A blonde decides to go horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She selects a placid looking horse, pays her money and mounts the horse unassisted (though with some difficulty).
The horse springs into action. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic rate. The blonde starts to slip from the smooth saddle. In terror she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck but she slides down the side of the horse. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try to throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot had becomes entangled in the stirrup and she strikes the ground again and again. Her head is battered against the ground, she is moments away from unconsciousness when... the Manager of Woolworth's, rushes out and turns it off.
But, to make it fair:
A lawyer and a blond were sitting next to each other on the long flight from Melbourne to Perth. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to sleep so she politely declines and faces the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I'll ask you a question and if you don't know the answer you pay me $5 and vice versa."
Again she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5 and if I don't know the answer I will pay you $500." This catches the blonde's attention and figuring that there will be no end to the torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde does not say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now it's her turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The lawyer throws her a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all references. Frustrated, he emails all his friends and co-workers, nobody has any help. After three hours, while the plane is getting ready to land, he wakes the blonde and hands her the $500.
The blonde thanks him and puts it in her purse. The lawyer, who is more than miffed, says OK and asks, "Well, so what's the answer?" Without a word she reaches into her purse again and hands him $5...
A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car." "Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."
2 blondes walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it. "That's quite nice innit, don't you fink Trace" "Yeah what's it called?" "Viens a moi" "Viens a moi, what the fack does that mean?" At this stage the assistant offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me'" Sharon takes another sniff and offers her arm to Tracey again saying..... "That doesn't smell like come to me, does that smell like come to you?"
Damn fine jokes!
Keep 'em comin'!
ahh.. this one's a classic.
whats the difference between a blonde and a misquito?
when you smack a mosquito it stops sucking.
