Last weekend was the big annual WBWCREW meeting, where we discuss the state of the site, and
its members, how we’re doing financially and any other problems or concerns any of us have.
I showed up a little late, since the WBW private jet is beginning to show its age. I wasn’t going
to go, but then I realized as usual, I have no other plans.
I arrive at about 7:00-8:00am Dutchie time. As I walked down the street from where the cabbie
dropped me off, I noticed large plumes of smoke coming from the WBW office. I was concerned
that WBW headquarters had caught fire, so I broke my normal, casual walk, and began to dart
towards the building. As I reached the front revolving doors, I was trying to figure out why the
fire alarm wasn’t going off. I kicked the boardroom door open and preformed a dramatic tuck-
and-roll entry into the office.
“Hello Honda, you’re late. Also, the door was unlocked.” said Diz who sat at the end of a long
table, with a handful of other WBW crew members seated randomly around the table. . “The
WBW private jet isn’t what it used to be Diz, sir..but, there’s a problem, I think the roof is on fi-”
I was cut off by Diz “Enough! Have a seat, Mr.X.” said Diz, who had Jason and Wortel on his
left and right sides. “Why isn’t Wortel wearing a shirt?” I asked in my confusion. “Because
Wortel likes to party, now, if you’re done with the twenty questions, sit down!” said Diz, while
Creepus massaged his bald head with fine, luxurious scalp oils.
“I’m glad you could finally join us, Honda.” said Fefe with a smile. Fefe sat at the end of the
table with Diz, next to Wortel. “The building, it’s ..on fire, we need to get out of here!” I
exclaimed once I had caught my breath. “No, RainbowDemon and Demonicmale are upstairs,
relaxing.” said Wortel while mimicking someone smoking a joint. I ignored it, since I could tell
everyone was upset with me for being late, and kicking open an unlocked door. “Why aren’t you
guys giving them shit for being late?” I asked. “Because they brought weed, and scalp oil.” said
Jason.
I sat quietly as Diz began his presentation. I could see Punly, Brownell and Lilrika all glaring at
me from around the table. Clearly following Diz’s lead to shun me for being late, and my
dynamic entry. Apparently I wasn’t prepared for the serious business taking place. As Diz and
company started to dim the lights, I removed my lengthy rainbow scarf and tucked it neatly into
my Hannah Montana styled briefcase. The briefcase handle is a little guitar, it’s the cutest damn
thing, but anyway. I tried not to make a commotion since Diz had broken out the overhead
projector and extendable pointer, which looked suspiciously like a vibrator. Also, it vibrated.
I noticed a few friendly faces around the large boardroom table, FatherTime gave me a wave,
sitting next to him was Evilone, Bluewatertwo and Screwy. Evilone and Salty (BWT) were
watching the presentation, and Screwy was drawing a dick on the wall using a highlighter. I was
afraid to speak, after my scolding from Diz, so I wrote on a little piece of paper “The car forum
doesn’t exist, why are you here?” and held it up at Fathertime, who chuckled lightly. Diz noticed
our exchange.. “Mr.X, are you having fun? Is this a good time for you? This site is in moderate
trouble, and we need to find a way to fix it, and your over the top shenanigans aren’t going to be
the answer.” said Diz furiously. I began to speak to defend myself, when I was cutoff again by
Diz “Did you see the Audi R8 outside Honda? Did you see that car? I’ve already missed a
payment on that thing, well, an insurance payment, since I bought the car outright along with my
Volkswagen Sirocco!” “I had no idea Diz, the economy is hitting us all hard, I mean, I haven’t
eaten in a couple of days, and I had to hitchhike to the airport.” I said quietly. “How
embarrassing for you, now, quiet down..I’ve completely lost my place in the presentation...” said
Diz. “You were at the part where we sell Honda’s briefcase and shoes for your insurance
payment.” said Wortel.
Diz continued on with his presentation, as I stared down at my shoes, which matched my Hannah
Montana briefcase, which was no accident, that my friends, is what we call fashion.
“Where the hell are Lindros, Kanzen, Bangles and Latino?” I thought to myself while imagining
my shoes were singing “The Best of Both Worlds.”. Suddenly the door slammed open, and in
came a stumbling Demo and RD, laughing and learning on one another. The light from outside
the door caught Demo’s scalp and blinded me momentarily.”Have you considered wearing a hat
dude?” I said while covering my blinded eyes. “Have you considered......being not gay?” said
Demo, as he highfived RD. “Hey guys!” said Diz with a smile, have a seat next to Mr. Montana
there. Diz’s words cut through me like a knife, if Hannah Montana isn’t as fashionable as I
assumed, it’s a good thing I left my HM warmup suit, hat, belt, underwear and limited edition
HM eye patch at home.
“Can you guys sit somewhere else? You smell like a hookers ass.” I asked Demo and RD, who
proceeded to blow smoke in my face. I decided to move down a few seats, to save any trouble.
“My god RD is old, he’s like the living dead.” I thought to myself while staring at his rotund
belly jiggle as he and Demo made jokes about how hilarious it would be if Diz were nude, which
in my opinion, isn’t all that funny, but they both seemed really into it.
