lmao there is some good 1s there keep them coming
- Goto:
- Go
ThreadKiller 15 years ago
Faced with some of the world's strictest anti-drug laws, some
addicts in Malaysia are sniffing fresh cow dung to get high. An
official at the National Narcotics Agency said the problem was small
but growing among addicts who cannot buy drugs.
Trade Minister Rafidah Aziz was quoted in The New Straits Times
newspaper on Wednesday as saying she wanted the government to deal
with addicts who sniff cow dung, glue and even polystyrene smoke.
She did not elaborate.
"The cow dung emits gases like sulfur, and addicts sniff on these
gases to get high," the official at the agency said on condition of
anonymity.
Despite harsh anti-narcotics laws that call for death by hanging for
drug traffickers, Malaysia does not have legislation to cover such
acts as cow dung sniffing, the official said.
"The problem is not very serious yet, but we are worried as this
method means addicts can get high for free," the official said.
Wow man this is some good shit.
ThreadKiller 15 years ago
Two Columbia Yuppies, neighbors for years, were constantly trying to
"out-status" each other, The first man mentioned that his daughter
had just been accepted at Vassar.
"That's nice," replied the other, "but the main thing the girls
really learn there is fornication."
The first man became irate and said, "I'll have you know my wife
attended Vassar!"
The neighbor smiled and said, "Take it from me pal, she certainly
could use a refresher course."
========================
I know this woman ...
Husband, upon meeting ex- after two years of separation: "Listen
honey, just for old time's sake, why don't we have a leisurely
dinner, share a few glasses of fine wine, go to my apartment and
really make love?"
Ex-: "Over my dead body!"
Husband: "There you go! - You haven't changed a bit"
"out-status" each other, The first man mentioned that his daughter
had just been accepted at Vassar.
"That's nice," replied the other, "but the main thing the girls
really learn there is fornication."
The first man became irate and said, "I'll have you know my wife
attended Vassar!"
The neighbor smiled and said, "Take it from me pal, she certainly
could use a refresher course."
========================
I know this woman ...
Husband, upon meeting ex- after two years of separation: "Listen
honey, just for old time's sake, why don't we have a leisurely
dinner, share a few glasses of fine wine, go to my apartment and
really make love?"
Ex-: "Over my dead body!"
Husband: "There you go! - You haven't changed a bit"
ThreadKiller 15 years ago
A man with a stuttering problem tries everything he can to stop
stuttering, but he can't. Finally, he goes to a world renowned
doctor for help. The doctor examines him and says "I've found your
problem. Your penis is 12 inches long. It weighs so much it is
pulling on your lungs, causing you to stutter." So the man asks,
"What's he cure, doctor?". To which the doctor replies, "We have to
cut off 6 inches." The man thinks about it, and eager to cure his
stuttering, agrees to the operation. The operation is a success,
and he stops stuttering.
Two months later he calls the doctor and tells him that since he had
the 6 inches cut off, all of his girlfriends have dumped him, and
his love life has gone down the tubes. He wants the doctor to
operate to put back the six inches. Not hearing anything on the
line, he repeats himself, "Hey doc, didn't you hear me? I want my 6
inches back!" Finally, the doctor responds, "F-f-f-f-f-f-uck
Y-y-you!
stuttering, but he can't. Finally, he goes to a world renowned
doctor for help. The doctor examines him and says "I've found your
problem. Your penis is 12 inches long. It weighs so much it is
pulling on your lungs, causing you to stutter." So the man asks,
"What's he cure, doctor?". To which the doctor replies, "We have to
cut off 6 inches." The man thinks about it, and eager to cure his
stuttering, agrees to the operation. The operation is a success,
and he stops stuttering.
Two months later he calls the doctor and tells him that since he had
the 6 inches cut off, all of his girlfriends have dumped him, and
his love life has gone down the tubes. He wants the doctor to
operate to put back the six inches. Not hearing anything on the
line, he repeats himself, "Hey doc, didn't you hear me? I want my 6
inches back!" Finally, the doctor responds, "F-f-f-f-f-f-uck
Y-y-you!
ThreadKiller 15 years ago
A sexy blonde walked into the doctor's waiting room and couldn't
find an empty seat anywhere. Finally, she walks over to one
gentleman that was sitting down, and said, "I wonder if I might
trouble you for your seat. You see, I'm pregnant."
The gentleman groaned, coming to his feet and offering the lady his
seat.
As the young lady sat down, the man looked her over and said, "You
know, if you hadn't told me, I never would have guessed you were
pregnant. How far along are you?"
Looking at her watch, she replied, "Oh, about a half an hour!"
find an empty seat anywhere. Finally, she walks over to one
gentleman that was sitting down, and said, "I wonder if I might
trouble you for your seat. You see, I'm pregnant."
The gentleman groaned, coming to his feet and offering the lady his
seat.
As the young lady sat down, the man looked her over and said, "You
know, if you hadn't told me, I never would have guessed you were
pregnant. How far along are you?"
Looking at her watch, she replied, "Oh, about a half an hour!"
SydneySinbad 15 years ago
Dear Dr. Phil,
When I retired,I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favorite pastime -- trout fishing.
I got my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing.
Finally, one day at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam the shop owner who it turned out loves trout fishing as much as I do. We quickly became fishing buddies.
As I said the wife doesn't care about fishing. She not only refuses to join us she always complains that I spend too much time fishing.
