Opinion boys...can it work again? Thanks everyone for the advice!

Quote:

Originally posted by rosebud68

You're like the Forest Gump to her Jenny. Keep the faith, partner, and it'll all work out fine in the end.

what a bunch of romanticized crap!!!

i'm 59 yrs old....... divorced 4 times........i've been around....you want experienced advice???????

RUN FORREST, RUN!!!!

leave this chick far behind.....there are plenty more ahead

& send pics!!

az

I had a long term girlfriend, about 3 or so years, we broke up because we were dealingl with a long distance relationship and it was getting to much for both of us. When we broke up It was over and we both accepted that it was time to be on our own.. We kept in touch every couple months just to say hi and stuff. After about a year, she moved near me. We started hanging out again and realized from our time apart, that we were meant to be together. We had both matured, figured out who we were as individuals, and got over all the stupid stuff that we used to put each other through when we were together. We are now married.

I think you have to let her go and move on. If there is true love there, it will find you again.

Good Luck.

I went through something quite similiar. I had a ring, we lived together, planning kids, future, et al. Then she starts crying on Sunday and tells me its not working. I'm too shocked to speak. She drives off for God knows where. 24 hours pass... I blow off work that Monday while contemplating blowing my brains out when early that evening she comes back. She's crying, saying it'll never happen again, I can trust her, the whole litany of apologies and promises. I agree. I take her back. I try to put it out of my mind, tell myself the fact that she came back meant something. But it didn't.


Three days passed. Thursday I went to work, got the kiss goodbye, same old same old.. Walk in the door a 5 PM, with (no shit) a dozen roses in hand... Something feels very wrong. I look around the house. Most of her shit is gone. I literally fracture like a cheap pinata whacked by a Louisville Slugger.

A week goes by and fucked if 'm gonna beg or plead. I was in hell. No phone call. No return. No contact for a week and then only (lol) via email to discuss logistics. Was it a guy or another girl? Fear? Female friend mindgames? The reason doesnt matter. Her actions (and those of your gf) are what count.

Long story short, she wanted to 'take a year apart' and 'see how we (her) feel then'. Of course, I wasnt part of this decision. And, of course, it was up to me whether or not I stuck around so we could 'stay such very good friends'. I couldn't and I didn't. Moved across the country. Sold the ring. Wrote letters for a few months with no response.

That was only a year ago. Still love her. Still miss her. But, I have tried to heed the best advice I have ever been given (by a female friend-friend, no less): You want to be with someone that wants to be with you.

There is so much truth to the cliche 'There is one woman in the world, one woman with many faces'. I certainly have found that to be true. Since last year I have dated many women, ages ranging 25-40 years old. It either 'is' or it 'isnt'. Right now I've got my first gf in a year, not a FWB or a FB or someone to drink with and suck face. But I'm NOT emotionally committing 100%; hell, not even 70%. I'm not screwing around, I'm just letting it be day by day. Only time can tell.

My opinion and experience is this: Anyone can talk a good game in the locker room, in theory. But it's all about what someone shows out on the field. She wants you, great. Cheers! But WTF is she actively doing to demonstrate that? Don't be a fall guy the second time around... Don't be her 'second tier' safe guy in case life doesnt work according to the damned 'Sex in the City' plan.

In the words of 'The Who': Wont get fooled again. Yeah. I'm such a romantic motherfucker, arent I? lol

Best of luck, mate. Really.

She has only come back and told you what she did so she can dump her guilt, and now she has finished with you she can carry on guilt free, she has only said about trying again as an insurance policy in case this doesnt work out for her with the other guy.

If she did it once she will probably do it again, move on, it takes time but you will get over her.

But if you really want to piss her off sleep with her Mom and send her the pics.

you are her rock, she wants you to sit by the wayside in case she cant find anyone better...sorry bro but its the way of life...she already cheated on you once and you will never forget that, and you really cant trust her anymore, time to move on....good luck

She has no integrity and she is using you.

Drop her like a bad habit.

Erase her number from your cell phone, her email address from your computer.

Good luck in finding an honest woman.

I ain't reading this whole thread cause there are to many words. I did read the first post so I am commenting on it only. Go off and do your own thing. You won't be able to forget about her but don't wait on her or look for her ever again. If you happen to bump into her later, then what happens happens. But forget the "love" you had and move on.

Based on my experience with them, even when they look long and lovingly into your eyes and proclaim how
much they love, you have to remember it is only for that moment in time.

They all lie and they all cheat and they will drop you in a heartbeat for a guy with more money.
So when you fall in love, remember this: you can't bank on a future with any chick. What is real is only what you have with her at that moment.

Your experience with this chick (and all the other guys here who have answered your question) proves it.

move on dude... no disrespect but being a backup plan = !! dumbfuck !!

my friend was a backup plan and i told him to move on... = he is happy now with someone mutch more nice.... i dont like her but he is happy...

RUN DUDE RUN!! UR DEALING WITH A NUT CASE.

answer yes yes and not really

yes it can work after a long time.
yes you should move on
no you shouldnt tell her to fuck off but tell her to fuck off.

the only way it will ever work is if you move on. hanging on will guarantee it wont work. so in your mind you have to tell her to fuck off. just dont really tell her.

what her intentions are doesnt really matter cuz shes telling you NO. understand - NO - simple word easy to understand.

So have fun forget about her and maybe someday you will remember her. thats all. peace.

