...in which EL posts updates from the @DadBoner twitter account.

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Originally posted by EricLindros

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Scarves look badass, but, also look gay. So, if you're gay, might as well look badass with plento of scarves, you guys.

Honda doesn't like vagina, and wears scarves. Sounds about right.

Gotta catch up, you guys.

Aug 9th:

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Really lookin' forward to the weekend, you guys.

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Gonna take it easy tonight. Spent most of the day snoozin' in the john. Went kinda bonkers last night. Mighta been too pumped?

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Brought my Roadhouse script to 'Bee's. Figured if there's any movers and shakers in town lookin' for a smash, they'd be there. And, babes.

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Bet the Hollywood 'Bee's is crawlin' with head honchos cuttin' deals left and right. "I'll take the Cajun Shrimp Pasta and... Rambo 6." Man.

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Had the Shrimp 'n Parmesan Sirloin. Succulent grilled shrimp and rich Italian cheeses atop their juicy 9oz. sirloin with garlic mashed.

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Insisted on a booth. (So steamed, had to wait 45 min) That's how Hollywood big shots do it. Feels like a desk. Table for 4. Seating for 1.

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Eatin' a big meal in a booth by yourself at 'Bee's doesn't say, "lonely," it screams, "POWER MOVES", right in your face.

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Musta took down 7 Mucho Margs. Chili's usually gives me the eye, but 'Bee's, man, they'll dump it down your throat and then some.

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Mucho Margs are like Margs, but there's "mucho." So 7 Mucho Margs is alot more Margs than 7. Didn't really have to do the math, you guys.

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Saw a babe with a rockin' caboose at the bar. Went to ask if she wanted to join my private booth. Crashed into a table but played it cool.

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Some kid started yellin' that I knocked his pop on his lap. Told his parents, "Sorry, Mucho Margs." Understandable?

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Did a carnal lean next to the rockin caboose babe. Said, Buy you a cold one, at my private booth? Got out my Roadhouse script. Real casual.

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Told her, "Oh, forgot I had this. It's just my new Roadhouse remake starrin' Guy Fieri and maybe yours truly. No big deal." Looked natural.

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Rockin' caboose said, "I don't know what your talking about. Guy Fieri? That gross creep from the food network?" (?!)

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Told the babe, "You're thinkin' of some other food guy. Guy Fieri's all man. Drives a Camaro. He's probably the #1 chef in the USA."

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Any babe who's not into Guy Fieri on a carnal level, isn't into men at all. That's a fact you don't have to look up, you guys.

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Don't remember much else except for the waitress woke me up in my private 'Bee's booth when they closed. Guess I ate too much.

August 10:

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Man, I got that Friday fever. Where you wanna do everything, and nothing at all, all at once, you guys.

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Dave just called. Said he saw my Roadhouse script on the couch. Didn't believe I wrote it! Thinks it rocks. Man, smilin' so hard.

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Dave thinks we should have a celebraish and all read the different parts of the script. Could be a blast. Maybe invite some babes?

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Might really send my Roadhouse script to Sly Stallone. If Dave thinks it's on point, Sly could too. Dave's seen Cobra a thousand times.

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If the world won't let you in the front, go around back, kick the door down, and act like you were invited, you guys.

August 11:

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Feels like a day to hit a dark bar, drink a thousand cold ones, fill the juke with AC/DC, and learn the true meaning of, "Thunderstruck."

August 12:

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(?!!!)

The true meaning of thunderstruck. I like that.

He could be a motivational speaker.

I got Friday Fever: The shits from eating KFC.

August 13:

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Really hurtin' today, you guys. Woke up in an alley off Fenton Rd on Sunday afternoon. Cell phone and wallet missing. Feel kinda down.

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Had to walk 2 miles back to the bar I remembered bein' at. So filthy and wet. Still feel achey and sick. Poundin' Diet Dew. Gotta hydrate.

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Lost my keys, but I had my top secret magnet key holder under the 'Bring. Technology saved the day.

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Guess some street animal slashed up the 'Bring's drop top. Stole my boombox. Just can't trust anyone nowadays if you own somethin' nice.

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Rained pretty bad in the 'Bring. Taped it shut with a trash bag. Gonna need a detailing and some repairs. It's about pride.

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Ann just called the WORK phone. Was steamed I didn't pick up my phone yesterday. Said I was supposed to watch the kids. Don't remember that.

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Told Ann, "I woke up in an alley due to unforeseen circumstances I don't remember! Maybe ask, how ya doin'? first!" So selfish.

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Ann still doesn't get that I have social obligations that come up unexpectedly. I can't watch the kids when I'm on call for action.

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Whoa. Didn't even notice my man Ken's back today! Nosey just said we're supposed to go for a couple drinks as a welcome back celebraish.

