Last weekend was the big annual WBWCREW meeting, where we discuss the state of the site,
and its members, how we're doing financially and any other problems or concerns any of us
have.
A couple of days prior to the big WBW meeting, I awoke to a loud crash downstairs. I jumped
out of bed and slid in my limited edition Hannah Montana flip flops. Then, after grabbing a
flashlight to be on the safe side, I decided to investigate. I was as quiet as a mouse, as not to wake
my nearby sleeping girlfriend...and her supermodel friends that decided to sleep over,
naked...except for knee high socks.
Tight..
I held the banister close as I crept cautiously down the stairs to my living room. It turned out
halfway down the banister was in fact, my erect penis. Once near the landing. I finally got a glimpse of the
intruder, he was obviously prepared, because he had also brought a flashlight. Little did he know
mine also plays "Can't Be Tamed". "I'll show him who can't be tamed, me...I can't be tamed." I
though to myself. I jumped to the landing by the front door, doing a dramatic tuck and roll upon
hitting the ground. "Oww, my fucking ass." I cried out upon landing on some shoes. The intruder
just stood there, we locked eyes, he knew he probably should refrain from pushing me, for I am
close to, the edge. "Honda?" He asked. I responded the only way I knew how...a flying scissor
kick. I got him directly in the tits. That's when I realized something was a miss...she in fact, was
a miss. Stop it Honda..it's me, Sugarpie." said the stranger. I nodded while trying to get close
enough to smash her to death with my flashlight. "Oh, Sugarpie..I totally know somebody named
Sugarpie.." I lied while making my way closer. I made my move, throwing my arm up
dramatically.."HIYA!" I screamed, with a swift downward thrust of the flashlight, pausing
midway..."Fuck, this flash light is a limited edition.." I thought to myself. Then, like a kick in the
balls...I was kicked in the balls.
As I vomited and screamed for mercy..(while remaining badass)...the blows to my
manhood continued. Not in a sexy way either, which that could also imply...but the kind where
I'm not sure if I'll have kids now. "You done jackass..I thought you could help me." said
Sugarpie. "What do you want from me, take everything..kill my girlfriend, rape me...just leave
my Hannah Montana merchandise alone." I begged. "I'm a WBW mod..in fact, we mod the same
forum, you should probably know that." she said, removing her black mask. "What the fuck is a
mod?." I replied, in between whimpers. "You're Honda...the guy from WBW? Didn't you used to
be awesome?" she asked while helping me to my feet. "I...I don't know, what? All I remember is
how much I love the Dog Whisperer and giving sensual massages." I asked in my confusion.
"We're in trouble Honda, we need you back, it's..it's bad." she said, trying to jog my
memory...but it was no use. "I have no idea who you are miss, but if you were here for the
supermodel orgy...well, I dunno, they're pretty torn up but I'll see what I can do." I said, trying to
understand the situation...and see some fresh new boobies. "Will you be there?" asked Sugarpie.
"obvs" I replied....then Sugarpie shook her head. This girl was clearly blind or a lesbian, or possibly a
blind lesbian....blesbians as they like to be called.
like this...kinda
"I thought you could save us Honda.....I thought you could be the one." said Sugarpie, walking
towards the door. "I really should call the police...about this insane woman dressed as a
ninja/catwoman hybrid in my house." I remember thinking, but then I seen the sadness on her
face.. "Poor blind lesbian girl." I said softly while crawling back up stairs. When I turned to see
what Sugarpie was up to, she was gone. By the time I got upstairs a couple of the models were
awake and grasping at my wang. "More sex...but your poor vagina?..Also, my dick is kinda
destroyed"...I said to Supermodel #2. It'll have to be..not in the vagina." she said with a wink and a smile. I replied with a slow motion hip thrust.Her friend was smiling and looking up at me. "It'll be a threesome eh...I don't like less than a foursome, but I'll manage"..I said to them while they started to make out. "An epic trifecta" said Supermodel #5.
My girlfriend shot out of bed, slapping SM#5 in the face. "Trifecta!" I screamed, then I passed
out.
Also, they were Asian.
I awoke hours later to the sound of the Dog Whisperer, I felt different..like when you forget
something really important. I felt, douchier..if that makes sense. My girlfriend sat there, with a
peculiar look on her face. "How do you feel?" she asked, looking deeply into my eyes. Suddenly,
my front window smashed open. A cell phone slid across my floor. The ringtone blared. "It's the
final countdown..." I went to grab it when my girlfriend smashed it with her heel. "Babe, lay
down and listen to that playlist I made for you on your phone." my girlfriend said to me with a
eerie smile. The next thing I know, Sugarpie jumped through my window. She and my girlfriend
locked eyes, I could tell instantly shit had just got real.. "He's gone, he'll never be back SP...he's
ours now." said my girlfriend, which confused me considering I had just learned who Sugarpie was. SP
took a wide kick at my girlfriend, missing completely. "Don't hit her babe, she's blind!" I
screamed to my girlfriend. Who was completely ignoring me now. "I should probably do
something, but...what if they rip off each others clothes and some titties start flopping
around....better wait this one out." I thought to myself.
like this, only with more attractive women
As SP and my girlfriend were fighting, I got bored and decided to go make a sandwich. Once I
had walked into the kitchen, I realized I was completely out of my league..there's like, appliances
in there and they make things cold and hot, I don't even. I walked back out to the living room,
where the epic battle was taking place. It was like Kill Bill in there, flying kicks and all kinds of
stuff. "Ladies, I've decided winner makes me a sandwich...loser gives me a blowjob, actually,
other way around." I yelled. Sugarpie (SP) stopped mid-punch and gave me a surprised look.
"Honda?" she said, confused. It sounds so familiar, this "Honda" shit.. "No, It's a BMW." I replied.
My girlfriend then grabbed a shard of glass and lunged at SP. SP fell backwards onto her back,
and fired her legs into the air, kicking my girlfriend in the stomach with both feet. My girlfriend
was trying to crawl away, SP grabbed her by the pony tail and punched her in the back of the
head. "Whoa missy, she only likes donkey punches sometimes." I yelled, while casually leaning
against a wall. SP wrapped her legs around my girlfriends neck, sitting on her back, riding her
like a little pony, then tightened her grasp, my girlfriend flailed a bit before passing out.
I mean like..what is this? I don't even.
"Whoa, I think I'll probably definitely call the cops this time. But first...BJ or Sandwich?" I
asked. SP advanced on me, I guarded my testicles with a nearby pan. "Honda, you've been
brainwashed. Your girlfriend is fucking evil. You don't like wearing all that colorful shit do
you? You're wearing a fucking baby blue hoodie. Your BWM..how did you get that? Where is
your computer?...HONDA, SNAP OUT OF IT!" Sugarpie yelled, shaking my shoulders. I couldn't take my eyes off the
way her lips moved, hoping they were going to get closer and closer to my penis. SP reached into
her pocket and pulled out a vibrator. "Put this in your ear" she said while walking towards me. "I
know you're blind and stuff, but that's not how they work." I mentioned casually, while she started pushing her
small vibrator into my ear. The buzzing had this weird, hypnotic rhythm, it kinda sounded like my
favorite playlist...the room started to spin and I started to feel..better, like my mind was clear,
then I passed out.
I pass out a lot...I've heard it causes brain damageamageamage.
"I wish he would wake up already, he needs a shower, and I don't want to wash his balls." said
SP into her iPhone as I was waking up. Sugarpie noticed me coming to, and walked over. "Now Honda, going to take a little while before it all comes back to you, but do you remember anything?" asked SP, looking at me as if I were a mental patient.
"I remember..being funny? I remember having fun..I remember hating the Dog Whisperer." I
said. SP walked over and put headphones on me..then started slowly turning up the song "Don't
Stop Believing"..it got louder and louder..and she nodded. Then, like a bolt of lightning, it all
rushed back.
"Sugarpie, how long was I gone?" I asked, as the hilarity of the Internet flooded my brain. The
lulz, the noob flaming, the epicness that is WBW. "About a year and change dude." she replied. I
looked down at my shoes, I was wearing converse sneakers and black jeans. "Who dressed me,
scene_kid?. I'm not even wearing any Hannah Montana stuff. I look like a faggot." I said while
looking myself over. "Yeah, you always kinda look like a faggot....don't uhh...don't go to play
with your hair." said SP with a concerned expression. My eyes welled up as my hands approached my scalp....my epic flowing locks were no more. "What..how is everything, what's going on?" I asked. "Things are bad,
everything is all fucked up...we're on our way to the annual WBW meeting." said SP..looking up
from her iPhone. "So uhh, you have a jet now?" I asked. "Yeah, Diz bought me one after they
sold yours to some poor North Koreans. It crashed the first flight..if you're bored I put on Eclipse
for the flight movie." said SP..still poking at her iPhone.
