Adult Poems, Jokes, & Funny Stories

I'm sure alot of people remember the little sections in playboy, penthouse, and hustler mags that had jokes, poems and other things besides nude women. I don't know if they are still printing them in the mags since I don't get them anymore. This thread is for that exact thing, the poems jokes and funny stories printed in those sections. Also it's for the ones that never read the magazines and just looked at the pictures. First I'm going to start with some of the poems I remember then I'll go from there with the jokes and funny stories. If you can remember some that you've read feel free to post, however I will be posting a good bit since I'm just going through the one I have and typing them out.



In my stall, the smell still lingers
To my regret, shits on my fingers
Not to worry, theres no rush
I can always rinse them as I flush
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No stench exudes such intoxication
As my effervescent defication
The pungent odor I submit
Lingers on my pile of shit
The only rival to this bliss
Is the subtle scent of my stagnant piss
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While at work and on the clock
I sit here and pet my cock
Call me lazy, call me rotten
Long as my check aint forgotten

As I wipe shit from my ass
Wind through tripe is what I pass
Now my hand is fucking brown
And my face is one big frown
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I glance to the left to take a peek
At the man to my left taking a leak
I laugh out loud at his tiny prick
I have never seen such a shriveled dick
To my embarrassment I make the connection
And damnit, I'm staring at my own reflection
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Hustler is the king of all skin mags
Filled with so many good looking hags
I guess I have just one small gripe
It's too slick to use as a wipe

The steamy stall reeks from the gas
It's all thats coming out my ass
My eyes burn in the putrid air
I thought I had some shit up there
The tiny log I layed last week
Splashed down without a trace of reek
I realize now as fart-trains run
That half a load stinks less than none
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Hiding in a stall stroking my meat
Back against the wall the sound of feet
It's the janitor, looks like I've been busted
I aint hard no more, just fuckin disgusted
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It was plugged but I had to shit
So I said, "To hell with it"
One stall over, the plummer worked
A king-sized snake he pushed and jerked
I puffed my cheeks and gave it gas
And damn near popped when he snaked my ass

With the pages of hustler opened up on my lap
I laugh and get hard when I go to crap
I clinch and squint to let the shit pass
And wonder does Larry Flint wipe his own ass
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I sit on this pot, and strain and grunt
I get a hard on from thinking of cunt
I tickle my right and then my left ball
Then I finally jack off all over the wall
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Her fine little body, her perfect tits
Shes walking around naked, she gives me fits
Drives me wild, I can hardly cope
I should throw away this damned telescope