Dirty nursery rhymes, limmericks..ect...

There was a young man from Rangoon
Who was born nine months too soon!
He did not have the luck
To be born by a fuck
He was scraped from the sheets with a spoon.

There once was a son-of-a-bitch
Neither clever, handsome, nor rich
Yet the girls he would dazzle
And fuck to a frazzle
And then ditch them, that son-of-a-bitch!

There once was a man from Ely
Who pounded his pud with great feeling
And then like a trout
He would open his mouth
And wait for the drop from the ceiling.

There once was a young man from Peru
Who fell asleep while in his canoe
He dreamt of Venus
And played with his penis
And awoke in a boat full of goo!

There once was a whore named Maureen
Who didn't keep her cunt very clean
The semen dripped out
Of her smelly old spout
Which she scrapped up and ate with saltines.

There was a young lady named Sue
Who preferred a stiff drink to a screw
But one leads to another
And now she's a mother:
Let this be a lesson to you!

There once was a young man named McBride
Who could fart whenever he tried
In a contest he blew
Two thousand and two
And then shit and was disqualified.

There once was a vampire named Mable
Whose period was quite unstable.
She picked up a glass,
Held it up to her ass
And drank herself under the table!

...fucking great limmericks!!...keep em comin'

Said Otto, the ghost of the castle,
As he fiddled with his tassel:
“ This chain-rattling’s old,
With no clothes I catch cold.
What I need is a she-ghost to rassle.”

There was a young woman from Cheyenne
With a horrible loathing for men.
Instead ‘twas her pleasure,
In moments of leisure,
To gentle herself with a pen.

A certain young lady named Freitas
Developed an anal pruritis,
The result (thus her claim)
Of her boyfriend’s bad aim,
On repeated attempts at coitus.

An Italian painter named Giotto
Seduced an old nun in a grotto.
To her shriveled-up cunny
He preferred her fat bunny:
“Any port in a storm!” was his motto.

There once was a man named Ray
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay
But the heat of his prick
Turned the clay into brick
And tore all his foreskin away

there was a young man from Spleen
who invented a wanking machine
on the 99th stroke
the fucking thing broke
and whiped his balls to cream

Here's to the girl named Louise
Who's pubic hair hung to her knees
the crabs came together,
and knitted a sweater
so in Winter her cunt would not freeze!

I know of a horny boy Matt
Who played with a vampire bat
With his dick in his hand
His voice did command
"Try sucking the blood out of that!"

My dorky ex-roommate Pierre
Once fell asleep in my chair
I pulled out my unit
Proceeded to tune it
And fired my load in his hair

There was an old woman from Leith
Who would circumcise men with her teeth
It wasn`t for fame,
or love of the game
but to get at the cheese underneath.

There was a young girl of the Azores
Whose cunt was covered in sores
The dogs in the street
Wouldn't eat the green meat
That hung in festoons from her drawers