...in which EL posts updates from the @DadBoner twitter account.

August 2:

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Really lookin' forward to the weekend, you guys.

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Can't believe we have to work today while Team USA is out there, bustin' their butts for America. The olympics are only on every few years!

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Who knows what event could be on right now? Could be a big one, like babes' beach volleyball. Rockin' their cabooses for freedom. Man.

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Sure, no one cares about stuff like "swimming." But if lying for a few days makes the Subway guy think he didn't waste his life, it's cool.

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Shouldn't be allowed to watch the olympics during the day if you don't have a job. Just stick to Cops for a more realistic inspiration.

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Probably a buncha unemployed idiots headin down to the Y right now, thinkin they'll train for the gold. In what? The Burger King freestyle?

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I'm realistic. I couldn't cut it in the games right now. Maybe if I stuck with the shot put since highschool, but I had a family to raise.

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Gonna go work on my Guy Fieri "Roadhouse" script in the john. When it comes to dreams, ya gotta keep your focus in reality, you guys.

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Wonder if Guy Fieri drove the pace car for the olympic opening ceremony? Must have. Who else would they get? Missed it. So steamed.

Rockin' their cabooses for freedom. Man.

But if lying for a few days makes the Subway guy think he didn't waste his life, it's cool.

Hard...hard lols.

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Originally posted by EricLindros

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Can't believe we have to work today while Team USA is out there, bustin' their butts for America. The olympics are only on every few years!

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Who knows what event could be on right now? Could be a big one, like babes' beach volleyball. Rockin' their cabooses for freedom. Man.

Indeed.

August 3:

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Happy Friday to ya, you guys. Got this bad boy to support Team USA. Wearin' it with pride. (No sleeves for extra pride) http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/mens/shirts_polos/graphic_tees/patriotic/PRD~1103748/Helix+Custom+Parts+Tee.jsp

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Wonder why Stone Cold Steve Austin's never been in the olympics? Woulda loved to see him stun some french corncob back to cheese town.

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When it comes to the USA, even if you beat us on the scoreboard, at the end of the day, man, we still kicked your ass from the start.

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Watched some gymnastics last night. (women's only) They really need to put the ages on the screen to keep the creeps from thinkin' carnally.

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If you tune in to an olympic program, and there's a smokin caboose on the screen, keep your urges in check before havin thoughts, you guys.

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Gals' olympic sports need to have a bar on the bottom of the screen that says, WARNING: UNDERAGE ACTION. KEEP YOUR BRAIN RATED G. NOT COOL.

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One time, Crazy Cooter said, "Old enough to pee, old enough for me." Kinda concerning. Gotta respect the ladies, you guys.

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I like a nice thick and juicy mature babe myself. All natural, aged to perfection, and piled high with all the toppings.

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A true bad boy knows that fat bottomed girls make the rockin' world go 'round, you guys.

Whoops, he's not done for tonight:

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Feel like I could drink a thousand beers right now, you guys. Team USA style.

"I like a nice thick and juicy mature babe myself. All natural, aged to perfection, and piled high with all the toppings. "

Dadboner could be so many of our members.

Saturday August 4:

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Really hurtin'. Feel like I drank a thousand beers last night, you guys.

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Pad is kind of a wreck. Dave said I couldn't have ever gotten into the olympics. Idiot. All you need is training at crap no one wants to do.

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Everyone wants to play NFL. But rowing or some crap like that? Not like there's a big line out the door to devote your life to it for free.

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Told Dave, "If all I did for the last 20 years was train at shot put, pretty sure I'd kickass at shot put. But I didn't 'cause I was busy."

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Dave said, "Put your money where your mouth is then, tough guy." Put down a finski. Had to get it on.

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Filled up the toaster with pennies, taped it shut, and went out on the lawn. Told Dave, "Furthest shot put wins the fiver, kimosabe."

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I went first. Musta thrown the toaster like a mile. Could tell Dave was shakin' in his shoes when he saw I was all man, no filler.

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Dave said, "My sport's the hammer throw. Like Thor." No, it's not. You just like that stupid movie, Dave. Doesn't mean it's your sport.

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Dave grabbed the pennies toaster of glory by the cord and started swingin' it around like a psycho. Looked kinda cool actually.

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Dave let the toaster full o' pennies fly. Went through the back window of somebody's Grand Prix. Ran back in the pad. It was an accident.

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When you throw a toaster filled with pennies through the back window of a Grand Prix, it sounds like it, you guys.

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The Grand Prix was gone this mornin'. Who knows? Coulda been someone up to no good and thought, "Whoa, better get outta here, pronto."

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Gonna have a few cold ones to get loose and conversational. Then stop by Ken's with my Roadhouse DVD and some booze. Guy to guy.

