Guide for Casual Sex

Kinda long but funny!


From a womens point of view!!!

We've all experienced at least one causal sexual experience and for those of us who will have more - here are a few things to keep in mind.

1. Don’t say “I never do this” and expect me to believe you. Of course you do this, so do I, and you’re saying that you normally don’t implies that if I do, then I am some kind of a slut. Don’t make me feel like a slut. You are not a stand-up guy and we are here to bang so drop the act, wear a condom and don’t expect to discuss our sexual histories because we are both going to lie anyway.

2. Don’t try and have casual, meaningless conversation when we get back to our respective destination. I don’t really care what you do for a living, where you’re from, or your childhood drama. You’re there for one purpose only. Anything I needed to know about you I already found out -primarily from observation. Are you attractive, not wearing pegged jeans or bad shoes. These are the only attributes I’m interested in – so please keep your mouth shut. Out of respect I will do the same.

3. Do ask permission to do things to me and my home. Ask to take a shower, ask to go through my nightstand looking for a condom, ask before trying to go down on me, and ask me if you want something from me too. We can’t pretend to be familiar with each other so be polite.

4. Speaking of asking, please remember that I don’t know you and I don’t know what you like. You also don’t know what I like so while I appreciate your adventurousness, it is essential that you listen to what I tell you. For example “OW” means that I don’t like what you are doing so stop gripping my nipples like they are handlebars and now that I’ve said “OW,” don’t go back to the nipples- especially not with your teeth. Similarly, if I ask you what you like- then tell me something, tell me anything because I am looking at your dick and it isn’t doing what I thought it would so I need you to help me out- like I said, I don’t know you. Sidenote: I probably won’t want to give or receive oral sex. Despite popular belief not all girls are interested in guys “eating them out” – which by the way is terminology that is a definite turn off – anyway oral is something that I don’t really enjoy doing but yeah if you’re boyfriend - I love you in which case I’ll suck it till I get lock jaw. But you are not my boyfriend so I’m really not interested it getting your dick anywhere near my face. And if you’re into one night stands oral could lead to many diseases and is best avoided.

5. Don’t re-attempt to try things I’ve already made clear that I’m not interested in! I know it might be easier to get freaky with a stranger, but no still means no! And I’m not likely to change my mind 5 minutes later.

6. Don’t get offended if I call you by the wrong name while we’re having sex. In some cases I may not even remember your name and if I do – hey maybe I’m thinking about my ex-boyfriend or maybe I really like the name Paul. Either way – don’t judge me. You’re getting laid so don’t complain!

7. If I do let you stay over or I stay at your place – please no cuddling. Casual sex and cuddling just don’t go together.

8. You don’t get to see me naked. I have no problem with how I look, however; just because we had sex a moment ago doesn’t mean I want you admiring me with the lights on. That is something intimate that requires respect which is not necessarily part and parcel to the sex act we just enjoyed. I treat you with respect in regard to our romp by not expecting you to dress in front of me and I expect you to do the same. This means that you must pretend to be asleep if I get out of bed to put on clothes. Don’t comment. Similarly, if I choose to get dressed while you are in the bathroom, and then I go into the bathroom, this is your time to get dressed also. Please note, I will probably spend enough time in the bathroom for you to get dressed so do it. If I am in the bathroom for a longer time than you need, use the extra minutes to make the bed.

9. Make the bed.

10. Morning sex is off limits. The two primary reasons for this are 1. I got drunk in order to feel comfortable bringing you home and screwing, now I am not drunk and there is no longer any chance of screwing. That also goes for oral sex, even if I were to participate last night, there is NO chance of a stale, daylight, sober blow job for you. AND 2. too much nudity is prevalent in morning sex and I'm really not ready for that kind of commitment with you. See # 8.

11. If we had a great time and you want to hang out this morning, then ask me to breakfast. Don’t expect me to say yes. Don’t get huffy if I say no. If I do say yes and we do go to breakfast, understand that afterward I want to go home and shower and sleep and not talk to you.

12. Don’t ask for my number when you and I both know we have no intention or seeing one another again. Let’s not waste our energy. Most likely I don’t want your number and you don’t want mine. Exchanging numbers just leads to regret and self-doubt. If you don’t call then I'll wonder if I was a good lay or if I said/did anything wrong. Neither of us needs to go through that especially when it probably wasn’t bad and even if it wasn’t the greatest sex ever at least we both got laid. To quote the notable film Threesome, “To me sex is like pizza. Even if it’s bad it’s still pretty good.”

