Some of these are alittle harsh but they are still funny as hell hopefully noone gets too offended
50 things guys wish girls knew......
1. If you want to cuddle after sex go buy a teddy bear.
2. Swallow. Don’t start the race if you ain’t gonna finish it.
3. While giving a hand job please remove all rings from your fingers,
they hurt really bad.
4. Shave Seriously, shave it bald.
5. Remember that a little blood never hurt nobody.
6. There is no such thing as a fat, ugly, blow job.
7. If you ask us to any sort of dance that requires that we wear a
tie, we expect a sexual favor in return.
8. If you used a vibrator and let us watch it might be the greatest
moment of our life.
9. If you wonder why we will not eat you out it is most likely
because; it stinks, its hairy, or it stinks and its hairy.
10. You masturbate and we know it. When you do it just let us watch.
11. Birth control is the best invention ever. Start poppin those pills
12. Just cause we call you when we are drunk does not mean that we
like you. It means that we need some ass.
`13. Guys night out means guys night out. It doesn’t mean that you and
your friends meet us at the bar later.
14. If you wonder why your ass looks fat in those tight pants its
because you have a fat ass.
15. If you are with us and you start to cry for any reason just get up
and leave.
16. Don’t think that we don’t know that after we take you out and you
order a salad to make us think you eat healthy that you go home and
order pizza with your friends.
17. Once again, seriously shave!
18. Just cause you get our dick one night, does not give you any right
to get it the next.
19. If we drink too much, we do not need someone to hold our hair back
and act like our babysitter. We have puked before and know how to
handle it.
20. After we are through with you, do not expect to make us jealous by
fucking our friends. We really don’t care what you do.
21. If we cheat on you and you never find out about it, then its not cheating.
22. If we cheat on you and you do find out, at least it wasn’t with
one of your friends.
23. Swallow(just in case you forgot #2 already).
24. We don’t have a problem with watching chick flicks as long as we
get in your pants after.
25. Never under any circumstance take a shit while you are around us
or fart. Just thinking about it makes us sick.
26. While giving us head don’t be afraid to fondle our testicles, they
don’t bite.
27. If you are gonna jerk us off aim properly, a nut can irritate your eye.
28. Always remember that men are the superior sex and back in the day
you had to ask us if you could speak.
29. If we’re about to have sex and we decline because we don’t have a
rubber its not because we’re scared we’re gonna get you pregnant, its
that we’re scared we’re gonna catch something from your dirty [blacklisted]
ass.
30. If you swallow like you should, do not expect us to kiss you
after. Sorry that’s just the way it is.
31. I don’t care if you do have a flavored condom, you just don’t give
a blow job with a condom on. Would you like us to eat you out with a
dental damn?? I didn’t think so.
32. If we’re dong it doggy style there is no reason to turn around
and look at us, we’re focused on your ass cheeks and that slapping
sound.
33. Blood stains on our bed sheets come off with cold water, so make
sure you scrub them thoroughly before leaving.
34. When we go down on you to munch on your rug and we instantly start
sucking on the inner thighs rather than the clit, its because your
clit smells so go and wash it.
35. If you let us donkey punch you we will owe you for life.
36. Just cause we have sex with you when we are drunk does not mean
that you are pretty or that we like you. It means that you were our
only choice.
37. If we dance with you for more than 15 minutes at a bar we expect
you to come home with us.
38. If you think that you are ugly, we probably do too.
39. Don’t count on us saying we love you, its just not going to happen.
40. If for some reason we do say we love you its only because we want
to have sex immediately after we say it.
41. Just cause you have our phone number doesn’t mean we want you to
call us. If we want to talk then we will call you.
42. If you invite us over to watch a movie it would be awesome if we
watched a porn instead of a movie.
43. If you can’t dance then you most likely suck in bed. So stop
trying to dance and start having more sex.
44. Hmmmmm......girls in thongs.......yummmmmmmmmm
45. If you are fat the only way you are going to get anywhere in life
is to give great blow jobs. Sorry that’s just the way it is.
46. A sure way to keep a guy around for awhile is to have anal sex
with him. We can’t put into words how it feels.
47. You don’t have to ask our permission to make out with another
chick. Just do it but make sure we are there to watch.
48. In case you didn’t read #4 and #17 let me repeat...Shave!
49. Guys don’t have sex or make love, we fuck.
50. You can impress us if you can swallow our entire load without
dripping or wiping your mouth afterwards.
