Hand Greeting Evolution.
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It's stupid and I hate it.
78.57% (33)
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I am a fan.
11.90% (5)
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I only like the shocker.
9.52% (4)
Votes:
42
What in the fuck is going on with hand shaking?
(Simpsons "Stone Cutter" secret handshake now well on it's way to looking less ridiculous than most actual handshakes)
About three or four years ago this got to be mildly annoying, like a "oh, weird" and now it's quickly progressing to "what the fucking fuck, this is fucking retarded". Back then where I'm from was going through the wigger uprising. Subwoofers and baggy pants as far as the eye could see. The word "alright" was almost stricken from societies vocabulary, to be replaced with "aiight". I resisted, since I have a personality and my own fashion sense. Society persisted with their bullshit, suddenly when you liked an music that wasn't about sexing females and acquiring currency, you were a raging faggot. (Whether it was Rod Stewart or not makes NO FUCKING DIFFERENCE.)
It kinda went from:
(Normal looking kid (George Michael Bluth))
To whatever the fuck this shit is:
(Coolness, apparently.
)
Now, my brother being part of the NWA generation tried to emulate the rapper lifestyle, drinking excessively and blowing money, also..sideways hats and Raiders jackets. Which, was still moderately badass. These new chaps of my generation sold weed, and acted like tough guys until you hit them, after which they would inform you of the fact their dad is a cop/lawyer/anything so you don't hit them again. I always hit them again.
The worst part about this new trend at the time was the subject of this thread, the beginning of stupid fucking handshakes.
((Vintage Hand Jazz) Also, DJ Jazzy Jeff.)
How often have you gone in for a serious business handshake, only to be greeted with that fist-index finger locking hold handshake. You're all caught by surprise like "I thought this guy was my friend" or "My friend is a fucking idiot". I should have been suspicious when all of a sudden my friend of ten years decides he wants to shake my hand.
Boom, this fucking shenanigans:
(Not pictured: Two cropped out assholes)
The locking handy weird thing that you assume is going to be a regular handshake, then isn't.
But fine, whatever. If you're like me (you probably aren't) you got used to this new style of handshake, and listed it in your brain under "I guess I can tolerate this shit, for now." since every asshole you meet does this crap. I still didn't do it unless I was forced into it, but that's more due to my dislike of touching people and less with my handjive hatred. This seemed to bridge a gap for me, since a lot of the people I did meet had a tendency to be wiggers (99.9999999% of people my age were wiggers) this was a fair compromise. I don't have to dress like an asshole, I can smell nice rather than of weed, and I can continue using the letter "r" in my words when I talk, so long as when I meet them, I do this new trendy handshake for the mentally retarded.
So that was how it went for a few months,, and all was well and good. Except I heard that Snoop Dogg song "my name is" like 234253252 times a day.
The Fist Bump.
Then, just as it seemed like the new puffy jacket, loud exhaust pipe fad was just on the other side of its peak, a new fad came..a new style. I remember it like it was yesterday (it was not yesterday). I was at my great grandmothers funeral, and I was about 17-18. My cousin Alex came in, and since we grew up together I gave him a minor wave of acknowledgment as he entered the funeral parlor, the thumb and two finger semi-wave with a somber expression. He then proceeded to go "Hey Honda!" and then walked over to me (I was in a pew and the priest was talking) and stuck his fist out. I could tell he had become a part of the trend, and I was expecting the standard semi-handshake fist lock, but this puzzled me.
(My expression)
"Bump it bro" he said after a few awkward seconds. So I stuck my fist out too, and he punched my fist with his fist. Imagine an entire funeral filled with friends and family watching you fist bump your socially retarded cousin, shit sucked. I remember my dad was furious at this sign of disrespect. He leaned over to me and said "What in the fuck was that?" I just responded with "I have no idea". I'm pretty sure the priest was even shaking his head at me. Also, Alex wore those light brown boots to the funeral, I think they were called Timberlands or something. It was beyond ridiculous.
I assumed this would be a one time occurrence, people aren't really going to punch me in the fist when I greet them, that would be fucking stupid right? Apparently not. That was only the beginning of a new, slightly more infuriating style of hand greeting insanity.
My arsenal of unnecessary new hand shakes was now brimming at a staggering two, the hand lock, and the fist bump. I used the fist as it became more trendy since I absolutely hate touching people. All was well, when I met someone, handjive lock, when I met someone respectable, normal handshake and when I was greeting a tool, fist bump. This surely had to be the end right? Shit could get anymore bananas from here on could it? WE MUST HAVE REACHED THE VERY TOP OF THE LADDER WHEN IT COMES TO UNNECESSARY HAND SHAKES BY NOW RIGHT?!
