This is a Serious Question..

Here is my 3 cents worth. My dad always told me whats meant to be is meant to be bottom line. This could also be a blessing in disguise, if you think about it. You 2 could stay together and a year or 2 down the road she decides that she isnt happy and goes her merry way. But if she does go out to "find" herself and realizes that you are the one that shes meant to be, then she will come back into your life and it will be like you had never left one another. And this comes from personal experience, me and my wife dated in highschool and when i graduated I moved off. But 3 years later when I moved back, we ran into each other and picked were we started. And have been married for 7 years now. So it might hurt to let her go, but it could be the best thing that ever happens to the both of you.

Obviously many of you porn hounds have been hurt before and can relate..I cant believe that I just spent the last 15 minutes reading all of your comments... but to ALL of you thaanks for taking the time to offer your kind words of advise to a fellow human in need of some solace..... Huge effort

Quote:

Originally posted by Síkon.

Please, if you are going to make any stupid comments or be an ass, just leave now. This is serious to me, this is my life..However, if you have any experience with this or have gone through anything similar, please respond with your advice.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. I love her more than anything and I know that she loves me more than anything. However, we are having a major problem and I don't know what to do. I am 3 years older than here and am graduating from Uni in one month. She will graduate next year, but we have been together throughout her entire Uni career. Lately she has been feeling like she doesn't really know who she is, or if she can be independent. Basically she feels that she is dependent on me for most things, including her happiness.

Yesterday she told me that she wants to break up, in order to prove to herself that she is able to live independently, and to also figure out how she can make herself happy apart from me. She says that she loves me more than anything and that, throughout this whole process, she has never imagined that we wouldn't get back together after she finds whatever it is she is looking for within herself. I'd like to believe that, because I can honestly see myself spending the rest of my life with her, but I'm just really confused right now, and was wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar or has any advice?

Do you believe in the old addage, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours (or it was meant to be)"?
I'm not sure that I do, because this feels like I'm losing her too much, and that is completely scary for me, but it seems that this is what is happening right now.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, and I look forward to hearing any experiences or advice.

it seems she is not truely happy within the relationship

"Basically she feels that she is dependent on me for most things, including her happiness. "

well, that sounds like a crock of shit! she is guilt tripping you to justify a way out!

mate, i don't know you, but it's highly likely that you've done nothing wrong. it's all of her doing!

let her go to find her "independance"!. as much as it will hurt it would probably be best this way.

just don't wait around. live your life! it seems that the life that she wants to pursue does not have you in it.

Quote:

Originally posted by twwain

[reply=Síkon.]

it seems she is not truely happy within the relationship

"Basically she feels that she is dependent on me for most things, including her happiness. "

well, that sounds like a crock of shit! she is guilt tripping you to justify a way out!

mate, i don't know you, but it's highly likely that you've done nothing wrong. it's all of her doing!

let her go to find her "independance"!. as much as it will hurt it would probably be best this way.

just don't wait around. live your life! it seems that the life that she wants to pursue does not have you in it.
[/reply]

What? are you for real? guilt tripping him to justify a way out? From my point of view, what she did was an amazingly mature thing to do. It's very very easy for girls to become dependent on men they love, especially if they've been together for a long time and have been together since they were young. I think by her telling you what she did, she trusts you enough to let her do what she needs to do to make the relationship satisfying and fulfillingf or her, and then ultimately, you.

You won't gain anything by being upset or angry that she's doing it. It's hard, I can only imagine, but here's hoping that she finds whatever it is she needs to find.




...I do agree, though that he's done nothing wrong. She never said it he did do anything wrong....

I didn't reed all the answer but here is my opinion:

If she really loves you... she will come back. If you really love her - trust her and she will come back. If you where really meant to be you will be. It's not easy to let go in such a situation but I think if you don't let it go she will not be satisfied anymore and then you will not be satisfied anymore.

