The Official WBW Joke Thread - Vol. 2

News Flash!!!


The Death of The Energizer Bunny Shocks the World!!!


Known best for, "going and going and going..."
Passed away last evening at 12:42am.



Upon completion of the autopsy
Early this morning, the chief
Medical examiner ruled that the
Death was caused by acute cardiac
Arrest, induced by sexual over-stimulation.



Apparently, someone put the battery
In backwards and the bunny kept
Coming and coming and coming...

Foul play has not been ruled out.
__________________

Q.)What's the difference between a whore and a bitch?
A.)A whore will fuck anybody,a bitch will fuck anybody but you.

Q.)What's the difference between like and love?
A.)Four inches.

Q.)What do you get when you cross a donkey and a onion?
A.)A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

There is a hole in the wall of the local nudist colony.


The police are looking into it.

I may catch hell from the girls of WBW for this one, but oh well...

BLOW JOBS

WHAT A GIRL HAS TO SAY ON THE SUBJECT

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it.
See also rule #2 about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning.

WHAT A MAN HAS TO SAY ON THE SUBJECT

1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we'll find someone else, (younger, prettier & dirtier) who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning.
6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids
you can get. Trust me.
7. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
8. Play with the balls.
9. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
10. Caress the ass, too. We like that sometimes.
11. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, learn to love it.
13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?

THE GRIEVANCE

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.

I plunge head first into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.!

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Thank you,


Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.

You do not take initiative-you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management

A female Mountie pulled over a drunk Saskatchewan farmer driving down the back roads. She said to him, "You're under arrest, anything you say, can and will be held against you".

"Tits", replied the farmer.

The gorgeous redhead

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it
up to you," she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap ......... and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!! Everything had been SO
incredible!!!! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies........."

"..... You just happened to catch my eye."

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we put into
our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.

Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the
long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or
will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."

The Cardiologist's Funeral

A Cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart
covered in
flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.

The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart
forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at
him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral... I'm
a gynecologist."

That's when the proctologist fainted.

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough
day trying to get a stay of execution for a client
who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His
last minute plea for clemency to the governor had
failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his
wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be
getting home is this? Where have you been?' 'Dinner
is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and
on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this
familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot
of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the
bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic
remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife
answered and was told that her husband's client,
James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution
after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have
had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the
good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was
greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over
naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

To which he whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE
LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'

for the ladies

The Why's of Men




1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?

(because they are plugged into a genius)





2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?

(they don't have enough time)





3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?

(they don't stop to ask directions)





4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?

(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)





(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)





5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?

(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)





6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?

(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)





7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it's never happened)



( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)



And the personal favorite:


8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?

(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)


Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart...

Then you are just an old sour fart!





One for the ladies

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma ."

And they say blondes are dumb...

A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."



"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.



Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor



Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him;

and Patience for his moods.

Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,

I'll beat him to death.
AMEN


Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.


Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.



Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manual."

THE GOOD NAPKINS
... ahhhhh ... the joys of having Girls ...

My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake).
One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was
ajar.

I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping
'napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen?

Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those
were
for "special occasions" (her second mistake).

Now fast forward a few months....It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are
leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments
for
all of us while they were gone.

Mine was to set the table.

When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into
laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my
father, who roared with laughter.

Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place
setting on the table with a "special occasion" Kotex napkin at each plate,
with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail
in so they didn't hang off the edge!!

My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the
other adults into further fits of laughter.

"But, Mom, you said they were for special occasions!!!"

A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve food here."

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech.
At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.
When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."

An Australian man, with a sheep under his arm walked into his bedroom
where his wife was in bed reading. "Here's the pig I have sex with when
you have a headache, darling", he said.
His wife looked up and said, "I think you mean sheep."
He looked at her and said, "I think I wasn't talking to you."

Quote:

Originally posted by Seryano

An Australian man, with a sheep under his arm walked into his bedroom
where his wife was in bed reading. "Here's the pig I have sex with when
you have a headache, darling", he said.
His wife looked up and said, "I think you mean sheep."
He looked at her and said, "I think I wasn't talking to you."

Cold, but hysterical!

Quote:

Originally posted by Honda_X

A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve food here."

u still on that Honda???

A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a beer- bartender says "sorry but we dont serve strings in here"

The piece of string goes outside the bar mess's up his hair and goes back in the bar and orders a beer-

bartender says "hey aren't you that piece of string i just told to get lost?"


Piece of string says "no, im afraid not"








now get my beer BIOTCH!

The Dress

A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house. She knocked on the
door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her
daughter-in-law laying on the
couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume
filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the Daughter-in-law
answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Mike loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to
no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes
romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put
on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, laid on
the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came
home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?

.if girls with big tits work at Hooters...where do people with one leg work?

IHOP

Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the pool?

A: Bob.

Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your door?

A: Matt.

Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?

A: Art.