Fucking Twilight. Once we boarded the plane, the flight went by quickly. My head was
pounding and my ass still kinda hurt. SP loaned me her laptop, a pink little thing, with a rainbow
flag as the desktop. "You should familiarize yourself with the site Honda..the Internet has
changed...everything has changed." said SP. "I'm still a mod on WBW? How did I mange that,
I've been gone for like ever." I asked. "Yeah, we honestly kinda just forgot you existed." she
replied.
After landing a limo was waiting. I had to argue with the driver to let me come with them, since
the sign he was holding was specifically for Sugarpie. But, I flipped my wallet down to show him
my WBW ID. "That looks like a piece of construction paper with your picture glued on it" he
said, harshly judging my arts and crafts project with his cruel eyes. "There is also gold glitter...since I'm a global...no silver glitter for me." I replied. SP then used to iPhone to project a hologram of her face and position in the company. "What the fuck is that?" I asked. "My ID" she replied. "Fuck these guys so super hard." I thought to myself while shamefully flipping my wallet back up.
We arrived at about seven or eight PM...and made our way to the WBW offices. "This brings
back memories eh Honda?" said SP. "Yeah, I remember when I was the only Canadian
moderator, eh." I said while glaring at her hatefully, then gradually glaring at her boobs. We
made our way up to the boardroom. I had asked her several times what the problem was, but she
insisted we wait for the meeting.
We got to the door of the boardroom, and I put my arm out before she could open the door.. "I'll
handle this babe." I said with a cocky wink. I then jump kicked the boardroom door, fucking
blasting it into the drywall behind it so hard it got stuck. "Sup bitches!?" I screamed while
walking in. "I wish to be carried in by pic mods." I yelled while stretching my arms out.
"Sit down, Honda." asked Diz, his voice only slightly louder than a whisper. I scanned the room,
it was empty. It was just Diz, Ochie, Sugarpie and I. "What's going on, where is everyone?" I
asked. "They're gone Honda, the mods we're keeping track of are in secure locations. So far we
know the whereabouts of:
EricLindros
Bangledesh
Threadkiller
Notech
J-Swiss
Demonicmale
Punly
KingDaddy
"That's it, where is everyone else?" I asked in disbelief. "We...we don't know Honda. I mean, I
hate you so much, I actually have toilet paper printed with your face on it. So, if there were
literally anyone else, I would call them, I mean...you're just...the last person--" Said Diz as I cut
him off. "I got it...what about the old timers? Fefe, Screwy and Latino?..why can't they help?" I
asked, insulted. "They're MIA...we can't find any of them. There were signs of a struggle at
several of the locations, and by "struggle" I mean rapes." said Diz, who sounded almost envious. "Wait...BWT is
missing?...SALTY!!!" I screamed into the air, pounding my fists down on the table. "Calm down
miss, you're making a scene." said Sugarpie who was playing Angry Birds on her iPhone. "So,
what's to be done?" I asked. "We need to figure out what happened to them, we sent Sugarpie to
get you, before it was too late." said Diz. "Why did I forget about WBW?..What happened to
me..I just remember a warm, calm wave of frequent sex and the Dog Whisperer?" I asked. Diz
said that it seemed like in all the cases of the missing mods, there were no signs of forced
entry..they all knew their abductors. "You were being brainwashed...we're not sure why, but, it
was your girlfriend" said Sugarpie. "Yeah, thinking back it was kinda boring and shitty..." I said.
"Exactly" said Diz...explaining it was meant to make me go without a fight. But go where, and do
what I wondered. "Do you think maybe it's the CoC again? Like, last time we tangled I had to
kill Al Gore, and make sweet love to Hanna....kill Al Gore. All I did was kill Al Gore." I said to
Diz. He didn't seem to think that was what was going on here. It seemed we were wrapped up in
some business of the most seriousness variety. "What's our next move Diz?" I asked. "I don't
know Honda, We had to get all our mods into protection, they were dropping like flies. Sugarpie
here really risked her sugary pie for you. So, what I'm trying to say is, you should act as a decoy
while Sugarpie, Ochie and I make a break for the ship." said Diz, who was now standing up and
walking toward the pull-down projector screen. He clicked the end of his cane (The handle of
which was a pair of tits, each nipple being a button.) and the projector turned on.
Part Two Below
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. “So, wait...you’re saying the mods we still have, the mods
we’re keeping safe..they’re in..” I was cutoff by Diz before I could finish. “Honda, you know how
you keep getting Fed Ex’d pieces of shit?” Diz asked. “Yes...” I replied. “Yeah, I’m the one doing
that. I hate you so much, every night before I go to sleep I pray you lose your legs and then get
cancer. Twice.” he said...he paused for a moment, just glaring at me, with a hate I can only
describe as “primal” and then he continued. “As you know, one of our main revenue streams has
long been shipping drugs, and bootleg DVDs.” he added. “Yeah, that is so stupid it’s actually
making my balls kinda hurt.” I noted. “Yeah, anyway...we realized there was nowhere to do this
safely on planet earth. So, we sold the RAD and a lot of our share in the site...and we built a
space station.” he finished. I sat there for a few moments, just kinda, drinking in all the
ridiculousness. “Our mods are up there right now, taking care of everything from the safety of
space, you’ve demonstrated more than once you’re more than equipped to handle extreme
situations, so we need you to hijack the final US space shuttle launch.” said Ochie. I just put my
head on the desk and tried to ignore the smell of what was undoubtedly buttsex that had recently
taken place in the room.
Like this, only more gay.
Moments passed which seemed like years. Sugarpie began rubbing my back in a way that would
suggest she didn’t want to touch me in any way, shape or form...I’m pretty sure she was actually
using a pen. “So, we’re going to hijack the space shuttle?” I asked in disbelief. “You’re going to
hijack the space shuttle.” replied Diz. “But, like...there’s four of us.” I replied while looking at
my shoes. “Yeah, only you and SP are going, Ochie and I have made other arrangements. Once
there we need you and the rest of the Quadfecta featuring SP to spearhead the investigation into
what’s going on, and cultivate top quality bud.” said Diz. “Wait, how did the others get up
there.” I asked. “We built a small shuttle and escorted two at a time..it’s just too risky now, if
they sent it back, and it didn’t return, they would stay up there until they died...stoned as fuck.”
he replied.
It all makes perfect sense..
I seen a red light flashing across my sneakers...then a buzzer began to sound. “Intruder Alert”
blared across a loud speaker. My head popped up, and Diz and Ochie sat in two chairs against the
wall, and then Diz slapped the other nipple button on his cane. The wall behind the chairs opened
up, and the chairs slid backwards into what appeared to be a cockpit with three seats. “What the
fuck? Diz!?” I screamed. “Diz, don’t leave us here....at least take me with you!” screamed
Sugarpie. “Really SP?” I said, briefly locking eyes with her. She shrugged and then the door
started to slowly close. “Diz, why can’t we come?” I yelled from across the room “I’ve got a lot
of stuff to bring, plus...my pet fighting rooster..and sometimes I like to lay down.” said Diz as the
door closed. The building began to shake, and I started running towards the stairs. “Honda, over
here.” said Sugarpie, who opened a nearby door I had always believed was a closet, it revealed an
escape elevator that took us directly to the parking garage. We caught a glimpse of the intruder
before the door closed. A hooded, man wearing an all black coat walked through the boardroom door, he
looked at me for a few seconds, not even attempting to catch us. He just turned and walked away.
It was pretty spooky....