Of course not. *sigh*
The extended hand locking weird shake, and the fist bump, WITH AN EXPLOSION. Also, the hybrid of the two combined.
(Pictured: Escaped mental patients)
As recently as a few months ago, the handjive has began to mutate like a virus into some sort of crazy, almost hand molestation.
I recently took a trip to the Caribbean with a lady friend of mine. My lady friend is very sociable, which is cool, except I had to meet lots of people. What did I care though, right guys? I had the hand lock, the fist bump, I was almost riding high on my own sense of superiority over these people. "I'll show THEM how to bump fists!" I thought to myself, cocky, and full of outrageous amounts of liquor. Little did I know they had brought with them a whole new, evolved arsenal of faggoty, ridiculous handshakes.
I don't even watch the MTV, I was in way over my head here.
The first guy I met was named Dave. We met in line at the gift shop and he seemed like a cool guy, we joked about a few things. He turned and said "Hey, I'm Dave." I prepared to rock his hand off with my extreme hand lock..
(Me, just before I shook his hand)
I reached in, "I'm Hon.." before my whole name was even out of my mouth I knew something was a miss, he didn't lock em up, his hand slid back into a finger locking maneuver, I was astonished by its level of intricate uselessness. After a brief finger lock, THE FUCKING GUY FIST BUMPS MY HAND (which was in no way ready to be bumped mind you, it was all willowy and hanging there, my hand was like an external version of my brain, hanging there, looking just as confused as I. "....Nice to meet you." as he walked away. "What the fucking fuck was that?!" I asked myself, did we have a secret clubhouse I was unaware of or something? Was he secretly being kept hostage, and was trying to signal me with this elaborate hand foolishness?
No, despite the fact I loved my hand lock in a similar way to how you love your son who is in jail, you don't want to see them, but you do anyway so the neighbors think you're a good parent. A love of necessity, it had indeed been transformed into this perversion. Two nights later I was hanging out at the bar and he walked over, I started holding my drink with both my hands, just to be on the safe side, plus, those giant Strawberry Daiquiris leave the glass room so it doesn't look weird. As he walked over and sat down, I sighed in relief, I had narrowly avoided more of his hand rape. Then, the moment I set my drink down, he went for it "Sup man"..his fist came towards mine. I GOT THIS SHIT COVERED.
(The drink of a fist bumping champion.)
Then just as our fists gingerly bump, he screams out "EXPLODE IT!"..Then he opens his hand up and fires it backwards. Since I had no idea what he was doing, and there was a girl there..I just put my hand down and looked at him all weird, like he was a jackass. Then said "I did not see that "explode" coming man" and he laughed and went and got drinks.
What the fuck, society? Stop it. Stop it right now. It seems now that the wigger fad is on it's way out, and only a few, super diehard rap fans remain and the super gay emo trends are becoming more and more prevalent, perhaps this is going to get even gayer? Maybe when people shake hands,they'll just reach down each others pants and jerk one another off, because considering the amount of fucking bullshit that goes on now when you're just trying to shake a mans hand, throw some super fem dudes into the mix, and you might just have a recipe for homosexual disaster shenanigans. Stop it now men, while there is still time.
The three types of acceptable hand greetings
The traditional handshake. Nothing beats a good, respectable handshake:
Show a mother fucker you mean serious business by shaking his hand. Doing it above a world map is optional.
The highfive.
Nothing is more awesome following a sweet burn, or nailing an attractive girl, than a hearty highfive from a friend. Jumping is also optional, but highly recommended.
The Jazz Hands.
(You thought I wouldn't find a reason to put a picture of a cute girl in this thread, bawhaha.)
Jazz hands in action.
Your face = rocked off
Oh and lastly, anyone you see doing this:
This:
Or this:
(The Shocker)
Kick them in the fucking stomach. Careful with the last one, becuase you're likely to get douchebag on your shoe. Also, they might try to suck you off.
So, more importantly, how do YOU feel about all this new fangled hand jazz? I would be very curious to know.
