I'm in a delima....

O.k. guys, listen up. I need some feedback. I have been plagued with a dilema for quit some time. I have been dating this girl for almost 2 1/2 years. We are in a rut. Constantly bickering and squabling and just pissing each other off. We have broken up several times but for the most part it was her hormones or just crazy shit involved with child birth. Thats right, we have a child together, almost 4 months old. We can barely get along and dont spend a hole lot of time with each other. She works Thursday nite threw Monday nite at a local restaurant in the next town. We dont spend weekends together and, like I said, dont spend a great deal of time together. I watch my little girl when she has to work and take her over to friends house's and hang out wit her and take care of business. A buddy of mine has introduced me to another girl that has caught my eye. She is totally wrapped up in the idea that im a daddy and comends me on the great job that I do. She loves it. I dont want to date her but just hang out and spend time with her since mine and her work schedules are the same.
So, what Im asking, is, if it was ya'll, should I break up with her, pay my child support and try to be happy. If we end up married, its gonna cause problems and reck havoc on a child. I dont want to be unhappy but its almost like I force myself to be with this girl knowing that she doesn't treat me good and is always constantly pissed or just unhappy about things.
Like I said, I dont wanna date anybody, I wanna be single agains and answer to no one. Just do my thing. So, give me some feedback and support.


Sorry for it being so long, hope I didnt scare anyone off.

Thanks bros.

Black

Normally it scares the crap out of ppl
Well i think you should make a clean break, pay ur child support, and do with ur daughter as you do right now, and then go dat e others... No reason being miserable, but be there for your child...

Shouldn't have had the kid in the first place unless you were absolutely sure you were gonna be together for a long long time. But if the two of you can't get along at all, then you shouldn't try it just for the sake of the kid...growing up in a broken home is better, IMO, than growing up with completely dysfunctional parents.

clean break

Hmmm.. grow up and make it work... I'm sick of hearing how so many people wanna run away from things... sounds like a couple immature people to me, I feel sorry for your little girl, all I can say is make it work, seriously for her, and if that HONESTLY isn't possible... then do your best raising her.

Ppl do stupid things, but you have to make the best of it, and yes you owe it to ur little girl to give her a proper raising, and a proper childhood and later life...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

DONT GET MARRIED!!!

I'm having that problem right now, and being married only makes it worse 10 fold.

There is a world of difference between fathering a child and being a father? What are you? If you want to be a father then take your responsibilities seriously. If you want to leave your prodgeny all over the place then without taking your responsibilities seriously then split.

well do you 2 love each other? i mean...if theres no love, why be together...you obvioulsy want whats best for your daughter...and having her grow up in a loveless family dont sound too good..

if theres no love mate...split, take care of business and your daughterm, but call it quits...if theres love there..you might want to talk about it with her, try sort things out and then decide...

just my thoughts mate, good luck with it

If you two don't love each other the child will know. It's how my parents were they tried to "love" each other when i was around but i could tell they were fed up with each other and the longer it went on the worse it got...and it made me a very bitter, cynical and generally angry person for a long time and was no fun at all as a child.

If you can leave her now you may be able to learn to love her to an extent down the road...meaning you can be around her and your daughter at the same time and give her a relatively normal upbringing. But if you try to force it you're just going to get angry that you're still with her.

something like this will make you think twice about future choices


oh, and its spelled dilemma

I'm never gonna have a child, ever...

Sounds like the responsibility is too much to handle!!!!!!
Kids need 2 parents around....trust me, I know...... I say to both of you, grow up and get your shit together....the kid needs the 2 of you...paying her off is not going to make you a better person.

The most important thing is the child. Maybe you should try telling your girlfriend what you told WBW. I would suggest trying to talk to your girlfriend. You have been together for a few years now so at one point there must of been something there. Before making a clean break try to work it out. Don't stay together for the child, that only makes it worse for the child. Life is full of problems. It is also full of solutions. Talk to your girlfriend, don't yell or fight. Talk. You were mature enough to make a child now be mature enough to be open and honest about your feelings. People need to work, make the most of the time that you do have. I am in a simuler situation with the lack of time with my girlfriend too. I try to make what little time we do have count.

