quotes

a lot of you have interesting quotes in your signatures, so i thought i´d make a thread for all the wise, funny and entertaining quotes and phrases. post your favourites!
here are a few i can think of, i hope i´ll remember more soon:

"recognising others is educated, recognising yourself is wise" Lao-Tse

"doing nothing is better than making nothing with big efforts" Lao- Tse

"some call you the elite, i call you my base" George W. Bush

"if you wanna be loyal to yourself, you cant always be loyal to others" Christian morgenstern

"man is born free, but still he lives in chains" jean jacques rosseau

"give every man thy ear, but few thy voice" shakespeare

"thou shouldst eat to live, not live to eat" socrates

"think not those faithful who praise all thy words and actions, but those who kindly reprove thy faults" socrates

"i know nothing except the fact of my ignorance" socrates

"thats maybe your opinion, man" the dude

"the hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax" albert einstein

great idea for a thread, keep'em comin'!

i´ll post some more, feel free to add

when a man has everything he wants in a woman, it is - Richard Lederer

"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I
don't know the answer."
---Douglas Adams

"My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her
voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill
my father."
---Wendy Leibman


Regarding Jack Abramoff.

"What kind of parent would name a kid Jack when his
last name ends with off?" - George Clooney


"A couple nights ago, I was licking jelly off my boyfriend's
penis, and I thought, Oh, my God--I'm turning into my mother!"
--- Sarah Silverman


"The only difference between the women I've dated and Charles
Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case
when you first meet him."
---Richard Jeni

^^ good ones

"the visionary lies to himself, the liar only to others" nietzsche

"when one has much to put into them, a day has a hundred pockets" nietzsche

"here i stand, i cant act different" martin luther

"the quality, not the longevity of one´s life is what is important" martin luther

"A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah." Ronald Reagan

"I've had a wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." Groucho Marx

"all the important things in life, men learn from women" anonymous

hahahha some good ones there

Love the groucho marx quote. Funny shit.

To a man who had four kids "I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth every now and then" Groucho Marx.

"We learn from the mistakes of others, some of us are the others" unknown

...how about the prolific quotee, anon

No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody
who knew it would.

I really wish my supermarket had an aisle marked
"unhealthy crap" so the chore of shopping wouldn't
take so long.

They won't prescribe Viagra to Lawyers anymore.
It only makes them taller.

"You can always tell a man who is a non-conformist, because
he looks just like every other non-conformist."
---Unknown

Men who don't understand women fall into two
categories:

bachelors and husbands.

My dad always said this one and I dunno why. "99% of all divorces are cause by marrage"

My quote roots back to 47BC!!

Julius Caesar: Veni, Vidi, Vici

In 47 BC, having decisively defeated the king of Pontus, Pharnaces II, at Zela (in Asia Minor), the victorious Caesar announced his triumph in Rome:

"Veni, vidi, vici," he declared. ("I came, I saw, I conquered" )

Gandhi

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

Classic quotes from Fran Lebowitz

All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.

My favorite animal is steak.

Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.

The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

good ones, keep em coming!

No doubt the world is an imaginary world, but it is only once removed from the true world.

Isaac Bashevis Singer

some WBW sigs I've noted:

"Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?" And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots! You see, Reverend Maynard, tomorrow is harvest day and to them it is the holocaust."


"America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilization." - George Clemenceau, 1841-1921

The paranoid are merely those in full possession of the facts

"if you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough"

Nobody can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own.


If you can't ignore an insult, top it; if you can't top it, laugh it off; and if you can't laugh it off, it's probably deserved



A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history, with the possible exception of handguns and tequila.


Everyone has the right to be stupid every once in a while. You're abusing the privledge.

Quote:

Originally posted by ThreadKiller

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history, with the possible exception of handguns and tequila.

I like that one.


I hope I won't get flamed for the source of this one, I swear I'm not a trekkie, I just like the quote.


"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censored, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably." -- Captain Picard

found a few more from groucho marx...

"time flies like an arrow. fruit flies like a banana"

"i never forget a face, but in your case i might make an exception"

"either this man is dead or my watch has stopped..."

"it isnt necessary to have relatives in kansas in order to be unhappy"

"military intelligence is a contradiction in terms."

"military justice is to justice what military music is to music."

"i find television very educating. everytime someone turns on the set, i go into the other room and read a book."

"my mother loves children. she would have given anything if i had been one..."

"she´s got her looks from her father, he´s a plastic surgeon"

"a child of five would understand this. send someone to fetch a child of five"

"anyone who says he can look through women is missing a lot."

"i do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."

...groucho is great

Ill-luck, you know, seldom comes alone.
Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra (1547-1616)

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned,
Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.
William Congreve (1670-1729)

We have unmistakable proof that throughout all past time, there has been a ceaseless devouring of the weak by the strong.
Herbert Spencer (1820-1903)

So we shall let the reader awnser this question for himself. Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived, or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?

Hunter S. Thompson
The Proud Highway