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9. Make the bed.

Women need to be more forthcoming with information. We cannot read minds, and we don't pick up those "hints" that you supposedly leave.

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Originally posted by Kanzen

Women need to be more forthcoming with information. We cannot read minds, and we don't pick up those "hints" that you supposedly leave.

In that case, please read every word of the first post.

ps... don't forget to make the bed!

I guess me asking you to fuck me in the ass with a strap-on is out of the question then?


That's a joke, btw.

here comes teh d00d sechs

good good, i wasnt sure about you for a minute there....
great list by the way..

words from many bad experiences.

Adding a few more from a man's point of view

13) if we know each other by some odd coincidence, don't bring it up with other people we know, or with each other. Unless it was freaking great.


14) if you have slept with my friends dont tell me about their penis, i really dont want to think about my friends penis(had a girl do that once... ech)


15) Fingering and hand-jobs are just fine, but remember we aren't lesbians so not all of us know what feels good how


16) don't ask my friends for my number and stalk me, its really creepy... (had that happen)



17) my ass is off limits, if you come near the hole, the night is over goodbye..


18) if you want to really impress me, make me breakfast in the morning and I may fall in love from this one night stand.... (another been there moment)

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Women need to be more forthcoming with information. We cannot read minds, and we don't pick up those "hints" that you supposedly leave.

YES.

Great post but I'm afraid its wasted on me. When I'm drunk and horny I definitely won't be able to remember a bunch of feminine commandments.

If I'm required to remember that many rules I'd rather just go home alone and spank one out before I go to sleep...

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Originally posted by Kanzen

Women need to be more forthcoming with information. We cannot read minds, and we don't pick up those "hints" that you supposedly leave.

W00T.

....

Reading this was depressing. It sounds like your lost. Lost in modern society doing exactly what is expected of you. I sometimes wonder what it must have been like in the past where girls had self respect for themselves, or at least common sense. One rule speaks of self doubt. I think the reality of it is that women who have frequent one nighters have serious self doubt. Introduce the fact that this girl needs to be drunk in order to have casual meaningless sex only adds to her self doubt. Her ability to truely be herself lies in not being herself, a true paradox. A continuous arguement of the conscious. Which clearly comes across in her writing. As she becomes specific, speaking of her personal tastes. I think its hard for the author to make such an effort to appear knowledgable on the topic but then to denounce such things as common respect, and put emphasis on the small personal things that seem Idiosyncratic to say the least. I rarely enjoy the pleasure of one night stands, mainly for fear of disease from girls like this, who get drunk and expect to fuck anything hard enough to enter her cyphallis incubus. My etiquette for one night stands is much different and much more practical. I prefer to get to know the person, what they do for a living, where there from, and know there sexual history. When girls try to impress me by saying how they go out everyweekend clubbing and drinking, its obvious that there trying to let you know that a one night stand is nothing new to them and that this weekend I could be there lucky choice. On the contrary I dont want to sleep with anygirl who does this thing everyweekend. It says alot about your character, and your self respect. I do enjoy the occasional one nighter, after an intense interview and thorough examination of character. It is hard to do but I have had quite a few good conversations at the bar.

Umm....lighten up!

Ever hear of spacing and paragraphs and all that other good stuff that makes your ramblings easier to read??

man i got to remember this.....even when married

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6. Don’t get offended if I call you by the wrong name while we’re having sex. In some cases I may not even remember your name and if I do – hey maybe I’m thinking about my ex-boyfriend or maybe I really like the name Paul. Either way – don’t judge me. You’re getting laid so don’t complain!

@00009

Or how about, if your gonna write all that shit, make sure it makes sense and that you understand the nature of this site. It is WbW not "The View". political correctness and mature thinking leave your sensibilities at the door

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Originally posted by trustno.1

....

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Originally posted by mistral

i have no objection to this representation...
but i think youre missing more 'sex' sections





edit: i actually prefer the one you posted before the edit

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Originally posted by mistral

Replace the following:

Vulgar Profanity --> Sex
Motor Vehicles --> Sex
Football --> Sex
Six-Pack --> Sex
Basic Ineptitude --> Sex
Substantial Irresponsibility --> Sex

And you have my brain.