Until next time, have fun not reading my threads. Oh shit, almost forgot:
Also, for more random shenanigans I've written while bored:
http://whatboyswant.com/forum_read/4595055/1/10/Honda_s_Guide_To_Internet_Stalking_Now_With_More_Parts.html
http://whatboyswant.com/forum_read/4337152/1/10/Dealing_With_A_Zombie_In_Your_House.html
(Simpsons "Stone Cutter" secret handshake now well on it's way to looking less ridiculous than most actual handshakes)
About three or four years ago this got to be mildly annoying, like a "oh, weird" and now it's quickly progressing to "what the fucking fuck, this is fucking retarded". Back then where I'm from was going through the wigger uprising. Subwoofers and baggy pants as far as the eye could see. The word "alright" was almost stricken from societies vocabulary, to be replaced with "aiight". I resisted, since I have a personality and my own fashion sense. Society persisted with their bullshit, suddenly when you liked an music that wasn't about sexing females and acquiring currency, you were a raging faggot. (Whether it was Rod Stewart or not makes NO FUCKING DIFFERENCE.)
It kinda went from:
(Normal looking kid (George Michael Bluth))
To whatever the fuck this shit is:
(Coolness, apparently.
Now, my brother being part of the NWA generation tried to emulate the rapper lifestyle, drinking excessively and blowing money, also..sideways hats and Raiders jackets. Which, was still moderately badass. These new chaps of my generation sold weed, and acted like tough guys until you hit them, after which they would inform you of the fact their dad is a cop/lawyer/anything so you don't hit them again. I always hit them again.
The worst part about this new trend at the time was the subject of this thread, the beginning of stupid fucking handshakes.
((Vintage Hand Jazz) Also, DJ Jazzy Jeff.)
How often have you gone in for a serious business handshake, only to be greeted with that fist-index finger locking hold handshake. You're all caught by surprise like "I thought this guy was my friend" or "My friend is a fucking idiot". I should have been suspicious when all of a sudden my friend of ten years decides he wants to shake my hand.
Boom, this fucking shenanigans:
(Not pictured: Two cropped out assholes)
The locking handy weird thing that you assume is going to be a regular handshake, then isn't.
But fine, whatever. If you're like me (you probably aren't) you got used to this new style of handshake, and listed it in your brain under "I guess I can tolerate this shit, for now." since every asshole you meet does this crap. I still didn't do it unless I was forced into it, but that's more due to my dislike of touching people and less with my handjive hatred. This seemed to bridge a gap for me, since a lot of the people I did meet had a tendency to be wiggers (99.9999999% of people my age were wiggers) this was a fair compromise. I don't have to dress like an asshole, I can smell nice rather than of weed, and I can continue using the letter "r" in my words when I talk, so long as when I meet them, I do this new trendy handshake for the mentally retarded.
So that was how it went for a few months,, and all was well and good. Except I heard that Snoop Dogg song "my name is" like 234253252 times a day.
The Fist Bump.
Then, just as it seemed like the new puffy jacket, loud exhaust pipe fad was just on the other side of its peak, a new fad came..a new style. I remember it like it was yesterday (it was not yesterday). I was at my great grandmothers funeral, and I was about 17-18. My cousin Alex came in, and since we grew up together I gave him a minor wave of acknowledgment as he entered the funeral parlor, the thumb and two finger semi-wave with a somber expression. He then proceeded to go "Hey Honda!" and then walked over to me (I was in a pew and the priest was talking) and stuck his fist out. I could tell he had become a part of the trend, and I was expecting the standard semi-handshake fist lock, but this puzzled me.
(My expression)
"Bump it bro" he said after a few awkward seconds. So I stuck my fist out too, and he punched my fist with his fist. Imagine an entire funeral filled with friends and family watching you fist bump your socially retarded cousin, shit sucked. I remember my dad was furious at this sign of disrespect. He leaned over to me and said "What in the fuck was that?" I just responded with "I have no idea". I'm pretty sure the priest was even shaking his head at me. Also, Alex wore those light brown boots to the funeral, I think they were called Timberlands or something. It was beyond ridiculous.
I assumed this would be a one time occurrence, people aren't really going to punch me in the fist when I greet them, that would be fucking stupid right? Apparently not. That was only the beginning of a new, slightly more infuriating style of hand greeting insanity.
My arsenal of unnecessary new hand shakes was now brimming at a staggering two, the hand lock, and the fist bump. I used the fist as it became more trendy since I absolutely hate touching people. All was well, when I met someone, handjive lock, when I met someone respectable, normal handshake and when I was greeting a tool, fist bump. This surely had to be the end right? Shit could get anymore bananas from here on could it? WE MUST HAVE REACHED THE VERY TOP OF THE LADDER WHEN IT COMES TO UNNECESSARY HAND SHAKES BY NOW RIGHT?!