Sugarpie and I made our way through the parking lot. “Keys SP..we need keys.” I yelled as we
ran, the building still shaking. “The Ferrari!” she screamed... I ran to the drivers door. “Throw me
the keys!” I yelled. “I’m driving.” she replied. “Yeah, I think I’ll drive...I always drive.” I said
calmly, as the building shook around me. “Who says you’re a better driver than I am, just because
you’re a man?” she asked. “Look, is this really the time or place for this?” I mentioned, as lights
smashed around me from the vibration of the Space Ship WBW launching Diz and Ochie into
space. Sugarpie unlocked the door, opened the passenger door, then quickly locked the doors
again, then she shuffled across into the drivers seat. She then knocked on the window and smiled
as she pushed the “Start” button. “Fine, go, whatever...good luck. I hope you can drive a fucking
space ship as well.” I replied. She wound the window down a little “You’re going to fucking die
here right, this will be the last thing you ever do...is have a bitch fight with me about who is
driving.” she said out the window. I swallowed my pride, and walked around the car, as I reached
for the door she backed up a little bit. I took a deep breath, imagining how awesome it would be
if Sugarpie were a man, so I could punch her square in the cock.
I got in and we made our escape, with no sign of the intruder.
Once we were outside of the building, I watched as the ship
ascended into space, hoping it would be similar to when the Challenger exploded. I held onto the
little handle as we drove at excessive speeds through the city core. “We’ve got a tail Honda” said
Sugarpie. “That’s kinda fucking gross, isn’t there like surgery or something? Also, watch that
pothole.” I replied. “I don’t have a tail you jackass, we have a tail...the black Audi RS6 behind
us” said Sugarpie, while weaving all over the road...almost hitting pedestrians and not using her
turning signals. “Yeah, maybe slow down a little, there isn’t really a hurry.” I said, still holding
onto my armrest...my eyes were now closed. “The shuttle launch is tomorrow, we’re on the other
side of the planet Honda.” She said an aggravated tone. “That light is yellow SP...Probably
shouldn’t run it.” I said, pointing at the light. Sugarpie ignored my suggestion and gunned it
through the lights...the powerful Ferrari 458 Italia screamed through the streets, weaving and
being a menace to society. “Maybe just drop me off, I’ll meet you at the airport.” I said. “Do you
really have that big of a problem with me driving Honda?” asked Sugarpie,, her tone getting
angrier. “Well, if this is what you call driving I guess. Be careful not to hit that cyclist.” I pointed
at a near by kid on a bicycle, who looked utterly terrified as we passed by him, but I doubt he was
actually more terrified than I was, trapped in a racecar with an obvious lunatic. I popped my left
eye open to see how fast we were going. The speedometer read 321kmph. I swallowed deeply and
longed for the time when I was being chased by someone who wanted to kill me, rather than
trapped in a vehicle with one. At this point a chase was going on I think, I just felt my neck
snapping around from right to left. Then I’m pretty sure Sugarpie wound her window down and
was throwing shit out of the car, I opened my eyes briefly to see her clutching a Tony Danza
“Who’s The Boss” bobble head. “Wait, SP!” I screamed, snatching the toy from her hand, setting
it gently on the dash. I then proceeded to take my shoe off and smash it with the heel. “Fuck you,
Diz...Fuck you too, Tony Danza.” I briefly wondered to myself just where in the fuck Diz was
getting these god damn bobble heads, but it passed. I’m pretty sure some epic car chase stuff
happened. I think at one point there were cops, and machine guns and crazy driving and what not.
I don’t know, since I was too busy pretending I wasn’t actually in the car. “Honda?”I heard a soft
voice ask. I opened my eyes, in front of me was the jet we arrived on. There was nobody behind
us. I stepped out of the car. Three of the rims were bent, the paint was more scratched than it was
red, the exhaust pipes were bent down and dragging on the ground..the front and back bumpers
were gone and the windows had all been shot out. I got out and SP decided to parallel park next
to the curb...she backed hard into the curb, destroying the one last damage free rim. As she got
out all I could hear was the sound of air pissing out of the tire. “Lets go!” she yelled with a peppy
smile. We made our way to the jet..”Did you see that Honda? The mid air 360?...when I spun
around and was driving backwards? Did you see when I jumped that bridge that was out?” she
asked, with a huge smile on her face. “It was amazing, considering you obviously learned how to
drive at a clown college.” I replied, her smile slowly turning into a frown.
Once we boarded the jet we decided to relax a little bit. “I need to get changed.” said Sugarpie
who was getting her bag down from the overhead compartment. “Is....is that a limited edition
Hannah Montana travelette bag?” I asked. “Why, yes it is...you jelly?” she replied. I was most
certainly jelly sandwich...but I wouldn’t let her know it, so when that baby goes missing she’ll
look elsewhere. “I should probably get changed too...except I didn’t leave my luggage on the jet,
so my collection of collared polos (collars pre-popped) and HM booty shorts were probably
destroyed in the building collapse.”I said. “Well, you can borrow one of my t-shirts if you
want...they probably wont fit you though.” said SP. “Well obviously, I’m a grown fucking man, I
can’t wear shirts built for a 90lb girl..” then I seen it...she pulled out a sweet ass, pink “best of
both worlds” concert tour shirt. “Oh hey, umm, yeah...umm, I’ll take that one please.” I asked. “I
was kidding Honda, plus...there isn’t really a whole lot wrong with what you’re wearing..” she
replied. “During the run from the building my nipples started bleeding from the friction..so uhh,
toss me that shirt.” I said, as she looked at me with disgust. She threw me the shirt and let out a
little sigh. I slowly took my shirt off, since...even though Sugarpie is a lesbian, everyone gets a
little straight-curious on a occasion I’m sure. I let the shirt I was wearing catch on each ab as it I
slowly pulled it off. Then I figured, what the fuck...as the shirt reached face-high-level I decided
once the shirt was off my head, I was going to straight Blue Steel Sugarpie, and just see what
happens. If she decides she wants a little of what I got, whateves. The shirt is over my head....I tilt
my head down, leaving my head tilting down, then I lowed my eyebrows to a squint, then I
looked up at Sugarpie..right in the eyes...full on deep, meaningful...sexual stare. Look down, then
boom...back up. I’m standing there, shirtless, a little sweaty..just eye fucking the shit out of SP.
“Did you just “Looks down, then looks back up, squinting underneath his eyebrows.” eye fuck
me Honda?” asked SP, who had put down her iPhone. “That’s right babe.” I replied, still holding
the stare. “Oh my god, I...This has never happened before, you’re making me wet Honda. But,
you’re a guy. I need you to make love to me Honda..I need to know if I’m straight for you!” she
yelled, slowly walking toward me. “It happens to the best of em babe.” I replied with a cocky
smile. “I’m kidding you fucking idiot, put on your Hannah Montana shirt and sit the fuck down.”
said SP, who broke into laugher. “God damn blesbians.” I thought to myself while pulling the
Hannah Montana shirt over my head. “That shirt covers like, 60% of your torso Honda. You look
like a slutty teenager from the 90s.” said Sugarpie who had returned to playing with her iPhone.
Little did she know that was exactly the look I was going for. “You jellin’ bitch?” I replied.
I decided to get some sleep on the flight, since the onboard movie still didn’t interest me. It was a
quiet flight, Sugarpie and I had little to discuss, other than our shared undying lust for vagina.
(The feeling, not the look of it..because well, yuck.)
What happens when I look at vaginas.
The jet landed as near to the shuttle launch as we could get..but it was still quite a drive. We
exited the plane to a beautiful sunny day, and the paint job of the jet finally caught my eye. “I like
all the rainbow flags, but was the flying unicorn with the gold star trail really worth doing?” I
asked as we made our way down the stairs. “Absolutely.” replied Sugarpie, looking back at her
awesome jet. We decided there wasn’t enough time to rent a car, and since we were planning on
using it for illegal purposes anyway, we might as well just steal one. We came upon a yellow
Mazda Miata. “Lets take this one!” said Sugarpie with an excited look on her face. “Just let me
scrape the “I pound dude ass.” bumper sticker off.” I replied, hatering on the car as hard as I
could. I like a bit of flash, and I like my choice is car jacking to reflect that. Sugarpie and I came
up to a parking lot, still bickering over which car to steal. Then I set eye on it.. “That one.” I said,
pointing to a mid 2000s Audi A6 2.7L TT. “Choice.” replied Sugarpie. I laughed for a little
while, considering I hadn’t heard anyone say “Choice” for serious in quite awhile. Sugarpie
Hotwired it using her iPhone (they’re just that awesome) as we made our way to the launch site.
