10 Things!
- Goto:
- Go
SydneySinbad 16 years ago
Living Will:
This may be the best Living Will I've Seen
I,__________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:
Glass of wine
Chocolate
Margarita
Sex
Martini
Cold Beer
Chicken fried steak
Cream gravy
Sex
Mexican food
French fries
Pizza
Sex
Ice cream
Cup of tea
Sex
Chocolate
It should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, let the 'fat lady sing,' and call it a day!
Have a Drink IT'S BEER O'CLOCK SOMEWHERE
This may be the best Living Will I've Seen
I,__________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:
Glass of wine
Chocolate
Margarita
Sex
Martini
Cold Beer
Chicken fried steak
Cream gravy
Sex
Mexican food
French fries
Pizza
Sex
Ice cream
Cup of tea
Sex
Chocolate
It should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, let the 'fat lady sing,' and call it a day!
Have a Drink IT'S BEER O'CLOCK SOMEWHERE
SydneySinbad 16 years ago
The very first ever Blonde Guy joke..... And well worth the wait !!!!
An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said,'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.'
The Mexican opened his lunch box and Exclaimed,'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.'
The blonde opened his lunch and said, ' Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too.'
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!'
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.'
(Oh this is GOOD!!)?
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,
'Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch.
An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said,'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.'
The Mexican opened his lunch box and Exclaimed,'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.'
The blonde opened his lunch and said, ' Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too.'
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!'
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.'
(Oh this is GOOD!!)?
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,
'Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch.
SydneySinbad 16 years ago
THE VIBRATOR
As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from
within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a vibrator.
Shocked, she asked: 'what in the world are you doing?'
The daughter replied: 'mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as
I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'
The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom
door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.
To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said: 'dad I'm thirty-five, unmarried, and this
thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'
A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen
counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the living room. She entered that
area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV.
The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.
The wife asked: 'What the fuck... Are you doing?'
The husband replied: 'I'm watching football with my Son-in-law.'
As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from
within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a vibrator.
Shocked, she asked: 'what in the world are you doing?'
The daughter replied: 'mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as
I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'
The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom
door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.
To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said: 'dad I'm thirty-five, unmarried, and this
thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'
A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen
counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the living room. She entered that
area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV.
The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.
The wife asked: 'What the fuck... Are you doing?'
The husband replied: 'I'm watching football with my Son-in-law.'
SydneySinbad 16 years ago
Duties of Wives
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.
Terry had married a woman from Greece .
He bragged that he had told his wife she needed to do all the dishes and housework. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
Jimmie had married a woman from Italy ..
He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a Australian girl.
He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, laundry and ironing twice a week, lawns mowed, windows cleaned and hot meals on the table for every meal.
He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, just enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and call a handyman.
God Bless Australian Women
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.
Terry had married a woman from Greece .
He bragged that he had told his wife she needed to do all the dishes and housework. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
Jimmie had married a woman from Italy ..
He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a Australian girl.
He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, laundry and ironing twice a week, lawns mowed, windows cleaned and hot meals on the table for every meal.
He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, just enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and call a handyman.
God Bless Australian Women
[Deleted] 16 years ago
Quote:
Originally posted by SydneySinbad
Why Women Move To Queensland!
[ Link ]
They grow on trees there!
SydneySinbad 16 years ago
Global Debt:
Simple solution to the Global Financial Crisis.
It is August. In a small town on the South Coast of France the holiday season is in full swing, but it is raining so there is not too much business happening.
Everyone is heavily in debt.
Luckily, a rich Russian to uri st arrives in the foyer of the small local hotel. He asks for a room and puts a €100 note on the reception counter, takes a key and goes to inspect the room located up the stairs on the third floor.
The hotel owner takes the banknote in a hurry and rushes to his meat supplier to whom he owes €100.
The butcher takes the money and races to his supplier to pay his debt.
The wholesaler rushes to the farmer to pay €100 for pigs he purchased some time ago.
The farmer triumphantly gives the €100 note to a local prostitute who provided him with her services on credit.
The prostitute goes quickly to the hotel, as she was owing the hotel for her hourly room use to entertain clients.
At that moment, the rich Russian is coming down to reception. He informs the hotel owner that the proposed room is unsatisfactory.
He
V
V
V
Takes back his €100 and departs.