At this point FT had fallen asleep, Screwy had drawn a whole group of dicks on the wall, some
of them battling one another for some sort of dick throne, made of dicks, and Evilone was taking
notes. I would be taking notes right now, but I knew if I took out my HM notebook and pen, it
would be more fodder for Diz. I noticed Fefe in the corner, who was resting her head on her
bean-bag-chair sized breasts. I glanced up to the screen, now it was two pie charts titled “what
WBW needs more of, and less of” in the “more of” section it was 80% female nudity, 15% more
“Porn Addict” T-shirts and oddly enough 15% more gay innuendo. I raised my hand and
informed Diz that it added up to 110%, he then used his extendable vibrator pointer and slapped
the “needs less of” chart, which was 100% Honda (posts, stories, existence)..ouch that hurt a bit,
but, at least it equalled 100%.
I had enough of this abuse, I jumped out of my seat, waking RD, Demo and FT, and startled
Jason, who was shining his solid gold sunglasses. How he even sees out of those things is a
mystery. “Diz, where is everyone else? Bangles, Latino, Kanzen and Lindros, where are they?” I
demanded, dramatically pounding my fist on the boardroom table. “We sent the backup jet for
Latino first, then it’s going to circle around and pick up Lindros, Kanzen and Bangles.” said the
clearly annoyed Diz. “That doesn’t even make sense, it’s going to Australia, and then to the US,
and then here? That sounds like a horrible waste of money, when the Americans could have
come with me, or the rest of the American crew that are already here!” I yelled. “How I spend my
money is of no concern to you, sometimes I throw it at groups of homeless people, just to watch
them fight for it, is that any of your business?!” asked Diz. “Look Honda, you’re getting all
worked up, and honestly, kinda bitchy. We filled the jet with the first group of Americans, and to
be honest, the others requested to come with Latino.” said a calm Wortel, who was now fanning
himself with a stack of $100 bills, and resting his super fly pair of Pumas on the boardroom table.
“What the fuck is wrong with me? They couldn’t sit in a jet for a few hours with a friendly guy
like me?” I said while giving Wortel a confused look. “I thought they were my friends.” I thought
to myself. “No, we umm, we sent you the “Canadian” jet, and to be honest, we didn’t expect to
see you.” said Wortel while shrugging. “Is that why my jet pilot jumped out halfway here, and
the on board movie was “Twilight”? You assholes.” I yelled, and then Diz proceeded to point at
the “WBW needs less of” pie chart again.
“That’s it, I’ve had enough of this shit, Diz, you can take your elegant, oiled head, and sensually
shove it up your own ass!” I said while collecting my belongings. I took out my scarf, and threw
it around my neck, and then dramatically flipped my hair back and began to exit. “The door has a
handle eh champ.” said Diz, after which the rest of the room burst out into laughter. “Those cold
bastards, and to think, I brought them all maple syrup and Best of Celine Dion CDs” I thought to
myself as I exited the building.
As I walked by Diz’s R8, I spit on it, but, after feeling bad I took out a rag and wiped the spit
back off. The car alarm began to sound, I turned back to the building, and I could see the crew
that had been in the board room standing at the building window, pointing and laughing at me.
All except Fefe and a FatherTime. After I stared at them for a moment, I seen Fefe run over to
the group holding a piece of paper. They all looked at it in shock, and then Fefe open the window
and screamed for me to return to the boardroom. I set my briefcase down and bolted back
towards the building and after briefly getting stuck in the roundabout door, I made my way back
up the boardroom. This time I opened the door in a normal fashion, but still dramatically. All the
lights were on now, and Wortel had put on a purple mesh shirt, I could tell a dire situation had
arose. “Honda, there has been an accident!” yelled Fefe as I entered the room, I couldn’t see her
face, as it was obstructed by breasts, as if she were smuggling beach balls under her chin, but her
muffled words spoke louder than any facial expression could, especially since spoken words are
audible.
I ran over to the faxed out piece of paper she was holding “People still use fax machines?” I said
calmly, then I looked down, and I was greeted with the worst news I could imagine, the jet
carrying Latino, Lindros, Kanzen and Bangles had gone down, and even more to my surprise, it
had been reported a girl had also been on board, my mouth dropped in shock, PinkMoon was also
on board. “Bangles brought PM? Fuck yeah B-dawg” I thought to myself, while keeping my
shocked expression. “Call the fucking police and shit guys!” I screamed.
Everyone froze, I stood there confused for a moment, and then grabbed the phone, and to my
surprise Diz ripped the cord out of the wall. “Damnit man, we have to save them!”I yelled while
nervously rubbing Fefe’s cleavage. “It’s not that simple, Mr.X” said Diz, who was now petting a
white cat. “You see, that plane wasn’t just carrying your colleagues, it was also smuggling 50 TB
of pirated movies, music and porno that Kanzen was bringing us for sale on the streets, also,
15lbs of marijuana Demo ordered.” said Diz. “YOU’RE SERIOUSLY SMUGGLING POT IN
FROM THE STATES TO THE NETHERLANDS?!” I screamed. “What, is the weird?!” asked
Diz. Frustrated and confused, I started firing punches into the portly, and old RD, which felt like
punching a bag of old cookies.
I brushed RD dust off my clothes, and picked up the piece of paper. Diz then flipped me the keys
to his Audi R8. “If you bring them back, I’ll give you the amazingly, yet confusingly exclusive
news mod powers, do it Honda.” said Diz, who was now getting a blowjob from three model
inturns who had walked in with his mail while I had been talking..as I walked out of the room, I
seen Wortel join the models, I just shook my head in disgust. “Hey, jugs...lets roll.” I said to Fefe
who seemed as worried about the well being of the crew in the downed plane as I. I assumed this
based on weeping I heard, as I could still not see Fefe’s face. Fefe assumed by “jugs” I meant her,
and not RD, who was also in possession of some fine juggage. Fefe felt her way to the door,
took my hand, and followed me out. Just as I got to the revolving doors, I heard Diz scream “I’m
coming”..so I stopped and waited, but then slowly pieced together what he actually meant after
he thanked Wortel.
