FUCKTARD SNOW PLOW DRIVERS and my sister...seriously, I hate you fucking plow cocksuckers, and my sister sucks almost as bad. So, we got like about a foot of snow or so, and that's fine, and I know it sucks and I have some shoveling and shit to do. Fine. But fuck you guys, because not only do I have to shovel my driveway and my sidewalk, but I also have to fucking shovel down the massive goddamn wall of snow you've put in front of my goddamn house.
In the diagrams below, the grey areas is the snow. So, at 10:00 am there is a three foot wall of snow along the outside of our cars (mine is red, my sister's is the other one...we'll get to her in a minute). This sucks, but is standard, and so I shovel it down, shovel out my car, pull my car into the driveway and shovel that goddamn wall of snow away, putting it along the curb on both my side and the opposite side of the street, depending upon which had more room for me to put that shit.
While I'm doing this, around noon or so, my sister comes out and decides she wants her car out of its parking spot. Now, she's lazier than a sloth on quaaludes, so I'm sure this is going to go well. Also, she has 2 wheel drive, and the front end of her car has almost been buried in snow, because across the street from our house is a condo, and they have their own parking lot, which gets shoveled straight out of their parking lot into this massive mountain of snow about fifteen feet down from our driveway. I would care about that, but I never park on that side of the driveway, and the property is actually my neighbor's, so I don't care about that. But it was funny watching her try to get her car out. Her procedure was something like this. (Mind you, we got about a foot of snow, and she's driving a shitty Saturn.)
1. Shovel about 1 shovel-full from behind a tire.
2. Get in car, gun it in reverse.
3. Get out, shovel another shovel-full of snow from behind another tire.
4. Get in car, gun it in reverse.
5. Repeat steps 1-4 ad nauseam.
She eventually gets it to slide out, to the area at the bottom of our driveway that I've already shoveled out. Then she goes inside and plays on facebook for hours or something. I don't know, she sucks. Then an hour or so later, she leaves. Of course, due to her rigorous shoveling, she's left this snow-alcove, visible in the 2nd half of the first pic, which consists of a space about the size of her car which is relatively snow-free, and then a huge fucking 3 foot wall of snow to the left, and then the snow from the sidewalk and such off to the right. It's basically a big "U" of snow, which she backed out of. Ok, fine, I'm not doing her work for her.
I spend a total of about 2.5 hours knocking down that snow-wall and turning it into 3-5' snow-walls lining our sidewalk, but at least there's enough room for a couple of cars to parallel park in front of the house, in addition to the driveway. I go inside, and the result is the 2nd half of the first picture.
Once inside, I decide to have a piece of pizza. When I'm done, I notice a couple dishes in the sink, so I figure I'll just go ahead and put them in the dishwasher. But, of course, it's not that easy, because when I grab the dishwasher, it's locked, meaning there's a shitton of dishes that are in there that have to be put away. Ok, fine. So, now I'm putting dishes away, and my back goes into spasms from all the goddamn shoveling, so I'm standing there shaking because my back muscles are acting like punks.
I finally get all the dishes put away, and decide that I should take a shower since I'm all sweaty from moving all that shit around. I get into my room upstairs, and as I'm about to grab some clothes from my closet, I hear a damn snow-plow scraping around. Mind you, it stopped snowing somewhere around 3:00 am last night.
So, I take a peek out the window, because I figure this moron is going to do something stupid, and I notice he's building a to-scale version of K-2 on the corner across the street. This is standard procedure for them, because for some reason they think the best place to put all the excess snow they can find is directly on top of those handicapped ramps on the corners of streets. Slightly annoying, but it's across the street, so I let it go. Then I see him back up, and drive into the parking lot for the condos across the street from our house.
I watch as he scrapes up some sludge and frozen-slush and stuff from the lot, and comes out of there, making a right, directly toward our house. As a special treat to me, he takes his load of that shit and catches the corner of the goddamn snow-wall that my sister had conveniently left in place, blasting that shit all over the area in front of our driveway, and continues on the path shown in the second picture (the black arrows at the top), dumping all that shit right back onto the area where I had spent like 2 hours shoveling. Now, you may be asking yourself, "Wait a minute, if he's going that way, why doesn't he just go all the way to the curb, and clear it some more, now that there's no cars there or anything?" I can answer that for you...it's because years ago, when he was young, someone cut open his fucking head, scooped out his brain, took a big shit, and then closed it back up. And the result is this clown fucking shit all up.
So, I keep looking out of the window, wondering if he's going to come back, maybe make a second run, clear that shit up? Maybe even plow the area where my sister's snow-alcove had been until he blasted that wall of snow into the alcove and everywhere else. Of course, that would assume the guy had a shred of common decency, and I realized my mistake of expecting this after a few moments and headed back out to fix that shit up.
Another forty-five minutes of shoveling later, we have the result at the bottom of the page. The snow-alcove has been utterly destroyed by the plow guy, but you're fucking retarded if you think I'm going to shovel that shit for lazy-ass sister. The snow-sludge-ice mixture that was directly in front of the driveway has somehow made it's way back into the middle of the street in little clumps. I don't know how it happened, but it did, and that's fine with me. I spent a while clearing off the parking spots down the street, down toward the corner, and now my arms are about to fall off and my back feels like it's going to snap in two like someone dying of
tetanus.
The result is the bottom half of this schematic, where you can see that I've cleared almost down to the corner, where the plow driver had inexplicably just fucking ignored.
But, before you guys go thinking this story is all bad, there is a silver lining.
As I'm finishing up clearing that run to the left of the driveway ma dukes pulls up as she got out of work early or something. Whatever the reason, I'm cool with it, because it gives me an idea. You see, if my sister comes home and sees that junk, she's totally going to just park in the area I shoveled and go about doing whatever dumb shit she does all day. But, you know EL, and that shit won't fly.
So, I go grab my keys, and strategically move my car from the driveway to a different spot. The result is below.
