Why are balls where they are?

Things are kinda quiet without the usual wildly unusual Honda questions here of late.... and I thought I'd try my hand at "Honda Lite".

So, like, I'm just lounging on the john, that's a toilet to you city folks, just enjoying a good morning experience and I have this dog that has to sit at my feet every morning while I'm in the position of necessity. I don't mean like a third leg "dog", I mean a 4 legged barker dog. I mean, like it's a ritual dudes! I don't know if he's attracted to the sweet smell of success, or if it's just a reminder of last nights meal, or maybe he just thinks it's his duty to keep my feet warm. Hrmm, like, I wonder if I could train him to warm the seat for me?... well anyway, as he's laying there, I take notice of his balls just sort of OUT THERE. You know, like all squished out between his legs and laying on the tile floor.



So, like, as I'm looking at this hairy set of nuts on the floor, just inches away from a good toe-flick, I was reminded of a couple of the good nut-crunchers



I have experienced in the escapades of my wild life, and I thought to myself "damn, I wonder if I stepped on those suckers, would they pop like a ketchup pack... you know, the kind we used to lay out in a row on the sidewalk as kids and see how many we could squirt with our bicycle tires before wavering off line. Of course, like, we'd have to leave them there in the neighbors sidewalk, looking like there had just some sort of mad, mass, kamikaze murder, for the neighbor to pick up while cussing the worthless kids of the day.

Then I wondered, "would it hurt"?

Which of course, in my rather occupied state of need, led to expanded contemplation, and I thought "God. Why did you put our balls there?"



Birds, Fish, Reptiles... their balls are inside their body cavity, all nice and protected from the elements, dangers, and Lorena Bobbittwannabbees. So why are mammalian nut sacks located in such a precarious position? Just uh-swangin' for all the world to see.



To play with, make fun-of, or just generally be mesmerized by




I know the girls here can't appreciate a good swift kick to the tetherballs from a recipient POV, just like we men can't understand why you girls turn into ravingfanaticalludicrousbitchmonsters



during childbirth, but if there's a man here that hasn't found himself lying on the ground, in the fetal position, speaking cantonese in a soprano voice, then you my sir have led a sheltered life.



I have suffered some dandee, excruiatingly painful injuries in my life. The kind of hurts that put NFL linebackers on their back, crying for Mommy.



And while some of them have hurt for horrible lengths of time, and Jewel-Shots don't last all that long, I have never experienced pain like the time that a fully stretched rubber bungee let go of the point of attachment as I was straddling the cord, in a pair of gym shorts with no undies underneath,taking a full-on, Randy Johnson fastball



shot to the nuts that immediately gave me an extra set of tonsils.

What's your best Shot-to-the-Jewels story?
You know, the kind of shot where if you could take your nuts and



You would.

And the kind that just leave you



when you see it happen.

And why are out balls out there?

Some might say they are just hanging out there for heat regulation. You know, to provide the little swimmers with the best chance to impregnate our wimminz...

I say, that there is a god, and she is a woman and put them there as a cruel joke to harm us in any way possible

As far as a story goes, no real good ones, just the typical nut crushing on the bicycle bar, and the football being thrown at the junk kinda stuff...

If your nuts weren't on the outside just hanging there they would have to be on the inside. If your nuts were on the inside they would be called ovaries and you would no longer be a man, you'd be a woman.

Well lucky you Demo, for as I lay on the ground, incapable of breathing, speaking or making any other kind of sound besides a meager squeak, my eyes rolled so far back that I think I actually saw my nuts,.... none of my associates knew what happened to me. In fact, by the second minute of total incapacitation they were getting a fair bit scared that I was in cardiac arrest.

But, as I begin to get some sense of breath, still unable to open my eyes or dislodge my testicles from my vocal cords, one of them finally says "I wonder if this loose bungee cord hit in the nuts?"... to which I manage some sort of grunt and a violent nodding of my head.

Of course at that point, all efforts to find a spoon to hold down my tongue due to the sincere concern over my possible epileptic fit suddenly turned to hysterical laughter beyond description. The Bastards!!!!

