Dear Passive Aggressive Closet Case,
By the time you read this, I'll be servicing your sister. I'm sorry for doing this but, it fulfills my sadistic fantasies. I know this might comes as a bit of a shock to you - especially because you're such a materialistic self-absorbed bitch. But I'm sorry â I just need hot sex with someone who isn't a human potato sack. I think you're a psychopath, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not compatible. You're a Republican, and I'm beyond that. You like declawed rodentia colonics, you eat endangered species, and enjoy defrauding the elderly, and I don't like any of these things. Your favorite movie is Patch Adams, and your favorite band is The Partridge Family. Do you even know what my favorite movie or band is? I once asked you what color my eyes are and you said "Greenish blue-brown". Anyway, I want to date everyone at your firm. But you know what? I still want to be friends of a friend. We can totally forget the other is alive . We had some good times, or so you told me . But please, don't be bitter like last time. That means no holding my parents hostage. And look - I won't even make an issue out of the $37,229 you owe me, or the fact that you dissected my Dalmatian. So take care of yourself - and enjoy prison.
Eat Shit,
Dave
P.S. Your box is nasty stank.
Dear JELL-O Ass,
By the time you read this, I'll be servicing your sister. I'm sorry for doing this but, you left me no other choice. I know this might comes as a bit of a surprise to you - especially because you're such a materialistic self-absorbed bitch. But I'm sorry – I just need hot sex with someone who isn't a human potato sack. I think you're swell, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not compatible. You're a Leo, and I'm not. You like leather harnesses, you eat noisily, and enjoy Aqua Velva, and I don't like any of these things. Your favorite movie is Glitter, and your favorite band is N SYNCH. Do you even know what my favorite movie or band is? I once asked you what color my eyes are and you said "Greenish blue-brown". Anyway, I want to date everyone at your firm. But you know what? I still want to be friends of a friend. We can totally have hot sloppy booty calls . We had some good times, or so it looks on the videotape (even though I'm passed out) . But please, don't get all John Wayne Gacy like last time. That means no spiteful genital tattoos. And look - I won't even make an issue out of the you owe me, or the fact that you auctioned our love child. So take care of yourself - and O.D. on Botox.
Yours In Contempt,
DDs_Please
P.S. Your box is nasty stank.
Dear Passive Aggressive Closet Case,
By the time you read this, I'll be servicing your sister. I'm sorry for doing this but, it's for the best. I know this might comes as a bit of a answered prayer to you - especially because you're an emotional cripple. But I'm sorry â I just need hot sex with someone who isn't a human potato sack. I think you're a psychopath, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not compatible. You're a German Scat Aficionado, and I'm vastly superior to you. You like long walks on the beach, you eat mayonnaise-based salads, and enjoy quilting, and I don't like any of these things. Your favorite movie is I Spit on Your Grave, and your favorite band is N SYNCH. Do you even know what my favorite movie or band is? I once asked you what color my eyes are and you said "White". Anyway, I want to date everyone at your firm. But you know what? I still want to be friends. We can totally forget the other is alive . We had some good times, or so you told me . But please, don't be bitter like last time. That means no holding my parents hostage. And look - I won't even make an issue out of the you owe me, or the fact that you totaled my car. So take care of yourself - and good luck.
Sincerely,
Elk
P.S. I faked every orgasm.
Dear Thimble Dick,
By the time you read this, I'll be servicing your sister. I'm sorry for doing this but, it fulfills my sadistic fantasies. I know this might comes as a bit of a brain aneurysm to you - especially because you're too buried in porn to notice. But I'm sorry � I just need hot sex with someone who isn't a human potato sack. I think you're a schmuck, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not compatible. You're a Republican, and I'm vastly superior to you. You like long walks on the beach, you eat with your feet, and enjoy Aqua Velva, and I don't like one of these things. Your favorite movie is Glitter, and your favorite band is N SYNCH. Do you even know what my favorite movie or band is? I once asked you what color my eyes are and you said "Shiny". Anyway, I want to date other people. But you know what? I still want to be dead to you. We can totally live on opposite coasts . We had some good times, or so it looks on the videotape (even though I'm passed out) . But please, don't get all John Wayne Gacy like last time. That means no spiteful genital tattoos. And look - I won't even make an issue out of the you owe me, or the fact that you punched my grandmother. So take care of yourself - and choke on your own vomit.