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Originally posted by EricLindros

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Pad is kind of a wreck. Dave said I couldn't have ever gotten into the olympics. Idiot. All you need is training at crap no one wants to do.

[...]

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When you throw a toaster filled with pennies through the back window of a Grand Prix, it sounds like it, you guys.

Some of his Tweets are just golden.
It's like a 10% kinda thing. But straight lol when it comes.

Yeah, there's a lot of filler, and then he drops something excellent right in the middle.

Grand Prix are shitty cars anyway.

I think they're better with a broken window, a toaster, and hundreds of pennies.

Not a GP but close..lol

http://whatboyswant.com/showcar/15078/1/uploadedby/27984

hahhaaha

Awesome of you to have remembered that.

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Originally posted by Honda_X

Not a GP but close..lol

[ Link ]

Obviously the classiest upload in the car section, you guys.

Where are all the bonery updates?

IT'S BEEN FUCKING DAYS!!!

Stop your cuntery. I'm on it.

August 5:

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Stopped by Ken's last night for a guy to guy supreme with my copy of Roadhouse, BL 'Nums, chips n dip. The works, really. Full spread.

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Heard some arguin' in Ken's house. Didn't want to interrupt and make it weird so I hid in the shadows by a window and had a few cold ones.

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Heard Ken's wife say, "We are DONE Ken! There's nothin' more to discuss! You had sex with a MAN! You're gay! This is over!!!" Whoa.

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Ken said, "I told you a million times, it was ONE time before we got married! I was drunk and in a bad place then! I'm not gay!...

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...you said I could tell you ANYTHING! I want us to be together! Please, try to understand, that wasn't me! I wasn't being me!...

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...I should've never told you! And it doesn't make me a bad person! If I could go back and change things I would but I can't!...

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...Just please don't leave me! I love you so much! You're my everything! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Oh my god, please I'm begging you!"

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Ken's wife said, "No Ken, no. I can't be married to a man who might have feelings for other men." Ken yelled, "F@ck you for judging me!"

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Heard a glass break and a door slam, then cryin. Had another cold one in the shadows and split. Figured it probably wasn't "Roadhouse time?"

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Wonder if Ken really got carnal with a guy? Doesn't seem like the type. Not really into fashion. If I was gay, man, I'd take advantage.

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Scarves look badass, but, also look gay. So, if you're gay, might as well look badass with plento of scarves, you guys.

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Told Dave 'bout Ken and his Oo La La wife's fight. He just got all steamed and said, "You were gonna watch Roadhouse without me!?" Idiot.

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Wonder if Ken'll be back at work Monday? Might drop some hints that I'm cool with the gays from coast to coast. (not "down", just "cool"

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This is America, and if you wanna make carnal passions with your peener and another peener, just keep it safely consensual, you guys.

Aug 6:

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No sign of Ken at work. Hope he's ok. Things must be tough when your smokin' wife thinks you dig peener & veggies over chest beefers.

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Feel bad that I tore out all the topless guy 'logne ads outta Ken's Kate Upton GQ. Mighta been his best part? Need to be more considerate.

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If my main man Ken wants to go guy on guy carnally, I'm behind him 100%. Well maybe not "behind him." Ha! Sorry, just some guy humor.

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Don't understand why some folks hate the gays. They're great at all kindsa things, like friendship, olympic sports, advice, anything really.

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Was thinkin' 'bout headin' down to Oakland to check out the new chicken sammy restaurant. Not now, with Ken in these troubled times.

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Heard the Chick Filet guy's got a mean one for the gays. Rich fellas who crave a man's caress get real jealous of others' brave pleasures.

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The Chick Filet guy seems like a rich corncob bully, like Brad Wesley in Roadhouse. Love to get my mitts on him behind the scenes.

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A modern man don't lead life by all the rules of some old bible. That's like readin' 'bout today's athletics in a 1981 Sports Illustrated.

Aug 7:

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The USA put a car on Mars?! Man. So money.

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Between the new Chrysler 300 and us puttin' a car on Mars, it looks like America is back on top of the auto industry, you guys.

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If we can put a car on Mars, I should be able to finish my Guy Fieri "Roadhouse" script. So inspirational. Gonna go write on the toilet.

Aug 8th:

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Finished up the first scene of my Roadhouse remake starring Guy Fieri. Turned out badass. Check it out, you guys: http://flint.craigslist.org/wet/3192431130.html

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Really ridin' high today off my Roadhouse script. Probably how Sly felt after he finished writin' Rocky III. Should send him a copy?

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Headin' to Cold One City, USA. Gonna really do it up. Got a copy of the Roadhouse script in my back pocket. Might show it to some babes.

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Any Babe: "What's in your pocket?" Me: "Just copy of the Roadhouse script I wrote starrin me and Guy Fieri." Any Babe: "Your place or mine?"

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Feel like I could drink a thousand beers right now, you guys.