We arrived only ten minutes before it was going to be launched. We ran for it, snapping necks all
the way through, at one point Sugarpie flashed her titties at a guy before killing him, which I
found in poor taste. We made it to the shuttle elevator, a trail of snapped necks behind us. Once
inside we kicked out the astronauts and stole their nifty outfits. One commented that becoming an
astronaut takes a lifetime of hard work and training, little did he know I’m a forum moderator on
the Internet. It was surprisingly simple, just a giant green button with “launch” written on it.
“Ready Sugarpie?” I asked. She nodded, and as I reached for the launch button a call came
through.
Honda: Yeeellow?
Barack Obama: This is President Obama, we are well aware of who you are, and what you’ve
done here..as the President of the United States of America, I’m begging you. Don’t, do, this.
Sugarpie: I’m sorry Mr.President, but we have no choice, our brahs are in trouble.
Honda: Time is money Barry...you’re not the President of us.
Then I slapped the launch button, it was go time. As we ascended into the heavens, I couldn’t
believe the how quickly we pushed away from the earth. It was the most amazing thing I had ever
experienced. Then I heard a Justin Beiber song and looked to my left. Sugarpie was reading on
her iPhone and listening to music. I poked her in the arm and gestured at the sight in front of us,
she shrugged a little “Yeah, I have a space screen saver..it’s not that amazing.” she screamed over
the deafening loudness of the engines. Sugarpie used her iPhone to program in the coordinates of
the WBW Space Dock. As we approached my jaw dropped as I laid eyes on the Space Dock, it
was shaped like the USS Enterprise. “The Dutchies have entirely too much money.” I
said...thinking about how I live on Kraft Dinner and Alphaghetti. “Lets get physical!” joked
Sugarpie, as the docking tube penetrated into the Space Dock. The silence of space made that
horrible joke all the more awkward.
We popped into the space dock, and exchanged pleasantries with the other mods, who had clearly
been trapped there for months. “Dros, you’ve got a full mountain man beard dude, you been here
awhile?” I asked. “Yeah, about six days now.” he replied, stroking his epic beard. I glared at his
beard, just hatering. It was nice to see them all again, except Demo obviously. “Hey Demo,
you’re looking good dude..” I said while walking by him to the washroom. “Thanks, Honda..I’ve
been working out.” said Demo. “Yeah..your head looks bigger, oh, I guess you’ve just lost more
hair.” I replied with a smile. Dizzy and the Och. (Diz and Ochie) were sitting in the space lab,
tending to their pot. They informed me that they had intercepted transmissions from our building
before it shut down. “They said they had a master plan, and they had operatives that know how to
get to us.” Said Diz.. “Yeah, right...I bet.” I said sarcastically.
An alarm started to sound. “Evacuate”. “I literally just fucking got here.” I thought to myself. I
could hear screams coming from the back of the ship. “Wait here Honda...” said Diz. As Diz left
he and Ochie oddly grabbed as much weed as they could carry. This was suspicious indeed... I
felt a weird shudder and stood up. Then, over the loud speaker.. “Honda?” Diz asked. “Yeah Diz,
is everything okay?” I responded. “Everything fine my good friend, it seems one of the mods is
urr..crazy and trying to kill everyone.” said Diz over the loud speaker. “We have umm, escaped.
Could you please take care of this my buddy..?” he asked. I started to get worried.. “Diz, should I
be worried man, what’s going on?” I asked. “No, my best hombre, no need to worry at all. We’re
all safe.” he replied. “You all evacuated didn’t you?” I said. “Yes..thanks. While you’re engaged
in battle, we’re going to play you some madd fresh beats” said Diz, who then turned his music on
full blast so I couldn’t reply.
The ship filled with song. My body started to shake...my fists clenched. “Never gonna give you
up, never gonna let you down..” “I can’t believe he fucking rickrolled me...god damnit.” I
thought.
Just as the music started, the lights cut out. The dock thrusters kicked in and it knocked me off
my feet. As I wandered around the space dock looking for the rouge mod, I tried to figure out
who it was. “It’s gotta be Threadkiller, he has killer right in his fucking name.” I thought. So, I
equipped myself with the instruments needed to fight off an elderly man, so obviously I picked up
a news paper and rolled it up.
“Oh man..Can you believe how much things cost these days?!” I screamed, while searching the
ship, my only company still Sir Richard Astley. “Man, I sure am messing up this lawn..walking
all over it!” I yelled again, baiting my adversary. I eventually wound up near the docking ports.
Both ships were gone. “Great, gonna die no matter what.” I thought.
There was a noise behind me. A robed man stepped out holding a light. “Who..who is that?” I
asked, the man took off his hood. “No, not you.....not you man!” I yelled. He smiled and I could
see the insanity in his eyes. It was Notech.
“You can’t be a bad guy..you’re mah brah” I said.
“You thought I was your brah..I’m not your brah at all..you’ll never guess who is behind all this,
but, I bet if you defeat me somehow, it will be a super shocking revelation...like, mind blowing.”
said Notech. “I uhh, I have to kill you eh Notech.....” I said, looking down at my shoes “You
trained me Honda..I am part of the monkhood..which means all kinds of crazy weird stuff to me.”
Notech replied. “Yeah, you kinda perverted the hell out of that. Alrighty then, prepare to die I
guess.” I said. “Not likely”...said Notech, who turned a knob behind him. I started to slowly lift
off the ground. “Oh fucking balls, what are we going to do, have a crazy mid air fight?” I asked,
while floating. “Yeah, no” said Notech, who pulled out a gun. I started to run, forgetting I was in
mid air...which was kinda sweet really, just running in mid air. “At least you’re going to die how
you lived...like a total jackass.” said Notech. “I thought these things created artificial gravity by
spinning..?” I asked. “No, we have some sort of gravity knob you can adjust.” he replied, floating
toward me. “Humm..that seems unnecessary.” I said, making my slow, floaty getaway. Notech
knew better than to fire randomly at me, he couldn’t risk piercing the hull.
I floated my way into the grow op room. Gay pornography floating everywhere. I smacked
random floating dildos Notechs way, he grew angrier as the slapped off his face. I reached the end of the rooms. I was cornered and Notech had a gun. A rickroll was going to be the soundtrack of my death. Somewhere deep inside I
hoped they would put that on my tombstone.
Notech approached, I didn’t even bother to fight back, it was over. He lowered his gun. “I’ll tell
you what Honder...I’ll let ya live...if you admit I was the better mod. People like me more..and
I’m just all around more manly. I’ll wound you and leave...sound good?” I could barely hear him
through my hysterical crying... manly preparation for death. The room was pitch
black, except for an occasional blast of red light from a nearby warning bulb. I closed my eyes
and began to hum “never gonna give you up..” I heard the hammer on the gun cock. A different
alarm started to sound, and the ship began shaking. Notech slammed into a wall and his gun
floated off. The dock slowly turned until facing the sun, it was utterly blinding. Notech jumped
up and covered his face, we were both blinded by the intensity of the sun. I felt down my thigh,
there it was, the small case I keep strapped to my leg. I pulled it off, with my hand covering my
eyes..I ripped off the “use in case of emergency” sticker holding the case closed. I reached in and
pulled out my limited edition Hannah Montana sunglasses. As I slid them on, I could hear a
million David Curusos one liners, and The Who screaming “YEAHH!”. I turned to see Notech,
still blind and stumbling around, so I did the noble thing.. I collected his gun, and then started
furiously slapping him in the face with it. What Notech didn’t realize, was in cancelling out the
gravity, he fired the bow thrusters, and we had been slowly drifting back into earths orbit the
whole time. Notech started to squirm around. “Please don’t kill me Honda..I...I was brainwashed.
I remember. Please, don’t hurt me brah!” he begged. I lowed the gun down to him. “You know
how in Scarface, he says “say hello to my little friend?”“ I asked. Notech nodded. “Say goodbye
to your little friend.” I said, while shooting him straight in the dick. It was as if it happened in
slow motion. Pieces of testicles and dick matter exploded throughout the room. “Notech, more
like, no....dick.” I said, while victoriously high-fiving a nearby mirror.
Part Three...will probably be posted shortly because SP is feeling a little on the sad side and hopefully this shenanigans will make her feel a bit better.
Vol 1
http://whatboyswant.com/forum_read/4620461/1/10/Last_Weekend_The_WBWCREW_Had_Our_Annual_Meeting.html
Vol 2
http://whatboyswant.com/forum_read/4879749/1/10/Last_Weekend_The_WBWCREW_Had_Our_Annual_Meeting_Vol2.html
and its members, how we're doing financially and any other problems or concerns any of us
have.