After again getting briefly stuck in the revolving doors, Fefe and I made our way to Diz’s Audi
R8. Fefe pulled her breasts down so she could see where she was going, we hopped into the R8,
fired up the engine, and gunned it into the pages of WBW history.
“Be careful with this car Honda, it’s Diz’s baby” said Fefe. “Good point.” I said as I purposely
drove up onto a curb, blasting through a fire hydrant, several crates full of chickens, and 2 plate
glass windows that were being moved from a truck into a building. I then pulled a hard right, back
onto the street. I then asked Fefe where the rest of the crew was, Punnani, Zulu and Retailtherapy
and the pic mods and the rest of the Dutchies, she then informed me they were all busy, as this
was a Saturday, and they were pretending to have lives.
The R8 roared through the streets, blowing up women’s skirts and making men weep with
jealousy. I knew how cool I looked at this moment, so I decided to kick it up a notch. I opened my
special edition Hannah Montana sunglasses case, and slid them on dramatically. Fefe, in seeing
this let out a little sigh. “Did you hear that?” I asked..”Yeah, I just came.” said Fefe. Thank you,
Hannah Montana Fanclub, for sending me these awesome shades.” I thought to myself.
As the speedometer approached 260kmph, I could hear the car tearing through the wind, then the
obvious happened, the police were behind me. “Bitches don’t got nothing on the X man.” I said to
Fefe. “Yo, dawg, I heard you like wiggers, so Honda started referring to himself as “the X man”
while driving yo car.” said Fefe.
“You’re not even doing it right.” I said with a small frown. More police started showing up
behind me. I looked around frantically for a button that would release spikes, or gas, or T-shirts. I
found the T-shirt lever, which was also labelled “trunk”. As boxes and boxes of WBW shirts
covered the cop cars behind us, we started to get away. Then, the unthinkable happened, a police
helicopter. “Honda, it’s got twin machine guns on it.” said Fefe who was eyeing up the helicopter
through the rear view window. The machine guns start dumping bullets into the road ahead of us.
I could see a tunnel, so I prayed we would make it. I pushed up my sunglasses as we approached
the tunnel, now, in the darkness of the tunnel I was completely blind, but, if couldn’t remove my
sunglasses due to extreme fashion. I stopped in the tunnel “Fefe, we might not make it, if you
want to get out now, I understand” I said sympathetically to Fefe. As Fefe frantically tried to exit
the car, something stopped her, something kept her from leaving. Fefe turned and looked deep
into my eyes and said.. “Honda, my breasts are keeping me in the car”...that was good enough for
me, I floored the R8 again.
I whizzed through traffic with a complete disregard for safety.. “Damnit Fefe, this is taking to
long..MA BRAHS are in trouble!” I yelled, slamming my fist down on Diz’s console, crushing his
Tony Danza “Who’s the Boss” bobble head. “Diz loved that bobble head.” said Fefe. I then
proceeded to hit it several more times. “Oh no, we’re approaching the end of the tunnel, the
helicopter!” I yelled..Fefe had an idea, a brilliant idea, she opened the sunroof as we approached
the light at the end of the tunnel and started shaking up two cans of Pepsi. Then, I noticed a
flatbed truck had dropped its bed in the middle of the road, making what looked to be a ramp.
There was no time, I had to hit it, as we flew through the air, Fefe stood up out of the sunroof as
high as her breasts would let her, and then slammed a pen into the sides of the two cans of shaken
Pepsi. Fefe squinted her eyes, clenched her jaw and looked up at the chopper. “I hate Pepsi.” she
said with a calm, deep tone, and then let the cans fly at the helicopter. Upon striking the blades,
the cans exploded, and the chopper lost balance, the pilot triggered the machine guns as he flew
into the tunnel, blowing up a large line of traffic. As the R8 touched back to the ground, I returned
to weaving through traffic. “I guess those commuters will think twice next time before blocking a
tunnel. “ I said while looking back at the carnage. “They’re all dead, Honda.” said Fefe.
I could see the crater where the plane had crashed in the distance. After a short trip, we finally
made it, driving the R8 off road up a hill. I jumped out of the car, and ran for the plane, Fefe
followed after sliding her breasts out of the R8. “Strut Airlines?!....Latino has his OWN
FUCKNG JET?!” I screamed. “Well, he does live in Australia, so Diz thought it would be a good
idea.” said Fefe. “I live in fucking Canada!” I yelled. “Yeah, but, you know..... “needs less of”
chart and all.” said Fefe. I just glared at her as we ran.
“The tail is on fire!” I screamed while climbing through the opened back end of the jet. “My god
there is a lot of leopard print and red leather in here.” I said to Fefe while coming through the
wreckage. “Are these stewardesses also strippers?!” I yelled. “Well, you know Latino..” said Fefe.
