Quote:
Originally posted by EricLindros
August 19:
Quote:
Crazy Cooter's still crashed out on the couch. All busted up. Looks like he dove outta the window on a Scion, 'cause he did.
Quote:
Originally posted by EricLindros
August 21:
Quote:
Can't enjoy a supreme 'za with all the toppings when another man is next to you shootin' body spray up his backdoor, you guys.
Quote:
Was enjoyin a supreme DiGiorno. Cooter sat down and sprayed the Axe. Said, "Double pits to chesty, and balls, and a-hole." Ruined my snack.
Quote:
Really lookin' forward to the weekend, you guys.
Quote:
Was gonna tell Crazy Cooter to hit the bricks last night but he came through with 2 $5 Hot 'N Ready's as a thank you for lettin' him crash.
Quote:
Sure, Cooter made Dave go get the Hot 'N Readys and paid for 'em with quarters outta my change jar, but it was a gesture.
Quote:
Couldn't have 'za without cold ones, so I said I'd get us a Dirty 30 of Busch. Cooter said, "Get 2. Don't queer up on the brews, Welzein."
Quote:
30 cold ones for 3 guys is good for a Wednesday, no matter what your sexual orientation is. Likin' peeners don't affect thirst, you guys.
Quote:
Crazy Cooter said, "Amber's supposed to come up from Indiana tomorrow. Gettin me ALL that slizz. Let's f*ckin' rage!" Seemed understandable?
Quote:
Had a dozen or so casual cold ones to be polite. Then had to crash in the 'Bring. Dave & Cooter wouldn't stop blarin' some ICP song.
Quote:
Went in the pad for a big 5am BM. It's the Hot 'N Ready $5 wake up call. Cooter was shavin' his peener in the kitchen with my beard trimmer.
Quote:
Cooter said, "Check out my f*ckin' hog! Gettin' it fat 'n nasty for Amber's face cooze!" Then barfed in the sink and started breathin hard.
Quote:
Pushed out my Hot 'N Ready BM and went back to the 'Bring to snooze. Gotta say somethin tonight. Cooter don't have any class. Sick of this.
Quote:
Spent most of the day snoozin in the john. Had a rough night. Crazy Cooter and his "slizz" Amber musta took off. Locked the door. Layin low.
Quote:
Came home last night, Cooter and Amber were on the couch. Cooter said, "Welzein, this is fuckin' Amber, man. Hands off, f*cker." No problem.
Quote:
Cooter seemed proud. Had his arm round Amber like she was primo. Might be the grossest babe I ever seen. In the mug, bod, everything really.
Quote:
Cooter said, "Know I said we were gonna split, but my Ma's at home bein' a f*ckin' bitch, so we're gotta use your place for a slam pad."
Quote:
Cooter was talkin' 'bout how "Amber's got a gaper and if she gets rocked she'll bust a spread for ya'll." It was my cue to go anywhere else.
Quote:
Told Dave, "Let's hit Chili's for a lil Thirstday celebraish, give these 2 some privacy." Dave said, "But she's gonna bust a spread!" Idiot.
Quote:
"Gaper" and "bust a spread" might be terms of carnal passions behind a car parts store, but I don't work at AutoZone, you guys.
Quote:
Came back from Chili's pretty bombed. Amber & Cooter were on the couch, in the nude, smokin' some weird crap. Kinda missed Ann for a second.
Quote:
Thought about callin' Ann, just to see what's up. Was pretty late though. Just went to sleep in the 'Bring again. Just felt kinda, bad.
Quote:
Gonna just take it easy. Maybe watch the Tigers and clean up the pad. Maybe get a PREMIUM sixer. Somethin' nice. Order some 'za. Relax.
Quote:
Don't always have to take Fridays to the limit, 'specially when you been sleepin' in your car for 2 days. Ol' homebody Karl is gonna chill!
Quote:
Man, I'm gonna chill so hard tonight, you guys.
Quote:
I'm chillin' the most, you guys.
Quote:
Was snoozin' after my chillin' last night when Crazy Cooter put a brick through the window. Said, "Forgot my f*ckin' key. Got locked out."
Quote:
Got so steamed. Told Cooter, "You don't have a key 'cause you don't live here! That's the second time you broke that window in like a week!"
Quote:
Cooter said, "I broke it the first time starrin in your f*ckin' movie! That's why I had to live here! I'm compensationed!" Was blinkin alot.
Quote:
Crazy Cooter tried climbin' in the broken window. Cut his hand pretty bad on the jagged glass. Said I "booby trapped" the pad. HE broke it!
Quote:
Cooter's ol' lady Amber finally said somethin', "F*ckin' tell him I'll show him my gash, Alfonso!" Alfonso?!
Quote:
Crazy Cooter said, "Told you not to call me that! That was my dad's name and it stays dead with that sh*tty motherf*cker!" Got real quiet.
Quote:
Heard Cooter start cryin' real hard. Opened the door. Saw Amber walkin' down the stairs screamin' bad words. Helped Cooter off the ground.