Peace Out,
The Guy from Pet Shop Boys
P.S. Your box is nasty stank.
Dear Passive Aggressive Closet Case,
By the time you read this, I'll be servicing your sister. I'm sorry for doing this but, you left me no other choice. I know this might comes as a bit of a brain aneurysm to you - especially because you're an emotional cripple. But I'm sorry – I just need hot sex with someone who isn't a human potato sack. I think you're swell, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not compatible. You're a German Scat Aficionado, and I'm crippled by inhibitions. You like declawed rodentia colonics, you eat mayonnaise-based salads, and enjoy Aqua Velva, and I don't like confessing my love for any of these things. Your favorite movie is I Spit on Your Grave, and your favorite band is C&C Music Factory. Do you even know what my favorite movie or band is? I once asked you what color my eyes are and you said "Greenish blue-brown". Anyway, I want to date the first drunk barfly who'll talk to me. But you know what? I still want to be friends of a friend. We can totally have hot sloppy booty calls . We had some good times, or so it looks on the videotape (even though I'm passed out) . But please, don't get all John Wayne Gacy like last time. That means no spiteful genital tattoos. And look - I won't even make an issue out of the $37,229 you owe me, or the fact that you punched my grandmother. So take care of yourself - and enjoy prison.
Eat Shit,
poon-tang
P.S. I faked every orgasm.
Dear Gonorrhea Geyser,
By the time you read this, I'll be hocking your jewelry. I'm sorry for doing this but, it fulfills my sadistic fantasies. I know this might comes as a bit of a brain aneurysm to you - especially because you're such a materialistic self-absorbed bitch. But I'm sorry – I just need a change. I think you're a psychopath, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not compatible. You're a German Scat Aficionado, and I'm beyond that. You like leather harnesses, you eat noisily, and enjoy Aqua Velva, and I don't like confessing my love for any of these things. Your favorite movie is The Bare Wench Project, and your favorite band is Rammstein. Do you even know what my favorite movie or band is? I once asked you what color my eyes are and you said "Greenish blue-brown". Anyway, I want to date everyone at your firm. But you know what? I still want to be friends of a friend. We can totally have hot sloppy booty calls . We had some good times, or so it looks on the videotape (even though I'm passed out) . But please, don't get all John Wayne Gacy like last time. That means no botched suicide attempts. And look - I won't even make an issue out of the you owe me, or the fact that you dissected my Dalmatian. So take care of yourself - and choke on your own vomit.
Eat Shit,
Daggett
P.S. Your box is nasty stank.
kenpomaster20 16 years ago
Dear Gonorrhea Geyser,
By the time you read this, I'll be servicing your sister. I'm sorry for doing this but, OK, I'm really not. I know this might comes as a bit of a brain aneurysm to you - especially because you're too buried in porn to notice. But I'm sorry – I just need hot sex with someone who isn't a human potato sack. I think you're a psychopath, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not compatible. You're a German Scat Aficionado, and I'm vastly superior to you. You like declawed rodentia colonics, you eat endangered species, and enjoy defrauding the elderly, and I don't like two of these things. Your favorite movie is Anything Steven Segal, and your favorite band is Rammstein. Do you even know what my favorite movie or band is? I once asked you what color my eyes are and you said "Nuke me some fucking hash browns!". Anyway, I want to date the first drunk barfly who'll talk to me. But you know what? I still want to be dead to you. We can totally file restraining orders . We had some good times, or so it looks on the videotape (even though I'm passed out) . But please, don't get all John Wayne Gacy like last time. That means no holding my parents hostage. And look - I won't even make an issue out of the $37,229 you owe me, or the fact that you punched my grandmother. So take care of yourself - and O.D. on Botox.
Eat Shit,
kenpomaster20
P.S. I'll love you forever. Call me next week..