V
V
V
V
There was no profit or income. But everyone no longer has any debt and the small townspeople look optimistically towards their future.
Ain't debt wonderful??????????
Now U kno why I am going to be a TAX (loss) to my creditors when I depart this mere mortal plane that way they can write it off under Mr Rudds' guarantee
PS am working on my 3rd million to lose right now. I can't find the first 2 of em I lost em somewhere under Goughah
SydneySinbad
Simple solution to the Global Financial Crisis.
It is August. In a small town on the South Coast of France the holiday season is in full swing, but it is raining so there is not too much business happening.
Everyone is heavily in debt.
Luckily, a rich Russian to uri st arrives in the foyer of the small local hotel. He asks for a room and puts a €100 note on the reception counter, takes a key and goes to inspect the room located up the stairs on the third floor.
The hotel owner takes the banknote in a hurry and rushes to his meat supplier to whom he owes €100.
The butcher takes the money and races to his supplier to pay his debt.
The wholesaler rushes to the farmer to pay €100 for pigs he purchased some time ago.
The farmer triumphantly gives the €100 note to a local prostitute who provided him with her services on credit.
The prostitute goes quickly to the hotel, as she was owing the hotel for her hourly room use to entertain clients.
At that moment, the rich Russian is coming down to reception. He informs the hotel owner that the proposed room is unsatisfactory.
He
V
V
V
Takes back his €100 and departs.
V
V
V
V
There was no profit or income. But everyone no longer has any debt and the small townspeople look optimistically towards their future.
Ain't debt wonderful??????????
Now U kno why I am going to be a TAX (loss) to my creditors when I depart this mere mortal plane that way they can write it off under Mr Rudds' guarantee
PS am working on my 3rd million to lose right now. I can't find the first 2 of em I lost em somewhere under Gough
SydneySinbad
SydneySinbad 16 years ago
A Mexican, an Arab, and an Aussie girl are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks no-alcohol beer (cuz he's a Muslim!), throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The Aussie girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab.
Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says,
'In Australia, we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'
God Bless Australia!
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks no-alcohol beer (cuz he's a Muslim!), throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The Aussie girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab.
Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says,
'In Australia, we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'
God Bless Australia!
SydneySinbad 16 years ago
Sydney works hard at the RSL but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.
His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Sydney! How ya doing?' His wife is puzzled and asks if he's
been to this club before. 'Oh no,' says Sydney. 'He's in my bowling league.'
When they are seated, a waitress asks Sydney if he'd like his usual and brings over a VB. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink VB? 'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
I always have a VB at the end of the 1st nine, honey.' A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Sydney and starts to rub herself all over him and says, 'Hi Sydney. Want your usual table dance, big boy?' Sydney's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Sydney follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
Sydney tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his partner is having none of it .
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, 'Geez Sydney, you picked up a real bitch this time.'
Sydney's funeral will be on Friday.
His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Sydney! How ya doing?' His wife is puzzled and asks if he's
been to this club before. 'Oh no,' says Sydney. 'He's in my bowling league.'
When they are seated, a waitress asks Sydney if he'd like his usual and brings over a VB. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink VB? 'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
I always have a VB at the end of the 1st nine, honey.' A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Sydney and starts to rub herself all over him and says, 'Hi Sydney. Want your usual table dance, big boy?' Sydney's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Sydney follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
Sydney tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his partner is having none of it .
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, 'Geez Sydney, you picked up a real bitch this time.'
Sydney's funeral will be on Friday.
SydneySinbad 16 years ago
Aboriginal Girl:
A young aboriginal girl was getting married and her mother said
"I'd better have a talk with you before you get married".
"Yeah mum, what do you want to talk about?" the young aboriginal girl asks.
"Well, on the night you get married, your husband is gonna want to put his most prized possession where you pee" the mother says.
The daughter replies,
"Why the fuck would he want to put his thongs in the sink?" ...........
A young aboriginal girl was getting married and her mother said
"I'd better have a talk with you before you get married".
"Yeah mum, what do you want to talk about?" the young aboriginal girl asks.
"Well, on the night you get married, your husband is gonna want to put his most prized possession where you pee" the mother says.
The daughter replies,
"Why the fuck would he want to put his thongs in the sink?" ...........