“The guy I hitchhiked to the airport with, started jerkingoff mid trip, and I just let him do it, since
I was in such a hurry to make it to the meeting, he whipped his cock out, looked at me, and started
fapping...seriously!” I yelled. “That’s pretty gay, Honda.” said Fefe. As I started smashing things
in Latino’s onboard bar, I swallowed my anger and moved on through the cabin. “Leave the
strippers, they aren’t real people.” I said while climbing over what seemed to be mountains of
clear heels. “Five stripper poles, really?...unbelievable.” I whispered to myself while walking
through the cabin.
I walked into the main passenger cabin, and everyone was there, except Latino, who was
mysteriously missing. I threw Bangles, Lindros, Kanzen and PM over my shoulders and made my
way to the exit, kicking open the door. “Again with the door kicking?” said Fefe. “Damnit
woman, mah brahs need savin!” I said as we slid down the fun little slide that unravelled as I
kicked open the emergency exit. “Wee!” I yelled while sliding down, somehow still maintaining
my badassness. I laid out the four of them on the ground, and ran back inside. Fefe was trying to
smuggle the things out of the plane in her bra, which at this point I was certain was made of
animantium. “Fefe, tend to the Trifecta, I’ll get Latino.” I said while pointing to the slide. I made
my way to the bedroom... kicking open the door. Latino laid there, surrounded by strippers.
“Dude, why the fuck did you kick my door open?” said Latino. “Get up dude...we have to blow
this plane up, and get back to WBW headquarters.” I said to Latino, who was tied to heart shaped
bed. “I can’t man, I was having a fivesome with some strippers, and my extremely attractive
wife!” I got the impression he was hiding something. Suddenly Latino sprung up, his cheetah print
man thong gyrating around hypnotically. The strippers got up too, it was all a ruse. A stripper
behind me threw him a bowling ball, he leapt off the bed, striking me in the face with it,
obliterating my fuckin sick Hannah Montana sunglasses.
I awoke hours later, tied to a chair in a dank basement. My sight was kind of blurry, and I could
hear a dripping in the distance, and that’s when Latino approached from the shadows. “You seen
something you weren’t supposed to Honda.” said Latino. “I’m trying to put your thong out of my
mind too man.” I replied. Then as he walked further out of the shadows, he was still only wearing
the thong. I started scambling to escape, as he air thrusted his way toward me. RumDum and
4tooker approached from the shadows as well. “At least you guys are wearing pants.” I said, as
RumDum slapped me with an open palm. “That plane was no accident, we crashed it...we’re tired
of Diz all up in our business, we barely even get a cut.” said Latino. “He bought you a jet...on the
way to the airport A MAN CAME ON ME!” I screamed. “Wow, that must have been incredibly
normal for you.” said 4tooker. I glared at them all, as they stood over me. Suddenly the door
calmly opened. Fefe, Kanzen, Lindros and Bangles walked in. “Where is PinkMoon?” I asked.
“She’s asleep in the car, she’s a little tired...if you catch my drift.” said Bangles, while winking.
“Score!” I mumbled as blood poured from my mouth. “She fell asleep on the flight.” said Lindros.
“Oh, well, that’s far less suggestive.” I mumbled again, my mouth now bleeding profusely. Latino
pulled out a gun.. “Where in gods name did you have that gun tucked?” I asked..Latino’s eyes
darted around but he gave no reply. “Time to die, Mr.X.” said Latino. “I don’t even know what’s
happening.” I screamed. Suddenly Lindros hit Latino over the head with a rock, as Latino fell, his
gun went off, killing RumDum. Bangles the took of his shirt for some reason, and started to fight
4tooker. After a few blows, 4tooker ran off into the darkness, escaping on his hovercraft.
As Lindros and Bangles untied me, Kanzen picked up the gun. “Kanzen, don’t do it brah!” I
yelled as he lifted the gun..”I have to...you have more RAM than I do...I’m THE RAM
MASTER!” screamed Kanzen. “I’ll remove some of the freaking RAM dude...just don’t kill me.”
I pleaded. Kanzen thought about it for awhile, but then threw the gun into a nearby puddle. The
four of us walked out to a car, where Fefe and PM started making out. “Did you guys blow up the
plane?” I asked. “Yeah, totally..it was fucking balla...it was all kaplowshboom....actually, it was
just neat, meh, it wasn’t even all that neat. It was boring...soo”..said Bangles.
“We need to make it back to HQ, I have some more mod powers coming my way.” I said. Fefe
stopped making out with PM long enough to inform me that Diz called, and he was just joking. I
began kicking the side of the car Fefe and PM were in, a brand new BMW M5, I then picked up
huge rock and started smashing the windows and kicking in the paint, I slashed a tire and smashed
all the lights. “Diz you can have the BMW instead.” said Fefe. I paused mid rocksmash..... “Oh,
awesome.” I said with a halfhearted smile as I looked down at the destruction I had caused to my
runner up prize.
“I’ll have you one day, news mod powers.” I said to myself, while trying to use spit to buff out a
huge gash I had put in the paint.
We all piled into the car, and made our way back to WBW HQ, where Diz finished his
presentation. It warmed my heart when I seen the “needs less of” pie chart had been changed to
“95% Honda, 5% Latino”...I sat down at my boardroom chair, leaned back, and went to sleep. Just
like every other WBW meeting.
Weeks later the police arrived at my house, apparently I was in some sort of legal trouble for all
those laws I broke. But, that’s another story. Also, PinkMoon got pregnant, and now Bangles and
Fefe have to take paternity tests.
Also, Diz replaced my Hannah Montana sunglasses.
