she's waiting for me to bring her a paddle so she can let me know who is really going to be in charge now that we are married

When the bride is dressed like that, I will be the groome. I'll wear black - a black condom.

"She has a nice body & looks hot, but she needs to lose the glasses and stop looking like a nerd"

The glasses aren't quite right and the bridal veil would make me nervous, but the rest of the outfit is hot.