Quote:

Originally posted by BlackZ-4x4

...I wanna be single agains and answer to no one. Just do my thing.

You are a father now. Whether you are living with a woman or not, your right to be single and carefree are gone. You don't provide much info about the supposed "problems" you are having with the mother of your child but from the comment above and the fact that you seem to think that "babysitting" your child when the mother is at work is a big deal it seems possible that the mother of the child is a bit angry that she realizes she has two children on her hands.

man you should have left way before the kid

that said I also think that I should tell you the same thing I figured out when I was in your situation:

see if it'll work, that means if you make her happy once in a while try to do that stuff constantly and see if she gets happy all the time. the mistake that I made was putting her happiness before mine, so I forced her to make me happy too <<-- it worked

if not split (besides if you fight hard enough you could get the child yourself, you just have to prove two things, you're finacially respnsible, and your religously responsible <<-- don't use an an excuse be honest)

If so, try to sit down and plan little goals together. this is important because that means that both of you's are working towards the same thing. after a while and when you feel comfortable make larger goals.

(PLAY) yes play. take a few hours to yourselves and and just do some stupid shit like going to a carnival or a music concert, take a walk/jog/run together, go to a roller rink skate park, play board games, sex games, cards games the important thing here is to have something to talk about later.

understand this is a hard one for most guys, but when she bellowing and the neighbors are calling the police and she throwing shit at you, just step back and think about what it is she's trying to say. I found that when the other in any relationship does this it's usually because they feel it is the best way to get through to you. So if you try to understand her side you can answear calmly and honestly.

try these things and let us all know how things go

Well, thanks guys. I understand some of the positive feed back and I understand some of the negative feedback. Its not that one of us hates each other or that we are completely selfish or childish. We just cant agree on anything and its always give and take and no one wants to give anymore. I dont see the need in making her happy anymore because she is just rude and pissed all the time and just got to where she doesn't like being around me. Im honestly trying. I can say that. I have tried. Im just tired of trying.

I didnt mean anything wrong when i said that I want to do as I please and not have to answer to no one. I understand that we have a child, and its my responsibility to see that she gets what she needs threw life. Im her dad. I have to be here for her no matter what.

But I dont want to raise this child in a home where mommy and daddy cant get along or are constantly harassing each other. I have tried backing down and just making her happy, but the more I make her happy, the less happy I become. Her job is really taking alot out of us. She works 5 nites a week, then, is always braggin bout all the money she has but wont help me with diapers, or formula or clothes or gas to and from here and there. Wont offer to help pay for stuff. No what I mean. Ungreatful in a sort of way.

Its gotten to the point to where we are more or less obligated to each other and do it cause we have to. Makes for a very boring relationship. Not to mention sex is gone down hill fast. Very fast. Goodbye!!

Sometimes, when I get home from work, she says she doesn't care how my day went. Sometimes we go out, she says she doesn't want to hold my hand or doesn't want to sit beside me on the couch. I dont know whats goin on threw her head.

Should of thought this out a little more.

Guess I'll just chalk it up as experience and live and learn.

I'll play it by ear and keep ya'll posted as to what happens.

But understand me that Im not wanting to move out of my lil girls life forever. Im not wanting to leave her mom all alone neither. Im at the point where I dont feel like Im welcomed in this relationship anymore. I feel like she doesn't care for me and when one little thing goes wrong, she jumps all over me. She was late for work yesterday and just kept cussing me like it was my fault. Hell, I cant help it her friend was late for pickin her up. She also brings home phone numbers all the time from guys at the restaurant and just lays them on the dresser for me to ponder over the next morning. WTF!! She's all the time saying somebody there was extremely sexy but doesn't have the guts to tell me I look good if we go out somewhere. It just blows my mind how she is so blind to the obvious.

I'm pathetic. Normally I dont bellow my emotions to anyone. But this is really been driving my ass crazy the past few weeks.

im in the same boat more or less... no matter what you decide it will suck and cost you mega bucks.. im in a custody suit right now. either take the plunge of marriage or the relationship is doomed and fast. good luck to ya

can't help. I went and got snipped so i wouldn't have to deal with this kind of stuff

I'm forever amazed people have sex, produce a child, and then can't work with each other for the childs benefit... something isn't right.