And that’s the story of the last WBW meeting.
its members, how we’re doing financially and any other problems or concerns any of us have.
I showed up a little late, since the WBW private jet is beginning to show its age. I wasn’t going
to go, but then I realized as usual, I have no other plans.
I arrive at about 7:00-8:00am Dutchie time. As I walked down the street from where the cabbie
dropped me off, I noticed large plumes of smoke coming from the WBW office. I was concerned
that WBW headquarters had caught fire, so I broke my normal, casual walk, and began to dart
towards the building. As I reached the front revolving doors, I was trying to figure out why the
fire alarm wasn’t going off. I kicked the boardroom door open and preformed a dramatic tuck-
and-roll entry into the office.
“Hello Honda, you’re late. Also, the door was unlocked.” said Diz who sat at the end of a long
table, with a handful of other WBW crew members seated randomly around the table. . “The
WBW private jet isn’t what it used to be Diz, sir..but, there’s a problem, I think the roof is on fi-”
I was cut off by Diz “Enough! Have a seat, Mr.X.” said Diz, who had Jason and Wortel on his
left and right sides. “Why isn’t Wortel wearing a shirt?” I asked in my confusion. “Because
Wortel likes to party, now, if you’re done with the twenty questions, sit down!” said Diz, while
Creepus massaged his bald head with fine, luxurious scalp oils.
“I’m glad you could finally join us, Honda.” said Fefe with a smile. Fefe sat at the end of the
table with Diz, next to Wortel. “The building, it’s ..on fire, we need to get out of here!” I
exclaimed once I had caught my breath. “No, RainbowDemon and Demonicmale are upstairs,
relaxing.” said Wortel while mimicking someone smoking a joint. I ignored it, since I could tell
everyone was upset with me for being late, and kicking open an unlocked door. “Why aren’t you
guys giving them shit for being late?” I asked. “Because they brought weed, and scalp oil.” said
Jason.
I sat quietly as Diz began his presentation. I could see Punly, Brownell and Lilrika all glaring at
me from around the table. Clearly following Diz’s lead to shun me for being late, and my
dynamic entry. Apparently I wasn’t prepared for the serious business taking place. As Diz and
company started to dim the lights, I removed my lengthy rainbow scarf and tucked it neatly into
my Hannah Montana styled briefcase. The briefcase handle is a little guitar, it’s the cutest damn
thing, but anyway. I tried not to make a commotion since Diz had broken out the overhead
projector and extendable pointer, which looked suspiciously like a vibrator. Also, it vibrated.
I noticed a few friendly faces around the large boardroom table, FatherTime gave me a wave,
sitting next to him was Evilone, Bluewatertwo and Screwy. Evilone and Salty (BWT) were
watching the presentation, and Screwy was drawing a dick on the wall using a highlighter. I was
afraid to speak, after my scolding from Diz, so I wrote on a little piece of paper “The car forum
doesn’t exist, why are you here?” and held it up at Fathertime, who chuckled lightly. Diz noticed
our exchange.. “Mr.X, are you having fun? Is this a good time for you? This site is in moderate
trouble, and we need to find a way to fix it, and your over the top shenanigans aren’t going to be
the answer.” said Diz furiously. I began to speak to defend myself, when I was cutoff again by
Diz “Did you see the Audi R8 outside Honda? Did you see that car? I’ve already missed a
payment on that thing, well, an insurance payment, since I bought the car outright along with my
Volkswagen Sirocco!” “I had no idea Diz, the economy is hitting us all hard, I mean, I haven’t
eaten in a couple of days, and I had to hitchhike to the airport.” I said quietly. “How
embarrassing for you, now, quiet down..I’ve completely lost my place in the presentation...” said
Diz. “You were at the part where we sell Honda’s briefcase and shoes for your insurance
payment.” said Wortel.
Diz continued on with his presentation, as I stared down at my shoes, which matched my Hannah
Montana briefcase, which was no accident, that my friends, is what we call fashion.
“Where the hell are Lindros, Kanzen, Bangles and Latino?” I thought to myself while imagining
my shoes were singing “The Best of Both Worlds.”. Suddenly the door slammed open, and in
came a stumbling Demo and RD, laughing and learning on one another. The light from outside
the door caught Demo’s scalp and blinded me momentarily.”Have you considered wearing a hat
dude?” I said while covering my blinded eyes. “Have you considered......being not gay?” said
Demo, as he highfived RD. “Hey guys!” said Diz with a smile, have a seat next to Mr. Montana
there. Diz’s words cut through me like a knife, if Hannah Montana isn’t as fashionable as I
assumed, it’s a good thing I left my HM warmup suit, hat, belt, underwear and limited edition
HM eye patch at home.
“Can you guys sit somewhere else? You smell like a hookers ass.” I asked Demo and RD, who
proceeded to blow smoke in my face. I decided to move down a few seats, to save any trouble.
“My god RD is old, he’s like the living dead.” I thought to myself while staring at his rotund
belly jiggle as he and Demo made jokes about how hilarious it would be if Diz were nude, which
in my opinion, isn’t all that funny, but they both seemed really into it.
