We would have liked to typify the hysterical British press plus the subsequent FIA investigation into McLaren's so-called 'team orders' at Monaco as a storm in a cockpit.
But a cockpit is too big an arena for the triteness of it all. A storm in an air box would be more appropriate. Or a storm in a wheel nut.
So, why did the FIA bother at all?
Well, it was McLaren who stood accused, not so? And history has shown, over and over again, that the FIA will act on a sliver of an excuse to nail Ron Dennis and his boys.
When the Maccas stole a march on the rest in 1998 and 1999, Mario Illien's use of beryllium in the Mercedes V10 engines was obviously banned.
Now, beryllium has the advantages of being ultra-light, generating less friction and dispersing heat very quickly, which all add up to a more powerful engine needing less cooling.
When Adrian Newey could thus endow the MP4-13 and -14 with smaller radiators, and therefore tighter side-pods for better aero, the McLarens took off.
But, hey presto, this exotic material was too expensive, even for Ferrari.
So, the FIA had to act. Officially, beryllium was declared too toxic.
Second brake pedal
In early 1998, McLaren also used a mechanically operated system braking the inside rear wheel in a corner more than the outside wheels, to make the car turn in better.
That was banned on the grounds that it constituted three-wheel steering, whereas F1 cars are only allowed to steer via two wheels.
So, if great oversteer drivers like Montoya, Villeneuve, Peterson and Rindt got the car's tail out on the exit of corners, did that amount to four-wheel steering?
Of course not.
And by the way, McLaren didn't operate three brake pedals, as some people in their massive ignorance seem to believe, but only two.
Speaking of which: in 2000 Coulthard was excluded from the Brazilian GP when one side of his front wing exceeded the 5 mm tolerance by 2 mm, after it had been knocked askew during the race by a bumpy track.
By contrast, Ferrari retained their points three races earlier, in the Malaysian GP of 1999, when bargeboards - as fitted prior to the race - exceeded the maximum tolerance by a full centimeter.
Renault feeling the brunt
Last year, it was Renault's turn to suffer the FIA's bias, when mass dampers were banned out of the blue after having been officially declared legal by FIA chief technical delegate Charlie Whiting at every step of its inception and development for over a year.
It's not as if Charlie had woken up one morning, only to find that one of the teams had been running an illegal system that he was unaware of.
Had this been the case, he should have been fired for gross incompetence in any case.
But Charlie was even more pathetic.
He committed a cynical foul as well, by making a sudden and complete U-turn on his own rulings, simply at the behest of another - outperformed - competitor.
And what kind of a fool calls mass dampers 'aero devices'? Hidden inside the bodywork, they're not even exposed to air flow at all!
Yes, they have the effect of stabilising a car back to its optimum posture a fraction sooner, so that aero devices have more time to be as efficient as possible.
But this is exactly what conventional suspension parts do as well, not to forget about tyres.
And none of them have ever been banned as 'aero' devices, even though they're exposed to airflow rather more than mass dampers!
Down the garden path
Effectively, Whiting's sequence of decisions had led Renault down the garden path, up to the edge of the abyss, from whence Charlie used the cover of darkness to push La Regie over the cliff.
And we all know for whose benefit: the same team and driver who scored when Alonso was inexplicably docked a five-car penalty at Monza last year, for having 'blocked' Felipe Massa in qualifying.
So outrageous was Alonso's penalty, that Niki Lauda - a legendary ex-Ferrari driver, no less - advised viewers to switch their TVs off in protest.
That was until Lauda was reminded that his task was to increase viewership, and not decrease it.
In any case, one would have hoped that this nonsense - of targeting Ferrari's strongest opponents - would have stopped by now.
Monaco, alas, showed that those days are, perhaps, not yet over.
And we say 'perhaps', because it is not clear who had complained about McLaren's so-called 'team orders', if anyone did at all.
Reduced racing
If, however, it was a complaint from Ferrari, it would really have been a case of irony in overdrive, for it was Maranello themselves who had cemented the modern credo of racing up to the second stops, only to protect positions and points thereafter.
A good or a bad thing?
Well, it makes sense for team mates not to clobber each other out of the race, not so?
Which doesn't mean that they should not race each other up to the flag. Had anyone tried to tell Senna and Prost that? Or Mansell and Piquet? Or Prost and Lauda?
No.
Yet, Monaco is different. On a circuit where Mansell's mighty Williams couldn't find a way past Senna's puny McLaren in 1992, notwithstanding an advantage of 4 seconds per lap, it seems like a healthy decision to hold station, rather than attempt the impossible.
What chance did Lewis Hamilton really have to nip past Alonso, given cars that were matched to the last two-tenths of a second, over the course of a whole weekend?
What chance if Alonso himself, as well as Massa and Raikkonen, got stuck for lengthy periods behind cars that were 2 seconds a lap slower?
One can understand Hamilton's desire to race flat-out until the flag drops. It is in his blood to go balls-to-the-wall.
And the Hammer drove beautifully, daringly, exhilaratingly.
So did Alonso. What a slide, and what a catch, into the entrance to the swimming pool complex, deep into the race, just before his second pit stop!
The Circus Master
Which begs the real question of the 'Monaco team order' saga: why in heaven's name did Ron Dennis have to do the silly schoolboy thing and claim that his cars were slowed from as early as lap 10, because they were so superior?
Why, if it was clear that both Alonso and Hamilton drove on the edge and sometimes over it, up to the second stops? Who did Dennis try to fool?
Even Martin Brundle was getting nervous for McLaren's sake, calling for a halt to the bare-knuckled duel long before the team did.
Yet, Ron felt the need to brag like a spoilt brat. That, really, is what turned the aftermath of the Monaco GP into farce.
That, plus some pathetic hyperventilated sensationalism from the British press, who whipped the Queen's island into a frenzy with outrageously misleading headlines about Hamilton having been cuckolded.
Not for nothing then, huh, that both Alonso and Hammi sport long, if not bushy, side-handle bars? It's for Ron to grab onto, if he wants to reign his drivers in!
The tragic point, however, to have emerged from this whole sorry saga, was some more proof of how extremely gullible, childish and uneducated F1's fan base really is, to have been taken for a ride like this.
And guess who manipulated it into a massive promotional exercise, fuelling the frenzy with extremist talk, like having McLaren excluded from the championship?
Why, that clever old ring master himself, Mr Bernhard Charles Ecclestone.
Good on 'yer bank balance, mate. But not good for the sport.
* This post has been modified
: 18 years ago