Opinion boys...can it work again? Thanks everyone for the advice!

move on brother

If after 6 years the two of you didn't get married. Then dude it's over just move on.

I feel your pain, but move on, wrap your rascal, find a woman that is meant for you. You will get over this one. Also, post nude pics of her here! That will teach her!

How can you love her and hope to be with her if you can't trust her? Please take no offense, but you're a fool if you can't see that the only way to salvage your life an' keep your self-respect (not to mention your sanity) is to MOVE ON....your relationship with her is damaged goods, and cannot be repaired...
Oh, you could soldier on for a while in delusional doormat mode, but ultimately, you'll end up leaving and hating yourself for not having done so sooner, before more damage was done.
Time to kick th' tires, light th' fires, an' head off into th' wild blue yonder !!!

Its hard to do but you have to move on. The relationship will never be the same again (and probably never how you want it to be). It was her decision to do what she did, and its not fair of her to ask you to wait around why she's fucking about.
The best thing you can do is to spend more time with your friends have a good time and not think about relationships with anybody. you always find somebody when your not expecting to.
Trust me I know from experience

bro...TRUST is the key word in a relationship...after she did you that way its easy to see that you dont trust her...if you did get back together you'd always have that little nagging doubt...especially if the 2 of you were seperated for any length of time. Save yourself the added pain and call it quits...it hurts like hell right now...but it hurts a hell of a lot more if you go back and it happens again...take from one who has suffered that experience...btw...the girl i had this issue with...we WERE engaged at the time
ps
grab a cold one and a warm soft shoulder to cry on...that helps!

I know what you mean, truct would be a major major issue. She said that it is something that she wants to work on in , to gain my trust back, even just as a friend. If she did go away to visit again, I would have doubts for sure, and that's not healthy. As for why we didn't get married after 6 years, we did live like a married couple for 3 years, anyway it's done now. I wonder how she is handling her new situation, knowing that the guy has cheated at least twice before. She used to ask me where I'd been (in a friendly way, not accusing but also curious who I was out with) , and she knew she had nothing to worry about with me messing around. I'm sure when the "honeymoon" phase dies down, there will be doubts about who he is out with, where he was etc. He is younger and will be around younger girls, she will be stressing no doubt, and trying to keep his interest somehow, it'll be funny. I guess I see more and more how unworkable this situation is right now. I am going to move on for sure, but you can never say never as well, I'm not going to burn any bridges on this end. I'll be friendly and chat to her when I feel like, but I'll keep the conversation light. She'll want to know what I am up to and if I'm seeing anyone, and I'm not going to give too much info away. She said she wanted to stay in touch with email, phone and webcam before she left (saying all the I miss you / I love you/ we'll be together agains before she left), and now that she is over there and 'occupied' , she's not in touch as much. Once they have their first argument or she has trouble trusting him, she'll be on the phone to me trying to see if she still has the attention of two guys just to know it's still there, I'm not giving her that safety feeling. My friends have been really great through this, which has been a huge help, having a new job that I love helps too.

Sounds like your going to do well. I hope you find some woman worthy of your trust.

Man after 7 pages of advice, you should at least post some pics of her. That could make all the difference! Nah, move on. If it's happened one, it'll happen again.
*note to self, I should take my own advice*

Well it looks like this post has run it's course. Thanks so much everyone for the words of wisdom. I'm backing off the contact with her now that we are in different countries. If she calls I'll be friendly and keep the conversation light. She'll want details of how my life is going and if I'm going out (meeting girls) , and I don't plan on giving any specifics. When she has her first argument, or worries about this guy's fidelity, she'll call no doubt. She'll probably call when drunk, and try and get and ego boost wanting to hear that I'm thinking about her etc, not happening. I've had her, and I had the best of her. I told her my best was yet to come in life, and she is worried about missing out on that because, although it took a while, I HAVE been getting my shit together and starting a nice future for me. I also want to get my independence back, I think I lost a bit of that being with her. I want to enter any relationship wanting to, not needing to. I also have to see that I don't HAVE to be with someone, being on my own has it's benfits too. Reading all of the posts has been great, truly. Some great advice and the kindest of thoughts. The generousity and kindness of strangers shouldn't be underestimated, thanks boys.