At this point FT had fallen asleep, Screwy had drawn a whole group of dicks on the wall, some
of them battling one another for some sort of dick throne, made of dicks, and Evilone was taking
notes. I would be taking notes right now, but I knew if I took out my HM notebook and pen, it
would be more fodder for Diz. I noticed Fefe in the corner, who was resting her head on her
bean-bag-chair sized breasts. I glanced up to the screen, now it was two pie charts titled “what
WBW needs more of, and less of” in the “more of” section it was 80% female nudity, 15% more
“Porn Addict” T-shirts and oddly enough 15% more gay innuendo. I raised my hand and
informed Diz that it added up to 110%, he then used his extendable vibrator pointer and slapped
the “needs less of” chart, which was 100% Honda (posts, stories, existence)..ouch that hurt a bit,
but, at least it equalled 100%.
I had enough of this abuse, I jumped out of my seat, waking RD, Demo and FT, and startled
Jason, who was shining his solid gold sunglasses. How he even sees out of those things is a
mystery. “Diz, where is everyone else? Bangles, Latino, Kanzen and Lindros, where are they?” I
demanded, dramatically pounding my fist on the boardroom table. “We sent the backup jet for
Latino first, then it’s going to circle around and pick up Lindros, Kanzen and Bangles.” said the
clearly annoyed Diz. “That doesn’t even make sense, it’s going to Australia, and then to the US,
and then here? That sounds like a horrible waste of money, when the Americans could have
come with me, or the rest of the American crew that are already here!” I yelled. “How I spend my
money is of no concern to you, sometimes I throw it at groups of homeless people, just to watch
them fight for it, is that any of your business?!” asked Diz. “Look Honda, you’re getting all
worked up, and honestly, kinda bitchy. We filled the jet with the first group of Americans, and to
be honest, the others requested to come with Latino.” said a calm Wortel, who was now fanning
himself with a stack of $100 bills, and resting his super fly pair of Pumas on the boardroom table.
“What the fuck is wrong with me? They couldn’t sit in a jet for a few hours with a friendly guy
like me?” I said while giving Wortel a confused look. “I thought they were my friends.” I thought
to myself. “No, we umm, we sent you the “Canadian” jet, and to be honest, we didn’t expect to
see you.” said Wortel while shrugging. “Is that why my jet pilot jumped out halfway here, and
the on board movie was “Twilight”? You assholes.” I yelled, and then Diz proceeded to point at
the “WBW needs less of” pie chart again.
“That’s it, I’ve had enough of this shit, Diz, you can take your elegant, oiled head, and sensually
shove it up your own ass!” I said while collecting my belongings. I took out my scarf, and threw
it around my neck, and then dramatically flipped my hair back and began to exit. “The door has a
handle eh champ.” said Diz, after which the rest of the room burst out into laughter. “Those cold
bastards, and to think, I brought them all maple syrup and Best of Celine Dion CDs” I thought to
myself as I exited the building.
As I walked by Diz’s R8, I spit on it, but, after feeling bad I took out a rag and wiped the spit
back off. The car alarm began to sound, I turned back to the building, and I could see the crew
that had been in the board room standing at the building window, pointing and laughing at me.
All except Fefe and a FatherTime. After I stared at them for a moment, I seen Fefe run over to
the group holding a piece of paper. They all looked at it in shock, and then Fefe open the window
and screamed for me to return to the boardroom. I set my briefcase down and bolted back
towards the building and after briefly getting stuck in the roundabout door, I made my way back
up the boardroom. This time I opened the door in a normal fashion, but still dramatically. All the
lights were on now, and Wortel had put on a purple mesh shirt, I could tell a dire situation had
arose. “Honda, there has been an accident!” yelled Fefe as I entered the room, I couldn’t see her
face, as it was obstructed by breasts, as if she were smuggling beach balls under her chin, but her
muffled words spoke louder than any facial expression could, especially since spoken words are
audible.
I ran over to the faxed out piece of paper she was holding “People still use fax machines?” I said
calmly, then I looked down, and I was greeted with the worst news I could imagine, the jet
carrying Latino, Lindros, Kanzen and Bangles had gone down, and even more to my surprise, it
had been reported a girl had also been on board, my mouth dropped in shock, PinkMoon was also
on board. “Bangles brought PM? Fuck yeah B-dawg” I thought to myself, while keeping my
shocked expression. “Call the fucking police and shit guys!” I screamed.
Everyone froze, I stood there confused for a moment, and then grabbed the phone, and to my
surprise Diz ripped the cord out of the wall. “Damnit man, we have to save them!”I yelled while
nervously rubbing Fefe’s cleavage. “It’s not that simple, Mr.X” said Diz, who was now petting a
white cat. “You see, that plane wasn’t just carrying your colleagues, it was also smuggling 50 TB
of pirated movies, music and porno that Kanzen was bringing us for sale on the streets, also,
15lbs of marijuana Demo ordered.” said Diz. “YOU’RE SERIOUSLY SMUGGLING POT IN
FROM THE STATES TO THE NETHERLANDS?!” I screamed. “What, is the weird?!” asked
Diz. Frustrated and confused, I started firing punches into the portly, and old RD, which felt like
punching a bag of old cookies.
I brushed RD dust off my clothes, and picked up the piece of paper. Diz then flipped me the keys
to his Audi R8. “If you bring them back, I’ll give you the amazingly, yet confusingly exclusive
news mod powers, do it Honda.” said Diz, who was now getting a blowjob from three model
inturns who had walked in with his mail while I had been talking..as I walked out of the room, I
seen Wortel join the models, I just shook my head in disgust. “Hey, jugs...lets roll.” I said to Fefe
who seemed as worried about the well being of the crew in the downed plane as I. I assumed this
based on weeping I heard, as I could still not see Fefe’s face. Fefe assumed by “jugs” I meant her,
and not RD, who was also in possession of some fine juggage. Fefe felt her way to the door,
took my hand, and followed me out. Just as I got to the revolving doors, I heard Diz scream “I’m
coming”..so I stopped and waited, but then slowly pieced together what he actually meant after
he thanked Wortel.