I wish you the best luck in everything you do that you do the best... but do what your heart says and do the thing you won't remind in 10 years...

good luck bro

Quote:

Originally posted by FeFeHumHum

the reality of the shit is that you will just want someone to cook you a real breakfast because youre tired of eating fruitloops, youll want someone to watch your shitty soaps with you because you look stupid laughing in your apartment alone, and youll want someone to fuck with because your hand is really getting boring.


lets stop fooling ourselves here. :P

he he .. you're one tough lady

sorry bro that's a shitty situation. Personally if a girl told me that I'd tell her to go fuck herself cause that's just a bunch of Oprah bullshit. Women are told over and over again everywhere in society today that you have to "find yourself" and all this corny bullshit and every woman thinks she has to be independent or have some deep psychological reason for existance. In the 50's women didn't have this need for independence to be happy and through out the entire history of time they didn't need this indepence until very recently when they were told they're supposed to have it. Marriages lasted back then, families were happy and there was so much less drama and bullshit to sift though. Again, I'm really sorry your goin through this, you're one of the people I actually like around here. The only advice I can give is to let her go and while she's off "finding herself" you go find yourself a girl who doesn't buy into the hype and has her feet planted firmly on the ground. If she comes back to you after all that maybe by then you'll have decided you need to "find yourself" with a more stable chick. Good luck.

Quote:

Originally posted by Síkon.

@ Celsmore: Did you try to overcome your co-dependent issues in the past, and it just didn't work? I tend to have a feeling that her and I are both somewhat co-dependent, but I guess I never really thought it was an issue since we love to be together and planned on being together...Did anything work better than another for you?

I'd have to say I am still co-dependent. My life tends to revolve more around my 4 kids now. Seeing them happy makes me happy (Duh, that should go for any parents who loves their kids). I guess that is why I want to be so involved in all their activities that they are involved in. As for the wife, if she is not happy, I feel as if I have failed in some way to make her happy and her life better.

Quote:

Originally posted by Síkon.

Please, if you are going to make any stupid comments or be an ass, just leave now. This is serious to me, this is my life..However, if you have any experience with this or have gone through anything similar, please respond with your advice.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. I love her more than anything and I know that she loves me more than anything. However, we are having a major problem and I don't know what to do. I am 3 years older than here and am graduating from Uni in one month. She will graduate next year, but we have been together throughout her entire Uni career. Lately she has been feeling like she doesn't really know who she is, or if she can be independent. Basically she feels that she is dependent on me for most things, including her happiness.

Yesterday she told me that she wants to break up, in order to prove to herself that she is able to live independently, and to also figure out how she can make herself happy apart from me. She says that she loves me more than anything and that, throughout this whole process, she has never imagined that we wouldn't get back together after she finds whatever it is she is looking for within herself. I'd like to believe that, because I can honestly see myself spending the rest of my life with her, but I'm just really confused right now, and was wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar or has any advice?

Do you believe in the old addage, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours (or it was meant to be)"?
I'm not sure that I do, because this feels like I'm losing her too much, and that is completely scary for me, but it seems that this is what is happening right now.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, and I look forward to hearing any experiences or advice.

I definately do not believe in that old addage...I went through the exact same thing with my ex a number of years ago. But, basically, there is nothing you can do. If shes made up her mind, I guess you can try and change it, but you probably wont be able too. It was the hardest thing I ever did, to let her go. I was crushed for a long time. I didn't want to go out, I didn't want to leave my room...and some days I hurt so bad I didn't even get out of bed. But I'm better for it now. My ex said the same thing to me, verbaitum...she needed to find something and she knew that she would be coming back to me.

That never happened. I think its just the nature of the world today, there are so many people, if you let what you love go, it will stray becasue there are so many other options. I tell my girlfrind that now, basically, dating someone you want to marry is essentially, a get to know period and practice for being together. There is no running away and there are no breaks in real life. You need to stick together. My ex left and found someone else, good for her. She found what she needed in someone else and I'm happy for her. Now I have someone else that completes me. If she goes and doesn't come back, then all you can do is move on. Your time together wasn't a waste, it was time well spent and I'm sure you learned alot about yourself in that time that you can bring to a new relationship. If she comes back, great, your what she needs.

I would let her go even though its hard and it will hurt. You can't make someone want to do something or make someone want to stay with you for selfish reasons such as "I'm affraid" or "I'm going to be hurting"...if she stays becasue you made her, imagine how much more it will hurt when she does this again and does leave.

Its a tough spot and I feel for you man. Best of luck.