Well Burger buddy, I think this chick was probably a REAL learning experience for you. Now You have to trust your gut. I know Many people (Me being one of them) that have had a bad gut feeling about a relationship and try and talk themselves into thinking it will all turn out in the end. It probably wont. So I would get over her , and the best way to do that is get another FINE piece of Chicken. And even better SEND US NUDE PICS OF YOUR EX. We will all LOVE you for that.

I agree with thuri, move on. There are so many good chicks out there that you can build a lifetime with. I had a GF of 6 years once that was wonderful. I still think about her sometimes, but I couldn't trust her. I don't miss that at all. I married a beautiful girl that I totally trust. WE have be married 8 years and I have never doubted her. Believe me, you have to have trust or you will always be looking over you shoulder and never be truely happy. Been there, done that.

haha your such a fucking pussy.

p.s yeah i'm an asshole but only because i'm brutally honest..... pussy.

Brutal honesty can be a good thing, I don't think enough people tell it like it is these days, so it's good to hear people's unedited thoughts. Even people's brutal honesty isn't all that harsh, I needed to hear some of that stuff for a bit of a reality check. I've always been an optmistic and positive person, but unless trust is miraculously restored, there is probably no chance for us in the future. I don't want to be worrying where she is and with who, trust is the basis of everything in relationships. That's why I think it'll be funny with two people who have cheated coming together to start a relationship, she won't trust him 100 percent as he has cheated to meet his previous two girlfriends, he'll probably charm her into trusting him. Knowing he has a wandering eye will play on her mind, and she'll probably appreciate what we had because of that.

No relationship is a waste though. As I'm sure you realise, every relationship, good or bad, teaches you something that you can carry forward to make the next one even better

Quote:

Originally posted by _Prowl_

No relationship is a waste though. As I'm sure you realise, every relationship, good or bad, teaches you something that you can carry forward to make the next one even better

Very very true Prowl. That's another thing my ex is worried about. I told her that I would learn from our last 6 years, and the next girl that came along would be very lucky. She is worried that someone else will get the best of me, which they will.

She wants to bang somebody else. She doesn't want to bang you. She just wants to make sure you're there to be her towel boy to clean up the mess when the other dude unleashes his load all over her face.

Picture it. Let it make you angry. Use that anger to keep you from doing something stupid, like getting back together with her.

Or clean up the mess some other guy made on her face. Your choice.

Quote:

Originally posted by jombuto

She wants to bang somebody else. She doesn't want to bang you. She just wants to make sure you're there to be her towel boy to clean up the mess when the other dude unleashes his load all over her face.

Picture it. Let it make you angry. Use that anger to keep you from doing something stupid, like getting back together with her.

Or clean up the mess some other guy made on her face. Your choice.

Interesting way of looking at it. She isn't driven by sex, I think this was driven by attention from another guy, who is younger, she was probably quite flattered by the whole thing and ran with it. We spent lots of time together just before she left, where we hooked up many times, while still in touch with the other guy. He has no idea that she and I did what we did before she left, and I don't expect her to tell him. He was probably waiting for her to arrive, and we were doing all kinds of stuff. She said that her next relationship would be open and honest, and this new one has already started badly as he has no clue about the stuff we got up to, not that I give a shit .The way I look at it, I had her, in every which way from when she was 21 to 28. What she does now is her business, but I do get a smile knowing that she left here with huge feelings for me, and we had a crazy last night together, and this guy thinks she hasn't done anything since they were together 8 weeks ago.

I do picture things, but they don't make me angry jombuto. They just make me know that she has really changed in the last months, tha I must do better, and this dishonesty is a new thing that I don't like. To start a new relationship between two cheaters by lying and not telling her new man that we had sex lots before she left can't be healthy. I don't think she trusts him 100 percent as he has a repeat cheater, is younger, and a ladies man I think. She is self concious, but he is probably saying all the right things to get her into bed. Like I said it's all very flattering for her no doubt, the attention of a younger guy who is saying all the things she wants to hear, I wonder how long it'll last. Once the novelty wears off, or a first argument or first hard time comes up, or she has trouble with her family ( which happens a bit) the strength of this thing will show itself if he backs off during the tough times. I'm not overly worried as I'll be long gone!

Quote:

Originally posted by Tozam

haha your such a fucking pussy.

p.s yeah i'm an asshole but only because i'm brutally honest..... pussy.

Was that for me? I don't think I'm being a pussy

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