Hope you like this thread with some jokes i have collected from around the web 
* This post has been modified
: 18 years ago
mistr@l 18 years ago
Eating Dogs
Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards him. "Two dogs, please," says one.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.'
The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
mistr@l 18 years ago
A visiting minister
A visiting minister was very long-winded. Worse, every time he would make a good point during his sermon and a member of the congregation responded with "Amen" or "That's right, preacher" he would get wound up even more and launch into another lengthy discourse. Finally, the host pastor started responding to every few sentences with "Amen, Pharaoh!" The guest minister wasn't sure what that meant, but after several more "Amen, Pharaohs" he finally concluded his very lengthy sermon.
After the service concluded and the congregation had left, the visiting minister turned to his host and asked, "What exactly did you mean when you said "Amen, Pharaoh?"
His host replied, "I was telling you to let my people go!"
mistr@l 18 years ago
A Helping Hand
A man went to the doctor with two black eyes. The doctor said, "These are really bad. Were you in a fight or in an accident?"
The man replied, "I got these in church."
"In church!" the doctor replied. "How could that happen?"
"Well," the man explained, "we were kneeling at prayer. When we stood up, I noticed the woman in front of me had her skirt caught in between you butt cheeks. I thought it looked uncomfortable, so I reached over and tugged it out. She turned around and socked me."
"That explains one black eye," said the doctor. "How did you get the other one?"
"After she turned back around, I thought about it. I figured she didn't like what I had done, so I put it back."
mistr@l 18 years ago
First Time
This guy and his girlfriend were going at it hot and heavy in the backseat of his car. A knock was heard on the window and there stood a cop. The guy got out, shaking like a leaf. The cop said that he wouldn't arrest him if he could be next.
The guy got back in the car and finished with his girlfriend. When he got out again, he was still shaking like a leaf. The cop said there was no reason to be scared, because he wouldn't arrest him if he could be next. The guy said 'I'm not afraid that you'll arrest me, it's just that I've never done it with a cop before!"
mistr@l 18 years ago
The perfect man
The finalist has been named in the worldwide search for the perfect man.
After careful consideration and endless debate, The Perfect Man has been named....MR. POTATO HEAD.
He's tan. He's cute. He knows the importance of accessorizing.
And if he looks at another girl, you can rearrange his face.
DEMO 18 years ago
