Pilots - vs - Ground Crew 
>
>After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
>conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
>the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and
>correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of
>the form what remedial action was taken and the pilot reviews the gripe
>sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews
>and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual
>logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots
>and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas
>is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
>P: The problem logged by the pilot.
>S: The solution and action taken by the engineers.
>
>P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
>P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
>P: Something loose in cockpit.
>S: Something tightened in cockpit
>
>P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
>P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
>descent.
>S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
>P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>S: Evidence removed.
>
>P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
>P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>S: That's what they're there for.
>
>P: IFF inoperative.
>S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
>P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>S: Suspect you're right.
>
>P: Number 3 engine missing.
>S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
>P: Aircraft handles funny.
>S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>
>P: Target radar hums.
>S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
>P: Mouse in cockpit.
>S: Cat installed
>
>After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
>conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
>the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and
>correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of
>the form what remedial action was taken and the pilot reviews the gripe
>sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews
>and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual
>logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots
>and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas
>is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
>P: The problem logged by the pilot.
>S: The solution and action taken by the engineers.
>
>P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
>P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
>P: Something loose in cockpit.
>S: Something tightened in cockpit
>
>P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
>P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
>descent.
>S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
>P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>S: Evidence removed.
>
>P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
>P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>S: That's what they're there for.
>
>P: IFF inoperative.
>S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
>P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>S: Suspect you're right.
>
>P: Number 3 engine missing.
>S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
>P: Aircraft handles funny.
>S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>
>P: Target radar hums.
>S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
>P: Mouse in cockpit.
>S: Cat installed
* This post has been modified
: 19 years ago
