Hypothetically speaking...

So...we all have some un-written rules when it comes to relationships...
including girlfriends and friends..

Now....lets assume that one of your mates has just gotten a new girlfriend..
and shes on the annoying side..
or maybe on the ugly side..
or maybe a loser, or a cheater.....or whatever.

my question is this..


do YOU as a FRIEND, tell him this?
or do you simply play it out and wait to see if it goes anywhere?

if you DO tell him....do you do it within the first 3-4 weeks? or do you wait longer and tell him maybe in 6 months time?


do you have a rule on this?
a timeframe that you/your mates play with?

i'm maybe way to direct in this, but i've told some women that they were skanks and should leave my mates the hell alone, and if they'd break my mates heart they'd be presented with payback.... this i do mostly on the first night out, after having a long evaluation and a couple of beers tooo much and only if she is a scruffy looking skanky minger

Quote:

Originally posted by creepus

i'm maybe way to direct in this, but i've told some women that they were skanks and should leave my mates the hell alone, and if they'd break my mates heart they'd be presented with payback.... this i do mostly on the first night out, after having a long evaluation and a couple of beers tooo much and only if she is a scruffy looking skanky minger

what if your mate really likes the girl?

i mean, its not like he tells you "hey, this is my new girl.........lets have some feedback! my relationship with her will totally be influenced by what you say!"

what if telling YOUR MATE you dont like her, effect the friendship with your mate?

Right, If she was annoying. I would wait for a while before telling him. Maybe in a month or so.

If she was fugly, I wouldn’t say shit! Especially if it was daylight & he has no excuse.

If she was a loser and a cheat, I would tell him within the hour!



***** ™

Quote:

Originally posted by echelon_p

Right, If she was annoying. I would wait for a while before telling him. Maybe in a month or so.

If she was fugly, I wouldn’t say shit! Especially if it was daylight & he had no excuse.

If she was a loser and a cheat, I would tell him within the hour!



***** ™

in a month?...hmmmm
you dont think your mate would fall in love in a month?
if not....then thats cool....that be around the same time id think about saying something..


BUT what if he did fall in 'love' with her within a month.....would you still tell him?

Quote:

Originally posted by Latino

BUT what if he did fall in 'love' with her within a month.....would you still tell him?

I would be very subtle about it, but, yeh I would tell him.

Quote:

Originally posted by echelon_p

...

I would be very subtle about it, but, yeh I would tell him.

risking been responsible for breaking his heart? you cruel sadistic bastard!


personal peace with your surroundings is more important than the happiness of a mate?

I keep my mouth shut, the way I look at it is, if they are to stupid to see how dumb or annoying someone is, they deserve to be punished for eternity

Besides, I don't have to live with either of them

Quote:

Originally posted by Latino

...

what if your mate really likes the girl?

i mean, its not like he tells you "hey, this is my new girl.........lets have some feedback! my relationship with her will totally be influenced by what you say!"

what if telling YOUR MATE you dont like her, effect the friendship with your mate?

the way i see it, it don't matter to me how she looks, in terms of ugly or pretty, but if she is a "loose" woman and might two-time my mate i'll sure be acting in my mate's defence,
if i don't get along with his girl, i'll tell him, just for the record, and i'll tell him why, but because he's my mate he will never notice anything more than that

shes on the annoying side..
Depends on how annoying, and how often I had to see her.

or maybe on the ugly side..
I wouldn't say anything

or maybe a loser, or a cheater.....or whatever.
I'd tell him right away

Ugly/annoying/loser are all subjective, so that's his decision. Cheating and other stuff that reflects badly on her character should be brought to his attention.

Hey, if my bud's happy with her, far be it from me to tell him otherwise. A real friend supports him no matter what, but if she happened to be cheating on him and I knew, I'd give her an ultimatum to tell him or I would to give her an opportunity to end the relationship with some semblance of courtesy and respect.

As for looks, personality, etc. (what I call "surface traits", just because I may not like her doesn't mean my buddy wouldn't either. He's an adult, he knows what the fuck he's doing.

I think this falls into the same category as divorce. You never take sides, you will lose two people you know. If you have personal knowledge and feel you have to advise him, DON'T. It will only hurt you. You will lose on BOTH accounts.

Everything is subjective in a relationship. You have your parameters, they have theirs. How could someone be so bold as to suggest to someone that he/she is inappropriate?

One of my friends does have a terrible girlfriend.

Like she's an okay person, but not the dating type.

And so I don't tell them they shouldn't be dating.

But I do act like a jerk around her.

I'd tell him as soon as I saw him next. It sucks to be on the receiving end of the bad things and, because I'm an asshole like that.

Annoying....my friend will catch on when I am not around as much.

Ugly.......I'm not bedding her down so it's not my bad tastes that are apparent.

Cheating/Loose/Flirt.....I will be all over that like "stink on shit" my buddy will know instantly, from me.

Annoying... Depends if that's an initial impression or an ongoing thing. It could be nerves about meeting the friends that has a person acting stupid. If it continued, I would have a private talk with the friend and explain my thinking and politely ask that group gatherings be kept to a minimum.

Ugly... I can't say what another person finds attractive. I would keep an opinion on that to myself.

