BLU69, Happy Birthday m8!!

Quote:

Originally posted by SydneySinbad

Well, as u said, I know the difference between Kay One Double You One, and the Ozzies, but both Countries, like we're great Friends, and our bond is ever so much there. btw: BLU69, Happy Birthday m8!!

Thank you Syd. I appreciate that.

Quote:

Originally posted by SydneySinbad

A SHORT LOVE STORY
[ Link ]
A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people,
found themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a trans-continental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room,
they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1:00 am, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman, saying,.......... 'Ma'am,
I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? ?
I'm awfully cold.'
'I have a better idea,' she replied. 'Just for tonight,...... let's pretend that we're married.'
'Wow!....................... That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.
'Good,' she replied. ............. 'Get your own fucking blanket!'

After a moment of silence, he farted.




The End

Golden, thanks SYD.

Aussie Poem

The sun was hot already - it was only 8 o'clock
The cocky took off in his Ute, to go and check his stock.
He drove around the paddocks checking wethers, ewes and lambs,
The float valves in the water troughs, the windmills on the dams.

He stopped and turned a windmill on to fill a water tank
And saw a ewe down in the dam, a few yards from the bank.
"Typical bloody sheep," he thought, "they've got no common sense,
"They won't go through a gateway but they'll jump a bloody fence."

The ewe was stuck down in the mud, he knew without a doubt
She'd stay there 'til she carked it if he didn't get her out.
But when he reached the water's edge, the startled ewe broke free
And in her haste to get away, began a swimming spree.
He reckoned once her fleece was wet, the weight would drag her down
If he didn't rescue her, the stupid sod would drown.
Her style was unimpressive, her survival chances slim
He saw no other option, he would have to take a swim.

He peeled his shirt and singlet off, his trousers, boots and socks
And as he couldn't stand wet clothes, he also shed his jocks.
He jumped into the water and away that cocky swam
He caught up with her, somewhere near the middle of the dam

The ewe was quite evasive, she kept giving him the slip
He tried to grab her sodden fleece but couldn't get a grip.
At last he got her to the bank and stopped to catch his breath
She showed him little gratitude for saving her from death.

She took off like a Bondi tram around the other side
He swore next time he caught that ewe he'd hang her bloody hide.
Then round and round the dam they ran, although he felt quite puffed
He still thought he could run her down, she must be nearly stuffed.

The local stock rep came along, to pay a call that day.
He knew this bloke was on his own, his wife had gone away
He didn't really think he'd get fresh scones for morning tea
But nor was he prepared for what he was about to see.

He rubbed his eyes in disbelief at what came into view
For running down the catchment came this frantic-looking ewe.
And on her heels in hot pursuit and wearing not a stitch
The farmer yelling wildly "Come back here, you lousy bitch!"

The stock rep didn't hang around, he took off in his car
The cocky's reputation has been damaged near and far
So bear in mind the Work Safe rule when next you check your flocks
Spot the hazard, assess the risk, and always wear your jocks!

Cannibal story

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant
operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and
looked over the menu...

Tourist: $5.00
Broiled Missionary: $7.00
Fried Explorer: $9.00
Freshly Baked: Labor party, Liberals/Nationals, Democrats or Greens 150.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, 'Why such a huge price difference for the Politicians?'


The cook replied,
'Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of shit, it takes all morning.'

Wooden Leg Insurance


Always did find the New Zealand Logic different from most others!!!

A man and his wife, moved back home to Wellington, from Sydney .

The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Sydney was $2000.00 a year!

When they arrived in Wellington , they went to an insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure.

The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, '$39.00.'

The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Wellington to insure, because it cost him $2000.00 in Sydney !

The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says:
*Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00.*

Way to make me spew again Syd !

I am pleased that an American sees my sense of humor (humour?) (beer)

Proud to be a Aussie


After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British Scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the British, in the weeks that followed, a Wellington archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story in The Dominion Post that read:

"New Zealand archaeologists, finding traces of 130 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network thirty years earlier than the British".

One week later, the Daily Telegraph in Sydney , New South Wales , reported the following:

"After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Port Macquarie , New South Wales , SydneySinbad, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely stuff all. Sydney has therefore concluded that 130 years ago, Australia had already gone wireless."

Just makes you proud to be an Aussie!