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revamped thread...funny things people say + rockpapersaddam+star wars :)

Starter: Stevezgone Posted: 18 years ago Views: 373
#1147238
Lvl 12
some may remember http://www.whatboyswant.com/forum_read/336967/ but I doubt it.

Anyway, here's the new flash version, no advertising seen! Enjoy, I found it funny anyways.

http://www.rockpapersaddam.com/flash/
* This post has been modified : 18 years ago
#1147239
i don't get it.. i mean it's still as lame as it was back then.. no offense
* This post has been modified : 2 years ago
#1147240
Lvl 12
hmmm maybe you'll like this then.....

http://fun.drno.de/flash/star_dude.swf
* This post has been modified : 18 years ago
#1147241
Lvl 12
or this..... hell i don't care if it's totally off topic.....!

Genuine Car Accident claim form responses to "what caused the accident?":

* "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."

* "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

* "I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way."

* "Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

* "I thought my window was down; but found it was up when I put my hand through it."

* "No one was to blame for the accident, but it never would have happened if the other driver had been alert."

* "The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him."

* "I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car."

* "I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

* "I was taking my canary to the hospital. It got loose in the car and flew out the window. The next thing I saw was his rear end, and there was a crash."

* "I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner when it was struck by the other car in the same place where it had been struck several times before."

* "The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."

* "The accident happened when the right door of a car came around the corner without giving a signal."

* "I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."

* "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprung up, obscuring my vision."

* "I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

* "I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."

* "I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had a fractured skull."

* "My wench slipped, losing my balance, and I hurt my back."

* "I was unable to stop in time, and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries."

* "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian."

* "The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle."

* "When I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."

* "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."

* "In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

* "My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."

* "As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident."

* "The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end."

* "A truck backed though my windshield and into my wife's face."

* "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment."

* "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

* "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished."
* This post has been modified : 18 years ago
#1147242
Lvl 12
Excuse Letters

# "My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him."

# "Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot."

# "Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33."

# "Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating."

# "Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip."

# "John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face."

# "Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part."

# "Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins."

# "Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side."

# "Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels."

# "Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak."

# "Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust."

# "Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault."

# "Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday."

# "Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral."

# "My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines."

# "Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well."

# "Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps."

# "Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover."

# "Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor."

# "Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever, and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night."
* This post has been modified : 18 years ago
#1147243
Lvl 12
Kids' Ideas About Love

Kids, aged 5 to 10, were asked questions about what they thought of love and marriage. Here's what they said.

Love and Marriage:

* "If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." -- Glenn, age 7

* "Love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." -- John, age 9

* "I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." -- Manuel, age 8

* "No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." -- Mae, age 9

* "Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too." -- Greg, age 8

* "Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." -- Tom, age 5

* "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." -- Mike, 10

* "I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when Dinosaurs is on television." -- Jill, age 6

* "One of the people has freckles, and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too." -- Andrew, age 6

* "My mother says to look for a man who is kind. That's what I'll do. I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." -- Carolyn, age 8

* "It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." -- Kenny, age 7

* "One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." -- Ava, age 8

* "When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced.'" -- Anita, 9

* "I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." -- Regina, age 10

* "Most men are brainless, so you might have to try more than once to find a live one." -- Angie, age 10

* "A man and a woman promise to go through sickness and illness and diseases together." -- Marlon, age 10

* "[Being] single is better . . . for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd figure something out. I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." -- Kirsten, age 10

* "Love is foolish...but I still might try it sometime." -- Floyd, age 9

* "Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." -- Dave, age 8

Kissing:

* "When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down, and they don't get up for at least an hour." -- Wendy, age 8

* "You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." -- Jim, age 10

* "Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." -- Kally, age 9

* "You learn [how to kiss] right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you." -- Doug, age 7

* "If it's your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But if it's a new person, you have to ask permission." -- Roger, age 6

* "It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you. That's why I stopped doing it." -- Tammy, age 10

* "I know one reason kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn't always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses." -- Gina, age 8

* "The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." -- Curt, age 7

* "The rules goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry her and have kids with her. It's the right thing to do." -- Howard, age 8

* (on seeing a couple kissing) "He is trying to steal her chewing gum!" -- Boy, age 6

Beauty:

* "If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." -- Anita, age 8

* "Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." -- Christine, age 9

* "It isn't always how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything, and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." -- Brian, age 7

How People In Love Act:

* "Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food." -- Brad, age 8

* "They act mooshy. Like puppy dogs, except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much." -- Arnold, age 10

* "All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark." -- Sherm, age 8

* "Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up." -- Sarah, age 9

* "It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are -- on fire." -- Christine, age 9

* "See if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love." -- John, age 9

* "Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love." -- Craig, age 9

What Mom and Dad Have In Common:

* "Both don't want no more kids." -- Lori, age 8

How To Tell If Two People Are Married:

* "Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." -- Eddie, age 6

* "You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." -- Derrick, age 8

Deciding Who To Marry:

* "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." -- Allan, age 10

* "No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." -- Kirsten, age 10

Strategies For Making People Fall In Love With You:

* "Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." -- Del, age 6

* "Shake your hips and hope for the best." -- Camille, age 9

* "Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs...and don't worry if their parents are right there." -- Manuel, age 8

* "Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." -- Alonzo, age 9

* "One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." -- Bart, age 9

The Best Age To Get Married:

* "Twenty three is the best age because you know the person forever by then." -- Cam, age 10

* "No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married!" -- Freddie, age 6

Good Advice About Love:

* "Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." -- Dick, age 7

* "Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough." -- Lynnette, age 8

* "Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck!" -- Ricky, age 7

* "Don't forget your wife's name. That will mess up the love." -- Erin, age 8

* "Sensitivity don't hurt." -- Robbie, age 8

* "Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." -- Erin, age 8

* "Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind. Love isn't like picking what movie you want to watch." -- Natalie, age 9

What To Do When a First Date Turns Sour:

* "I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." -- Craig, age 9

What Most People Are Thinking When They Say "I Love You":

* "The person is thinking: 'Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day.'" -- Michelle, age 9

* "Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they finally got it out and said it, and now they can go eat." -- Dick, age 7

Why People In Love Often Hold Hands:

* "They want to make sure their rings don't fall off, because they paid good money for them." -- Gavin, age 8

* "They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing." -- John, age 9

Titles of Love Ballads You Can Sing To Your Loved One:

* "'I Love Hamburgers, I Like You!'" -- Eddie, age 6

* "'You Are My Darling Even Though You Also Know My Sister.'" -- Larry, age 8

* "'I Am In Love With You Most of the Time, But Don't Bother Me When I'm With My Friends.'" -- Bob, age 9

* "'How Do I Love Thee When You're Always Picking Your Nose?'" -- Arnold, age 10

* "'Honey, I Got Your Curly Hair and Your Nintendo On My Mind.'" -- Sharon, age 9

* "'Hey, Baby, I Don't Like Girls, But I'm Willing To Forget You Are One!'" -- Will, age 7
* This post has been modified : 18 years ago
#1147244
Lvl 18
this is not very funny
* This post has been modified : 18 years ago
#1147245
Lvl 23
* This post has been modified : 18 years ago
#1147246
Lvl 12
**shrugs** you can't please all of the people all of the time.......
* This post has been modified : 18 years ago
#1147247
Lvl 4
I dunno. The insurance claims made me laugh out loud at my desk. I used to work in insurance....and you hear some of the most hilarious claims/excuses reasons.
* This post has been modified : 18 years ago
#1147248
Lvl 14
I thought the saddam paper scissor was hilarious
* This post has been modified : 18 years ago