>> > T'was The Night Before SEXMAS
>> >
>> > Twas the night before Christmas, and Geez it was neat
>> > The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
>> >
>> > The doors were all bolted, and the phone was off the hook
>> > It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
>> >
>> > Momma in her teddy, and I am in the nude
>> > Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
>> >
>> > When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
>> > That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.
>> >
>> > Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
>> > Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
>> >
>> > The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
>> > Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
>> >
>> > When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
>> > But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
>> >
>> > With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
>> > A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
>> >
>> > Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.
>> > And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
>> >
>> > Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
>> > Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.
>> >
>> > Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
>> > Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
>> >
>> > They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
>> > Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.
>> >
>> > And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
>> > As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
>> >
>> > I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
>> > When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
>> >
>> > His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
>> > He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
>> >
>> > "That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
>> > "The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay here awhile.
>> >
>> > He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
>> > Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
>> >
>> > I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
>> > The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
>> >
>> > Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
>> > But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
>> >
>> > The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
>> > The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.
>> >
>> > A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
>> > And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.
>> >
>> > A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
>> > And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.
>> >
>> > A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
>> > A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.
>> >
>> > "This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
>> > So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."
>> >
>> > He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
>> > With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
>> >
>> > He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
>> > Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
>> >
>> > In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
>> > Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!"
>> >
>> > The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
>> > "The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!"
>> >
>> > Twas the night before Christmas, and Geez it was neat
>> > The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
>> >
>> > The doors were all bolted, and the phone was off the hook
>> > It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
>> >
>> > Momma in her teddy, and I am in the nude
>> > Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
>> >
>> > When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
>> > That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.
>> >
>> > Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
>> > Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
>> >
>> > The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
>> > Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
>> >
>> > When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
>> > But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
>> >
>> > With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
>> > A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
>> >
>> > Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.
>> > And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
>> >
>> > Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
>> > Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.
>> >
>> > Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
>> > Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
>> >
>> > They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
>> > Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.
>> >
>> > And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
>> > As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
>> >
>> > I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
>> > When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
>> >
>> > His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
>> > He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
>> >
>> > "That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
>> > "The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay here awhile.
>> >
>> > He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
>> > Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
>> >
>> > I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
>> > The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
>> >
>> > Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
>> > But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
>> >
>> > The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
>> > The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.
>> >
>> > A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
>> > And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.
>> >
>> > A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
>> > And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.
>> >
>> > A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
>> > A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.
>> >
>> > "This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
>> > So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."
>> >
>> > He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
>> > With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
>> >
>> > He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
>> > Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
>> >
>> > In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
>> > Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!"
>> >
>> > The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
>> > "The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!"
