The Evolution of Stupid Fucking Handshakes.

First let me say..... SHIT that was a long read, but worth it

Second, I agree, I hate nearly all this new shit. The hand shakes, clothing/hairstyle, music, etc. I grew up in the 80's and 90's and the shit back then wasn't even half as bad as the shit now. I admit, I had my share of wearing baggy jeans (not too baggy that they were falling off me and I would have to keep pulling them up), wearing my hat backwards, having a lowered vehicle with subs bumping so hard that it sounded like everything was gonna fall apart but I was still respectful to everyone around me and it didn't last long.

In that time I remember some hand gestures that REALLY annoyed me, it was of people that were in "gangs" and they called it "stacking", it was the most stupid and ridiculous thing I had ever seen. I mean it looked like they were going into convulsions and they would even start bouncing at the same time. I saw myself turning into that so I said fuck that and just stuck with my own style, I wore clothes that fit but wasn't too tight and I started wearing my hat the normal way.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHlHdqBMv3I[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3-O1n1KeE4[/youtube]

Another thing that was a thing with the so called gang members was the hand gestures that they would "put up".


All that aside, I haven't come across anyone that sprung some weird handshake on me so I don't have any experience with it (thankfully) but I can deal with an occasional fist bump. Other than that though, all you will get out of me is a standard, firm griped hand shake.

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EARRINGS ARE FOR FEMALES YOU FUCKING MORONS!!!!!!

That's another thing about the "wigger" thing that irritates me. Dogs and cats are males and females. Humans are men and women. Or boys and girls.

Honda that is a masterpiece of social anthological observation, you should extend it and submit to some magazines.

I agree almost completely, and it makes me despair at the yoof of today, these are the people who have to pay my pension.

Personally i prefer dealing with the handshake issue to the hug issue, here in Italy when you meet somebody you never know if its going to be a handshake, or an embrace and cheek kiss, so on that count think yourself lucky.

On the plus side there’s always the opportunity of un-nerving people by going up to borderline friends and just saying "Fist me" wait for the awkward moment and then hold your fist up for the bump. :-0

This is a great thread and hopefully a great example of what members should be shooting for if they want to win that "free membership for great effort threads" thingymabobber.

Are you not entertained??? Why yes, I am. Five stars!

Also: Nothing beats the highfive. Hell, a self-highfive is still awesome in the right context

You crazy kids with your new-fangled wacky handshakes and you're baseball hats turned backwards and your MTV....when I was young we just gave each other a sharp smack on the ass.

Honda this might be the most entertaining thread ever on WBW! (beer) 5* Sooky is on the right track. We all really should make a concerted effort to squash unwelcome hand-on-hand love. Personally, I go for the hard and fast death grip, one pump, then release. However, if that does not work I have 3 non-Sooky mentioned options.

First, is to take a big step back and give the "what in the fucking fuck are you doing" look and pause, then go right back in there and get 'er done.

Second, is to reach your left hand around the guy's neck and trap and sqeeze real hard (think Vulcan death grip) he will stop doing the fagity fag suburban gang-banger BS and you make the grab mentioned above.

Third, is to fake sneeze into both hands and then just give the "oh well" look and side step the scadouche.

One other weird move that bugs me is when someone actually tries to give you a forearm bump. I mena really? Ok, I am a big man but I am not Mark fucking McGuire and we are not playing baseball. File that BS move away with the other non-starters.

I actively and almost strictly use the thumb lock handshake with friends. If it's a good friend or for some reason there's a lot of excitement involved it is sometimes accompanied by the one arm hug.

If you try to shake my hand like a business handshake I'd consider it mildly insulting like you're not my friend you're just some weird business associate who has somehow dressed himself in friends clothing.

At work of course I use the official business man hand shake. Well that was when I had a work to go to. But I hate that handshake it's too proper it has no style or flow to it. It's robotic and uncomfortable and then you get the slimey guys who try and insitgate a "firmness" competition with every damn handshake and they squeeze your hand, so you squeeze back and this weird exchange occurs. Plus there's no time limit involved with the business handshake some people just don't let go. The thumb lock handshake is quick, stylish, and it unlocks immediately. You don't get the "hand holder" types like you do with the gay ass business shake.

I'm the best shake.

I'm glad people enjoyed the the read..

I guess the flowy pop n lock style handshakes just aren't my thing is all.