Quote:
Cleaned up Cooter's hand and got the glass out of it. Sat him on the couch. Dave came out of his room. Told him, "Sit down, Dave. Guy code."
Quote:
Talked with Cooter 'til daylight. Passin' 'round a 2 liter of Dew. Put on some Allman Bros. Spoke of things I won't ever speak of again.
Quote:
Back to back jacks by the Tigs? Man, I got that Sunday fever so hard. Might have to make a Crown & Diet. Just for sippin'.
Quote:
Told Cooter he could stay over one more night. Got him to take a shower and everything. Coot's pretty cool when he's just chillin'.
Quote:
Makin' another round of C&D's for us all. Get 'em Tigs! Feelin' good!
Quote:
Nothin' says, "peace be with you," like sharin' the sacred smoothness of several Sunday afternoon cocktails with some pals, you guys.
Quote:
Really draggin' today. Sometimes Sunday afternoon cocktails get a Friday night attitude.
Quote:
Crazy Cooter finally took off. Said "can't believe I crashed here all f*ckin' weekend." He came over LAST weekend! Kinda concerning.
Quote:
When you can't tell the difference between 2 days going by, and 10, it might be time to at least get a part time job, you guys.
Quote:
With Crazy Cooter gone, I'll have time to get back to work on my Roadhouse 2012 script. Priorities are important, you guys.
Quote:
When you can't tell the difference between 2 days going by, and 10, it might be time to at least get a part time job, you guys.
Quote:
With Crazy Cooter gone, I'll have time to get back to work on my Roadhouse 2012 script. Priorities are important, you guys.
Quote:
Was fixin the broken window last night. Had it propped open, tryin to get the glaze just right. Bottle fell over. Window smashed my fingers.
Quote:
2 of my fingernails, well, those are gone. Other 2 look painted black like one of those weirdo vampire kids tryin' to be "different."
Quote:
Thought I was gonna pass out from the pain. Had to lay down on the floor. Made Dave bring me a cold cloth and some Jimmer, cowboy style.
Quote:
Dave said, "We don't got no washcloths! Cooter used 'em on his a-hole! How 'bout my undies?" Told him, "As long as they're clean, kimosabe."
Quote:
Lyin' on the floor with your fingernails smashed and another man's wet undies on your head means it's time for Jim Beam & thinkin' you guys.
Quote:
Wore a black leather glove on one hand over my mangled paw. Looks kinda badass? Like I'm in Motley Crue, or The Black Panthers. Both rock.
Quote:
Worked hard on my script last night. Pretty hard to write with my mangled paw, but scene 3 is so money. Gonna look for typos in the john.
Quote:
Scene 3 of Roadhouse 2012: Pain Still Don't Hurt, starring Guy Fieri, just hit the market, you guys: http://flint.craigslist.org/wet/3237585586.html â¦
Quote:
Feelin' SO good 'bout my Roadhouse script. Might have to take off early, change my finger bandaids and have a lil' celebraish.
Quote:
Told work I gotta split for a business appointment. 'Cause drinkin' cold ones is my business, and business is good, you guys.
Quote:
Really lookin' forward to the weekend, you guys.
Quote:
Whoa. It's LABOR DAY WEEKEND????!!!!!! What the heck have I been doing?! Super pumped! Somebody gimme an AWE HELL YEAH!!!
Quote:
Just did the Gibby fist pump all around work. Man, can't sit still.
Quote:
Just realized, didn't ever get the boat out all summer. Kinda bummed. Might have to get it out this weekend and rock it. So much to do.
Quote:
Havin' Monday off makes work on Thursday and Friday feel even worse. Can't stand bein' in this slave cage. I got that Labor Day fever!
Quote:
Wonder what Stone Cold Steve Austin is doin' for Labor Day? Poundin' Steveweisers, stunnin' corncobs in suits, grillin' thick steaks. Man.
Quote:
Stone Cold is pretty much the #1 workin' man of all time, you guys.
Quote:
As a nation awaits the Labor Day weekend celebraish, I extend my hand, brother to brother, coast to coast. Happy friday to ya, you guys.
Quote:
Can't believe we're still at work. Can't wait to peel out and give the double middles so hard, like fists armed with freedom rockets.
Quote:
Wish I had 3 hands so I could give work the triple middle, one for each day of the weekend. Blazin' into the sky like rock n roll on fire.
Quote:
Guess they're gonna let us out at 4:30. Why not 4?! What the big difference? No one's gonna do crap anyway. Wasting MY time.
Quote:
Goin' to get my Discman and CDs outta the 'Bring. Sneak a lil' taste of the trunk liquor. Well, more like a BIG taste. Ha!
Quote:
We're live on WLZN. Here's a nasty cut from Kevin DuBrow & the boys. It's Quiet Riot, with Bang Your Head: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJChh7ghGnE â¦
Quote:
All hands on deck! You're with the Captain on WLZN for your Labor Day weekend. Here's Van Halen. WLZN. Man, so thick. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5rZV4C7lIw â¦
Quote:
You're back with The Captain. Let's kick up the bold ear flavors with the man from Romeo, it's Kid Rock, on WLZN: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXk6pYkfknQ&feature=fvst â¦
Quote:
This is the Captain, signin' off for the big 3 day celebraish. May Bob be your co-pilot. WLZN. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1FRvwJP1pk â¦
Quote:
Labor Day Weekend, 2012. Let's roll, you guys.