A couple of days prior to the big WBW meeting, I awoke to a loud crash downstairs. I jumped
out of bed and slid in my limited edition Hannah Montana flip flops. Then, after grabbing a
flashlight to be on the safe side, I decided to investigate. I was as quiet as a mouse, as not to wake
my nearby sleeping girlfriend...and her supermodel friends that decided to sleep over,
naked...except for knee high socks.
Tight..
I held the banister close as I crept cautiously down the stairs to my living room. It turned out
halfway down the banister was in fact, my erect penis. Once near the landing. I finally got a glimpse of the
intruder, he was obviously prepared, because he had also brought a flashlight. Little did he know
mine also plays "Can't Be Tamed". "I'll show him who can't be tamed, me...I can't be tamed." I
though to myself. I jumped to the landing by the front door, doing a dramatic tuck and roll upon
hitting the ground. "Oww, my fucking ass." I cried out upon landing on some shoes. The intruder
just stood there, we locked eyes, he knew he probably should refrain from pushing me, for I am
close to, the edge. "Honda?" He asked. I responded the only way I knew how...a flying scissor
kick. I got him directly in the tits. That's when I realized something was a miss...she in fact, was
a miss. Stop it Honda..it's me, Sugarpie." said the stranger. I nodded while trying to get close
enough to smash her to death with my flashlight. "Oh, Sugarpie..I totally know somebody named
Sugarpie.." I lied while making my way closer. I made my move, throwing my arm up
dramatically.."HIYA!" I screamed, with a swift downward thrust of the flashlight, pausing
midway..."Fuck, this flash light is a limited edition.." I thought to myself. Then, like a kick in the
balls...I was kicked in the balls.
As I vomited and screamed for mercy..(while remaining badass)...the blows to my
manhood continued. Not in a sexy way either, which that could also imply...but the kind where
I'm not sure if I'll have kids now. "You done jackass..I thought you could help me." said
Sugarpie. "What do you want from me, take everything..kill my girlfriend, rape me...just leave
my Hannah Montana merchandise alone." I begged. "I'm a WBW mod..in fact, we mod the same
forum, you should probably know that." she said, removing her black mask. "What the fuck is a
mod?." I replied, in between whimpers. "You're Honda...the guy from WBW? Didn't you used to
be awesome?" she asked while helping me to my feet. "I...I don't know, what? All I remember is
how much I love the Dog Whisperer and giving sensual massages." I asked in my confusion.
"We're in trouble Honda, we need you back, it's..it's bad." she said, trying to jog my
memory...but it was no use. "I have no idea who you are miss, but if you were here for the
supermodel orgy...well, I dunno, they're pretty torn up but I'll see what I can do." I said, trying to
understand the situation...and see some fresh new boobies. "Will you be there?" asked Sugarpie.
"obvs" I replied....then Sugarpie shook her head. This girl was clearly blind or a lesbian, or possibly a
blind lesbian....blesbians as they like to be called.
like this...kinda
"I thought you could save us Honda.....I thought you could be the one." said Sugarpie, walking
towards the door. "I really should call the police...about this insane woman dressed as a
ninja/catwoman hybrid in my house." I remember thinking, but then I seen the sadness on her
face.. "Poor blind lesbian girl." I said softly while crawling back up stairs. When I turned to see
what Sugarpie was up to, she was gone. By the time I got upstairs a couple of the models were
awake and grasping at my wang. "More sex...but your poor vagina?..Also, my dick is kinda
destroyed"...I said to Supermodel #2. It'll have to be..not in the vagina." she said with a wink and a smile. I replied with a slow motion hip thrust.Her friend was smiling and looking up at me. "It'll be a threesome eh...I don't like less than a foursome, but I'll manage"..I said to them while they started to make out. "An epic trifecta" said Supermodel #5.
My girlfriend shot out of bed, slapping SM#5 in the face. "Trifecta!" I screamed, then I passed
out.
Also, they were Asian.
I awoke hours later to the sound of the Dog Whisperer, I felt different..like when you forget
something really important. I felt, douchier..if that makes sense. My girlfriend sat there, with a
peculiar look on her face. "How do you feel?" she asked, looking deeply into my eyes. Suddenly,
my front window smashed open. A cell phone slid across my floor. The ringtone blared. "It's the
final countdown..." I went to grab it when my girlfriend smashed it with her heel. "Babe, lay
down and listen to that playlist I made for you on your phone." my girlfriend said to me with a
eerie smile. The next thing I know, Sugarpie jumped through my window. She and my girlfriend
locked eyes, I could tell instantly shit had just got real.. "He's gone, he'll never be back SP...he's
ours now." said my girlfriend, which confused me considering I had just learned who Sugarpie was. SP
took a wide kick at my girlfriend, missing completely. "Don't hit her babe, she's blind!" I
screamed to my girlfriend. Who was completely ignoring me now. "I should probably do
something, but...what if they rip off each others clothes and some titties start flopping
around....better wait this one out." I thought to myself.
like this, only with more attractive women
As SP and my girlfriend were fighting, I got bored and decided to go make a sandwich. Once I
had walked into the kitchen, I realized I was completely out of my league..there's like, appliances
in there and they make things cold and hot, I don't even. I walked back out to the living room,
where the epic battle was taking place. It was like Kill Bill in there, flying kicks and all kinds of
stuff. "Ladies, I've decided winner makes me a sandwich...loser gives me a blowjob, actually,
other way around." I yelled. Sugarpie (SP) stopped mid-punch and gave me a surprised look.
"Honda?" she said, confused. It sounds so familiar, this "Honda" shit.. "No, It's a BMW." I replied.
My girlfriend then grabbed a shard of glass and lunged at SP. SP fell backwards onto her back,
and fired her legs into the air, kicking my girlfriend in the stomach with both feet. My girlfriend
was trying to crawl away, SP grabbed her by the pony tail and punched her in the back of the
head. "Whoa missy, she only likes donkey punches sometimes." I yelled, while casually leaning
against a wall. SP wrapped her legs around my girlfriends neck, sitting on her back, riding her
like a little pony, then tightened her grasp, my girlfriend flailed a bit before passing out.
I mean like..what is this? I don't even.
"Whoa, I think I'll probably definitely call the cops this time. But first...BJ or Sandwich?" I
asked. SP advanced on me, I guarded my testicles with a nearby pan. "Honda, you've been
brainwashed. Your girlfriend is fucking evil. You don't like wearing all that colorful shit do
you? You're wearing a fucking baby blue hoodie. Your BWM..how did you get that? Where is
your computer?...HONDA, SNAP OUT OF IT!" Sugarpie yelled, shaking my shoulders. I couldn't take my eyes off the
way her lips moved, hoping they were going to get closer and closer to my penis. SP reached into
her pocket and pulled out a vibrator. "Put this in your ear" she said while walking towards me. "I
know you're blind and stuff, but that's not how they work." I mentioned casually, while she started pushing her
small vibrator into my ear. The buzzing had this weird, hypnotic rhythm, it kinda sounded like my
favorite playlist...the room started to spin and I started to feel..better, like my mind was clear,
then I passed out.
I pass out a lot...I've heard it causes brain damageamageamage.
"I wish he would wake up already, he needs a shower, and I don't want to wash his balls." said
SP into her iPhone as I was waking up. Sugarpie noticed me coming to, and walked over. "Now Honda, going to take a little while before it all comes back to you, but do you remember anything?" asked SP, looking at me as if I were a mental patient.
"I remember..being funny? I remember having fun..I remember hating the Dog Whisperer." I
said. SP walked over and put headphones on me..then started slowly turning up the song "Don't
Stop Believing"..it got louder and louder..and she nodded. Then, like a bolt of lightning, it all
rushed back.
"Sugarpie, how long was I gone?" I asked, as the hilarity of the Internet flooded my brain. The
lulz, the noob flaming, the epicness that is WBW. "About a year and change dude." she replied. I
looked down at my shoes, I was wearing converse sneakers and black jeans. "Who dressed me,
scene_kid?. I'm not even wearing any Hannah Montana stuff. I look like a faggot." I said while
looking myself over. "Yeah, you always kinda look like a faggot....don't uhh...don't go to play
with your hair." said SP with a concerned expression. My eyes welled up as my hands approached my scalp....my epic flowing locks were no more. "What..how is everything, what's going on?" I asked. "Things are bad,
everything is all fucked up...we're on our way to the annual WBW meeting." said SP..looking up
from her iPhone. "So uhh, you have a jet now?" I asked. "Yeah, Diz bought me one after they
sold yours to some poor North Koreans. It crashed the first flight..if you're bored I put on Eclipse
for the flight movie." said SP..still poking at her iPhone.