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When the weekend gets dangerous, it's good to have a couple casual drinks on Monday just to prove you're still under control, you guys.

Tues August 14

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Sometimes a few casual drinks on Monday turn out to be more casual than expected. "Few" and "casual" are pretty relative terms, you guys.

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Went to 'Bee's with Nosey Lady, Vernon, and Ken for Ken's big "welcome back." No one else showed. Thought he was more popular at work.

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Wanted to be loose and conversational, not judged. Got to Bee's first and ordered 3 Mucho Margs. Snuck 2 in the john to crush in private.

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It's sad, but nowadays if you have a hearty appetite for cocktails, you have a "problem." Used to mean you just liked havin' a good time.

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Some corncob who works at 'Bee's came in the john. Said, "Sir you can't drink in here." Told him, "Sure can." Pounded a marg. Shut him down.

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Went back out to the 'Bee's bar. Ordered 1 cold one and 1 Marg so everyone'd think I was takin' it easy. Hid my other Marg behind a menu.

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Was worried that Nosey Lady just set it up to see if Ken had gayness. She finds out crap. So rude. Decided to control the convo for Ken.

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Nosey Lady was spurtin' out garbage like, "So, you look good Ken!" I know what she's up to. It's a scam. But I had his back, buddy style.

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Squeezed in next to Nosey and blocked her out. Told Vernon, "You ever see Ken's wife? So luscious. So thick. Body be bangin'! You'd dig it."

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Vernon tried to play it cool, but I could tell he was interested. Told him, "Ken's a real ladies man. Like the soul brother from the movie."

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Started doin' my best Ladies Man voice. It's such a classic. Never gets old. Ever.

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Wanted another Mucho Marg but that corncob from the john told on me. Could tell she was on my side, but had to cut me off. So steamed.

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Realized my wallet was gone. Told Vernon, Ken, and Nosey 'bout how I got robbed, but to spot me and I'd get 'em back with trunk liquor.

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Waited for everyone to rendezvous back at the 'Bring, but they never showed. Musta got smashed and forgot. Hung out for 2 hrs. Had a blast!

Wednesday Aug 15:

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Tryin' to watch Shark Week. They keep playin' that Miller 64 ad. So steamed. Buncha corncobs actin' like sissies who get babes. Such a load.

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What's the "64" in "Miller 64" stand for anyway? How many babes'll laugh in your face if they see you drinkin' that garbage in public?

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Haven't had time to go to the bank for a new card. All outta cash. Need a new license too. So hungry. Sick of this.

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Only had a mayo & burger bun sammy for lunch. Kicked it up with my own secret spices and some crushed Andy Capp Hot Fries, but still.

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In the USA, a man should be able to black out behind a building and not have his crap stolen by some street animal. This ain't Gypsyville.

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Gonna try to run over to the DMV before they close. Get a new license real quick.

Thus Aug 16:

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Really lookin' forward to the weekend, you guys.

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Never got my new license yesterday. Said I was too late and have to come back today. I was there 20 minutes early. I'm not made of time!

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They should just hire a buncha barnyard animals to work at the DMV. Probably get faster service.

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Worked on scene 2 of Roadhouse 2012: Pain Still Don't Hurt, (starring Guy Fieri) while I waited. Man, it's off the chain.

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Really proud of Roadhouse 2012: Pain Still Don't Hurt. SCENE 2. You just gotta check it out. http://flint.craigslist.org/wet/3210111484.html

Friday, August 17

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Don'chu know, that you are a Friday star. And all the world will love you, just as long, as long as you are, you guys.

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Dave read scene 2 of Roadhouse 2012 last night. Said it sounds like the baddest ass movie ever. Told him, "Why even write anything else?"

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Hollywood don't always know what's best for movies. "We could make somethin' with monster trucks and chainsaws, but let's make Hope Floats."

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Dave asked if he could tag-team the rest of the script with me. Told him no. I ride solo, and don't need nobody's help in my spotlight.

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A real bad boy knows you don't water down your writing with help from others like a little girl gettin' down from the monkey bars.

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Wonder what kinda hats big time script writers in Hollywood wear? Gonna have to get whatever that is.

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Got my new license sorted out. Wouldn't let me take my pic in my Maui Jim's though. Got kinda steamed. Tried to sneak 'em on last second.

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Got a new bankcard too. Man, just somethin' 'bout fresh plastic that's beggin' to get rode hard & put away wet on cold ones & cocktails.

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WLZN. Captain Karl here on your Friday. This one goes out to all you guys headin' to Cold One City, USA. See ya there. [youtube]sHQ_aTjXObs[/youtube]

"Worked on scene 2 of Roadhouse 2012: Pain Still Don't Hurt, (starring Guy Fieri) while I waited. Man, it's off the chain. "



All the lol's.