Cheater/Loser/ Whatever... I would start a conversation about the person in question to get at least a general idea about what my friend sees and thinks. In a cheating situation, I would be compelled to tell right off the bat. I wouldn't want a friend knowing something like that and keeping it from me. If I think the person is a loser, I'd continue the discussion to see if maybe there was something I wasn't seeing, but I would definitely make a point of the pattern I'm seeing, while leaving it up to my friend to make the call.

Unfortunately, I've been in the position of having to tell a friend they were being cheated on more than once. A couple times it caused a strain on the friendship, but when my point was proven, things went back to normal and I was the shoulder to cry on as usual. Every situation is different. You have to take it in context. All in all, I just try to do what I would want a friend of mine to do in the same situation.

Quote:

Originally posted by Suckrates

shes on the annoying side..
Depends on how annoying, and how often I had to see her.

or maybe on the ugly side..
I wouldn't say anything

or maybe a loser, or a cheater.....or whatever.
I'd tell him right away

what if you saw her as often as you saw him?

Quote:

Originally posted by brownell

Ugly/annoying/loser are all subjective, so that's his decision. Cheating and other stuff that reflects badly on her character should be brought to his attention.

even though its all subjective.....do you feel as a friend, you should alert him to it?
since people will end up seeing him as 'annoying' as her? or maybe her 'bringing him down' etc?

or maybe for your own benefit? ie...not put up with her crap anymore if she goes, and been able to go for drinks,
football matches etc in peace?

Quote:

Originally posted by erosrising

Hey, if my bud's happy with her, far be it from me to tell him otherwise. A real friend supports him no matter what, but if she happened to be cheating on him and I knew, I'd give her an ultimatum to tell him or I would to give her an opportunity to end the relationship with some semblance of courtesy and respect.

As for looks, personality, etc. (what I call "surface traits", just because I may not like her doesn't mean my buddy wouldn't either. He's an adult, he knows what the fuck he's doing.

so his happyness is more important than yours? or his happyness makes you happy too....even though the hags voice annoys you and her bad habits get on your nerves?

Quote:

Originally posted by Rob3

I think this falls into the same category as divorce. You never take sides, you will lose two people you know. If you have personal knowledge and feel you have to advise him, DON'T. It will only hurt you. You will lose on BOTH accounts.

Everything is subjective in a relationship. You have your parameters, they have theirs. How could someone be so bold as to suggest to someone that he/she is inappropriate?

divorce? how?
if you didnt know her until they got together....isnt it real easy to take sides?
wouldnt you without realising it since he is your mate? so you would only lose him if it went bad...and just her if it
went your way..

Quote:

Originally posted by Bangledesh

One of my friends does have a terrible girlfriend.

Like she's an okay person, but not the dating type.

And so I don't tell them they shouldn't be dating.

But I do act like a jerk around her.

Jerk!

Quote:

Originally posted by ev1l0ne

Annoying....my friend will catch on when I am not around as much.

Ugly.......I'm not bedding her down so it's not my bad tastes that are apparent.

Cheating/Loose/Flirt.....I will be all over that like "stink on shit" my buddy will know instantly, from me.

sounds like a good plan actually...

Quote:

Originally posted by NaughtyGypsy

Annoying... Depends if that's an initial impression or an ongoing thing. It could be nerves about meeting the friends that has a person acting stupid. If it continued, I would have a private talk with the friend and explain my thinking and politely ask that group gatherings be kept to a minimum.

Ugly... I can't say what another person finds attractive. I would keep an opinion on that to myself.

Cheater/Loser/ Whatever... I would start a conversation about the person in question to get at least a general idea about what my friend sees and thinks. In a cheating situation, I would be compelled to tell right off the bat. I wouldn't want a friend knowing something like that and keeping it from me. If I think the person is a loser, I'd continue the discussion to see if maybe there was something I wasn't seeing, but I would definitely make a point of the pattern I'm seeing, while leaving it up to my friend to make the call.

Unfortunately, I've been in the position of having to tell a friend they were being cheated on more than once. A couple times it caused a strain on the friendship, but when my point was proven, things went back to normal and I was the shoulder to cry on as usual. Every situation is different. You have to take it in context. All in all, I just try to do what I would want a friend of mine to do in the same situation.

the kind of response i expected from a girl

I'd voice my opinion, yes tell him...as soon as you realize how annoying, skanky, cheating ect. she is....if he chooses to stay with her that's on him, but I wouldn't lose a bro for a chick

Right away, if he hangs out with me..and brings some annoying ugly girl..it's just going to make me look less awesome. I can't have that kinda bullshit. My friend Mark is currently dating a girl with NO eyebrows...yeah...she shaves them off...COMPLETELY. It looks fucking retarded...and I've told this to her face, she just goes "I'm just unique"..no bitch, you're retarded. "ZOMG I'm so scene and emo..I can't be just like everyone else..that's why I shop at all the trendy clothing stores, and dyed my fucking hair blonde, pink and black..I'm sooooooo unique". This bitch is like 22 as well, it's about time you pull your head out of your fucking ass and grow the fuck up you fugly cunt.

However I wouldn't say anything to Latino...as soon as he starts dating a girl, she is instantly cooler than I am...and I should hope to one day be able to hold her purse while she tries on dresses. Strictly in a friendship related situation.



(so basically)
shes on the annoying side.. Kill her
or maybe on the ugly side.. Kill her...world is better off
or maybe a loser, or a cheater.....or whatever. Pooper...then murder