Fucking Twilight. Once we boarded the plane, the flight went by quickly. My head was
pounding and my ass still kinda hurt. SP loaned me her laptop, a pink little thing, with a rainbow
flag as the desktop. "You should familiarize yourself with the site Honda..the Internet has
changed...everything has changed." said SP. "I'm still a mod on WBW? How did I mange that,
I've been gone for like ever." I asked. "Yeah, we honestly kinda just forgot you existed." she
replied.
After landing a limo was waiting. I had to argue with the driver to let me come with them, since
the sign he was holding was specifically for Sugarpie. But, I flipped my wallet down to show him
my WBW ID. "That looks like a piece of construction paper with your picture glued on it" he
said, harshly judging my arts and crafts project with his cruel eyes. "There is also gold glitter...since I'm a global...no silver glitter for me." I replied. SP then used to iPhone to project a hologram of her face and position in the company. "What the fuck is that?" I asked. "My ID" she replied. "Fuck these guys so super hard." I thought to myself while shamefully flipping my wallet back up.
We arrived at about seven or eight PM...and made our way to the WBW offices. "This brings
back memories eh Honda?" said SP. "Yeah, I remember when I was the only Canadian
moderator, eh." I said while glaring at her hatefully, then gradually glaring at her boobs. We
made our way up to the boardroom. I had asked her several times what the problem was, but she
insisted we wait for the meeting.
We got to the door of the boardroom, and I put my arm out before she could open the door.. "I'll
handle this babe." I said with a cocky wink. I then jump kicked the boardroom door, fucking
blasting it into the drywall behind it so hard it got stuck. "Sup bitches!?" I screamed while
walking in. "I wish to be carried in by pic mods." I yelled while stretching my arms out.
"Sit down, Honda." asked Diz, his voice only slightly louder than a whisper. I scanned the room,
it was empty. It was just Diz, Ochie, Sugarpie and I. "What's going on, where is everyone?" I
asked. "They're gone Honda, the mods we're keeping track of are in secure locations. So far we
know the whereabouts of:
EricLindros
Bangledesh
Threadkiller
Notech
J-Swiss
Demonicmale
Punly
KingDaddy
"That's it, where is everyone else?" I asked in disbelief. "We...we don't know Honda. I mean, I
hate you so much, I actually have toilet paper printed with your face on it. So, if there were
literally anyone else, I would call them, I mean...you're just...the last person--" Said Diz as I cut
him off. "I got it...what about the old timers? Fefe, Screwy and Latino?..why can't they help?" I
asked, insulted. "They're MIA...we can't find any of them. There were signs of a struggle at
several of the locations, and by "struggle" I mean rapes." said Diz, who sounded almost envious. "Wait...BWT is
missing?...SALTY!!!" I screamed into the air, pounding my fists down on the table. "Calm down
miss, you're making a scene." said Sugarpie who was playing Angry Birds on her iPhone. "So,
what's to be done?" I asked. "We need to figure out what happened to them, we sent Sugarpie to
get you, before it was too late." said Diz. "Why did I forget about WBW?..What happened to
me..I just remember a warm, calm wave of frequent sex and the Dog Whisperer?" I asked. Diz
said that it seemed like in all the cases of the missing mods, there were no signs of forced
entry..they all knew their abductors. "You were being brainwashed...we're not sure why, but, it
was your girlfriend" said Sugarpie. "Yeah, thinking back it was kinda boring and shitty..." I said.
"Exactly" said Diz...explaining it was meant to make me go without a fight. But go where, and do
what I wondered. "Do you think maybe it's the CoC again? Like, last time we tangled I had to
kill Al Gore, and make sweet love to Hanna....kill Al Gore. All I did was kill Al Gore." I said to
Diz. He didn't seem to think that was what was going on here. It seemed we were wrapped up in
some business of the most seriousness variety. "What's our next move Diz?" I asked. "I don't
know Honda, We had to get all our mods into protection, they were dropping like flies. Sugarpie
here really risked her sugary pie for you. So, what I'm trying to say is, you should act as a decoy
while Sugarpie, Ochie and I make a break for the ship." said Diz, who was now standing up and
walking toward the pull-down projector screen. He clicked the end of his cane (The handle of
which was a pair of tits, each nipple being a button.) and the projector turned on.
Part Two Below
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. “So, wait...you’re saying the mods we still have, the mods
we’re keeping safe..they’re in..” I was cutoff by Diz before I could finish. “Honda, you know how
you keep getting Fed Ex’d pieces of shit?” Diz asked. “Yes...” I replied. “Yeah, I’m the one doing
that. I hate you so much, every night before I go to sleep I pray you lose your legs and then get
cancer. Twice.” he said...he paused for a moment, just glaring at me, with a hate I can only
describe as “primal” and then he continued. “As you know, one of our main revenue streams has
long been shipping drugs, and bootleg DVDs.” he added. “Yeah, that is so stupid it’s actually
making my balls kinda hurt.” I noted. “Yeah, anyway...we realized there was nowhere to do this
safely on planet earth. So, we sold the RAD and a lot of our share in the site...and we built a
space station.” he finished. I sat there for a few moments, just kinda, drinking in all the
ridiculousness. “Our mods are up there right now, taking care of everything from the safety of
space, you’ve demonstrated more than once you’re more than equipped to handle extreme
situations, so we need you to hijack the final US space shuttle launch.” said Ochie. I just put my
head on the desk and tried to ignore the smell of what was undoubtedly buttsex that had recently
taken place in the room.
Like this, only more gay.
Moments passed which seemed like years. Sugarpie began rubbing my back in a way that would
suggest she didn’t want to touch me in any way, shape or form...I’m pretty sure she was actually
using a pen. “So, we’re going to hijack the space shuttle?” I asked in disbelief. “You’re going to
hijack the space shuttle.” replied Diz. “But, like...there’s four of us.” I replied while looking at
my shoes. “Yeah, only you and SP are going, Ochie and I have made other arrangements. Once
there we need you and the rest of the Quadfecta featuring SP to spearhead the investigation into
what’s going on, and cultivate top quality bud.” said Diz. “Wait, how did the others get up
there.” I asked. “We built a small shuttle and escorted two at a time..it’s just too risky now, if
they sent it back, and it didn’t return, they would stay up there until they died...stoned as fuck.”
he replied.
It all makes perfect sense..
I seen a red light flashing across my sneakers...then a buzzer began to sound. “Intruder Alert”
blared across a loud speaker. My head popped up, and Diz and Ochie sat in two chairs against the
wall, and then Diz slapped the other nipple button on his cane. The wall behind the chairs opened
up, and the chairs slid backwards into what appeared to be a cockpit with three seats. “What the
fuck? Diz!?” I screamed. “Diz, don’t leave us here....at least take me with you!” screamed
Sugarpie. “Really SP?” I said, briefly locking eyes with her. She shrugged and then the door
started to slowly close. “Diz, why can’t we come?” I yelled from across the room “I’ve got a lot
of stuff to bring, plus...my pet fighting rooster..and sometimes I like to lay down.” said Diz as the
door closed. The building began to shake, and I started running towards the stairs. “Honda, over
here.” said Sugarpie, who opened a nearby door I had always believed was a closet, it revealed an
escape elevator that took us directly to the parking garage. We caught a glimpse of the intruder
before the door closed. A hooded, man wearing an all black coat walked through the boardroom door, he
looked at me for a few seconds, not even attempting to catch us. He just turned and walked away.
It was pretty spooky....