A few weeks ago Sam and I had the best fishing trip ever. Not only did I catch the most beautiful trout you've ever seen,only a few minutes later Sam must have caught his twin brother!
So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nice trout that we caught and showed the picture to the wife hoping that maybe she'd get interested.
Instead she says she doesn't want me to go fishing at all anymore!
And she wants me to sell the boat! I think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself.
What would you do? Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists?
Thanks.
P.S. Enclosed is a picture of Sam with the two trout we caught.
Dear Fisherman,
Get rid of that narrow minded wife.
That's a nice pair of trout!
Sincerely,
Dr. Phil
ThreadKiller 15 years ago
The Librarian
"Do you have any books on how to get organized?"
"Probably, but I have no idea where they are."
"Do you have any books on deafness?"
"What?"
"Do you have any books on nepotism?"
"Ask my husband; he's the head librarian."
"Do you have any books on apathy?"
"I don't know and I don't care."
"Do you have any books on De Sade?"
"Beats me."
"Do you have any books on goat breeding?"
"Are you kidding?"
"Do you have any books on building self-esteem?
"
"Not for stupid, ugly people like you!"
"Do you have any books on phobias?"
"I'm afraid not."
"Do you have any books on psychiatry?"
"What do you think?"
"Yes, they're on the shelf over there."
"Do you have any books on ESP?"
"Do you have any books on Chinese shipping?"
"Oh, no; we don't handle that junk."
"Do you have any books on procrastination?"
"No, we haven't gotten around to ordering them yet."
"Do you have any books on the Navy?"
"Yes, 'Over There,' with the the blue jackets,"
"Do you have any books on orgasms?"
"Yes, come with me."
"Do you have any books on electricity?"
"Watt we have is not current, but might shed some light on the
subject. Wire you asking?"
"Do you have any books on how to get organized?"
"Probably, but I have no idea where they are."
"Do you have any books on deafness?"
"What?"
"Do you have any books on nepotism?"
"Ask my husband; he's the head librarian."
"Do you have any books on apathy?"
"I don't know and I don't care."
"Do you have any books on De Sade?"
"Beats me."
"Do you have any books on goat breeding?"
"Are you kidding?"
"Do you have any books on building self-esteem?
"
"Not for stupid, ugly people like you!"
"Do you have any books on phobias?"
"I'm afraid not."
"Do you have any books on psychiatry?"
"What do you think?"
"Yes, they're on the shelf over there."
"Do you have any books on ESP?"
"Do you have any books on Chinese shipping?"
"Oh, no; we don't handle that junk."
"Do you have any books on procrastination?"
"No, we haven't gotten around to ordering them yet."
"Do you have any books on the Navy?"
"Yes, 'Over There,' with the the blue jackets,"
"Do you have any books on orgasms?"
"Yes, come with me."
"Do you have any books on electricity?"
"Watt we have is not current, but might shed some light on the
subject. Wire you asking?"
SydneySinbad 15 years ago
A Repost, but a good one!
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He
rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no
time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be
eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger
so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and
listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff!.
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He
rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no
time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be
eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger
so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and
listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff!.
SydneySinbad 15 years ago
If this does not touch your heart, then you just don't have one.....
An incredible story of luck and inspiration!
Can you believe it? This guy wins $181 million in the lottery last Wednesday, and then finds the love of his life just 2 days later.
Talk about LUCK!
An incredible story of luck and inspiration!
Can you believe it? This guy wins $181 million in the lottery last Wednesday, and then finds the love of his life just 2 days later.
Talk about LUCK!
tingtong29 15 years ago
Quote:
Originally posted by SydneySinbad
If this does not touch your heart, then you just don't have one.....
An incredible story of luck and inspiration!
[ Link ]
Can you believe it? This guy wins $181 million in the lottery last Wednesday, and then finds the love of his life just 2 days later.
Talk about LUCK!
lmao like it
SydneySinbad 15 years ago
Baby's First Doctor's Visit:
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied.
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but gee I'm glad I came...............
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied.
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but gee I'm glad I came...............
SydneySinbad 15 years ago
Female Aliens:
Female aliens are invading the Earth and kidnapping men with big cocks.....
you're not in any danger, I just Posted this here to say goodbye.
Female aliens are invading the Earth and kidnapping men with big cocks.....
you're not in any danger, I just Posted this here to say goodbye.
Notech_The_Abbot 15 years ago
I know because I do have a "Big Cock"
and I'm keeping him close!What do they want with big roosters ?
hiproof 15 years ago
Girl: "Doctor, these hormones you gave me are making hair grow on my chest."
Doctor: "Interesting. How far down does the hair go?"
Girl: "Clear down to my nuts. And that's another thing ..."
Doctor: "Interesting. How far down does the hair go?"
Girl: "Clear down to my nuts. And that's another thing ..."
SydneySinbad 15 years ago
Amish:
An Amish farmer walking through his field notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.
The Amish man shouts:
"Trinken Sie nicht das Wasser, die Kuhe und die Schweine haben in ihm geschissen!"
Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows and the pigs have shit in it!"
The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand your gibberish. Speak English, infidel!"
The Amish man shouts back in English:
"Use two hands, you'll get more!"
An Amish farmer walking through his field notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.
The Amish man shouts:
"Trinken Sie nicht das Wasser, die Kuhe und die Schweine haben in ihm geschissen!"
Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows and the pigs have shit in it!"
The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand your gibberish. Speak English, infidel!"
The Amish man shouts back in English:
"Use two hands, you'll get more!"
- Goto:
- Go