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Originally posted by FamilyGuy

Honda this might be the most entertaining thread ever on WBW!

It's not even close dude..lol

But thanks, it's just there have been a lot of extraordinary threads on this site, just not many lately. If you're ever bored, and want to read what is basically a novel, you can check out this old post of mine:

http://whatboyswant.com/forum_read/4595055/1/10/Honda_s_Guide_To_Internet_Stalking_Now_With_More_Parts.html

I like to pimp it out since it took like five times the effort.

Quote:

Originally posted by Jack

This is a great thread and hopefully a great example of what members should be shooting for if they want to win that "free membership for great effort threads" thingymabobber.

Are you not entertained??? Why yes, I am. Five stars!

Also: Nothing beats the highfive. Hell, a self-highfive is still awesome in the right context

That's right people, use this as an example..

Highfives are the bestest.

Quote:

Originally posted by Honda_X

If you're ever bored, and want to read what is basically a novel, you can check out this old post of mine:

[ Link ]

Daymn, that is top shelf entertainment right there! TY

yeah I don't mind the fist bump but the hand rape is stupid. Fortunately i don't find myself in those kind of situations much and professionals(interviews etc) still do the standard handshake...thankfully.

I went to the bar tonight and got handraped.

First guy I met, legit shake...srs biz. The next, the locking style crazy jazz with the slide back and pump..

Fuck off with that shit already, god fucking damnit.

What exactly makes the business man handshake any better than any other greetings? Military people salute each other, a lot of countries kiss cheeks, some remote tribes do little dances around each other. Just because the hand holding hand shake is more widely used now days makes it better and everything else is unacceptable? Broaden your horizons people stop putting yourselves in little "proper" bubbles.

A handshake is a greeting. A greeting should be fun and emotional not cold, standardized and robotic. A greeting should not be "serious business" unless it's business related. I think this thread alone shows how incredibly uptight people are over something as stupid as a handshake. Are we not supposed to be individuals or have any kind of style? I think we're quickly moving to a "Judge Dredd" future where we're all supposed to dress the same, behave the same and do everything identically the same as the next person. Anybody who doesn't fit into what's "proper" or doesn't conform to stupid traditions will just have to go live in the sewers. I dislike anything proper and traditional.

You guys seem to associate these handshakes with wiggers but they got it from black people. And for centuries secret societies have used special handshakes to identify each other. This isn't anything new. Wiggers never invented anything, they just copied it from someone else and screwed it up.

J-Swiss, you miss the obvious point here. They not only stole it and screwed it up: they raped the culture the same as they intend to rape your hand.

Sooky got it right though, with the violent grip on the hand. If you do that, they have no choice but to get crushed and submit to the real deal. Beyond that, there is the shake, thumb-grab to half-hug, which is just... well.... your body doesn't need to touch mine in this country.

Hand rape of all hand rapes? Extended regular hand shake. Ever shake someone's hand who just didn't let go? When it lasts more than the up and down motion, it's too much. More than 5 seconds, you're a strange man. Beyond 10 and you get put on the sex offender's list.

I propose this rule: Goofy handshakes for good buddies in your immediate crew. As long as it's agreed upon by the members. For people you don't know well or just met, stick with the basic handshake. (beer)

Quote:

Originally posted by davey45

I propose this rule: Goofy handshakes for good buddies in your immediate crew. As long as it's agreed upon by the members. For people you don't know well or just met, stick with the basic handshake. (beer)

Exactly. Crazy, crazy handjazz.

I propose this rule: Goofy handshakes = a punch in the face, (bud or not), just sayin'

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Originally posted by notech

I propose this rule: Goofy handshakes = a punch in the face, (bud or not), just sayin'

I agree, but the law is all "don't hit people"..shit sucks.

I got fist bumped the other day by my friends dad..

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Originally posted by Honda_X

Maybe when people shake hands,they'll just reach down each others pants and jerk one another off

That me laugh!

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Originally posted by sookyjumps

A: When said douchebag offers his hand with intent to molest yours, you move in quickly and with extreme force. Put the death grip on his hand so that he cannot maneuver away and continue raping your hand without causing a great deal of pain. Finish the handshake with ONE sharp, up and down motion and release. No verbal communication is needed as your attacker will be too arrogant to admit that you have caused him any pain.

That too.

Long time no real laugh reading a forum. Well done!