Joke Game

Simple.

Reply with a joke (shorter punch line the better)


There was magician on a cruise ship, and he was really good.

He was performing the highlight of his show when a parrot walked onstage and squawked, ''It's in his sleeve!''

The magician chased the bird away.

The next day the magician was performing his highlight again (in front of a smaller audience) when the parrot walked onstage and declared, ''It's in his pocket!''

The next day, as he was performing the highlight, he saw the parrot in the crowd. But before the parrot could ruin the magic trick, the boat crashed into a rock and sank.

The magician was lucky enough to find a board to hang on to. On the other end of the board was the parrot.

They stared at each other for three full days, neither of them saying anything, when suddenly the parrot said, ''I give up, what'd you do with the ship?''

One day Mom was cleaning Junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine.

This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his Father got home and showed it to him.

He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. So she asked him, "What should we do about this?"

Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."

One day Little Sally got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Joey.

When she found Joey she told him what was happeing, but he didn't quite understand so she showed him what her problem was.

Joey's face got very serious and he said, "You know, I'm no doctor, but it looks like someone ripped your balls off!"

Where do nephews and nieces come from???


Aunt Holes

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident;it's a bad one.

Both of their cars are totallydemolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says,So you're a man, That's interesting. I'm a woman.

Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left,but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we

should meet and be friends and live together in peace

Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree withyou completely!" "This must be a sign from God!" The

woman continued, "and look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this

bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the

bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and

hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the

police...."

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Women are evil,clever bitches. Don't mess with them.

did you here about the agnostic,dyslexic, insomniac........... he lay awake all night wondering if there relly was a Dog

Contagious

A teacher is instructing her fourth grade class, and she's telling them that the word of the day is 'contagious.' She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several students raise their hands. "Carl," she says. Carl says, "My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps 'cause they're contagious." "Very good," says the teacher.

Then she picks Suzie, who says, "The atmosphere was contagious." The teacher says, "Excellent, Suzie!"

Then she notices that little Johnny has his hand up at the back of the class. "Yes, Johnny?" Johnny says, "The other day, me and my dad's a-sittin' around, and we saw our blonde neighbor painting her fence. She had a tiny little model car paintbrush, and she was going in tiny little strokes up and down the fence, and my dad says to me, 'Jesus, it's gonna take that cunt ages to finish that fence.'"

what has 100 teeth and gives shelter to a monster??







*points at the zipper in his crotch*

A young woman, down on her luck, decided to end it all one night by casting herself into the cold, dark waters of Fremantle Harbour. As she stood on the edge of the dock, pondering her fate, a young sailor noticed her as he strolled by. "You're not thinking of jumping, are you?" he jokingly asked.

"Yes, yes I am." replied the sobbing girl. Putting his arm around her, the kind sailor coaxed her back from the edge, "Look, nothing's worth that. I tell you what, I'm sailing off for Europe tomorrow. Why don't you stow away on board and start a new life over there. I'll set you up in one of the lifeboats on the deck, bring you food and water every night, and I'll look after you if you 'look after' me." The girl, having no better prospects agreed and the sailor snuck her on board that night.

For the next 3 weeks the sailor would come to her lifeboat every night, bringing food and water and making love to her until dawn. Then, during the fourth week, the captain was performing a routine inspection of the ship and its lifeboats. He peeled back the cover to find the startled young woman and demanded an explanation. The young woman came clean; "I've stowed away to get to Europe. One of the sailors is helping me out, he set me up in here and brings me food and water every night, and, and... he's screwing me." The puzzled captain stared at her for a moment before a small grin cracked his face and he replied; "He sure is darlin', this is the Rottnest Ferry!!

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who's boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realising his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp House, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything. He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees. As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and throws them into the lions cage because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?" The lion says: "Absolutely brilliant! Today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees..."

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office and said to the dentist, "Doctor, I'm in a big hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it - I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work! The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness - this sure is a very brave man, asking me to pull his tooth without using anything to kill the pain." So he asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?" The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth, Honey, and show the doc which tooth hurts."

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

"Johnny do you have a story to share?" asks the teacher"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops.

"She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands"

"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story." "Stay the fuck away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinkin'!"

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, ''Can I help you?''

''Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines.''

i hate to kill the mood, but are any of yalls jokes(mainly the long ones) original? i can spam the crap out of this thread by going to jokes.com and posting everything i like.... whats next, post all the lyrics of songs u like? keep it original and short.....
jokes are still good by the way...

boy, if i was a bear i'd hate you guys for this thread . . . too much reading

can't touch this

damn, almost walked right into that one.

All mine are based on original . As for spam, well I would doubt 1% of the pictures on this site have come from the photographer uploading them. In the spirit of jokes tho, its the laugh were after, not upload or posting credits. So Post away and give us a luagh

Little Joey was sitting in the back of class rubbing his crotch, and the teacher asked, “Joey what are you doing?” Joey replied, “Teacher, my mommy had me circumsized yesterday and it still hurts.” So the teacher sent Joey to the principal's office to call his mother and ask what he should do.

When Joey came back from the office, the teacher noticed that he had his penis hanging out. Shocked, the teacher asked, “Joey, what are you doing!?” Joey answered, “Mommy told me to stick it out till lunch and then she would be here to pick me up.”

One hot July day we found this old straggly cat at our door.

She was a sorry site. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down.

We felt sorry for her, and put her in a carrier and took her to the Vet. She had no name so we named her pussy cat.

The Vet decided to keep her for a day or so and said he would let us know when we could come and get her.

My husband, the complainer said "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks." My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. He calls my hubby El Cheap-O, and my hubby calls him El Take-O.

The next day hubby had an appointment with his Doctor, which is located next door to the Vet.

The Doctor's office was full of people waiting to see the Doctor.

The door opened and in popped the vet and announces to my hubby, "Your wife's pussy is finally shaved and clean. She now smells like a rose. And by the way, I think she is pregnant. God knows who the father is!" and then he closed the door.