Sugarpie and I made our way through the parking lot. “Keys SP..we need keys.” I yelled as we
ran, the building still shaking. “The Ferrari!” she screamed... I ran to the drivers door. “Throw me
the keys!” I yelled. “I’m driving.” she replied. “Yeah, I think I’ll drive...I always drive.” I said
calmly, as the building shook around me. “Who says you’re a better driver than I am, just because
you’re a man?” she asked. “Look, is this really the time or place for this?” I mentioned, as lights
smashed around me from the vibration of the Space Ship WBW launching Diz and Ochie into
space. Sugarpie unlocked the door, opened the passenger door, then quickly locked the doors
again, then she shuffled across into the drivers seat. She then knocked on the window and smiled
as she pushed the “Start” button. “Fine, go, whatever...good luck. I hope you can drive a fucking
space ship as well.” I replied. She wound the window down a little “You’re going to fucking die
here right, this will be the last thing you ever do...is have a bitch fight with me about who is
driving.” she said out the window. I swallowed my pride, and walked around the car, as I reached
for the door she backed up a little bit. I took a deep breath, imagining how awesome it would be
if Sugarpie were a man, so I could punch her square in the cock.
I got in and we made our escape, with no sign of the intruder.
Once we were outside of the building, I watched as the ship
ascended into space, hoping it would be similar to when the Challenger exploded. I held onto the
little handle as we drove at excessive speeds through the city core. “We’ve got a tail Honda” said
Sugarpie. “That’s kinda fucking gross, isn’t there like surgery or something? Also, watch that
pothole.” I replied. “I don’t have a tail you jackass, we have a tail...the black Audi RS6 behind
us” said Sugarpie, while weaving all over the road...almost hitting pedestrians and not using her
turning signals. “Yeah, maybe slow down a little, there isn’t really a hurry.” I said, still holding
onto my armrest...my eyes were now closed. “The shuttle launch is tomorrow, we’re on the other
side of the planet Honda.” She said an aggravated tone. “That light is yellow SP...Probably
shouldn’t run it.” I said, pointing at the light. Sugarpie ignored my suggestion and gunned it
through the lights...the powerful Ferrari 458 Italia screamed through the streets, weaving and
being a menace to society. “Maybe just drop me off, I’ll meet you at the airport.” I said. “Do you
really have that big of a problem with me driving Honda?” asked Sugarpie,, her tone getting
angrier. “Well, if this is what you call driving I guess. Be careful not to hit that cyclist.” I pointed
at a near by kid on a bicycle, who looked utterly terrified as we passed by him, but I doubt he was
actually more terrified than I was, trapped in a racecar with an obvious lunatic. I popped my left
eye open to see how fast we were going. The speedometer read 321kmph. I swallowed deeply and
longed for the time when I was being chased by someone who wanted to kill me, rather than
trapped in a vehicle with one. At this point a chase was going on I think, I just felt my neck
snapping around from right to left. Then I’m pretty sure Sugarpie wound her window down and
was throwing shit out of the car, I opened my eyes briefly to see her clutching a Tony Danza
“Who’s The Boss” bobble head. “Wait, SP!” I screamed, snatching the toy from her hand, setting
it gently on the dash. I then proceeded to take my shoe off and smash it with the heel. “Fuck you,
Diz...Fuck you too, Tony Danza.” I briefly wondered to myself just where in the fuck Diz was
getting these god damn bobble heads, but it passed. I’m pretty sure some epic car chase stuff
happened. I think at one point there were cops, and machine guns and crazy driving and what not.
I don’t know, since I was too busy pretending I wasn’t actually in the car. “Honda?”I heard a soft
voice ask. I opened my eyes, in front of me was the jet we arrived on. There was nobody behind
us. I stepped out of the car. Three of the rims were bent, the paint was more scratched than it was
red, the exhaust pipes were bent down and dragging on the ground..the front and back bumpers
were gone and the windows had all been shot out. I got out and SP decided to parallel park next
to the curb...she backed hard into the curb, destroying the one last damage free rim. As she got
out all I could hear was the sound of air pissing out of the tire. “Lets go!” she yelled with a peppy
smile. We made our way to the jet..”Did you see that Honda? The mid air 360?...when I spun
around and was driving backwards? Did you see when I jumped that bridge that was out?” she
asked, with a huge smile on her face. “It was amazing, considering you obviously learned how to
drive at a clown college.” I replied, her smile slowly turning into a frown.
Once we boarded the jet we decided to relax a little bit. “I need to get changed.” said Sugarpie
who was getting her bag down from the overhead compartment. “Is....is that a limited edition
Hannah Montana travelette bag?” I asked. “Why, yes it is...you jelly?” she replied. I was most
certainly jelly sandwich...but I wouldn’t let her know it, so when that baby goes missing she’ll
look elsewhere. “I should probably get changed too...except I didn’t leave my luggage on the jet,
so my collection of collared polos (collars pre-popped) and HM booty shorts were probably
destroyed in the building collapse.”I said. “Well, you can borrow one of my t-shirts if you
want...they probably wont fit you though.” said SP. “Well obviously, I’m a grown fucking man, I
can’t wear shirts built for a 90lb girl..” then I seen it...she pulled out a sweet ass, pink “best of
both worlds” concert tour shirt. “Oh hey, umm, yeah...umm, I’ll take that one please.” I asked. “I
was kidding Honda, plus...there isn’t really a whole lot wrong with what you’re wearing..” she
replied. “During the run from the building my nipples started bleeding from the friction..so uhh,
toss me that shirt.” I said, as she looked at me with disgust. She threw me the shirt and let out a
little sigh. I slowly took my shirt off, since...even though Sugarpie is a lesbian, everyone gets a
little straight-curious on a occasion I’m sure. I let the shirt I was wearing catch on each ab as it I
slowly pulled it off. Then I figured, what the fuck...as the shirt reached face-high-level I decided
once the shirt was off my head, I was going to straight Blue Steel Sugarpie, and just see what
happens. If she decides she wants a little of what I got, whateves. The shirt is over my head....I tilt
my head down, leaving my head tilting down, then I lowed my eyebrows to a squint, then I
looked up at Sugarpie..right in the eyes...full on deep, meaningful...sexual stare. Look down, then
boom...back up. I’m standing there, shirtless, a little sweaty..just eye fucking the shit out of SP.
“Did you just “Looks down, then looks back up, squinting underneath his eyebrows.” eye fuck
me Honda?” asked SP, who had put down her iPhone. “That’s right babe.” I replied, still holding
the stare. “Oh my god, I...This has never happened before, you’re making me wet Honda. But,
you’re a guy. I need you to make love to me Honda..I need to know if I’m straight for you!” she
yelled, slowly walking toward me. “It happens to the best of em babe.” I replied with a cocky
smile. “I’m kidding you fucking idiot, put on your Hannah Montana shirt and sit the fuck down.”
said SP, who broke into laugher. “God damn blesbians.” I thought to myself while pulling the
Hannah Montana shirt over my head. “That shirt covers like, 60% of your torso Honda. You look
like a slutty teenager from the 90s.” said Sugarpie who had returned to playing with her iPhone.
Little did she know that was exactly the look I was going for. “You jellin’ bitch?” I replied.
I decided to get some sleep on the flight, since the onboard movie still didn’t interest me. It was a
quiet flight, Sugarpie and I had little to discuss, other than our shared undying lust for vagina.
(The feeling, not the look of it..because well, yuck.)
What happens when I look at vaginas.
The jet landed as near to the shuttle launch as we could get..but it was still quite a drive. We
exited the plane to a beautiful sunny day, and the paint job of the jet finally caught my eye. “I like
all the rainbow flags, but was the flying unicorn with the gold star trail really worth doing?” I
asked as we made our way down the stairs. “Absolutely.” replied Sugarpie, looking back at her
awesome jet. We decided there wasn’t enough time to rent a car, and since we were planning on
using it for illegal purposes anyway, we might as well just steal one. We came upon a yellow
Mazda Miata. “Lets take this one!” said Sugarpie with an excited look on her face. “Just let me
scrape the “I pound dude ass.” bumper sticker off.” I replied, hatering on the car as hard as I
could. I like a bit of flash, and I like my choice is car jacking to reflect that. Sugarpie and I came
up to a parking lot, still bickering over which car to steal. Then I set eye on it.. “That one.” I said,
pointing to a mid 2000s Audi A6 2.7L TT. “Choice.” replied Sugarpie. I laughed for a little
while, considering I hadn’t heard anyone say “Choice” for serious in quite awhile. Sugarpie
Hotwired it using her iPhone (they’re just that awesome) as we made our way to the launch site.
