She's pregnant

OK, I just found out this week that I may have gotten a girl pregnant. I've read tons of information about this stuff but I would like to here what you lovely people think about it. I'm freakin' out, man! Here's the situation:

I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 4+ years. I love her to death but we were having problems with her excessive drinking but that's a whole other story. A month ago, I was talking to one of my old friends from high school. We went on a date and the next weekend I came to visit her. We ended up having sex but I got totally creeped-out by the experience and have talked to her once since then, not until last week. She told me she was on birth control when I asked her (we'd already started to fuck. I know<-stupid!) and I asked her if she was sure it was ok. She said yes and I trusted that she had been taking it as directed. Last week, she told me she got a slightly + result on a pregnancy test and that we should go to plan parenthood together. I was relieved that she felt that way, I was in no position to raise a kid. I told her not to freak out just take a piss test at a doctor's office to be sure. She did and she is pregnant.

Now she is saying that she wants to keep the baby. She already has a 3 year old boy who is being raised without a father. It's heartbreaking. She has a high school education with an ok job but I don't think she can support two kids. I am 24 and a senior in college. I've got one semester left before I graduate. I have no job and can barely support myself. I live off student loans and have accrued an already massive debt. I was planning on going to graduate school.

I really think that bringing a child into the world in this situation is wrong. I have no feelings for this girl. I think she's emotionally unstable and so am I. I don't want a kid to be raised this way because I went through some of the same shit growing up. I don't think we would be able to adequately provide for a kid; emotionally or financially. I also live in another city. It's definitely the wrong time with the wrong person.

I don't want to pressure her into getting an abortion when she doesn't want one. I think she's crazy and could possibly have lied to me about the birth control in an effort to have my kid. I can't raise a child and I don't want her raising it either. She's currently 6 weeks pregnant. She says she won't ask me for anything but I don't want that kind of life for the child. Anyone have any advice or can relate? Any personal stories about this are appreciated.

Dude in my opion you need to do everything you can to convince her to get an abortion, this may not be the most popular option but I know women who have said the same exact thing until the guy meets someone else and starts to get serious, then the baby momma takes your ass to court and your paying child support for the next 18+ years. In the US she has all the right to have the kid and take you to court, have a friend who is stuck in the same situation.

Seriously man i keep thinking about things you should do, or should consider, and i can't think of anything that wouldn't hurt you in any ways.

All i can suggest is to take the time to think about every options, and take the one that would hurt you (you, her, the baby) the less...

Sorry but this is way over my knowledge =/

Yeah, I've definitely thought about that. She said she won't even put my name on the birth certificate but still. I've considered her asking if we could sign an affidavit waiving my parental rights and responsibilities but that may piss her off. The thing with abortion is that if she feels pressured into it, it can cause some serious emotional problems afterwards. She didn't seem to have an moral dilemmas about it when she first brought it up.

Personally, I feel that it's morally wrong to bring a kid up this way. Even if I land a good job and can help support it, I won't be around to help raise it. I don't want any kind of relationship with this girl. I thought I made that pretty obvious to her and I don't really understand why she wants to keep it. It's going to make shit harder for her and the kid she already has.

it's going to cost you

Quote:

Originally posted by lambie

it's going to cost you

No shit.

At the very least, I hope this story makes everyone realize not to trust someone else to take care of birth control. This was the first time I've ever had what I would consider casual sex. It fucking sucks.

I wouldn't encourage an abortion nor would I walk away from a baby that I created - even if you don't want a relationship with her. I know it's overwhelming, scary, embarassing, inconvenient, etc., etc., but it is a baby with half of your genes. Because this girl has issues is all the more reason why you need to be involved in this baby's life. If she has this baby and you get involved, you will realize that being a father is the hardest, most rewarding, noblest role in the world. Having said that, I'd talk with an attorney so you can protect yourself from being taken advantage of.

In my experience you should convince her to go ahead with the termination of the pregnancy.This is not a relationship.You are not ready to be a Father.Short term pain long term gain-for all.Next time wear a johnny it might save your life.

I wouldn't try to convince her to have an abortion. I mean you have some say, but if she wants it than you shouldnt ask her to get rid of her child. To be honest you really can't do shit. All you can do is care for the child and prepare yourself for whatever happens. I would see if she wants to put it up for adoption.

Fake your own death, something with aliens or robots should do nicely?


Honestly dude this stuff is kinda over my head and i have nothing useful to say, i thought that little joke might give you a bit of a chuckle..im not trying to be an asshole. Best of luck on whatever you guys decide.

SOMETHING MAKES NO SENSE....YOU SAID SHE WAS 6 WEEKS PREGNANT...BUT YOU FIRST TALKED TO HER A MONTH AGO...AND THEN HAD SEX A WEEK AFTER THAT.....YOU SURE THIS COULD BE YOUR CHILD?