Quote:

Originally posted by kiefjones

If your nuts weren't on the outside just hanging there they would have to be on the inside. If your nuts were on the inside they would be called ovaries and you would no longer be a man, you'd be a woman.

No, because no matter where your balls were located, testicles would still produce testosterone and sperm cells. Not eggs.

As I said, many creatures have internally located testes. I wonder why mammals don't? Although medically speaking, I know that Demo is right about the temperature regulation. But if chickens can manage, I would think we could too.

The laughing reaction must have something to do with the fact other guys feel the dude that just got his nuts busted won't be able to then reproduce, it's probably an evolutionary reaction

... or as simple as "Glad it's him and not me"... but scientifically, you just might be onto something. We wouldn't laugh at a broken leg.

We conclude that: (1) testicondy represents the plesiomorphic character state for Mammalia, because of the lack of testicular descent in all Monotremata and almost all Afrotheria; (2) the scrotum evolved twice during the evolutionary history of mammals within Marsupialia and Boreoeutheria; (3) the distribution of mammals with a fast mode of locomotion (gallop) is aligned with the distribution of the scrotal life forms on the phylogenetic tree of mammals; at the same time, repeated loss of the scrotum in many taxa within Laurasiatheria occurs in groups that do not gallop. The evolutionary history of testicular externalization and the origin of the scrotum.

#4 what the hell else would you scratch in the morning if your nutz where on the inside

Also, why is shit brown?

Quote:

Originally posted by Americanbulldog

#4 what the hell else would you scratch in the morning if your nutz where on the inside

Makes a lot of sense when I look at it that way.

Quote:

Originally posted by badpuppy

Also, why is shit brown?

Dead red blood cells.

Thanks for that tid bit of info EL

I was playing football (soccer to you uneducated lot) in goal when I was 15, the teams were uneven so my PE teacher was on their side, a 6foot 2 brick shithouse guy. Anyway, he danced and barged his way through my defencelike they were children, well, they were, and launched a rocket from his right boot which smacked me square in the Love Spuds. I literally dropped like a stone, in some MAJOR discomfort, for the ball to rebound back out to another opposing player for him to smack it, straight back at me in the face.

Everybody laughed.

Very hard.

I didn't.

It wasn't funny.

I still maintain to this day I would rather get a football smacked in my face full force ten times rather than in my balls.

Quote:

Originally posted by Dagnabbit

As far a women go, ask any of them that have been cuntpunted and they know pain.

GAHAHA!

Cuntpunted!

They are outside since sperm isn't stable at body temperature, so outside your body keeps it a bit cooler. That's why shrinkage happens when you're cold... gets your balls closer to your body warmth to keep your sperm viable.

Quote:

Originally posted by Dagnabbit

A friend of mine working on the his family farm got kicked by a cow in the nuts. He described how he experienced immense pain, blacked out and woke up in the hospital to find out he was going to have his completely crushed nuts replaced. His dad had the cow slaughtered for meat just for payback. Better story than any of mine.

As far a women go, ask any of them that have been cuntpunted and they know pain.

I imagine that one will be tough to top for anyone that hasn't straddled an IED, or some other war experience, but I hope people keep trying.

Quote:

Originally posted by mrinvisible

They are outside since sperm isn't stable at body temperature, so outside your body keeps it a bit cooler. That's why shrinkage happens when you're cold... gets your balls closer to your body warmth to keep your sperm viable.

I've heard that medical explanation, and thought that could explain the fish and reptiles.... but then I thought of birds, whose testes are located about mid body, right next to the spine.

Have you ever noticed that you develop ninja-like agility when someone is purposefully trying to give you a nut shot? It's like some sort of balls matrix ability.

penis' and balls are weird. and gross. and ugly.

Quote:

Originally posted by ramsann

penis' and balls are weird. and gross. and ugly.

Some people would say the same thing about vaginas. Am I right Honda?

Vaginaphobia