The most ridiculous thing you've ever heard from a customer

I have a number of stories to share, and I hope that others will be inclined to add more stories from their own lines of work.

First let me give you a little background:

I work in a college registrars office for a school called Eisenhower University - see eisenhoweruniversity . com. My division deals with prior learning assessment (PLA) and evaluation for people with work experience and/or previous college credits that they could turn into an Eisenhower degree. Every day our office gets calls and emails from all around the country, and I have the pleasure of speaking to a number of upstanding individuals who think they could get a Master's Degree in Engineering because they once "built a do-it-yourself radio kit." While we mail out degrees in many trades for work experience, we're not going to give you an Accounting Degree because your aunt was an accountant five years ago and you once "balanced your own checkbook." If you expect a university to grant you a degree based on work experience you should have actually, you know, worked in the field for a number of years.

What makes things worse is that the hippies at my university recently artifically lowered the PLA fees to ridiculous levels due to of some kind of "education should be free or almost free" mentality. That means my office gets bombarded with inquiries 24/7 from idiots with no any qualifications or work references at all, who want to trick us into giving them a degree.

- Story 1 -

Earlier today I had a call from a redneck wanting to apply with us. During the conversation this is what transpired:

Me: May I have your zip code please?

Him: Zip code? You mean 804?

Me: Oh, I'm sorry I meant your 5 digit zip code

Him: Hold on, HONEY!! WHATS THE ZIP CODE!!

Me: *pause*

Him: We don't know, I just want to sign up for the PLA program

Me: Absolutely. I will be happy to help you further; what state do you live in?

Him: STATE? the UNITED STATES!

- Story 2 -

Often we'll get clueless people who are so out of touch with technology that its laughable. Here's a snippet from a conversation with a 40 year old guy about applying for our work experience degree program online.

Me: What version of Windows are you running?

Them: Hold on, let me check.

Me: OK.

Them: They're thermal.

Me: I...I beg your pardon?

Them: The windows are thermal.

Me: ...

- Story 3 -

Last week a lady called in who was having trouble accessing her student account on our website. I don't know why she called our office, since tech support is a different division entirely. But after a little trial and error we were able to get her account fixed and everything squared away. The tail end of our conversation went like this:

Me: Well, seems like everything is working, is there anything else I can help you with?

Her: Yeah, don't use anti-perspirant! Wanna know why?

Me: Not really, but I bet you're going to tell me.

Her: Because it causes cancer! Look at the first ingredient, it's aluminum! It gives you the cancer!

Me: Well, that's good to know ma'am, have a good day!

Her: Wait!! Do you know why 9/11 really happened? George Bush ordered it! There were secret Nesara computers in the sub-sections underneath the WTC!

Me: Wow, amazing.

Her: I'm part of this secret agency tied to Nesara, and we're planning on overthrowing the government! Here's a few links you should check out, and tell all your friends about!

Me: Will do ma'am, thank you for calling.

Her: No no! Wait! Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara !!!!!!

The call lasted about 40 minutes after I fixed her problem, and since I can't hang up on students I had to sit there and listen to these awesome stories. She went on and on about Nesara, and how I should watch the news because something huge was going to happen in the next few days. Of course nothing did. God I love my job.

damm!!


well i work for a company that has "Stainless steel" as part of the bussiness name, so when sometimes i answer calls...and say my name and this is "blah blah stainless steel".............im surprised at the number of dipshits that ask..."do you sell stainless steel??"

Funny stories. I like that thermal windows one.

I worked at a department store in Arizona once. It was the middle of the summer there. We were having temperatures of about 105+ during the day. There was a lady that wanted to return her washing machine because when she attempted to wash her clothes on the cold cycle, only warm water came out. I spent 5 minutes of my life trying to convince her that the water was warm since it was so damn hot outside and the pipes were warm. She didn't listen. After the 5 minutes of pain, I finally decided that she was too stupid to own the washer and we took it back and I convinced the manager to not sell her another one since she would just bring the other one back too.

Quote:

Originally posted by donkeypunchkid

I worked at a department store in Arizona once. It was the middle of the summer there. We were having temperatures of about 105+ during the day. There was a lady that wanted to return her washing machine because when she attempted to wash her clothes on the cold cycle, only warm water came out. I spent 5 minutes of my life trying to convince her that the water was warm since it was so damn hot outside and the pipes were warm. She didn't listen. After the 5 minutes of pain, I finally decided that she was too stupid to own the washer and we took it back and I convinced the manager to not sell her another one since she would just bring the other one back too.

i had to explain that to my sister inlaw..
they bought a new house..and she was getting warm water out of the cold tap

trying to explain it to her that it ALWAYS happens in summer in oz was embarresing..until i
just shoved her hand in it..and told her.."wait a few mins!!!! it will turn cold!!"



pity i couldnt force them NOT to sell her the house :P

How long did you try to explain it?