Im a father of a 2 ys son. I broke with the mother when my son had 6 month and it costed me 15000$ layer to have the custody half the time. I wasnt in love with her during the relation and the pregnancy was an accident. The mother wanted my death and she tryed anything she could to put me down. I can tell you one thing. You cant do anything about the decision she will take. You have to think of a way to protect yourself in a financial point of view. Tought, keep in mind that a child need love, support but money is not part of it. My son is the most beautiful kid in the world (for my personnal opinion lol)and everytime I see him play, or talk, I remember why I fought so hard. If she stay pregnant, stay around, because otherwise, you will miss the chance to know your child. If she abort, then fine, life go on...

Don't tell her to get an abortion. That's ridiculous. If she wants the kid, let her have it. Go to a lawyer, have him write up papers to release you from parental rights & responsibilities & have her sign it. If she won't, sucks for you. You'll get to pay child support & have a kid of yours grow up in this world without their father.

1. Do a DNA test on the fetus.
2. If it's yours own up to it and be a man. All I hear is you sniveling like a little boy trying to get out of being blamed for breaking the cookie jar.

1) She can not absolve you of responsibility for the child. No court in the world will allow that as it isn't her rights she is giving up, it is the childs rights.

2) DO NOT AGREE TO BE THE FATHER!!!!! Make her prove it. She may be using you as a meal ticket. Talk to a lawyer if she keeps it up and have him send her a letter stating that if she attempts to make you the father she will ahve to go to court to prove it.

3) Do not believe that shit about "I won't ask for anything." She can't do that. If she ever winds up going for welfare she will have to cough up a name to collect from.

4) Doesn't matter how you feel now or if you want a kid. You made the bed and now you have to lie in it. She has all of the rights regarding abortion and in some states it is illegal to make any threats or use any form of coercion to get her to abort.

Quote:

Originally posted by HOMER62

SOMETHING MAKES NO SENSE....YOU SAID SHE WAS 6 WEEKS PREGNANT...BUT YOU FIRST TALKED TO HER A MONTH AGO...AND THEN HAD SEX A WEEK AFTER THAT.....YOU SURE THIS COULD BE YOUR CHILD?

I'm pretty sure it's mine. She said she had a period in between the last time she had sex and I was the last one. Of course, she could be lying. It was around a week and a half longer than exactly a month ago.

Quote:

Originally posted by trailboss49

1. Do a DNA test on the fetus.
2. If it's yours own up to it and be a man. All I hear is you sniveling like a little boy trying to get out of being blamed for breaking the cookie jar.

I admit that my intentions are somewhat on the selfish side. Mainly, this isn't how I want to bring up a kid in the world. Yeah, I realize I've fucked up and now have to pay for it. I'll accept the responsibilities but I'm not going to be there with her to raise it. If anything, it will be me paying child support if she wants and seeing my child every other weekend or some shit. I just don't want that. If it had been my ex-girlfriend or someone that I actually cared about it would be a completely different story.

Besides, I just learned about all this stuff so it's a little disconcerting.

Oh, and thanks for all the help. Keep it coming.

A DNA test is definately on the cards here, as it sounds like you don't fully trust her word, or you have a doubt at least. You could save yourself a boatload of trouble.

Don't try and convince her to have an abortion. If she wants to do that she will, but if she's wanting to keep it then that idea will be farthest from her mind. Plus you'll feel very shitty later on for even thinking that if it turns out you will love this child.

It's too late for the 'this isn't the right situation' bullshit. You are gonna have to roll with the punches now. Life is tough, especially in this kind of situation. Just remember to cover your own ass wherever possible and don't offer more than you need to because some single mums will take you for all they can.

Don't waive your parental rights or anything like that (if that's even legal). You don't know how you may feel a few years down the line, knowing you have a biological child that you can't see. You're still young and in time you may look on this a different way.

You may not end up being the ideal father, but I say it's better to not be there all the time, be out of reach some of the time and be missing and loving your child all of the time than to not be there at all. I don't care what anyone thinks of me except my son. He is the only person that can judge me.

it will probably cost you emotionally and financially, grad school should still be possible as i am sure they can't charge you too much child support when you have no job. a large number of pregnancies self terminate before 12 weeks, so relax a little and save the panic for week 12 when the odds go dramaticly up on the pregnancy going to term.

It is her body tho so as far as abortions go that is up to her.

relax, breathe and realize being a dad is not a bad thing if that is what it comes to. how you feel now is a ton diffent then how you will feel after you hold him/her for the first time. you will be supprised what you are capable of, when the time comes.

you will grow up quick, and you will want to be the best father you can be. life is going to change, but things always have a way of working out the way they should.

good luck, sack up, and grow up. you are a man now, you have a month or two to get used to the concept, then you have to act like one.