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How to tell you are grown up

Starter: mickster Posted: 20 years ago Views: 854
#7942
Lvl 14
1. Your potted plants are alive. And you can't smoke a
one of them.

2. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.

5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup
and breakup.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up.'

10. You're the one calling the police because those darn kids
next door don't know how to turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments
go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.

17. Dinner and a movie = The whole date instead of the
beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 a.m. would
severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids,
not condoms and pregnancy test kits.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff.'

21. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces "I'm never
going to drink that much again."

23. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is
for real work.

24. You don't drink at home to save money before going
to a bar.

25. You read this entire list looking for one sign that doesn't
apply to you!
#7943
Lvl 14
1. You sigh and say "whatever", not to be smart,
but because you're too damn tired to argue about it.

2. You stop wishing your genitalia were something
they aren't, and are just glad that you don't have
to use them for a living.

3. Same with your brain. And talent. And lower
back.

4. Liver & onions aren't half bad if properly
cooked. Trouble is, most people don't know how to
cook them.

5. Doesn't anybody know how to make a dry martini?

6. This (whatever) is just too fucking sweet.

7. You have no motivation whatsoever to eat stuff
that is painfully spicy or causes gastric upset.

8. You know the difference between various types of
fine wines, cigars, and enemas.

9. Tough it out? The hell with that. Give me
Novacaine. Lots of Novacaine.

10. Hey! You kids! Off the lawn!

11. Snow sucks.

12. Why should I do it myself when there are so many
enthusiastic workers in the world I can pay to do it?

13. You will vote for anyone who will lower the capital
gains tax.

14. You think it's funny as hell when you see young
men wearing baggy pants with boxer shorts sticking out
the top and their baseball cap on backwards, and you
think of a drill sergeant kicking the snot out of them.

15. The public execution of villains is not as repugnant
an idea as it used to be.

16. You ponder whether medical marijuana will help your
ouchy places. Who cares if you get high?

17. You get *real* mercenary when contemplating the
opposite sex.

18. You realize that you will never have as many dogs
or cats in your life that you want.

19. You are probably going to do pretty much what you
do now for the rest of your life. But less everything.

20. When someone young and cute smiles at you, your
first thought is to check your fly.

21. If it wasn't for teevee, you would go to sleep even
earlier. As it is, you still haven't seen "The Tonight
Show" in years.

22. Judging from how things have changed in your life,
your grandparents must have been born in a cave.

23. After attending a family reunion, you wonder how
many of your kin still do.

24. You can spell words like "hemorrhoid" without
thinking about them first.

25. You really appreciate the idea that a "wild" animal
is an adult, but a "domestic" animal never emotionally
matures.

#7944
Lvl 12
. that's pretty hilarious. Don't think I'll be having those thoughts for awhile.
#7945
hehe
#7946
Lvl 25
Hahah damn good one!
#7947
Lvl 16
laughed my ass off in here! then I cried as I noticed some apply :O

CK
#7948
As a college student about to finish up my undergrad work, I'm seeing that list in a strange light. It's like an inevitable future I have to look forward to, and it's biting me in the ass a little more each day as I get closer to being out of school and into the real world. I don't wanna be an old fart! haha
#7949
Lvl 14
I won't tell you how many applied to me...

But I did have to take a nap after compiling the lists.
#7950
Lvl 15
good one!
#7951
Lvl 12
thats pretty funny, and strangley true as well.
#7952
Lvl 29
25. You read this entire list looking for one sign that doesn't
apply to you!


The scary part is ,I didn't find one!!