Quote:

Originally posted by burger167

I was (an am) convinced she's my "one".

honestly, if she was your 'one', she wouldnt have cheated on you, it may be hard to swallow right now but its true

I agree with most of us: She's just not that INTO YOU!....there are 1000's of women out there who may be Miss Right....its difficult to release your EXPECTATIONS on this relationship, but imagine TRYING to move forward w/ this gal at all, it cant be mended...damage is done.

Quote:

Originally posted by writerblue

My opinion and experience is this: Anyone can talk a good game in the locker room, in theory. But it's all about what someone shows out on the field. She wants you, great. Cheers! But WTF is she actively doing to demonstrate that?

EXACTLY!

p.s.'writerblue': nice write up, dude.

Quote:

Originally posted by HighGuy

Girlfriend of 6 years goes to the U.S. and cheats on him,
he finds out,
they break up,
they fuck a couple more times before she moves back to the U.S. where the other guy is waiting,
before she leaves, she says she loves him and wants to be with him in the future, not now

Pretty much, she wants him to be there just in case shit doesn't work out with this guy or the (many) others that will follow - he's her back up plan.

He wants to know if it will work out.

I skipped all the other responses (dinner's on the oven and I don't have time to read all of it) but Highguy has it right. Your just a comfortable backup (some would say shmuck) for her if all of her fuck buddies don't work out. Get out there date lots of women. I always thought I'd lost my "one" after a breakup until the next "one" came along. If you happen to be single when she comes crawling back to you and you really do want her, then yeah for you.

Holy Crap, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE RESPONSE!! Also thanks for taking the time to read that post. She knows that she fucked up, and yes it will be hard to trust her again. I don't want to have to worry about where she is, or with who, so trust is a big one. She will be wondering that with this new guy, where he is etc, as he has now cheated to get his last 2 girlfriends, and is 3 years younger(25). She might be worried he'll look for something younger. To someone else's question, no she doesn't have the golden pussy, my previous girlfriend did. She was 25 and I was 18, taught me everything. She will realise the mistake she has made, and most likely I'll be long gone and happier, I've just started on a great new career and plan on saving up for a house,I'm getting fit again and generally getting my shit sorted. She saw this happening before she left and I think second guessed some of her decisions. I'm not sitting around waiting for her, if a nice girl comes up tomorrow, I'd love to have a chat with her. Things will most certainly get better, I just have to get my confidence up after being out of the singles scene for the last 10 years, thankfully I'm only 28, it's still a bit scary though. She will most likely call now and then just to check up on me and see if feelings are still there. And no doubt there will be a drunken "I miss you/want you" call too in the future. I'd like to think I'm better than that. I'll be ok, thanks so much for all the kind words, truly.

KEEP THE COMMENTS COMING IF YOU LIKE. I do notice an overall trend though!

Quote:

Originally posted by azdesertrat

[reply=rosebud68]
You're like the Forest Gump to her Jenny. Keep the faith, partner, and it'll all work out fine in the end.

what a bunch of romanticized crap!!!

i'm 59 yrs old....... divorced 4 times........i've been around....you want experienced advice???????

RUN FORREST, RUN!!!!

leave this chick far behind.....there are plenty more ahead

& send pics!!

az
[/reply]

Please please please never accept relationship advice from someone who has been divorced 4 times! That'd be like employing Dan Quayle as a teacher or asking Glenn Close to look after your rabbit. Or getting Mariah Carey to be a supreme court judge.

Well, Mr. Burger, that's quite a tough story, and I think I know how you feel. Here are some points I picked up from your text:

Quote:

Originally posted by burger167

So here is my question, do you think there\'s a chance that two people could go away for a time and get back together like that?

Absolutely. There's no reason why this can't happen if two people are serious enough about it.

Quote:

Originally posted by burger167

Should I just bury the whole experience with her and move on to someone new?

In all honesty, I would and you should. You could be missing out on a whole new experience with someone else that you could find even more rewarding. There's no sense in just waiting around for her to 'come to her senses' because that may never happen. Just think, if she came back to you, would you trust her every time she flies home to visit her family? To me, once I know someone is capable of something like that, I just can't get it out of my head. I say forgive, but never forget.

Quote:

Originally posted by burger167

She is scared she is making a huge mistake by going back home and breaking up.

Maybe so, but she still did it anyway. She made her decision, and she knew how you woudld feel if she knows you as well as you say she does.

Quote:

Originally posted by burger167

She is also worried that I have a new great job and managing my money better, I might be making the changes she needed me to make, and someone else will benefit.

And why the hell not? We have relationships, they fail, we learn, and we take those experiences forward to the next relationship which is sure to benefit from it! Don't feel guilty if you meet someone new. As you said, you built her up in your mind to be the 'one'. If there truly was only ONE true love for each person, this world would be a much more unhappy place. We thrive on the fact that there are many possible suitable mates out there. Probably in your town/city alone there may be a hundred or more girls that would make you just as happy, if not more. Go meet 'em

Whatever you choose and however you wish to deal with all this, I hope things somehow work out for you, mate

<George W Bush voice>Cut and Run</George W Bush voice> BTW is this one of Jeff's spoofs?

Hi again, firstly, thank you so much Prowl for the well-put advice. Secondly, this is no Jeff prank, I only put my story out there as I have seen there are lots of well-meaning, intelligent guys around here who would give sound advice. Thanks again to all, anyone else who wants to put in is welcome too, although I do see a trend developing here ! Cheers.