After again getting briefly stuck in the revolving doors, Fefe and I made our way to Diz’s Audi
R8. Fefe pulled her breasts down so she could see where she was going, we hopped into the R8,
fired up the engine, and gunned it into the pages of WBW history.
“Be careful with this car Honda, it’s Diz’s baby” said Fefe. “Good point.” I said as I purposely
drove up onto a curb, blasting through a fire hydrant, several crates full of chickens, and 2 plate
glass windows that were being moved from a truck into a building. I then pulled a hard right, back
onto the street. I then asked Fefe where the rest of the crew was, Punnani, Zulu and Retailtherapy
and the pic mods and the rest of the Dutchies, she then informed me they were all busy, as this
was a Saturday, and they were pretending to have lives.
The R8 roared through the streets, blowing up women’s skirts and making men weep with
jealousy. I knew how cool I looked at this moment, so I decided to kick it up a notch. I opened my
special edition Hannah Montana sunglasses case, and slid them on dramatically. Fefe, in seeing
this let out a little sigh. “Did you hear that?” I asked..”Yeah, I just came.” said Fefe. Thank you,
Hannah Montana Fanclub, for sending me these awesome shades.” I thought to myself.
As the speedometer approached 260kmph, I could hear the car tearing through the wind, then the
obvious happened, the police were behind me. “Bitches don’t got nothing on the X man.” I said to
Fefe. “Yo, dawg, I heard you like wiggers, so Honda started referring to himself as “the X man”
while driving yo car.” said Fefe.
“You’re not even doing it right.” I said with a small frown. More police started showing up
behind me. I looked around frantically for a button that would release spikes, or gas, or T-shirts. I
found the T-shirt lever, which was also labelled “trunk”. As boxes and boxes of WBW shirts
covered the cop cars behind us, we started to get away. Then, the unthinkable happened, a police
helicopter. “Honda, it’s got twin machine guns on it.” said Fefe who was eyeing up the helicopter
through the rear view window. The machine guns start dumping bullets into the road ahead of us.
I could see a tunnel, so I prayed we would make it. I pushed up my sunglasses as we approached
the tunnel, now, in the darkness of the tunnel I was completely blind, but, if couldn’t remove my
sunglasses due to extreme fashion. I stopped in the tunnel “Fefe, we might not make it, if you
want to get out now, I understand” I said sympathetically to Fefe. As Fefe frantically tried to exit
the car, something stopped her, something kept her from leaving. Fefe turned and looked deep
into my eyes and said.. “Honda, my breasts are keeping me in the car”...that was good enough for
me, I floored the R8 again.
I whizzed through traffic with a complete disregard for safety.. “Damnit Fefe, this is taking to
long..MA BRAHS are in trouble!” I yelled, slamming my fist down on Diz’s console, crushing his
Tony Danza “Who’s the Boss” bobble head. “Diz loved that bobble head.” said Fefe. I then
proceeded to hit it several more times. “Oh no, we’re approaching the end of the tunnel, the
helicopter!” I yelled..Fefe had an idea, a brilliant idea, she opened the sunroof as we approached
the light at the end of the tunnel and started shaking up two cans of Pepsi. Then, I noticed a
flatbed truck had dropped its bed in the middle of the road, making what looked to be a ramp.
There was no time, I had to hit it, as we flew through the air, Fefe stood up out of the sunroof as
high as her breasts would let her, and then slammed a pen into the sides of the two cans of shaken
Pepsi. Fefe squinted her eyes, clenched her jaw and looked up at the chopper. “I hate Pepsi.” she
said with a calm, deep tone, and then let the cans fly at the helicopter. Upon striking the blades,
the cans exploded, and the chopper lost balance, the pilot triggered the machine guns as he flew
into the tunnel, blowing up a large line of traffic. As the R8 touched back to the ground, I returned
to weaving through traffic. “I guess those commuters will think twice next time before blocking a
tunnel. “ I said while looking back at the carnage. “They’re all dead, Honda.” said Fefe.
I could see the crater where the plane had crashed in the distance. After a short trip, we finally
made it, driving the R8 off road up a hill. I jumped out of the car, and ran for the plane, Fefe
followed after sliding her breasts out of the R8. “Strut Airlines?!....Latino has his OWN
FUCKNG JET?!” I screamed. “Well, he does live in Australia, so Diz thought it would be a good
idea.” said Fefe. “I live in fucking Canada!” I yelled. “Yeah, but, you know..... “needs less of”
chart and all.” said Fefe. I just glared at her as we ran.
“The tail is on fire!” I screamed while climbing through the opened back end of the jet. “My god
there is a lot of leopard print and red leather in here.” I said to Fefe while coming through the
wreckage. “Are these stewardesses also strippers?!” I yelled. “Well, you know Latino..” said Fefe.