Of course not. *sigh*
The extended hand locking weird shake, and the fist bump, WITH AN EXPLOSION. Also, the hybrid of the two combined.
(Pictured: Escaped mental patients)
As recently as a few months ago, the handjive has began to mutate like a virus into some sort of crazy, almost hand molestation.
I recently took a trip to the Caribbean with a lady friend of mine. My lady friend is very sociable, which is cool, except I had to meet lots of people. What did I care though, right guys? I had the hand lock, the fist bump, I was almost riding high on my own sense of superiority over these people. "I'll show THEM how to bump fists!" I thought to myself, cocky, and full of outrageous amounts of liquor. Little did I know they had brought with them a whole new, evolved arsenal of faggoty, ridiculous handshakes.
I don't even watch the MTV, I was in way over my head here.
The first guy I met was named Dave. We met in line at the gift shop and he seemed like a cool guy, we joked about a few things. He turned and said "Hey, I'm Dave." I prepared to rock his hand off with my extreme hand lock..
(Me, just before I shook his hand)
I reached in, "I'm Hon.." before my whole name was even out of my mouth I knew something was a miss, he didn't lock em up, his hand slid back into a finger locking maneuver, I was astonished by its level of intricate uselessness. After a brief finger lock, THE FUCKING GUY FIST BUMPS MY HAND (which was in no way ready to be bumped mind you, it was all willowy and hanging there, my hand was like an external version of my brain, hanging there, looking just as confused as I. "....Nice to meet you." as he walked away. "What the fucking fuck was that?!" I asked myself, did we have a secret clubhouse I was unaware of or something? Was he secretly being kept hostage, and was trying to signal me with this elaborate hand foolishness?
No, despite the fact I loved my hand lock in a similar way to how you love your son who is in jail, you don't want to see them, but you do anyway so the neighbors think you're a good parent. A love of necessity, it had indeed been transformed into this perversion. Two nights later I was hanging out at the bar and he walked over, I started holding my drink with both my hands, just to be on the safe side, plus, those giant Strawberry Daiquiris leave the glass room so it doesn't look weird. As he walked over and sat down, I sighed in relief, I had narrowly avoided more of his hand rape. Then, the moment I set my drink down, he went for it "Sup man"..his fist came towards mine. I GOT THIS SHIT COVERED.
(The drink of a fist bumping champion.)
Then just as our fists gingerly bump, he screams out "EXPLODE IT!"..Then he opens his hand up and fires it backwards. Since I had no idea what he was doing, and there was a girl there..I just put my hand down and looked at him all weird, like he was a jackass. Then said "I did not see that "explode" coming man" and he laughed and went and got drinks.
What the fuck, society? Stop it. Stop it right now. It seems now that the wigger fad is on it's way out, and only a few, super diehard rap fans remain and the super gay emo trends are becoming more and more prevalent, perhaps this is going to get even gayer? Maybe when people shake hands,they'll just reach down each others pants and jerk one another off, because considering the amount of fucking bullshit that goes on now when you're just trying to shake a mans hand, throw some super fem dudes into the mix, and you might just have a recipe for homosexual disaster shenanigans. Stop it now men, while there is still time.
The three types of acceptable hand greetings
The traditional handshake. Nothing beats a good, respectable handshake:
Show a mother fucker you mean serious business by shaking his hand. Doing it above a world map is optional.
The highfive.
Nothing is more awesome following a sweet burn, or nailing an attractive girl, than a hearty highfive from a friend. Jumping is also optional, but highly recommended.
The Jazz Hands.
(You thought I wouldn't find a reason to put a picture of a cute girl in this thread, bawhaha.)
Jazz hands in action.
Your face = rocked off
Oh and lastly, anyone you see doing this:
This:
Or this:
(The Shocker)
Kick them in the fucking stomach. Careful with the last one, becuase you're likely to get douchebag on your shoe. Also, they might try to suck you off.
So, more importantly, how do YOU feel about all this new fangled hand jazz? I would be very curious to know.
Until next time, have fun not reading my threads. Oh shit, almost forgot:
Also, for more random shenanigans I've written while bored:
http://whatboyswant.com/forum_read/4595055/1/10/Honda_s_Guide_To_Internet_Stalking_Now_With_More_Parts.html
http://whatboyswant.com/forum_read/4337152/1/10/Dealing_With_A_Zombie_In_Your_House.html
* This post has been modified
: 15 years ago