We arrived only ten minutes before it was going to be launched. We ran for it, snapping necks all
the way through, at one point Sugarpie flashed her titties at a guy before killing him, which I
found in poor taste. We made it to the shuttle elevator, a trail of snapped necks behind us. Once
inside we kicked out the astronauts and stole their nifty outfits. One commented that becoming an
astronaut takes a lifetime of hard work and training, little did he know I’m a forum moderator on
the Internet. It was surprisingly simple, just a giant green button with “launch” written on it.
“Ready Sugarpie?” I asked. She nodded, and as I reached for the launch button a call came
through.
Honda: Yeeellow?
Barack Obama: This is President Obama, we are well aware of who you are, and what you’ve
done here..as the President of the United States of America, I’m begging you. Don’t, do, this.
Sugarpie: I’m sorry Mr.President, but we have no choice, our brahs are in trouble.
Honda: Time is money Barry...you’re not the President of us.
Then I slapped the launch button, it was go time. As we ascended into the heavens, I couldn’t
believe the how quickly we pushed away from the earth. It was the most amazing thing I had ever
experienced. Then I heard a Justin Beiber song and looked to my left. Sugarpie was reading on
her iPhone and listening to music. I poked her in the arm and gestured at the sight in front of us,
she shrugged a little “Yeah, I have a space screen saver..it’s not that amazing.” she screamed over
the deafening loudness of the engines. Sugarpie used her iPhone to program in the coordinates of
the WBW Space Dock. As we approached my jaw dropped as I laid eyes on the Space Dock, it
was shaped like the USS Enterprise. “The Dutchies have entirely too much money.” I
said...thinking about how I live on Kraft Dinner and Alphaghetti. “Lets get physical!” joked
Sugarpie, as the docking tube penetrated into the Space Dock. The silence of space made that
horrible joke all the more awkward.
We popped into the space dock, and exchanged pleasantries with the other mods, who had clearly
been trapped there for months. “Dros, you’ve got a full mountain man beard dude, you been here
awhile?” I asked. “Yeah, about six days now.” he replied, stroking his epic beard. I glared at his
beard, just hatering. It was nice to see them all again, except Demo obviously. “Hey Demo,
you’re looking good dude..” I said while walking by him to the washroom. “Thanks, Honda..I’ve
been working out.” said Demo. “Yeah..your head looks bigger, oh, I guess you’ve just lost more
hair.” I replied with a smile. Dizzy and the Och. (Diz and Ochie) were sitting in the space lab,
tending to their pot. They informed me that they had intercepted transmissions from our building
before it shut down. “They said they had a master plan, and they had operatives that know how to
get to us.” Said Diz.. “Yeah, right...I bet.” I said sarcastically.
An alarm started to sound. “Evacuate”. “I literally just fucking got here.” I thought to myself. I
could hear screams coming from the back of the ship. “Wait here Honda...” said Diz. As Diz left
he and Ochie oddly grabbed as much weed as they could carry. This was suspicious indeed... I
felt a weird shudder and stood up. Then, over the loud speaker.. “Honda?” Diz asked. “Yeah Diz,
is everything okay?” I responded. “Everything fine my good friend, it seems one of the mods is
urr..crazy and trying to kill everyone.” said Diz over the loud speaker. “We have umm, escaped.
Could you please take care of this my buddy..?” he asked. I started to get worried.. “Diz, should I
be worried man, what’s going on?” I asked. “No, my best hombre, no need to worry at all. We’re
all safe.” he replied. “You all evacuated didn’t you?” I said. “Yes..thanks. While you’re engaged
in battle, we’re going to play you some madd fresh beats” said Diz, who then turned his music on
full blast so I couldn’t reply.
The ship filled with song. My body started to shake...my fists clenched. “Never gonna give you
up, never gonna let you down..” “I can’t believe he fucking rickrolled me...god damnit.” I
thought.
Just as the music started, the lights cut out. The dock thrusters kicked in and it knocked me off
my feet. As I wandered around the space dock looking for the rouge mod, I tried to figure out
who it was. “It’s gotta be Threadkiller, he has killer right in his fucking name.” I thought. So, I
equipped myself with the instruments needed to fight off an elderly man, so obviously I picked up
a news paper and rolled it up.
“Oh man..Can you believe how much things cost these days?!” I screamed, while searching the
ship, my only company still Sir Richard Astley. “Man, I sure am messing up this lawn..walking
all over it!” I yelled again, baiting my adversary. I eventually wound up near the docking ports.
Both ships were gone. “Great, gonna die no matter what.” I thought.
There was a noise behind me. A robed man stepped out holding a light. “Who..who is that?” I
asked, the man took off his hood. “No, not you.....not you man!” I yelled. He smiled and I could
see the insanity in his eyes. It was Notech.
“You can’t be a bad guy..you’re mah brah” I said.
“You thought I was your brah..I’m not your brah at all..you’ll never guess who is behind all this,
but, I bet if you defeat me somehow, it will be a super shocking revelation...like, mind blowing.”
said Notech. “I uhh, I have to kill you eh Notech.....” I said, looking down at my shoes “You
trained me Honda..I am part of the monkhood..which means all kinds of crazy weird stuff to me.”
Notech replied. “Yeah, you kinda perverted the hell out of that. Alrighty then, prepare to die I
guess.” I said. “Not likely”...said Notech, who turned a knob behind him. I started to slowly lift
off the ground. “Oh fucking balls, what are we going to do, have a crazy mid air fight?” I asked,
while floating. “Yeah, no” said Notech, who pulled out a gun. I started to run, forgetting I was in
mid air...which was kinda sweet really, just running in mid air. “At least you’re going to die how
you lived...like a total jackass.” said Notech. “I thought these things created artificial gravity by
spinning..?” I asked. “No, we have some sort of gravity knob you can adjust.” he replied, floating
toward me. “Humm..that seems unnecessary.” I said, making my slow, floaty getaway. Notech
knew better than to fire randomly at me, he couldn’t risk piercing the hull.
I floated my way into the grow op room. Gay pornography floating everywhere. I smacked
random floating dildos Notechs way, he grew angrier as the slapped off his face. I reached the end of the rooms. I was cornered and Notech had a gun. A rickroll was going to be the soundtrack of my death. Somewhere deep inside I
hoped they would put that on my tombstone.
Notech approached, I didn’t even bother to fight back, it was over. He lowered his gun. “I’ll tell
you what Honder...I’ll let ya live...if you admit I was the better mod. People like me more..and
I’m just all around more manly. I’ll wound you and leave...sound good?” I could barely hear him
through my
black, except for an occasional blast of red light from a nearby warning bulb. I closed my eyes
and began to hum “never gonna give you up..” I heard the hammer on the gun cock. A different
alarm started to sound, and the ship began shaking. Notech slammed into a wall and his gun
floated off. The dock slowly turned until facing the sun, it was utterly blinding. Notech jumped
up and covered his face, we were both blinded by the intensity of the sun. I felt down my thigh,
there it was, the small case I keep strapped to my leg. I pulled it off, with my hand covering my
eyes..I ripped off the “use in case of emergency” sticker holding the case closed. I reached in and
pulled out my limited edition Hannah Montana sunglasses. As I slid them on, I could hear a
million David Curusos one liners, and The Who screaming “YEAHH!”. I turned to see Notech,
still blind and stumbling around, so I did the noble thing.. I collected his gun, and then started
furiously slapping him in the face with it. What Notech didn’t realize, was in cancelling out the
gravity, he fired the bow thrusters, and we had been slowly drifting back into earths orbit the
whole time. Notech started to squirm around. “Please don’t kill me Honda..I...I was brainwashed.
I remember. Please, don’t hurt me brah!” he begged. I lowed the gun down to him. “You know
how in Scarface, he says “say hello to my little friend?”“ I asked. Notech nodded. “Say goodbye
to your little friend.” I said, while shooting him straight in the dick. It was as if it happened in
slow motion. Pieces of testicles and dick matter exploded throughout the room. “Notech, more
like, no....dick.” I said, while victoriously high-fiving a nearby mirror.
Part Three...will probably be posted shortly because SP is feeling a little on the sad side and hopefully this shenanigans will make her feel a bit better.
Vol 1
http://whatboyswant.com/forum_read/4620461/1/10/Last_Weekend_The_WBWCREW_Had_Our_Annual_Meeting.html
Vol 2
http://whatboyswant.com/forum_read/4879749/1/10/Last_Weekend_The_WBWCREW_Had_Our_Annual_Meeting_Vol2.html
* This post has been modified
: 12 years ago
