Considering Adultery

Cheating is betrayal and a taint on love. Your spouses have to live with how they've loved (or not truly) the both of you. If your spouses mean so little, then why even bother staying together, kids or not? Cheating is messy and ugly and in the end not worth the short quick thrill. Set yourself to higher standards and you will know a greater life experience...

i have NEVER cheated... though have been cheated ON many times..... if u need "revenge" so badly i suggest you divorce your wife because that isnt a healthy marriage.... also you said you have children.... how do you think they would feel if daddy all of a sudden is kicked out because of some stupid mistake...

listen we've all been tempted, but u need to realise it will pass... stop accepting calls from her... stop letting the conversation go i the sex direction... believe me if you love your wife in the least you will not cheat

just my .02 and good luck with whatever decision you make... just make sure you think it through... if you have any guilt whatsoever, which it sounds like you do b/c if you didnt you wouldnt be asking at all, i suggest you dont do anything you may regret

if you married her anyway, there is no revenge to be had - you forgave her by getting married. Cheating on her does not make it even. As tempting as it may be, think of the innocent kids that will get f'd up in the middle

whatever

as much as i would like to see pics, its not worth it. it will not stop at just once.....it will always be just one more time until everything is ruined with both of your marriages ...and it WILL completely fuck everything up. you will and should feel guilty. you should have never married her if you were not over what she did. how would you feel if she did it to you again??? remember how devastated you were when she did it to you??? do you want her to feel that? sex like that, once you have a family is never worth the repercussions that will definitely follow. dont let your nuts over rule your heart on this one...as soon as you blow your load you will regret it.

when in rome

I understand that your spouse cheated on you, and that is a horrible thing. I also understand your desire for revenge.

However, the fact that you have kids changes the mix. If your affair ever is brought into the light of day it will tarnish your image and your relationship with your kids, and in my opinion nothing is worth that. The kids are innocent bystanders, do make them into combatants.

just my 2 cents.

Quote:

Originally posted by FeFeHumHum

youre just making excuses in your own mind in order to get a little pussy.

I think this sums it all up. All you're trying to do is justify yourself because you don't want to feel guilty afterwards. Get over it and have a little self-control.

Quote:

Originally posted by BillK

whatever

Tarquin's respose is one of the most well thought out and insightful responses ever.


Your's was the dumbest. Why even bother.

I can speak from experience here. Don't do it. It will eat you up inside. If you both have engaged in conversation that leans toward sex & what you have done in the past, then what you are thinking is NOT revenge sex. It is sex. Period!! FeFe, Latino, & Tarquin all have stated good advice and I agree with them (which might be a first). Don't dip your pen in the company ink.

Don't do it!!

Cheers, Demon.

Seems everyone with something to say has said it's a horrible mistake. Everyone that's fucking retarded and can't be bothered to spout out more than three words of a sentence say, "Do it."

Consider your sources, Eric. There's a clear pattern to see.

man, if she cheated on u before get married...if u planed to revenge, u should do it before the "i do", but as people say here, u forgave her with the marriage. In the way u think and talk, i dont think u were faithful before get married either, she maybe is faithful to u right now, HOLY marriage or how it says...........You r just looking for a reason for sleep with other woman.

Dont do it man

just do it........

and post the pics/vids

If you really want to help your life, why don't you try learning how to spell rather then cheating on your wife?

Isn't it the most amazing thing what that little patch of flesh will make us men do? Some women may think they aren't powerful,bullshit!!!!!!!!

yep, you are lying to yourself hardcore mate... if you want to fuck her, then admit it and dont try to wrap it up in some bullshit about your wife cheating on you before you were married... also dont try to wrap up the faults of your relationship with your wife into that same issue...

you're blurring all the issues and looking for reasons and excuses to bang this hot chick...

You should look at your relationship first... get down and dirty and talk it out with your wife.. if you cant get past it then its over, get out... its as simple as that. if you do get over it then life will get better... possibly even your sex life... which is probably suffering and driving you to some other tart....

if however you do fuck the whole thing by just shagging this other chick without taking a long hard look in the mirror... then be damn sure you give it to her every which way you can, and be damn sure to catch it on film for us..

YO!

A couple of points.

Tarquin brought up a lot of valid points.

I think it is more than just the cheating angle, there are other issues in your overall relationship, a little less exciting, frustration , boredom.

This heavy flirting may be fun, but once you have sex, you add even more complications:...the lies, the evasions when you are with her instead of your wife, the possibility it could jeopardize your job.

This isn't a porno movie or 9 and a half weeks. It is real life. So think it out before you do something you will kick yourself in the ass for later.

You're getting some good, thoughtful advice here. But none of us can tell you what you should do. It's your life. Your decision. You have to live with the consequences, not us.

She cheated before you were married. That was wrong. But, you still wanted to marry her. That says some really good things about her and about you. Yet it still hurts you to know that she cheated you. I think I can understand how that might make you want to hurt her. How will she feel when she finds out? I doubt that she will feel that you have a 'right' to do to her what she did to you. That was in the past and before you married. What do those marriage vows mean to you and to her?

What might be the consequences for your marriage? For your children? For your wife? And for your friend, her marriage and children? Potentially you could lose a great deal, and perhaps not gain a lasting relationship with your new lover (if that's what she becomes). Imagine how it would be if you got cut off from your kids.

You're clearly intelligent, thoughtful and considerate and that must be part of what attracts her to you. The attention you're getting from her must be really nice, and I can fully understand why you want to develop the relationship. Are you being fair to her in wanting to use her as a revenge shag?

Might there be some unresolved issues with your wife? If so, are there other, perhaps better ways of working them out. Does she know you still feel hurt by what she did; is it something you talk to her about?

Whatever you decide, good luck, and keep thinking with your brain!

I post rarely on any forum, but this is something that I think I should post on.

There is nothing wrong with fantasy, we all have them, infact they are quite healthy, but as long as they stay as just that, fantasy. You stated that your wife cheated on you before marriage, cheating is cheating, regardless of you being married or not, marriage is a legal document, the bond and the trust should be there in any relationship. Obviously you know this as you have been hurt by it to such a degree that two children and probably countless years later you still carry the venom. So this is my professional advice to you, and yes it is professional.

Commiting adultery yourself will not make you feel better, it will only make you loathe yourself, it will destroy what you have left with your wife, and most probably destroy your relationship with your children, you need to cut contact with this other female on all levels but business, by mixing business and pleasure not only could you be out of a family but also out of a job.

What you need to do is make a decision, do you want your family and your marriage or not? If no, then you need to explain to this other woman that you have matters to deal with first, and end your marriage the correct way, then move on.

If you do want to keep your family, then you need to enter counselling, alone and with your wife. You need to go alone in order to work out what you are really feeling and why, and how to deal with it, and you need to go with your wife so she can understand and you can work through it together, it can be forgiven, but it is a hard road.

As a final thought, remember that she has a family too, do you want to be responsible for wrecking her home also? The guilt you would most probably carry after this, will be far worse than anything you may have felt to this point.

Thanks

JT