Ask yourself:
Am I Gay?
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you
are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys
and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and
doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only
sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, craw fish guts, pickled pigs
feet, or tits. Anything else and you ar e in training and undeniably a
fag.
3. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's
world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
4. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man
will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a
Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.
5. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four
different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might
as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have
memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out
chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you
can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are
faggadocious.
6. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying
to tune a meat whistle . A man only puts both hands on the wheel
to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time
he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger,
hold his beer, or scratch his balls.
Am I Gay?
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you
are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys
and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and
doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only
sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, craw fish guts, pickled pigs
feet, or tits. Anything else and you ar e in training and undeniably a
fag.
3. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's
world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
4. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man
will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a
Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.
5. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four
different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might
as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have
memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out
chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you
can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are
faggadocious.
6. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying
to tune a meat whistle . A man only puts both hands on the wheel
to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time
he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger,
hold his beer, or scratch his balls.