SydneySinbad 16 years ago
Subject: ATO releases new pencil sharpener
Who thought that the Australian Tax Office could not do effective marketing?
Australian Taxation office announces the new free pencil sharpener to be given to all taxpayers, as a reminder of the service they provide each year.
Who thought that the Australian Tax Office could not do effective marketing?
Australian Taxation office announces the new free pencil sharpener to be given to all taxpayers, as a reminder of the service they provide each year.
SydneySinbad 16 years ago
Beer contains female hormones
Last month, Wits University and RAU scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.
The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women .
To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period.
It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects :
Argued over nothing.
Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
Gained weight.
Talked excessively without making sense.
Became overly emotional
Couldn't drive.
Failed to think rationally.
Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary.
Last month, Wits University and RAU scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.
The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women .
To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period.
It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects :
Argued over nothing.
Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
Gained weight.
Talked excessively without making sense.
Became overly emotional
Couldn't drive.
Failed to think rationally.
Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary.
Notech_The_Abbot 16 years ago
Quote:
Originally posted by SydneySinbad
Beer contains female hormones
Last month, Wits University and RAU scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.
The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women .
To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period.
It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects :
Argued over nothing.
Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
Gained weight.
Talked excessively without making sense.
Became overly emotional
Couldn't drive.
Failed to think rationally.
Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary.
lmao,finally a great spewing moment!
SydneySinbad 16 years ago
Never lose your grandkids!
aah!......the kid's know me so well :-)
A heartwarming story.
A small boy was lost at a large shopping Centre.
He approached a uniformed policeman and said, 'I've lost my pop!'
'The cop asked, 'What's he like?' The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied,
' Bourbon and sheilas with big tits.'
aah!......the kid's know me so well :-)
A heartwarming story.
A small boy was lost at a large shopping Centre.
He approached a uniformed policeman and said, 'I've lost my pop!'
'The cop asked, 'What's he like?' The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied,
' Bourbon and sheilas with big tits.'
SydneySinbad 16 years ago
International Security Levels:
Bloody Hell it is getting to be a worry this is
1, The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats in Islamabad and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
2, The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.
3, Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".
4, The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
5, Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
6, The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
7, Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.
And at a local level...
8, New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Shut, I hope Austrulia will come end riscue us". In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".
9, Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". There has not been a situation yet that has warranted the used of the final escalation level.
Bloody Hell it is getting to be a worry this is
1, The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats in Islamabad and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
2, The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.
3, Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".
4, The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
5, Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
6, The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
7, Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.
And at a local level...
8, New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Shut, I hope Austrulia will come end riscue us". In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".
9, Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". There has not been a situation yet that has warranted the used of the final escalation level.
SydneySinbad 16 years ago
STRESS MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUE
Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile..
1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream..
2. Now visualize yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.
3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.
4. No one knows your secret place.
5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.
6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
7. The water is so crystal clear you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.
There!! See? It really does work... You're smiling already.
Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile..
1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream..
2. Now visualize yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.
3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.
4. No one knows your secret place.
5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.
6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
7. The water is so crystal clear you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.
There!! See? It really does work... You're smiling already.
SydneySinbad 16 years ago
What Women Want!
In a recent one off all women in a magazine were asked this question:
"Is your cunt still sensitive 10 mins after having sex?"
98% replied NO! He's asleep.
In a recent one off all women in a magazine were asked this question:
"Is your cunt still sensitive 10 mins after having sex?"
98% replied NO! He's asleep.
SydneySinbad 16 years ago
Mature Lady Driver:
A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one.
Traffic Cop: Don't have one?
Older Woman: No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Traffic Cop: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Traffic Cop: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Traffic Cop: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Traffic Cop: You what!?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while calling for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Are you serious?!
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The traffic cop is quite stunned.
Officer 2: My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license quizzically.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer here that you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner!
Older Woman: Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.
Don't Mess With Mature Ladies
A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one.
Traffic Cop: Don't have one?
Older Woman: No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Traffic Cop: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Traffic Cop: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Traffic Cop: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Traffic Cop: You what!?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while calling for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Are you serious?!
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The traffic cop is quite stunned.
Officer 2: My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license quizzically.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer here that you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner!
Older Woman: Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.
Don't Mess With Mature Ladies
- Goto:
- Go