“The guy I hitchhiked to the airport with, started jerkingoff mid trip, and I just let him do it, since
I was in such a hurry to make it to the meeting, he whipped his cock out, looked at me, and started
fapping...seriously!” I yelled. “That’s pretty gay, Honda.” said Fefe. As I started smashing things
in Latino’s onboard bar, I swallowed my anger and moved on through the cabin. “Leave the
strippers, they aren’t real people.” I said while climbing over what seemed to be mountains of
clear heels. “Five stripper poles, really?...unbelievable.” I whispered to myself while walking
through the cabin.
I walked into the main passenger cabin, and everyone was there, except Latino, who was
mysteriously missing. I threw Bangles, Lindros, Kanzen and PM over my shoulders and made my
way to the exit, kicking open the door. “Again with the door kicking?” said Fefe. “Damnit
woman, mah brahs need savin!” I said as we slid down the fun little slide that unravelled as I
kicked open the emergency exit. “Wee!” I yelled while sliding down, somehow still maintaining
my badassness. I laid out the four of them on the ground, and ran back inside. Fefe was trying to
smuggle the things out of the plane in her bra, which at this point I was certain was made of
animantium. “Fefe, tend to the Trifecta, I’ll get Latino.” I said while pointing to the slide. I made
my way to the bedroom... kicking open the door. Latino laid there, surrounded by strippers.
“Dude, why the fuck did you kick my door open?” said Latino. “Get up dude...we have to blow
this plane up, and get back to WBW headquarters.” I said to Latino, who was tied to heart shaped
bed. “I can’t man, I was having a fivesome with some strippers, and my extremely attractive
wife!” I got the impression he was hiding something. Suddenly Latino sprung up, his cheetah print
man thong gyrating around hypnotically. The strippers got up too, it was all a ruse. A stripper
behind me threw him a bowling ball, he leapt off the bed, striking me in the face with it,
obliterating my fuckin sick Hannah Montana sunglasses.
I awoke hours later, tied to a chair in a dank basement. My sight was kind of blurry, and I could
hear a dripping in the distance, and that’s when Latino approached from the shadows. “You seen
something you weren’t supposed to Honda.” said Latino. “I’m trying to put your thong out of my
mind too man.” I replied. Then as he walked further out of the shadows, he was still only wearing
the thong. I started scambling to escape, as he air thrusted his way toward me. RumDum and
4tooker approached from the shadows as well. “At least you guys are wearing pants.” I said, as
RumDum slapped me with an open palm. “That plane was no accident, we crashed it...we’re tired
of Diz all up in our business, we barely even get a cut.” said Latino. “He bought you a jet...on the
way to the airport A MAN CAME ON ME!” I screamed. “Wow, that must have been incredibly
normal for you.” said 4tooker. I glared at them all, as they stood over me. Suddenly the door
calmly opened. Fefe, Kanzen, Lindros and Bangles walked in. “Where is PinkMoon?” I asked.
“She’s asleep in the car, she’s a little tired...if you catch my drift.” said Bangles, while winking.
“Score!” I mumbled as blood poured from my mouth. “She fell asleep on the flight.” said Lindros.
“Oh, well, that’s far less suggestive.” I mumbled again, my mouth now bleeding profusely. Latino
pulled out a gun.. “Where in gods name did you have that gun tucked?” I asked..Latino’s eyes
darted around but he gave no reply. “Time to die, Mr.X.” said Latino. “I don’t even know what’s
happening.” I screamed. Suddenly Lindros hit Latino over the head with a rock, as Latino fell, his
gun went off, killing RumDum. Bangles the took of his shirt for some reason, and started to fight
4tooker. After a few blows, 4tooker ran off into the darkness, escaping on his hovercraft.
As Lindros and Bangles untied me, Kanzen picked up the gun. “Kanzen, don’t do it brah!” I
yelled as he lifted the gun..”I have to...you have more RAM than I do...I’m THE RAM
MASTER!” screamed Kanzen. “I’ll remove some of the freaking RAM dude...just don’t kill me.”
I pleaded. Kanzen thought about it for awhile, but then threw the gun into a nearby puddle. The
four of us walked out to a car, where Fefe and PM started making out. “Did you guys blow up the
plane?” I asked. “Yeah, totally..it was fucking balla...it was all kaplowshboom....actually, it was
just neat, meh, it wasn’t even all that neat. It was boring...soo”..said Bangles.
“We need to make it back to HQ, I have some more mod powers coming my way.” I said. Fefe
stopped making out with PM long enough to inform me that Diz called, and he was just joking. I
began kicking the side of the car Fefe and PM were in, a brand new BMW M5, I then picked up
huge rock and started smashing the windows and kicking in the paint, I slashed a tire and smashed
all the lights. “Diz you can have the BMW instead.” said Fefe. I paused mid rocksmash..... “Oh,
awesome.” I said with a halfhearted smile as I looked down at the destruction I had caused to my
runner up prize.
“I’ll have you one day, news mod powers.” I said to myself, while trying to use spit to buff out a
huge gash I had put in the paint.
We all piled into the car, and made our way back to WBW HQ, where Diz finished his
presentation. It warmed my heart when I seen the “needs less of” pie chart had been changed to
“95% Honda, 5% Latino”...I sat down at my boardroom chair, leaned back, and went to sleep. Just
like every other WBW meeting.
Weeks later the police arrived at my house, apparently I was in some sort of legal trouble for all
those laws I broke. But, that’s another story. Also, PinkMoon got pregnant, and now Bangles and
Fefe have to take paternity tests.
Also, Diz replaced my Hannah Montana sunglasses.
And that’s the story of the last WBW meeting.
* This post has been modified
: 16 years ago