50 things guys wish girls knew......
1. If you want to cuddle after sex go buy a teddy bear.
2. Swallow. Don’t start the race if you ain’t gonna finish it.
3. While giving a hand job please remove all rings from your fingers,
they hurt really bad.
4. Shave Seriously, shave it bald.
5. Remember that a little blood never hurt nobody.
6. There is no such thing as a fat, ugly, blow job.
7. If you ask us to any sort of dance that requires that we wear a
tie, we expect a sexual favor in return.
8. If you used a vibrator and let us watch it might be the greatest
moment of our life.
9. If you wonder why we will not eat you out it is most likely
because; it stinks, its hairy, or it stinks and its hairy.
10. You masturbate and we know it. When you do it just let us watch.
11. Birth control is the best invention ever. Start poppin those pills
12. Just cause we call you when we are drunk does not mean that we
like you. It means that we need some ass.
`13. Guys night out means guys night out. It doesn’t mean that you and
your friends meet us at the bar later.
14. If you wonder why your ass looks fat in those tight pants its
because you have a fat ass.
15. If you are with us and you start to cry for any reason just get up
and leave.
16. Don’t think that we don’t know that after we take you out and you
order a salad to make us think you eat healthy that you go home and
order pizza with your friends.
17. Once again, seriously shave!
18. Just cause you get our dick one night, does not give you any right
to get it the next.
19. If we drink too much, we do not need someone to hold our hair back
and act like our babysitter. We have puked before and know how to
handle it.
20. After we are through with you, do not expect to make us jealous by
fucking our friends. We really don’t care what you do.
21. If we cheat on you and you never find out about it, then its not cheating.
22. If we cheat on you and you do find out, at least it wasn’t with
one of your friends.
23. Swallow(just in case you forgot #2 already).
24. We don’t have a problem with watching chick flicks as long as we
get in your pants after.
25. Never under any circumstance take a shit while you are around us
or fart. Just thinking about it makes us sick.
26. While giving us head don’t be afraid to fondle our testicles, they
don’t bite.
27. If you are gonna jerk us off aim properly, a nut can irritate your eye.
28. Always remember that men are the superior sex and back in the day
you had to ask us if you could speak.
29. If we’re about to have sex and we decline because we don’t have a
rubber its not because we’re scared we’re gonna get you pregnant, its
that we’re scared we’re gonna catch something from your dirty [blacklisted]
ass.
30. If you swallow like you should, do not expect us to kiss you
after. Sorry that’s just the way it is.
31. I don’t care if you do have a flavored condom, you just don’t give
a blow job with a condom on. Would you like us to eat you out with a
dental damn?? I didn’t think so.
32. If we’re dong it doggy style there is no reason to turn around
and look at us, we’re focused on your ass cheeks and that slapping
sound.
33. Blood stains on our bed sheets come off with cold water, so make
sure you scrub them thoroughly before leaving.
34. When we go down on you to munch on your rug and we instantly start
sucking on the inner thighs rather than the clit, its because your
clit smells so go and wash it.
35. If you let us donkey punch you we will owe you for life.
36. Just cause we have sex with you when we are drunk does not mean
that you are pretty or that we like you. It means that you were our
only choice.
37. If we dance with you for more than 15 minutes at a bar we expect
you to come home with us.
38. If you think that you are ugly, we probably do too.
39. Don’t count on us saying we love you, its just not going to happen.
40. If for some reason we do say we love you its only because we want
to have sex immediately after we say it.
41. Just cause you have our phone number doesn’t mean we want you to
call us. If we want to talk then we will call you.
42. If you invite us over to watch a movie it would be awesome if we
watched a porn instead of a movie.
43. If you can’t dance then you most likely suck in bed. So stop
trying to dance and start having more sex.
44. Hmmmmm......girls in thongs.......yummmmmmmmmm
45. If you are fat the only way you are going to get anywhere in life
is to give great blow jobs. Sorry that’s just the way it is.
46. A sure way to keep a guy around for awhile is to have anal sex
with him. We can’t put into words how it feels.
47. You don’t have to ask our permission to make out with another
chick. Just do it but make sure we are there to watch.
48. In case you didn’t read #4 and #17 let me repeat...Shave!
49. Guys don’t have sex or make love, we fuck.
50. You can impress us if you can swallow our entire load without
dripping or wiping your mouth afterwards.
* This post has been modified
: 2 years ago