Quote:

Originally posted by donkeypunchkid

How long did you try to explain it?

nearly 10 mins....even the builder tried..

shes a hotty...but dumb as fuck

I don't know what to say. How did these retards figure out where the univeristy was?!

Quote:

Originally posted by Latino

[reply=donkeypunchkid]
How long did you try to explain it?

nearly 10 mins....even the builder tried..

shes a hotty...but dumb as fuck
[/reply]


Post pix

Pix please !

I worked in a grocery store a while back. A woman with a very young child comes up to me and asks what Green Bell Peppers cost. I point at the sign right above them and say "3 for 99 cents."

She looks at the sign and then looks at me and says "Well, then how much for one?"

I said, "That's just the price of three of them together, so you don't have to buy 3 to get the deal. It just says that so then some people will buy 3."

She looks at me really confused and says "Well then how much is just one."

"33 cents, ma'am"

Now she is very confused and asks how I knew that.

me: "Well uuhhh I guess you pick up some things when you work here for a while."

She procedes to walk away and I procede to fear for the future of her child.

Co-worker (over the radio): "we got a lady here who lost her car, can you check the lot?"

Me (driving around the lot): "sure, whats the description?"

Co-worker: "cadillac sedan....silver."

Me: "Plate?"

Co-worker: "She dosn't know."

Me: "California plates?" (this takes place in california)

Co-worker: "Stand-by, I'll ask"

Me: *rolls eyes*

Co-worker: "yea, california plates"

Me: "roger, I'll let you know when I find it."

Two minutes later......

Co-worker: "She thinks she parked it in [such and such] lot."

Me: "well, if she knew where it was I wouldn't be out here looking for it."

Funny Story:

Go to a bowling alley and input your name in the computer screen as:

Mike Hunt.

or

Mike Oxlarge.


h

I hate it when customers says this..

Im behind the counter and ask´s the customer, is there anything i can help with?

And the customer replys...

A months rent...

They think its so funny...

Quote:

Originally posted by DevilHair[DK

]
I hate it when customers says this..

Im behind the counter and ask´s the customer, is there anything i can help with?

And the customer replys...

A months rent...

They think its so funny...

i like walking into my bank with a brown paper bag in my pocket
handing the girl behind the counter my check and deposit slip
just when she starts to hand my cash back i put the paper bag on the counter and go
"PUT THE MONEY IN THE BAG!"











i can get away with this because the girl that works there is a good friend of mine... but it scares the fuck out of the other customers

pictures!!!! take some pics

Quote:

Originally posted by Gallactico

pictures!!!! take some pics

Of ?

I worked in a hardware store and people always came in asking funny questions.... there was a lady that said she's "looking for a screw at both ends" (double ended screw) or the lady that came in saying she's "looking for some good cock" (caulking)

that's some funny shit!

well, here's one of my (many...) stories: I've been working at my local ISP for the last 4 years now. In the beginning I sat behind a desk, answering phone calls from customers who couldn't get on the 'net anymore.

so at some time, this lady calls and the conv goes a bit like this:

she: I can't get on the internet anymore.

me: how long has this been going on?

she: well, for nearly half a year now. I've called many times but had to wait 5 or even 10 minutes before someone would talk to me so I just hung up

me:...

she: but now I only had to wait three minutes and I got you! so can you help me?

me: well, that's what I'm here for. can you tell me which lights are burning on your modem?

she: ok, I'll have a friend look at that cus I can't walk to the modem without putting the phone down. aint got no wireless, ya know.

me: well okay, can you ask your friend which lights are burning on your modem ma'am?

she: [insert random female name which I don't care to remember], how many lights are burning on the modem

[random female name]: none!

me: did she say none?

she: yes, is that bad?

me: can you check if the powercord is connected...?

she: can you look at the powerco...

[random female name]: the powercord is unplugged. I plugged it back in and the lights are burning again!

me: can you get on the internet now?

she: yeah, it seems... yes, I can!

me: great ma'am. do you have any other questions?

she: well, can I have a refund since my internet hasn't worked for half a year?

(in the meantime, her friend and me were laughing out loud because of her obvious stupidity )

me: ma'am... what do YOU think...

she: err...

me: exactly. no, we won't.


and yeah, we get random shit like that daily...

CK