"Guess some street animal slashed up the 'Bring's drop top. Stole my boombox. Just can't trust anyone nowadays if you own somethin' nice."

This guy is so money

Whenever anyone mentions Guy Fieri I remember he looks like that and I lol a bunch.

August 18:

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Feel like I drank a thousand beers last night, you guys. Really hurtin'. Need Gatorpagne.

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Stocked up heavy for the weekend last night. Dirty 30 of Busch, dozen BL 'Nums, bottle of Crown. Mostly gone. Kinda concerning?

(EL Editorial note: If you didn't know, "BL 'Nums" = Bud Light Platinums. Any questions you have about Carl's abbreviations and such can be answered at the Dadboner wiki: http://dadboner.wikia.com/ )

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Crazy Cooter stopped by. Dave told him about the Roadhouse script. Said we should act it out. Seemed like a good idea? Kinda got outta hand.

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Crazy Cooter said, "I'm a f*ckin' stunt man, and I can f*ckin' act. I'm Guy Cooler." Was playin' with his knife. Blinkin alot. Didn't argue.

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Crazy Cooter called some babes. Said he needed "some f*ckin' tits and dumpers around if I'm was gonna get into character." Made sense.

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Cooter got into some hour long argument with some babe named Amber on the phone. Lives in Indiana. Don't know how she was gonna come over.

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No babes came over. Cooter got kinda steamed. Started poundin' the bottle of Crown. Said, "I'm gonna act the f*ck outta this sh*t."

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Cooter wanted to start at the "good part." Told me to go "take a fake sh*t with your chainsaw." Wasn't really focused on dialogue.

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Was in the john with my chainsaw. Heard Crazy Cooter smash through the window. Landed on someone's Scion. Started screamin' bad words.

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Crazy Cooter said, "musta cracked some f*ckin' ribs! How'm I gonna f*ck Amber!?" Didn't seem like the main concern at the time.

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Had to carry Cooter to the couch. Cooter drank 'til the sun came up to "make sure I don't f*ckin' die. Gotta pound the vitamin C(rown."

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If you still crave booze, you're probably not gonna die. It's a leisure activity. Your brain knows when it's time to go to the hospital.

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If you still crave booze, you're probably not gonna die. It's a leisure activity. Your brain knows when it's time to go to the hospital.

August 19:

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Crazy Cooter's still crashed out on the couch. All busted up. Looks like he dove outta the window on a Scion, 'cause he did.

August 20:

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Crazy Cooter was still on the couch when I left for work. Startin' to smell pretty nasty. Really rankin' up the pad.

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When I walked out the door, Crazy Cooter just said, "Have a good day, motherf*cker." Then let out a monster beef and started dry heavin'.

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If you're gaggin' on your own backdoor wind, it's time to consider medical attention, you guys.

August 21:

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Really need to do somethin' 'bout this Crazy Cooter situaish. Asked him if he needed a lift home last night. Said, "I got my f*ckin' car."

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Walked by the john, saw Crazy Cooter havin' carnal passions with himself with the door open. Turned around and said, "beat it, homo!"

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Whizzin' with the john open is cool in a guy pad, but makin' solo carnal passions is definitely a check the lock twice scenario, you guys.

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Crazy Cooter said he needs to crash until Amber get here from Indiana and that her "cooze'll heal his f*ckin' ribs up." (?)

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Cooter still hasn't bathed at all. Just emptied out a whole can of Dave's Axe body spray on himself. Pretty much just made things worse.

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Was enjoyin a supreme DiGiorno. Cooter sat down and sprayed the Axe. Said, "Double pits to chesty, and balls, and a-hole." Ruined my snack.

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Can't enjoy a supreme 'za with all the toppings when another man is next to you shootin' body spray up his backdoor, you guys.

August 22:

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Really draggin' today. Didn't get any sleep. Crazy Cooter and Dave were up 'til 5am arguin' what Nintendo game was best. Sick of this.

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Crazy Cooter just kept screamin', "Man, Contra was so f*ckin' sweet." Then Dave would say, "No way. Double Dragon." Went on for hours.

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And, when I came home, Cooter was in the john with his underpants in the toilet, filled with soap, tryin' to flush 'em clean. So steamed.

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After work I have a 4 part system: 1. Open cold one. 2. Relax on toilet. 3. Drink cold one. 4. Push out the day's stress. It's KARL time.

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Can't live my life with Crazy Cooter's madness around. I have a regimen that's tried and true for my all business lifestyle.

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Might have to say somethin' to Crazy Cooter 'bout hittin' the bricks tonight. Probly should hide the knives and breakables first.