Anybody have some good jokes?

Here's one to start...

On a small farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day, the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. The horse begged for the chicken to go for help. The chicken ran back to the farm. He searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail for he had gone to town with the tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new BMW. Finding the keys inside, the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his best friend's life. Back at the bog the horse was surprised, but happy to see the chicken arrive in the shiny new car. He managed to get a hold of the rope the chicken tossed to him, after tying the other end to the rear bumper of the car. The chicken then drove slowly forward and with the aid of the powerful car, rescued the horse. Happy and proud, the chicken drove the car back to the farmhouse and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented. Best buddies. Life long pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit and soon began to sink and cried out for the horse to save his life. The horse thought for a moment, walked over and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his "thingy" and he would lift him out. The chicken got a good grip and the horse pulled him out, saving his life.

The Moral Of The Story...... When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

How do you get a Nun pregnant? Dress her up like an Alter boy.

Q) Whats the difference between priests and acne ?

A) Acne waits until you're 13 before it comes on your face.

Q) Why didnt Superman stop 9/11 ?

A) Cause hes in a fucking wheelchair.

It goes a little something like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, much like the brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. The slowest buffalo are the sick and weak so they die off first, making it
possible for the herd to move at a faster pace. Like the buffalo the weak, slow brain cells are the ones that are killed off by beer drinking, making the brain operate faster.

The moral of the story, drink more beer, it will make you smarter.. "

Those were all pretty funny, well except the superman one..

yeah it is kind of mean thats why I didnt give anymore jokes cause they get a lot meaner from here on out...

whats the difference between a british soldier and an iraqi soldier???

don't know???

welcome to the u.s. air force!!!!!!!!!

Whats the defination of "conceited"?



A mosquito, floating down the river on his back with a hard-on, yelling "Raise the Drawbridge"!

How do you get a bag-lady knocked up? (besides letting Hemi at her())



cum on her shoes and let the flies do the rest. (sorry, thats really disgusting)

speaking of Hemi, LOOK! I found a picture of him on the net!

LMFAO thats funny crue...

how do u stop bums from hanging 'round your block?

cut the ropes

how does a blonde know that her sister has her period?

daddys cock has a slight taste of blood

ewwww...that may be worse than mine! Funny, but gross!

Ok i'll be the asshole that tells a joke to send us all to hell...

Q) How do you make a 6 year old girl cry twice ?

A) After your done fucking her you wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear..

Q) What is the definition of endless love ?

A) Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis.

What do Michael Jackson and J.C. Penneys have in common? (for those who don't know, J.C. Penneys is a large chain department store)


They both have little boys underwear, 1/2 off ()

a fitting joke since he has been asked to give up his passport and turn himself in for child molestation. Sick Bastard!

overheard at a pub : Yeah, I took a woman out on a date this weekend and we went back to her place after a few drinks and she told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt. So I fucked her three times and then hit her on the head with a brick.

this is a terribly old joke but it still kills me everytime I hear it

Well if it is going to get nasty ...

Q. Two fleas on a pussy. One is a theif and one is a junkie. How do you tell which is which?

A. The theif will be hiding in the bush and the junkie will be sniffing the crack.