Study Lab(ia) - Let's learn from each other

Here we see a specimen fully prepped and placed in position for an in-depth inspection.

To close our lesson for today, we see a richly colored specimen that has recently undergone a pollination process and the pollen has been ejected from the flower. A smooth, cleaning caress, as demonstrated, is often appreciated.



This concludes today's lesson. Thank you for your attendance.

The next lesson - Handling Techniques

professor, can we do a study on pollinated flowers?

Pulpfriction. Patience my friend, patience.... it's all in the plan.

Pollination Techniques and Evidence of Pollination are both in the works.

Prof, you know of course that if you teach a Masters class like this you can't miss a day right?

Lesson VIII - Pre-pollination

As noted repeatedly in prior lessons, the Labia Pleasurabilias, is a complicated flower. While no flower can deliver such satisfying results, it can be a project that confounds even the most dedicated horticulturalist. What does the Labia Want? That is the question that gardeners have been asking for eons, and while some growers do seem to have a special touch, none are the same, and one must always remember, the Labia is always right. Remembering this one simple fact will almost assuredly produce results that satisfy the frustrated culturalist. Today's photo essay will demonstrate certain handling techniques that may aid in preparing the flower for reproductive activities. This is one flower that when treated appropriately will often allow the gardener to practice pollination, without any real intent of reproducing the species. It is a unique trait among flora and fauna of all types, and assuredly the one single trait that makes this flower so desirable as a house plant. Some are even receptive to practicing with multiple gardeners, though they are not particularly common, and great care should be taken when playing in another's garden. Not only are there potential emotional ramifications, but thine own flowers may shut down entirely if such additional playtime is discovered. Perhaps the most devastating result may be the spread of disease from one garden to another, which can be financially devastating, and potentially deadly. Great caution is urged should one decide to play in multiple gardens.


First allow the professor to state that in his own personal experience, taking a lovely flower, like that shown below, to the beach, the mixture of sun, sand, water and relaxation combine to have a magical effect upon flowers. The combination of these elements have resulted in unparalleled cooperation between the professor and his flower of choice.





Any student that finds themselves in a position where such lovely flowers as these are combined with a delightful beach environment, the student is in for a memorable experience, indeed.






While there is no outward appearance that these flowers are ready for reproductive activities, be they real or pretend, I assure you that there is an evening of exceptional memories just brewing to be made.

Here we see a basic example of the flower spread, fingers in position, and flower is ready for some gentle caress or licking. Note the tiny pearl of juices collected at the base of the flower. This is what you want to see.




Several more pictures of similar preparedness

Between the fingers you will note a tiny pearl of pink flesh that has escaped from it's shroud. Pay special attention to this precious gem.




A close up of a similar treasure, near the top of the photo. This is the primary spot from which all further enjoyment will spring forth. A gardener may play with a flower several times without providing special attention to this sweet-spot, but too many times, and gardening rights may erode. Treat this little pearl properly, and it will beg for more.





Demonstration of a basic upward licking technique. Do not hesitate to experiment with various means of implementation.

Directing varying streams of water jets upon the flower, one may illicit squeals of enjoyment.




After touching the flower with gentle means, it is possible to move on to various gardening tools often used to further prime the flower for enhanced pollination.





While some gardeners think that inserting the tool into the flower produces pleasure, most flowers respond better to a tool that is rubbed on the pearl. Here we see evidence that the technique is effective.

This flower has been sufficiently primed, and is ready for just about anything the gardener can throw at it.




Here we see the flower readily opening itself to the gardener's desires.






Some flowers are quite receptive to handling of the Gluteous Exitous Port. In fact, while many flowers react with strong aversion to intial attempts by the gardener to investigate this southerly opening, when attempted with great patience, gentleness and care, even the most prudish of flowers may find a door of exhaltation, never known to exist.

Before attempting to play too deeply in the lower porthole, it is absolutely critical that the caretaker utilize a liberal quantity of a good commercially available lubricant.




Once properly prepared, primed, tuned and relaxed, the southern port can make good pollination practice (always wash well before actual pollination attempts)

This concludes today's lesson. Follow these instructions, experiment on your own, and you will be left with a very happy flower, and well worn gardening tools.






Next lesson - Pollination Techniques

The following flowers are provided for after hour study purposes, as a supplement to Lesson VIII