Quote:
Got the boat outta storage last night!
Quote:
Feel like I could drink thousand beers right now, you guys.
Quote:
Really hurtin'. Feel like I drank a thousand beers last night, you guys.
Quote:
Woke up in the boat this mornin'. Musta really rocked it last night.
Quote:
Might take the boat for a spin today. Really show her off. 'Bee's, Chili's, 7-Eleven, all the hot spots.
Quote:
'Nothin' says, "Where's the party at?" like poundin' cold ones on a boat in a parking lot, you guys.
Quote:
A boat doesn't need to be in the water for you to hang out on it. The fact that it COULD be is all that really matters.
Quote:
When you're in the water on a boat, peepin' babes is limited. But when you're towin' a boat around town, the possibilities are endless.
Quote:
Had such a blast last night. Decided to cruise up with the boat to Bay City with Dave. Peeped so many Bay City babes at the Hooters
Quote:
Hooters is a real destination spot for boaters everywhere. Havin' a boat in the Hooters parking lot is such a winning combination.
Quote:
Musta took down 18 wings AND fries. Could tell our waitress was impressed. Told her, "You're probably impressed. It's cool." Played it cool.
Quote:
Told our waitress, "Name's Captain Karl. Got my boat parked outside if you wanna hang with me & Dave." Then Dave ripped a hot one. Blew it.
Quote:
Guess Dave's rank beef was pretty thick 'cause our Hooter's babe just brought the bill and didn't say anything. Got kinda steamed.
Quote:
Told Dave, "Ya can't just rip nasty cuts when we got an outta town swag topped with boat!" Said he'd fix it. Started doin' the peener. Jeez.
Quote:
You can't just start doin the Peener after you get the bill to smooth over a ripe heater. Looks desperate and unnatural. Babes can sense it.
Quote:
Decided to chill in the boat in the Hooter's parkin' lot. Crank up the jams and drink some cold ones. Got some real looks!
Quote:
Didn't put the boat in the water. Too bombed. Wanted to be responsible so we drove home. Dave rode in the boat as a lookout for safety.
Quote:
Been just hangin' in the boat all day with Dave. A boat don't have to be in the water for you to be chillin' the most, you guys.
Quote:
Wish Labor Day weekend could last a thousand years, you guys.
Quote:
Still a few more hours of Labor Day weekend left. Gotta take advantage. Gonna make a batch of margs and gas it to the finish line. USA.
Quote:
Waste not, want not. And that includes precious time you could be sluggin' smooth cocktails before goin' back to the workweek slave cage.
Quote:
Jeez. Feel so crap. Nosey Lady up my ass. Hate her guts so hard.
Quote:
Woke up last night in the boat at work. Snuck out for a snooze break and crashed. Still towin' it around. Kinda comforting to have it there.
Quote:
Nosey Lady's still up everyone's behind 'bout "gettin' caught up" at work. Calm down, we had ONE day off. Slow your roll, Pig Farm.
Quote:
If YOU wanna work double hard after havin' a day off, then don't take a day off. The rest of us + ass = suck it. Do the math.
Quote:
Lookin' out the work window at my boat is such a reminder that I could be doin' somethin' better. Like, anything.
Quote:
Towin' a boat around everywhere isn't too good for gas milage, but it feels like a vacaish could break out at any second so it's worth it.
Quote:
Stuff I could be doin' right now instead of work: #1 Startin' a babe restaurant like "Hooters," called, "Beefers," but sell ribs.
Quote:
Stuff I could be doin' right now instead of work: #2 Headin' down to Cabo to hang with Sammy Hagar. Man.
Quote:
Stuff I could be doin' right now instead of work: #3 Smashin' a buncha old toilets at the dump with a sledgehammer. Sounds kinda cool?
Quote:
Stuff I could be doin' right now instead of work: #3 Gettin' my bod jacked to perfection.
Quote:
Stuff I could be doin' right now instead of work: #5 Workin' on scene 4 of my Hollywood Guy Fieri Roadhouse movie script. $$$
Quote:
Stuff I could be doin' right now instead of work: #6 Writin' a self help memoir, "Power Moves," to help other's selves.
Quote:
Stuff I could be doin' right now instead of work: #7 Remodelin' the john at the pad in a Lions motif. Maybe put in a tv and mini fridge.
Quote:
Stuff I could be doin' right now instead of work: #8, 9, 10 Helicopter lessons or readin' Penthouse or drinkin' cold ones. Sick of this.
This website contains age-restricted materials including nudity and explicit depictions of sexual activity. By entering, you affirm that you are at least 18 years of age or the age of majority in the jurisdiction you are accessing the website from and you consent to viewing sexually explicit content.
